Page 61 of The Harvey Girls

Forty-Seven

“How did you know where I was?” Charlotte asked Billie as Will put the kettle on. Though it was long past dinnertime, tea was all anyone could imagine wanting.

“I saw him from the parlor window and sent Leif to get Will,” explained Billie. “Then you came out from the restaurant, and I ran after the both of you.”

Charlotte looked down at her hands. “I’m so sorry to put you all through this.”

“None of it was your fault,” said Will.

“I’m the reason he’s…”

Mr. Eakin had questioned her quite plainly: “Did you push him?”

Charlotte wasn’t sure. Had pulling away from him involved an inadvertent push of some kind? She had to admit, if only to herself, that she had often wished him dead. But she had never meant to be the means of his death.

“Will’s right,” said Billie. “You’re not at all to blame.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my friends.”

“I’m not your friend.” Leif had been silent until now, and they all turned to him in surprise.

“I barely know you. But having taken a few punches in the face from that fellow back in Topeka, I’m quite certain that if he wanted to come here and hurt you or worse, that’s exactly what he would’ve done, and without a moment’s regret. ”

Charlotte let her gaze rest on the young man across the table. “Thank you,” she whispered.

As Will poured the tea into chipped ceramic mugs, quiet descended on them, and the sounds of Grand Canyon Village—sounds that all of them would soon no longer hear—filtered in the windows: Harvey Cars returning to the garage, tourists calling to one another, a mule braying in the mule barn.

The obvious question floated about the room: Where would they go?

“Boston?” Billie asked Charlotte, breaking the silence.

“I think it’s best.”

“What about you?” Leif asked Will.

“Back to the farm,” he said. “It’s time I checked on things anyway.” He glanced at Charlotte, and she nodded.

“I’m hungry,” said Leif. “Shall I get us some food?” No one was hungry. “Billie, will you come with me?”

“I thought it was no girls in the dorm,” Billie said peevishly. What was it with teenage boys and their always-rumbling stomachs? They’d ask for a sandwich at their own funerals if they could.

“You can wait outside,” he said. “Come on.”

She had never known him to be so insistent. Perhaps there was something he had to say that he didn’t want the others to hear. As she rose, she gave Charlotte’s hand a squeeze.

When they’d walked far enough away, Leif said, “We need to leave them be.”

“What? Why?”

“Because this is their last night together.”

“But…” Billie felt tears well in her eyes. “It’s my last night with her, too.”

“Billie, they’re in love.”

She swiped at the drops on her cheeks. “How do you know?”

“All you have to do is look at them.”

Billie started to cry in earnest then, the need to keep herself together having melted away now that everything was over: the abject terror of those moments that had seemed like years, the shocking death, her dear friend soon to be gone from her life, possibly forever.

How would she go on here as if none of this had happened? How would she pour the coffee and serve the tapioca and polish the silver like it was just another day as a Harvey Girl?

Leif put his arms around her and said nothing as she sobbed. He didn’t try to soothe away her feelings or promise that everything would be okay. Leif, she knew, had plenty of experience in the area of life not being okay.

Her crying slowed. Leif used the cuff of his shirt to wipe her eyes and her nose. “You’re going home, aren’t you?” he said.

“I really don’t know. But I don’t think I can stay here. I’ll be reminded of that horrible scene every single day.”

He nodded. He’d known the answer before he’d asked the question.

“Leif.” She gripped him hard around the waist and gave him a little shake. “Leif!”

He pulled away from her. “I’ll be all right,” he said.

“I don’t want you to be all right!”

He gave her a sad smile. “No?”

“Wherever I go, I want you with me.”

Charlotte looked down at her uniform. It was caked with dust and smelled terrible. She smelled terrible: sweaty and sticky with the terror that had leaked from her pores.

“I need to bathe.”

“I could draw you a bath.”

“Yes, but then I’d have to put this back on again.”

He nodded and started to collect cups filled with the tea that had gone cold. “You’re going back to the dorm then.”

“I don’t want to do that, either.”

He looked over at her.

She reached out and laid her hand on his. “I don’t want to miss a moment with you.”

