Page 7 of The Fixer
Sascha’s voice, roughened from a troubled sleep, smoothed the goosebumps blanketing my skin. Glancing over as his warm, smooth palm glided up my back, I couldn’t hide my grimace.
“Are you hungry? When was the last time you ate?” he asked.
“I don’t remember. I should eat, yeah.” Relief flooded my body, and I sunk down to cuddle against his chest. Sascha’s familiar smell clung to my nostrils. The feel of his body warmed the cold sweat on mine. Twirling his chest hairs around my finger, I closed my eyes to summon the energy to open my mouth. “My mom’s last words to me was how much she hated you.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Of course, I wanted to talk about it; I just couldn’t find the words to use.
Scratching my head lovingly, Sascha was so patient. He didn’t wait on bated breath or grow tense even as the silence grew heavy and thick.
“My mom and dad bought into the Avernisk’s power play. That in itself is stupid enough to make me think I’m not even their daughter. How can something so incredibly, obviously stupid and risky to me be a viable plan to them? Aleksander Makovich would’ve still been alive— he still would’ve been in control. This would’ve ended the same… thinking of any other alternative is a delusion.” Licking my lips heavily, my frown deepened. “I don’t know what to feel. Maybe, it’ll clear up in a few days when it really hits me.”
Sascha grumbled in acknowledgment, “You’re a rational person, Ophelia. Any rational person would’ve known that plan wasn’t going to work. Power corrupts people, kills people. I’m sure that you just got all the good genes your parents lacked.” Fingertips smoothed by a life of pens caressed my cheek and neck, and Sascha pressed his chin against my forehead. “I’m not so fragile a man that I’ll be upset you’re more successful than me.”
“He’s sending me a handler when he gets back to Saint Petersburg.” My tongue tingled with the need to speak what I feared to bring up; Aleksander’s ultimatum was a lose-lose for me. Either I did what Aleksander commanded, or I gave the Cherinivsky to someone who would. Simple and effective.And disgusting. “Both my sisters are going to Saint Petersburg, too. I’m not going to be able to sit back anymore.”
“Your sisters are spoiled babies. Your brother was a tool. Ophelia, how much do you honestly think your day to day is going to change from this moment on? I’ll still be right by your side. You may trade cleaning up the mess to avoiding the mess in the first place, but… I honestly don’t think much will change.”
Of course, Sascha had a point as he always did. He never opened his mouth without something perfect to say. This was why I loved him, even in a situation like this, he stabilized me with the questions that needed asking, not being hung up on trivialities. “You’re only saying that to make me feel better about the fact that I watched them shit themselves one by one.” Sascha’s beard bristled against my forehead at my bitterness. “My parents and brother did something stupid, and they suffered the consequences. There’s no reason to feel upset that they’re dead, but watching it changedsomething. I just—I don’t know what that is, yet.”
“Feelings don’t need reason. It’s okay to be disturbed by what you saw.”
I blubbered a breath as this, the helplessness of it all sucking the air from my chest. Against my cheek, Sascha’s heart beat strong and steady, and I clung to it like I never had before.
“If they wanted a plan that worked,” he replied. “They didn’t have to go to Avernisk. I know how much you look down on them. You could’ve come up with a better plan.”
“If I knew—evensuspectedwhat they were going to try, I would’ve told Makovich. I probably would’ve been interrogated or something as to why I blabbed— why would I knowingly bring information to him that would most definitely kill my family off? Because I don’t want to be associated with it— that’s why.” Tilting my head to gaze at the soft lines of his face, I reached to stroke Sascha’s beard gingerly. “I love you, Sascha.”
“I love you, too, Oppie.”
His kiss scrubbed my brain of the images haunting me— even if just for a fraction of a second.
Tightening his arm around me, Sascha cupped the back of my head. “What do you want to eat?”
My mouth wasn’t dry anymore, the taste of him blossoming on my tongue as it touched his tentatively. “Pizza?” Being with Sascha was bittersweet, a window into a life I wanted but couldn’t have.
Sliding out from underneath me, he smiled so sweetly that it made my heart ache. I reached to thread my fingers through the longest part of his beard; it didn’t even reach his Adam’s apple, but it couldn’t be any longer. “You think I should have a new nickname now? ‘Oppie’ was just to piss off my parents.”
“It’s grown on me like a nasty fungus, Oppie.” He winked at me. “Peppers and sausage?”
Flames licked my cheeks as that wonderful heat flooded my veins. “You know me so well.” Sitting up myself, I hugged my knees. There was nothing more pure, better, than this moment. Even so, worry throbbed against the backs of my eyes. “So… my family is gone. My sisters are in Saint Petersburg. Maybe you and me have a shot…?”
“We’ve been together for four years, Ophelia. We shot our shot when we hit year 2, and your parents didn’t manage to break us up. Your parents hated me because I’m almost twice as old as you and just a university professor. Things are going this way, and it’s agoodway, Ophelia. It’s not perfect, but you need to replace the lack of relationship tension with relationship tension to balance the universe.”
“You’re an atomic scientist, you cracked the universe, Sascha.” Crawling onto my knees towards him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to kiss his neck. “What kind of equipment do you need to crack my nuclei?”
“I’m not going to fall for your science talk, you vixen. I bet you don’t know the first thing about gastronomy. Come on.” Long arms curled under my ass, and Sascha hoisted me up with a grunt. “Pizza’s not going to cook itself.”
“This would be more fun if I didn’t have a nightgown on.” That inappropriate sense of normalcy hung like a veil in front of my eyes.
Sascha hummed softly but didn’t answer immediately as he reached to turn on a lamp. “You don’t have underwear on, that’s good enough.”
Light spilled to banish the consuming darkness that threatened to overwhelm me, and I nuzzled his neck and shoulder greedily. Snorting a laugh, I hugged Sascha with my knees as spittle stained my lips.
He smiled, rounding the bed with strong strides that rippled through me. “I have an early class, so I’m not sure how long that’ll last. Especially considering you’re numb right now, and pretty soon… you’ll be mad.Realmad. That’s when it’ll get fun, Oppie.”
“So, you think I’m… boring…?” Kissing his bare shoulder, I hummed at the beauty of that word. “I like it.”