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Christmas – Year 3

IRIAN

Another year passed, pretty much the same as before, and before I knew it, we were in the lead up to Christmas again.

This year, as soon as we got to the Moray compound I was eager to run off to find Tal. I was more confident this time, after how things had gone last holidays. Besides, he'd called me a couple of times during the year. It had only ever been at night and I wondered about that. But I knew he didn't have a cellphone, no-one in his pack did - apparently Alpha Moray thought cellphones would spell the end of pack culture or something. Anyway, Tal had to be using a landline of some sort and there was no privacy in that, so our conversations weren't deep and meaningful. Still, it had been something.

I knew he would have passed his majority this year, and I was keen to see what changes it had brought.

We arrived at the Moray pack compound a week earlier than usual.

“Where do you think you’re going?” my mother scowled as she caught me sneaking away from the car even though it was still laden with our stuff.

“Um… I was going to find my friends…” I trailed off, hesitating.

She humphed. “Not until you’ve helped with the unpacking.”

“Eh, let him go,” advised my dad. “He needs to get used to being around shifters. He’s got too many human friends. It’s not natural. He needs to learn his place by being around them. You know we discussed this.”

My mum just rolled her eyes at him. Respectfully, of course. “Just bring the luggage in and then you can go,” she said, grudgingly.

I was pleased that she wasn’t trying to force me to stay around Mar this year, so I counted that as a win. I hurried to get the car emptied so I could disappear before something else came up.

It was true Tal and his friends were still the only shifter friends I had. All the others were human, except for one guy, a mage, who I often saw at the same functions I attended with my parents. (Xeres always looked about as happy as I was to be at these events). And I really did need to spend more time around them learning what it was like to be a shifter and part of a pack.

So naturally that was the reason I was so keen to catch up with Tal as soon as I arrived.

It had nothing to do with that weird connection we had but didn’t quite understand. Or the hormones that were starting to make themselves known racing around in my body.

As soon as I could, I raced down to the big house, feet pounding over the bare ground. This year I was confident that I would be welcome here. I burst through the open door, eager for the pre-Christmas mayhem.

And it was there. Chaos reigned in the living area, where the Christmas tree was propped up in its pot of sand. All the kids were dancing around the tree, digging baubles out of the boxes of decorations and finding places to hang them, voices chattering in excitement. Papers rustled, boxes scraped across floorboards, voices protested as kids argued over favorite decorations.

One of the little ones rushed up to me with a shiny blue ball in his hand. I recognized him, though he’d grown a lot since last year.

“Hey Irian, hang this for me!” he ordered, pointing to a branch high up in the tree that he couldn’t possibly reach.

“That’s your job,” I told him, lifting him up in my arms so he was tall enough to hang the bauble in the tree himself. He grinned happily, then wriggled free to run off and find another decoration that desperately needed to find its special place.

“Hey,” I addressed my greeting to the adults hovering over the kids’ chaos.

“Oh, my Goddess, you’re here already!” exclaimed Tal’s sister, rushing over. She smacked a wet kiss on my cheeks and nearly squashed me in a crushing hug.

I smiled at her, “Hey Jana! Yeah, we came early this year. Where’s Tal?”

“Oh, honey, he’s not…” the crash! of shattering glass and the anguished cry of one of the kids had her dashing off before she could finish. The bloodied finger and prolonged wail meant she wasn’t coming back any time soon, so as Tal obviously wasn’t in here, I wandered off to look for him.

Where was Tal? Probably in his bedroom avoiding the mayhem, although I kind of expected him to be helping the kids hang their decorations. He was the favorite uncle, after all.

The stairs creaked under me, and I smiled as I remembered how unsuccessfully Tal had tried to creep silently down them that first Christmas Eve. By the time I’d finished my musings, I’d reached his closed door.

Knock! Knock!

No response.

If he was sleeping, I’d surprise him! This would be good.

The handle rattled despite my careful turning, the door creaking startlingly as it opened into a room shrouded in darkness. The blinds had been pulled, although it was light outside. My eyes flicked to the bed, but there was no Tal-shaped lump under the covers.

In addition, the room was extraordinarily tidy – no clothes on the floor, nothing out of place... I took a step inside, brows scrunching. Why was the room so neat? Tal wasn’t particularly messy but there should have been some signs of his presence.

But the bed was made up neatly and the room had an unoccupied feeling - as though no-one had been here for some time. That sent slivers of unease sliding through me. My nose flared, scenting the air… it could detect his scent here of course, but he hadn’t been here recently. Where was Tal?

I wandered back down to the living room, but the kids were still decorating and the chaos was continuing, so I didn’t stay.

Stepping outside, I drew a breath. Where could he be? Surely, he knew I’d be arriving today?

