Page 43 of The Games We Play (Balance of Power #3)

SEAMUS

M y jaw clenches on its own at her confession and my eyes squint in confusion.

“I mean, I’ve done things with other guys.

” She shrugs, and I think my molar just cracked in half.

“I dated a few guys here and there, but I could never get past just hand jobs and BJs. I think most of them thought I was some controlling dominatrix or something, because I would never let them touch me. I just never…I couldn’t…

I was never comfortable with it,” she says out loud, like it’s been haunting her all this time.

I can’t imagine living with that. The desire to want more, but being so terrified of getting it because of what happened to her.

Although, I can’t say I’m not happy about the fact another man hasn’t touched her that way. But I still hate that she has gone through the past decade pushing down her sexual desires because of one man’s actions that’s now defined her life in ways that have been out of her control.

“I need you, Seamus.” She nuzzles into me as her hand skirts over my chest. Her fingertips graze delicately over my skin and it sends shivers all over my body, igniting fireworks in my cock, instantly feeding my half-hard erection .

Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to take her how I want her. But now is not the time for that.

I pull her hands up to my mouth, kissing her knuckles before holding them still over my body, preventing her from continuing to touch me. I want her more than anything, but finding out what happened to her stalled any thoughts I’ve had of taking her in all the ways I’ve wanted to.

I peer down at her, but she’s turned away and her deep sigh is an instant realization that I just massively fucked up.

Yanking her hands out from mine, she pushes herself off the bed and violently grabs an over-sized pair of pants, stepping into them before ripping them up to her waist.

“You’re going to treat me like everyone else, like I’m glass on the verge of shattering.” Her arms flail out to her sides and drop down heavily. “ Oh, don’t push Naomi too far, she’ll break .” She air quotes with her fingers in a sardonic, sarcastic voice.

“Mimi…hey, let’s just take it?—”

“Take it slow? Yeah, I’ve heard that, too. Take it easy on yourself, give yourself time ,” she continues with a mocking voice as she mumbles to herself, to me, saying things she’s been told and heard over the years.

Words like, violent crime, victim, PTSD.

“No one ever cares what I want,” she whispers to herself.

I should be shocked by her erratic behavior, but fuck, it makes total sense.

It’s been ten years of living with the nightmare of what happened to her. Dealing with the loss of a pregnancy and taking away so many choices and freedoms. I can’t even imagine the roller coaster of emotions it’s put her through.

She finally shared she wanted more, wanted me, and I just rejected her.

I put her in the same category that everyone else has her whole life. Making her feel fragile and weak.

Goddammit, Seamus .

She forcefully pushes her feet into already tied running shoes, and I’m completely confused. She’s never once worn sneakers out of all the times I’ve watched her, and I haven’t missed a day, a moment, or an outfit.

“Are you going running?” I ask.

It’s both literal and figurative being that she’s running away, like the first night we reunited.

“I need to get out of here,” she admits, still looking around the room for something.

Ripping the covers off, I stand and block the door.

She’s not leaving, not like this.

“Fuck it. I don’t need a hair thing.” Turning, she sees me standing in front of the closed door. “Get out of my way, Seamus.” Her voice is lighter now. She says it factually. Not angry, but more so defeated.

“No.”

“What are you going to do, lock me in here? Protect me from what’s out there? Tell me I can’t do something because it’s not safe? Newsflash, Rambo , everyone who knows already treats me like that, and I’m sick of it. I never wanted that from you. I should have never told you.”

She reaches around me to grab the door handle, but I step directly in front of her, blocking her reach.

She looks up to the ceiling with a long exhausted breath. “Let me go.”

“Never.” Not in any capacity will I ever let her go again. “What do you want?”

Her eyes snap to meet mine.

“Tell me what you want.” My voice is soft but demanding, making her breath hitch.

I step toward her, making her step back, our legs mirroring each other's movements until the back of her knees are flush with her bed. I hover over her, with the foot size difference between the two of us, as she gazes back at me with a fire in her eyes .

That’s my girl.

“I am going to give you every fucking thing you want, but you need to tell me exactly what that is.”

Her tongue darts out over her bottom lip, before taking in a deep breath.

“Go on,” I encourage as I dip my head into the side of her neck, my lips kissing up the column of her throat. “Tell me everything.”

