Page 6 of The Good Girl

Chapter Five

Monday, and five days to the big bash and Julia was in full-blown hostess mode, swept up in the whirlwind of planning a farewell party that, in Molly’s view, felt more about appearances and keeping herself occupied than celebration.

The golf club was booked, catering arranged, a live band hired, and there had even been a debate about fairy lights, despite Molly reminding her mum it wasn’t Christmas or a wedding.

‘I just want everything to be perfect, Molly, and this is probably the biggest party I will throw for you until you get married,’ Julia said airily as she drove, chatting along to Molly who, seated beside her, tried to look interested.

‘And I have my hopes set on your husband-to-be. I can picture you with someone from an Ivy League family. Maybe they have a holiday home in Martha’s Vineyard and are friends with the Obamas, just so you know. ’

When Julia turned and gave Molly a wink, the tension in her neck eased, knowing her mum was joking, kind of. Because everyone knew how ambitious Julia was for her eldest daughter and it wasn’t a huge stretch to imagine her manifesting a fantasy husband.

‘And this is for Dee, too, because she needs to see you going as a positive thing, something to cheer about. Everyone wants to wish you well, Molly. People who’ve known you all your life. This is a big deal, sweetheart.’

Molly hadn’t argued. She didn’t have the energy, and besides, her mum always found a way to justify her over-the-top gestures.

Yet there was an undercurrent to her excitement this time.

She looked tired around the eyes, was more impatient than usual, and despite her glossy blow-dries and daily workouts in the home gym, when she took her eye off the ball, it was as though she had the troubles of the world on her shoulders.

Her demeanour had echoes of another time, a faded memory, but there just the same.

Mum looked defeated, like she did when her husband died.

Supermum Julia had put on an act for everyone back then, kept things together regardless of her pain.

It was that flashback, to knowing her mum was hurting while smiling for everyone, the teachers and other parents in the yard, her employees, the window cleaner and her own daughters, that had rattled Molly.

She hated the thought of her mum feeling like that but had no clue how to help.

Which was why Molly had agreed to another shopping trip looking for a different party dress, because she’d gone off the two already hanging in her wardrobe.

They were in Hale and Molly could tell Julia was trying to keep it light, drifting between rails of sequins and silks, but every now and then, the tension that was stretching the skin across her Botoxed face, pinged loose.

‘How about this one?’ Julia held up a figure-hugging champagne satin number against her own frame. ‘Too much?’

Molly, seated on the low cream bench beside the changing rooms, barely looked up from her phone. ‘Mum, you look good in anything, so if you like it…’

Julia sighed. ‘That wasn’t what I asked.’

‘It’s fine. Honestly, very classy.’

A pause. Julia hung the dress back on the rack with a sharp clink. ‘You’re impossible lately. I don’t know why I bother.’

Molly’s heart sank. ‘Sorry, Mum. Look, why don’t we go and grab a glass of wine and some lunch then start again afterwards. You’ve not stopped lately and I can tell you’re stressed, so come on, put that down and let’s get out of here.’

Standing quickly, Molly stuffed her phone in her pocket and lifted her arm, waiting for her mum to follow her lead.

When Julia’s face broke into a relieved smile it was as though the sun had come out, and with it, a wave of shame swept over Molly.

As they left the store arm in arm and headed for a little Italian, Molly vowed to make more of an effort with her mum in the days they had left together.

Be kinder and more attentive, return the friendship and selfless devotion of the past eighteen years. It was the least she could do.

Two glasses of Pinot later, Julia had handed over her car keys to Molly and after little encouragement, had decided to finish the bottle.

She’d been drinking far more than usual, as soon as she came in from work and more so at weekends, often taking a bottle up to her suite and hiding away for the evening.

Molly had noticed but not commented because she knew her mother found it irritating to be parented by her own child.

But she’d seen Magda’s face one Monday morning when she was taking the large, clinking bag of recycling out.

At least they were having a chilled time.

Julia had decided to stick with the ice-blue dress she’d chosen weeks before, which meant that after lunch they could head home where, no doubt, her mum would require an afternoon nap.

Hoping to keep the conversation off sensitive subjects, primarily Shane, Molly asked what she thought was a non-controversial question but walked straight into a rant worthy of Reform versus Labour on Question Time .