Perhaps he was with his friends. Swallowing down my disappointment that he hadn’t been waiting for me, I lifted my chin and went looking for the boys. There were shocks waiting for me there too.

Dar, Zern and Luke had matured greatly since last year. Their faces had thinned out, and their chins were covered in significant amounts of neatly groomed hair. And all the group had developed muscles - hair and muscles were literally climbing out of their shirts. Some of the group must surely have completed their transition to majority, with the others very close behind. There was a distinct alpha vibe about the group, but they didn’t intimidate me.

“Hey!” I called as I got up close. I wasn’t certain what to call them now.

“Heya, Irian!”

“Hoo-hoo, Irian!”

“G’day.”

The guys all greeted me enthusiastically. A lot of solid thumps to the back later, we lounged back under the tree.

“You’ve…” I trailed off, suddenly uncertain of what was acceptable conversation here. I shouldn’t have worried.

“Yep,” Luke smiled, a smug grin plastered across his handsome face. “Darius, Kalius and I have all reached majority. “You have to obey our commands now.”

“Pfft, like that’s gonna happen,” I retorted with the amount of sass they’d come to expect from me. We were friends now, and they knew I had a particular connection with Tal (I guess he’s Talius now). There was no way they would dream of using their alpha compulsion on me or even order me around.

“We didn’t know if you’d come this year,” Darius told me, and I frowned, but he didn’t elaborate.

I was afraid to ask. But I had to.

“Oh, why was that?”

“Talius isn’t here. He went to Alpha Camp. You didn’t know?”

“Uh, no. I just assumed he’d be here.”

“I was surprised he went now, with Christmas coming up and all, but, yeah…” Darius shrugged.

“Maybe he’ll be back for Christmas…” I offered, hopefully.

“Nah, the final camp always goes for four weeks.”

“Talius told me this one was different, it’s concentrated into two weeks. He said he’d be back for Christmas Eve,” Kalius said. “We were talking about it before he left.”

“I’ve never heard of final camp being less than a month,” insisted Luke, now Lucius.

“Neither,” agreed Darius. “You must have heard wrong. It’s always four weeks. I’m sorry, Irian, but there’s no way he’ll be back. I don’t know why he went on this one. There’s another one at the end of January.”

“Oh well, that’s okay, you guys are here.” I tried for an upbeat tone, but my cheeriness felt as fake as my smile. Of course, I loved spending time with the guys – they were part of my unofficial pack and they always looked after me like brothers – but none of them was Tal… Talius.

Why had he chosen to go away now? He knew I’d be here. We hadn't really talked about it when we'd spoken during the year but it was kind of understood that I’d be here at Christmas… but maybe this year he had grown tired of me. He'd passed into his full majority and was a full alpha now. Maybe he was moving on.

Maybe this was the easy way to let me down. I tried not to think about it.

I hung on to my hope that he’d be back in time, but by Christmas Eve, Talius still hadn’t shown up. There remained one last hope. At 11.45pm, I shifted into my wolf and slipped out of the dormitory. The shadows were stark, cast by a three-quarter moon. Its unworldly light bathed the yard, the buildings and the tree in the center of the yard standing out in sharp relief. A few puffs of fluffy whiteness skipped across the sky, mostly unobserved. I slunk towards Tal’s house, keeping to the shadows. I felt foolish, but I had to do this, it was my last hope.

The house was bathed in moonlight, rendering it with an eerie glow, but behind the windows it was dark except for the twinkling of the fairy lights in the Christmas tree. It was a comfortingly familiar sight, which eased the ache I felt inside.

Maybe I’d get inside, and Talius would be waiting for me, just like he had been last year.

With that hopeful thought, I squeezed through the wolf-door, the acrylic flap pressing uncomfortably on my back. Clearly my wolf had grown since last year.

Inside, all was quiet, apart from the faint buzz of the lights, and the mechanical candle cycling through its rainbow colors like it did every year. I shouldered my way between the presents, making a space for myself, and curled up on the floor, eyes facing the door.

Midnight came and went. In the early hours, as the dark in the room was starting to fade, I accepted my friend was not coming. I was grateful to be in my wolf form right then. It was my most healing form, and the way my chest felt cracked and empty, that was what I needed. I dragged myself up onto my paws. The children would be coming soon and I needed to be gone when they arrived. I couldn’t fake a happy face for them and I didn’t want to spoil their fun.

The acrylic flap refused to budge, and for a horrible moment I thought I was going to be stuck inside. But then it jerked open with a slap , and I slunk through. I made my way to the dormitory, tail drooping and dragging in the dirt, head down. I had never felt so low.

I shifted, climbed into my bunk, and pulled the covers over my head. Thank the Goddess there was no-one on the lower bunk to feel the shaking of the bedframe.