Page 16 of The Fear (The Hillers of Barratt County #7)

“Ok, you need to explain what is going on,” Greer told her, once everyone was in the puppy barn and Genny had passed out each of the puppies one by one.

It was really just a small outbuilding near the main house that was used for storage, or baby livestock that needed extra help.

Or…stray mama dogs that were dumped on Hiller property recently, just in time to deliver a litter of eight.

She was a seriously sweet, precious dog.

Hala couldn’t imagine how anyone could be so heartless.

Still, the dog had ended up at a place where she’d be loved and cared for. There was that. Grady was a real soft heart where animals were concerned, after all. He always had been. He’d collected strays through the years. Everyone knew that.

They were seriously cute puppies: Dog George, Dog Gene, Dog Guthrie, Dog Grady, Dog Gunn, Dog Gia, Dog Genesis, and Dog Greer—one for each of them.

Mama Gayle was the mother dog, of course.

And…there was a dog named Max who had free run of the place, too.

He mostly just followed Grady around. Someone had a weird sense of humor when it came to naming pets.

Still…super cute. She turned her little puppy friend around to look at his face.

He was definitely male. “Which one is this again?”

“It’s one of the twins, I think,” Genny said. She took the puppy back from Hala for a moment and turned him on his back. “This is Dog Grady, actually. He has a heart-shaped white patch on his chest. The one Ayla has is Dog Gunn. He has a cross-shaped. It seemed appropriate.”

“No kidding.” Of course, her puppy would be Dog Grady. Hala snuggled him close. Gia got a chair out of the tack room and helped Ronnie into a chair. Ronnie kept fanning herself—it wasn’t that hot, but the poor woman looked miserable.

“Ok, what’s wrong?” Gia asked. “What happened? Did Grady do something to upset you again?”

“Yes! But…not for what you think.” She cuddled the puppy close for a minute. So tiny, so precious. “Your brother is a complete and utter bonehead. And…well…I think we have a problem we need to fix with him.”

“What?” Genny asked. “What’s going on with Grady?”

“ Grady thinks he’s not a good enough man for a decent woman!

” The bonehead. Of course, he was—just because they’d never gotten along didn’t mean she didn’t see the good things about that man.

She had no doubt who was taking care of this mama dog and her babies every single day.

She had no doubt who had taken one look at Mama Gayle Dog and decided she had a home here forever.

Because…Grady Hiller was a good man. Who had so much heart…oh, that bonehead.

“Ok, you are going to have to back up and seriously explain here,” Ronnie said, cuddling Dog George close. “Because you aren’t making any sense.”

“Grady told me that his brothers— especially Gunn—are far better men than he is. And he truly believes it. I think he believes no decent woman deserves him . And I can’t figure out why he thinks that. Did something happen with a woman I don’t know about?”

“Does this have anything to do with you trying to take his clothes off in the horse barn a few minutes ago?” Gia asked, bluntly. She had her puppy namesake in her hands, holding her and rocking. “Or is he saying you aren’t a decent woman? He wasn’t exactly protesting.”

“No. That he was not. Definitely not protesting.” Her cheeks flamed when the rest of them snickered and stared at her. In shock. “And I wasn’t taking his clothes off.”

Not really. Just his…shirt, maybe?

“Baloney. You were undoing buttons. I saw. I saw.”

“What?” Greer asked. “Hala! What have you and Grady been doing ? You and Grady? Seriously?”

“Apparently something really fun…” Ayla had to add, cheeky as always. “Give details, please. I believe in living vicariously.”

“Ok. So he’s kissed me a few times today.”

“It’s only noon!” Ronnie said. “Those Hiller boys…”

“It just sort of keeps happening whenever we end up alone together today, even when he’s driving me crazy.

The first time was…at five a.m. in the hallway this morning.

” Hala looked at Gia, knowing the older woman would be the one to most understand what it had meant to her.

“And both times, he told me there are better men for me out there or he apologizes for not being as good as his brothers. Someone explain him to me, please. I’m literally at sea here. ”

“That is…a strange sort of belief,” Aubrey said, her puppy sound asleep in her arms. “How did he first say it?”

“Well…there was the night I went out with Luis, and he said something to me in the kitchen about thinking his mom was serious when she said she was going to ‘fix up all of her girls’ friends with her sons. And get her sons off her hands.’ She was just teasing.

