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CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

OLIVIA

“Earth to Olivia!” Blake waved her hand in front of my face.

I jerked, sending the water in the cup I was holding splashing onto my jumpsuit. “Sorry.”

“What is going on with you today?” Blake stared at me.

I blinked. Jenny, George and Hannah, sprawled out on the tartan picnic blanket under a large oak tree in Dockside Park, were all staring at me as well.

My body ached from our kayaking session. When Jenny had messaged this morning, asking if anyone was interested in a paddle followed by a picnic lunch I’d hoped the exercise and fresh air might clear my head. It hadn’t.

“Nothing.” If I told everyone, I’d start crying again. And it wasn’t just that. To give them the full story, I’d have to tell them about what was going on with me and Roz. Sure, I could leave that part out, try to skirt around it, but I was sick and tired of obfuscating, of only telling half-truths. It hadn’t exactly ended well with Fred.

I smoothed out the patch of picnic blanket next to me, brushing away imaginary crumbs. At least Dana hadn’t shown up. She was the only one who now knew the whole story, and I’d been so distracted yesterday I hadn’t thought to ask her not to mention what had happened to anyone else for now.

“Liv.” Blake’s voice softened. “You just spent the last hour paddling like you were being chased by a school of ravenous sharks, leaving us all in your wake, and ever since we sat down, you’ve been staring glumly at my shoes.” Blake wiggled her black sneakers. “I mean, they’re nice shoes. But not that nice. Something is clearly wrong.”

George tilted her head, looking at me with her brow furrowed. She’d been standing too far away at Novel Gossip to hear the discussion between Fred, Dana, Roz and myself yesterday, but she’d seen enough to text me later to ask if everything was okay. I’d brushed her off as well.

“I don’t feel like talking about it right now. Maybe later.” I looked over the blue expanse of river to the green, tree-covered hills opposite us. Perhaps getting out in nature, just by myself, would help. Roz and I had talked about doing the Breakback Ridge hike together next weekend. A lump formed in my throat. That wouldn’t happen now.

“Okay,” Blake said, grabbing a smoked salmon bagel from the picnic basket. “Well, can everyone make trivia night this week? With Roz, George and Hannah away last week and Dana missing the week before, we haven’t stood a chance against The Gran Masters. I’ve been reading up on politics, so I think we have a chance if we get the entire brain trust together.”

“We’ll be there.” Hannah squeezed George’s hand.

I nodded. I could always pull out at the last minute if I wasn’t feeling it.

“Do you know if Roz can make it?” Blake asked.

A pain stabbed my chest. “Um?—”

“Hi. Sorry I’m so late.” Dana appeared, lowering herself to the ground. She looked like she hadn’t slept either—dark circles under her eyes and her face a few shades paler than usual. Her gray pants and white t-shirt were faintly crumpled. “I brought some dips.” She opened a small cooler and pulled out some containers, peeling back their lids and placing them in the middle of the blanket next to the rest of the food. “Hummus, baba ganoush and tzatziki. And carrot sticks and pita chips.”

I swallowed. Hopefully the topic of Roz and the farm wouldn’t arise.

“Yum!” Hannah leaned in, grabbing a pita chip and swiping it through the hummus.

“Is everything okay, Dana?” Jenny asked.

Dana’s brows shot up as her eyes flicked to me. “You didn’t tell them?”

I shook my head.

Dana slammed her mouth shut. “I’ve said enough already this weekend.”

A gray bird swooped overheard, dipping down into the river with a splash and reappearing with a fish between its beak.

Jenny’s gaze darted between us. “What’s going on? Did something happen with the flowers? I thought you got the aphids under control?” Her eyes widened. “You didn’t have another cow-trampling incident, did you?”

“No.” Tears welled in my eyes. I blinked them away, but they began dripping down my cheeks. I swiped them away. “Shit.”

Jenny jumped up and bounded over, wrapping her arms around me. I leaned into her warmth, letting out a shuddering breath.

“Oh Liv. What happened?” Jenny asked.

Five pairs of eyes stared at me sympathetically. My world was imploding. I was losing Sapphire Blooms, the farm and Roz in one fell swoop. If ever there was a time I needed to talk to my friends it was now. I couldn’t do this alone.

I cleared my throat. “Fred backed out of the investment and now Roz is going to shut down the flower operations—and she thinks the farm may not make it past winter.”

There was a collective intake of breath.

“Shit! Why did he back out?” Blake asked.

“He found out we were fake dating.” I struggled to hold back a sob.

Jenny tilted her head, wide-eyed. “How did he find out?”

My eyes flicked to Dana, who cradled her face in her hands.

“He ran into Dana at Novel Gossip yesterday and made a comment about how we’d been dating for six months. Dana corrected him, saying it was only one month at the most. Roz and I showed up just as all this was happening and Fred asked us on the spot. We had to tell him the truth.”

“Oh no!” Hannah groaned.

“Yeah, it was really bad.” Dana grimaced.