Another choppy breath leaves her lips before she finally speaks.

“I want you to take me, just take me like a normal person.”

I don’t think I can do that because I’m too controlling and too rough, but I can take her in ways I think she can handle.

Shit. There it is. Exactly what she didn’t want. Me, holding back. Not treating her normal, as she says.

“What if I like full control?” I ask. “What if I want to tie you up, tease you, and take full control of your body for as long as I want?”

A long moan leaves her lips as her hands cup my face, her fingertips dip into my hair gripping tightly, as I continue to explore her skin with my tongue.

“You want that, sunshine?”

“I trust you.” And Christ, those words are like a dagger straight to my cock.

“You need a safe word. Something that will make me stop if it’s too much,” I tell her cautiously because I don’t want her to feel like I’m underestimating her, but this is something we should have regardless.

“Rambo.”

“It can’t be a nickname,” I reply, kissing along her shoulder.

“Sylvester.”

What the hell.

I peer up at her, eyes closed and content as I caress her with my mouth .

“You’re not saying another man’s name while I’m touching you.” She gasps as I nibble hard but playfully on her skin. “Try again.”

She hums for a moment and her reply makes me smile.

“Orion.”

I fist her hair, pulling her head back gently, exposing even more of her neckline. I graze my lips over her ear and trail over her jawline before slamming my mouth onto hers. I catch her moans with mine as our tongues dance together, moving and connecting like missing puzzle pieces.

Pushing her back, her knees bend as she sits on the bed.

I crouch down with her, still kissing her as I pull each of the shoelaces loose, then grab the back of the heel and yank them off.

Dipping my fingertips into the waistband of her pants, she naturally lifts her hips before I easily yank them off.

The excess material gets caught on everything and she laughs as I shake them off her legs with the grace of a baby giraffe.

“What the hell is this made of, a curtain?”

“They’re harem pants, they have a drop crotch.” My eyebrows raise to my forehead.

“Well, I’m going to drop in your crotch. Scoot back.” She giggles, as I crawl over her forcing her to lie back.

My lips make their way up her legs and over her torso. I grip the hem of her shirt and tug it over her head, tossing it onto the floor, not caring about the mess I’m making around me because I’m solely focused on Mimi’s gorgeous body splayed out in front of me.

One I’ve seen every morning since moving in next door, but nothing could prepare me for the feeling of hovering over her naked body as she gives herself to me again. It’s like everything I’ve worked for in my life is finally gifting me something I’ve desired for so long.

“You’re so beautiful.” I kiss the channel between her breasts, my tongue trailing down the center of her body, shifting over to her hip bone. I kiss one before moving to the other and stall at the sight.

Placed between her hip bone and navel, right under where her underwear would normally hide, is a tattoo of Orion. It’s small, petite, and utterly perfect.

Tiny black dots connect the larger stars at each end point, and those are colored. Dark pink, purple, and blue stars make up the corners of Orion’s constellation with the most simple, yet intricate detail.

She lifts her head, sensing I’ve stopped, and sees what I’ve seen. A tight lipped smile reaches her lips and she shrugs.

“I suppose you’ve always had a claim on me.”

Pushing myself up, I slam my lips to hers, wrapping one hand behind the nape of her neck while the other cups her face, taking her mouth in all the ways I’ve wanted to from the moment I saw her again. I’ve held back too long and I can’t hold back any longer.

I lean over her and she lays back. I push her arms over her head, leaving them free and loose, but allowing her body to be fully exposed to me.

I flatten my tongue over her puckered nipple, sucking it into my mouth as she moans my name. She’s so sensitive to my touch, but I’m just as responsive to her reaction.

My cock leaks precum onto the fabric of my boxers, and I realize my own PTSD when I came in my pants far too early from just hearing her moan my name.

I try to think of anything platonic and boring, but the sounds coming from her, her gorgeous, naked body and wet pussy that’s rocking up into my hips completely takes over.

“Seamus, take me. Please,” she begs, “I need it.” Her eyes meet mine again and they’re pleading just as much. She needs this. More than just for the relief of an orgasm, but for something more. Like she’s been waiting years to give herself permission for sex to be good, to be pleasurable .

“Okay, sunshine, but I owe you another orgasm first.” Technically, I already gave her the one I owed her but I think I like this never ending debt, and I’m not ready to be rid of it.