‘So what’s on the agenda for pre-party beautification on Saturday morning? I bet you’ve booked in for the whole hog, haven’t you?’ Molly took a tiny sip of her wine, knowing how it went to her head during the day.

Julia’s very loud huffing sound not only surprised Molly but the couple seated on the next table and the waiter who raised his bushy brows then continued on his way.

‘Nope… not anymore. I’ll be having my usual wash and blow but the days of having needles stuck in my face and gunk pumped into my lips are well and truly over.

I’m going to grow old gracefully and embrace my wrinkles and crinkles and saggy bits.

I might even flog the gym equipment and have a library built and grow old and fat reading books.

Sod the treadmill and the rowing machine.

I’m done with feeling like I have to look a certain way for a certain person…

or anyone for that matter.’ Julia took a large glug of wine and settled back into her seat, as though her decision had freed her of a burden.

Exercising caution, not wanting to prod the beast, Molly asked, ‘But I thought you liked keeping fit and eating healthy and you’re always banging on about keeping up appearances at work and setting an example. So what’s changed?’

Julia sighed, paused a moment as if in deep thought then replied, ‘Why do you think? Ever since I got together with Shane I’ve had to deal with the whispers and snidey comments about the age gap and yes, it did bother me so I tried extra hard to look good and compete with the demons in my head and anyone around me who fancied their chances with my toy boy husband. ’

‘Mum, that’s not true…’ Molly interjected; her comment met by a raised palm.

‘Oh it is, and I deserved it because I was stubborn and knew exactly what I was getting into but now, things are different between me and Shane so why should I fight for him? Not just that, I’ve told you plenty of times lately when I’m grumbling on and doing your head in why I’m unhappy.

Like the way he shows me up at ClearGlass with his zero-work ethic.

He’s fickle, vain, and quite frankly, Molly, the man bores me stupid.

There’s no common ground in our marriage anymore and I really don’t know what I saw in him in the first place.

I was stupid and I regret it. I’m not going to waste the rest of my life flogging myself to death to look good for a man I can’t keep, who’s not interested in me anymore and I’m certainly not interested in him.

So, my precious girl, once you’re at Princeton things are going to change and everything I do will be for me. My face, my body, my rules.’

Molly sat in stunned silence, not sure how to react or what to say to all that.

One thing she did know was that her mum was getting drunk and loose-lipped and she needed to get her home.

But there was something bugging her and she had to ask.

‘Well that’s all very admirable, Mum, about doing things for your own reasons but what do you mean about not being able to keep Shane.

Do you think he’d cheat on you? And change…

What does that mean and why are you waiting for me to go to college to do it? ’

The second the questions were out there, Molly could tell they had a sobering effect on her mum who straightened slightly and repositioned her body, leaning forward and resting her forearms on the table, clearly taking a moment to compose a response.

‘It’s nothing for you to worry about, sweetheart, I promise.

I don’t know if Shane would cheat, I just meant that sooner or later something has to give because me and him can’t go on living like we do.

It’s not good for anyone, especially Dee so, once I know you’re all settled in America I can focus on the best way forward.

It’s a case of one step at a time and right now, you are my priority, okay. ’

Julia reached forward and placed her beautifully manicured hand on Molly’s cheek before saying, ‘Please remember always that you are so precious to me and I love you more than you will ever know, so just trust me. I want you to be happy and have the best life. I always have and always will so promise me you’ll go out there and live it.

Don’t let anything or anyone get in your way, ever. Do you understand, Molly?’

And although the whole afternoon had turned a lot heavier than she expected, Molly sensed that the last few minutes had meant a lot to her mum who was speaking from the heart.

That even though she was holding things back, probably protecting her like she’d always done, a mother needed to hear her child’s promise.

And Molly wanted to give it, knowing somehow it was one of those pivotal moments in life.

‘Of course, I promise. I’ll make you proud, Mum. I’ll remember what you said and not let anyone spoil things and I won’t let you down, either. Cross my heart.’ And Molly did, just to be on the safe side.

Then, with her free hand she took Julia’s and held it tightly, pushing all the deceit and betrayal away, locked in the special moment, making a memory and clinging on to her mother’s hand as though it was for the final time.