He told me not to get my hopes up. That he wasn’t the man for me. ”

Gia snickered. “That’s not what I saw…”

“Seriously?” Greer asked. “My brothers can be idiots, but…seriously?”

“Yes. I told him he was a bonehead that night, too.”

“And then he thought you were only nineteen?” Aubrey said. “I think I’m missing something here.”

“Well, I may have told the doofus he was the last Hiller brother on earth I’d set my sights on when we were arguing.

I didn’t mean it—not that I have my sights on him, but this kissing thing…

just sort of keeps happening whenever we get in range of each other and are alone today—but he had just made me so…

angry…at the time. But I think he may have believed this for a really long time.

And I can’t figure out why. It’s really hurting him. Deep. We need to help him.”

There had been such pain in those Hiller hazel eyes. It broke her heart to even think about it.

“What else has he said? How long has he felt this way?” Greer asked. “There has to be a reason. Grady…Grady is one of the best of us. Why doesn’t that bonehead see that? He’s the first one there when someone needs something. And he always has been.”

Hala tried to think of everything her favorite bonehead had said. “He said…he’s known for fifteen years. He’d have been nineteen then.”

Greer said a word Hala didn’t even realize her bestie knew. “Fifteen…years?”

“Well, hell,” Gia said. All of his sisters had tensed. Hala had the feeling she might be on to something here. “He doesn’t seriously mean—doesn’t think…?”

“Probably thinks the same thing Gene did, honestly, and why wouldn’t he? He was right there, front row,” Chantal said, then sighed. “He blames himself for what happened to Greer, too. Doesn’t he?”

“But…why? Why would he?” Greer asked. “How can he think that? I knew he was coming for me. Grady was my hero that day. I knew my brother would be there because I needed him. I saw him running to his truck when those monsters were dragging me away. I knew Grady was coming for me. I remember thinking I just had to wait, that Grady would get me away from them as soon as he could.”

Greer had been abducted from the front yard when she’d been nine.

She’d been ejected from her abductors’ car when they’d deliberately crashed into Gene’s truck, as Gene was driving down the driveway, unaware of what had happened.

One of her abductors had died. Greer had ended up in a coma.

She’d had to learn to walk again—and she still had a faint limp when she was tired. Grady and Gene had seen it happen.

Greer had almost died. Hala would never forget the hurt and pain her friend had gone through.

“But he… didn’t get you away from them before you were hurt,” Aubrey said, quietly. “That’s what matters to him. He didn’t get you away in time.”

“Gunn did get Genny away,” Ronnie said, quietly. “His twin rescued one sister. But Grady didn’t get to Greer before she was hurt. Grady has always compared himself to Gunn; and in his own head—came up lacking. Even though we know it’s just not true.”

Aubrey put her arm around her little sister. “It’s guilt, ladies. Deep-seated, unconscious guilt. For a long time, I felt the same. I was so angry—with myself—for not better protecting my baby sister the day she was hurt.”

“I think it’s more fear…” Ayla said, quietly. “He’s afraid if he gets with a woman now, he can’t keep her safe because he thinks he failed Greer.”

That made sense. Grady was afraid. Damn it.

It hurt her to even think about him hurting that way.

“It happens in…tragedies. I’ve done a lot of reading on…

trauma. I blamed myself for not walking Celia home that day.

” Ronnie said. Ronnie’s own younger sister had been abducted when she was twelve.

Everyone had thought Celia was dead—it had been the biggest mystery in Barratt County in decades.

They’d only reunited in the last few years.

There was just too much hurt going around this world. Hala would never understand it.

“Even though it wasn’t your fault I was hurt.

It was one hundred percent that monster’s.

I am the one who walked in on that monster attacking you.

I am glad I did. I kept you from being raped by him.

I wouldn’t trade that one bit. Even with these things forever.

” Ayla motioned to the crutches that went with her everywhere.

She’d nearly died when she’d been eleven when Aubrey’s attacker had thrown Ayla down a flight of stairs, breaking her back.

Ayla had told Hala and Greer the details before.

“That man was hurting you. And I think he would have killed you if I hadn’t interrupted.

I stopped him. And I still have you. That is what matters to me. What has always mattered to me.”

Hala hurt for her friends and the pain she could see on their faces now. Why did good people have to be hurt this way? That was something she’d never understand.