He turned his hand palm up and held hers. “You could stay here.”

“Not to… I couldn’t after…”

“Of course not. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Charlotte looked at the couch. It was a love seat; he’d barely fit. “Or you could lie next to me.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Is it what you want?”

“The only thing I’ve wanted since I saw you on that trail is to hold you.”

He drew her a bath in the small claw-foot tub and delivered a clean set of his pajamas when she was neck-deep in water. He took her uniform, scrubbed it in the sink, wrung it out, and spread it over a chair to dry.

When Charlotte emerged from the bathroom with his light blue pajamas puddled around her feet, her dark hair in wet waves, Will had set out a plate of toasted bread.

She picked up a piece. “I’ve eaten more toast in these last four months than I have in my entire life.”

“Not quite as good as French pastries?”

“I think I actually prefer it.” She took a bite, and a few crumbs sprinkled onto her chin.

He reached over and gently brushed them away with his thumb. Suddenly tears sprang to her eyes. “What is it?” he whispered.

“One moment I’m here with you, and I’m so grateful that he’s gone. Then I feel terrible for being glad that he died in such an awful way.” Her throat clenched around her words. “I hated him, but I never meant to…”

He laid his hand on her shoulder. “Of course you didn’t. You were only defending yourself. What happened was his own fault.”

“But I benefit enormously.” She dropped the toast onto the plate and gazed at his beautiful clock.

“Being relieved that you’re no longer in danger doesn’t make you a bad person, Charlotte.”

“I caused the death of someone I once loved, Will. And I caused a scene of horror that Billie can never unsee. When I made the decision to bolt for freedom, I didn’t think it would work.

I thought she would watch me die.” The idea of saddling her dear young friend with such a gruesome image made her tears flow.

“But I had to try, Will. Even though I thought I was doomed, I couldn’t let my last act on this earth be acquiescence. ”

The panic of that moment came back to her as clearly as if it were still happening. “I thought I would never see you again,” she sobbed, “and you’d have to carry around another ghost for the rest of your life!”

Will pulled her toward him and held her against his broad chest. When her sobs finally quieted, he whispered, “You don’t have to go to Boston. We could be together. You could come to the farm with me.”

She picked her head up to gaze into those dark eyes that had once so frightened her. “I want to be with you, Will—I want that more than anything. But I have to go home. This is my chance to reconcile with them, and if I put it off, it will only make it harder.”

“I’ll wait for you, then.”

She put her hand to his cheek. “Please don’t.

I don’t know how long it will take. I just don’t know what will happen.

It’s possible that I’ll choose to stay. Also I…

I need to think before I leap wholesale into something else, with someone else.

I’ve made so many mistakes, Will. I don’t trust myself.

I need to try and trust myself again. I hope you can understand. ”

He nodded. “I love you, Charlotte. That won’t change. But I won’t wait.”

Leif went to the men’s dorm and picked up a couple of his sweaters. He and Billie walked west along the rim until they came to Maricopa Point. From there they could look back across an inlet of the canyon and see the lights of El Tovar twinkling in the distance.

“I’ll miss it,” she said.

“Me, too.”

“Maybe we’ll be back someday.”

“We have to figure out where we’re going before we make plans to return.”

They lay on their backs on the sun-heated rock and looked up at a sky that was noisy with stars. They talked, Billie cried, and Leif shed some tears, too, thinking about his own mother’s horrific death.

“Leif, I know you’re not Catholic, but you were raised to pray, weren’t you?”

“I stopped after my father died. Mine didn’t seem to work.”

“Would you… would it be all right if we prayed to ask God what to do next?”

He clasped her hand. “I’ll follow your lead.”

They prayed in thanksgiving for Charlotte’s courage in the face of such evil, and that she had not been called to heaven so soon. Then they prayed for guidance in the days to come.

“One more thing,” said Leif. “Thank you for bringing Billie into my life. She is smart and fierce and beautiful inside and out. I’ll try always to be worthy of her.”

“Fierce?” said Billie.

He kissed her temple. “In the very best way.”

They curled together for warmth as the night air cooled the canyon, and eventually drifted to sleep.

By sunrise, they had a plan.