“Like we said yesterday, it wasn’t your fault.” I reached out and rubbed Dana’s back. “It’s all on me and Roz—well, mainly me. I was the one who got us into the stupid fake-dating situation to begin with, and we never explained to you what was going on.”

“I’m so sorry, Liv. If it’s any consolation, I thought you two were quite convincing. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought there was something going on between you.” Blake picked up a carrot stick and dipped it in the baba ganoush.

Dana shot a glance at me.

My stomach clenched. This was the perfect opening to tell everyone what had really been going on. But nausea rocked my stomach at the thought of them hearing how stupid I’d been, letting myself get pulled into a fling that had no future, after swearing off dead-end relationships. Not only that, but I’d have to talk about my sexuality. And I still didn’t know how to answer those damn dating profile questions. I’d hoped to have a clearer idea before I had this conversation. Olivia in her thirties was meant to be all about knowing what she wanted and grabbing it by both hands. So far, that wasn’t going so well.

Roz’s advice floated through my mind. You don’t need to put a label on it if you don’t want to. Or you could just use a general term—like queer. Tears pricked my eyes again.

“Yeah, um, well actually…” I sniffed, glancing over at George, who gave me a small, encouraging smile. “There was.”

Blake’s jaw dropped. “What?”

My heart thudded in my ears. Who’d have thought coming out to three queer women, all of whom were close friends and one of whom was my sister, would be so nerve-racking?

“We started dating—casually—a few weeks ago.” I ran my hand over the wicker picnic basket next to me. “But it’s over now. We had a big argument yesterday. Anyway, it was only supposed to be until Fred’s investment paperwork came through.”

Blake’s stare continued to bore into me.

“Oh wow!” Jenny said. “I’m really sorry that you guys had an argument, but hooray for more gays?”

I managed a weak laugh. “Thanks, Jenny.”

My gaze shifted back to my usually composed sister. Her cheeks were flushed, her mouth still open wide.

“Shit, Liv. I always just assumed…”

“That’s okay,” I said. “I also assumed I was straight for a long time.”

Blake’s gaze flickered. “But why… why didn’t you tell us?”

“It’s something I wanted to work out for myself first. I know you all figured out your sexuality pretty early on but it’s taken me a long time. And I’m still working it out. I’m not sure if I’m bi, pan or a lesbian or something else.”

Hannah put her arm around my waist and gave it a squeeze. “Hey, that’s okay. You don’t have to decide one way or another. You do you.”

“Thanks, Hannah. That’s what Roz said too.” My voice wavered.

The others offered me similar words of solidarity. George passed around some salted caramel and pecan cookies and I bit into one, savoring the salty-sweet crunch.

“Surely there’s something Roz can do that doesn’t involve destroying the flowers and losing the farm,” Jenny said, wiping cookie crumbs from her face.

I pressed my lips together. “That’s what we were arguing about. Her parents are loaded, but she’s refusing to ask them for help.”

“What?” Jenny dropped the pita chip she was holding. “Why not?”

I frowned. Despite suggesting it was connected to Sadie and Roz’s dislike of flowers when I’d stormed out yesterday, I didn’t really believe that. That wouldn’t explain why Roz would rather lose the entire farm, not just the flower fields, than ask her parents for help. From what she’d said yesterday, it was clear she had a long-standing aversion to asking her parents for help. She’d indicated as much when her parents had tried to give her the new Mercedes-Benz. But I didn’t know the details.

“I’m not completely sure,” I admitted. “But she’s generally very reluctant to accept any help from her parents.”Or anyone else, for that matter.

“Maybe she’s worried about mixing business with pleasure and it affecting her relationship with her parents?” Hannah suggested.

“Maybe…” I replied. It was a valid concern. While Blake and Dad worked well together, as much as I loved my parents I couldn’t imagine involving them in my business. And my relationship with my parents was a lot stronger than Roz’s. When Roz had refused the new Mercedes-Benz, she’d mentioned if she accepted their help, it would come with judgement.

Perhaps Roz did have valid reasons for refusing the loan. But whatever they were, she was prioritizing them over me and the farm. And that still hurt.

“Is there anything we can do? Maybe I could organize a fundraiser or something?” Jenny asked, her face brightening.

“We could all help,” George said, leaning in. “I could do the catering.”

Blake, Hannah and Dana nodded.

Despite how miserable I was feeling, warmth washed over me. God, I loved my friends.

“Thank you, but we couldn’t raise the amount of money she needs. I’ve seen the financials. We’re talking millions of dollars.”

“Oh shit.” Jenny’s face fell.

“Yeah.”

A dog bounded into view, running across the expanse of grass in front of us and jumped into the river, its tail wagging. What I’d give to be that carefree right now.

“What are you going to do?” Hannah asked.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. It seemed like Sapphire Blooms would just be another addition to my long list of business failures. I stared glumly back at Blake’s shoe.

Failure is the steppingstone to success. The conversation I’d had with Roz weeks ago at my parents’ house echoed in my head. Most people give up too soon.

I took a deep breath. I was not going to give up on Sapphire Blooms, Red Tractor Farm or Roz. Not yet. Not until I’d exhausted every possible avenue.