Page 8 of The Good Neighbour

Maybe I’ve finally cried them all out.

“Perhaps it’s for the best,” he said. “I’ve not heard a thing from him since he left. He’s clearly checked out of our marriage.”

“Probably too busy terrorising the Cote D’Azur,” Mercury added. “What a twat.”

Suddenly, Madeline glanced at her watch and leapt up.

“Quick, Mercury. Where’s the remote?”

“What’s going on?” Josh asked.

Mercury reached under the chaise longue and handed the control to his mother, who stared at it.

“Which button?”

Mercury sighed and got up. While he wrestled the control off her, Nick leant forward.

“There’s an interview with Madeline onThe Archie Cook Show.”

“Wow,” Josh said. “Very highbrow.”

Archie Cook was the darling of the arts scene. He’d interviewed Winston a few years ago about one of his films.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Madeline said, sitting next to him. “Remember that little film I did in April?”

“Oh yes,” Josh replied. “Where you played a mermaid.”

“In a dream sequence.”

Mercury sat down. A pair of drag queens filled the screen.

“Gone a bit heavy on the makeup, Mother.”

“Hush,” she said. “I’ll be on in a minute.”

They all watched. The two figures on the screen were total opposites of each other. One was tall with a huge blonde wig and thick Australian accent. The other was shorter, brunette and had an Essex twang to their voice.

The premise was they were two housewives working in a call centre. Odd conversations with customers were peppered with jokes about their lives at home. The audience reaction was tepid at best. The camera panned across a sea of stony faces.

“Oh, this is Betty Didn’t and Shirley Hedid,” Mercury said. “I’ve seen them on the circuit. They usually go down better than this.”

They carried on watching. Mercifully, the spot came to an end, receiving lacklustre applause.

“They’re having a nightmare,” Nick said.

“Poor sods,” Madeline added.

The achingly cool Archie Cook came onto the stage. Before he could even ask them a question, a young audience member stepped forward. They appeared more than a little inebriated.

“That was fucking shit,” he shouted. “Get back to the nineties where you belong.”

Security soon swooped and yanked him out of the crowd. However, the damage had been done. Archie swiftly went to the commercial break as the camera focused on the confused faces of the two drag queens.

“Shit,” Mercury said. “That was a bit savage.”

“What about my interview?” Madeline wailed.

“That’s my mother. Always thinking of others.”