Page 41 of The False Start (Off the Bench)

“You know I would’ve gone out with you to a Portillo’s drive thru. You didn’t have to put in all this work.”

“Love, it’s because I know you would that I want to put in the work. You deserve nice dates, and someone to spoil you. And I want to do that. Besides, if we go to Portillo’s, we have to get the cake and it’s not exactly car friendly.”

She laughs, but the soft smile it fades to is enough of a response.

“So, what’s good here?” She opens the menu, color staining the apples of her cheeks.

“Well to be completely transparent, I’ve only had steaks, but they’ve all been pretty good.”

“Steak it is.” She laughs again, and the fluttering in my gut is back.

We place our orders with Ricky and return to another bout of somewhat tense silence.

“I—”

“What—”

We start at the same time. Lila gives a nervous giggle.

“You first,” I say, taking a large sip of the champagne.

“Is it supposed to be this awkward?”

“Have you ever been on a first date that isn’t a little bit awkward?”

“I guess not.” She shrugs. “Although, given that we’ve already slept together, and have been friends for a bit, I thought it’d be easier.”

“You already know I like you. And you like me?” I end the last thought in a question, but she just nods in confirmation. “So, there’s no weird question there, but maybe we just focus on getting to know each other a little better? Or not even worry about it and just hang out, but over good food.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.” She smiles. “Just promise not to tell Katie I was nervous, she’ll tease me forever about it.”

“Only if you promise not to tell Theo that I really did call the restaurant three times.” I wink, and she laughs again.

“Deal.” We toast our glasses together, draining them.

“I know I ordered the champagne ahead of time, but do you want to get a red?

“Definitely, maybe a Cab?”

I make eye contact with Ricky who’s been watching at the end of the room, and he saunters over.

“What can I get for you?”

“Can we do the Paso Robles Cab please?”

“Of course. Two glasses or the bottle?”

I flick my eyes to Lila. “The bottle.”

“ Hey ,” she whisper-scolds me. “I could just do a glass.”

“Yeah.” I roll my eyes. “But you wanted the bottle.”

“Fine,” she huffs. “It’s unfair you already know me so well.”

“I pay attention,” I say, and she blushes. “We should go to Napa.”

“Have you been before?” she asks.

“Yeah, a few times. One of my dad’s big clients owns a few vineyards out that way so we’d try to go every few years.”

“What does your dad do? I haven’t heard you really mention your family much.”

The warm butterflies I was feeling promptly still, leaving a cold lead weight in their place.

“I don’t really talk about them if I can avoid it.”

Her gaze is intense on mine, urging me on.

“I’m sure you know by now that I was born in England.

My mum is still over there along with the rest of my extended family.

My dad brought me over to the States when I was five when he expanded his firm and opened a New York office.

I eventually ended up at an upstate boarding school where I met Theo and Katie.

” I shrug, not quite meeting her gaze. “Then I went to Yale and ended up in the NFL.”

She blinks at me.

“Are you serious?”

“What?” I frown at her.

“That’s it?”

“Erm, what more is there?”

“Cal, come on.”

“If you want to know something else, I’ll tell you. But I don’t know what you’re asking.” I cross my arms over my chest and gaze at her, unsure what more she wants from me.

“I asked what your dad did, and you not only didn’t tell me but summarized your entire life in three sentences, not one of them told me anything about how you felt about any of it.”

“I don’t really know what to say. It all happened so long ago. And I live here now, I’m out with you. I can tell you how I feel about that.”

She flashes a brief grin. “Yes, please do. But first, what does your dad do that he moved his firm here when you were little?”

“He runs a consulting firm. So, a little of this, a little of that really.” I take a deep breath. “I’m supposed to take over for him. Or I was.”

“Was?”

“He’s not exactly a fan of the whole football thing. Especially American football.”

“Ah. That has to be tough.”

“Yeah, well, I think moving to Chicago might have been the last straw. At least when I was with the Cosmos, he could pretend it was only a hobby.”

She snorts. “A hobby of playing professional football. He should really go on ESPN. They’d get a kick out of him.”

I grin wryly. “He’d love that, I’m sure.”

“How does your mom feel about you playing?”

“If she paid enough attention to notice, I’m sure she’d think it was horribly uncouth, but all that really gets across is that I still live in America and don’t visit her nearly enough to be paraded about her friends and all their daughters.”

“Wow, I thought I had a rough family.”

I shrug. “It is what it is. I like playing football, but it can’t be forever.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m already feeling it in my body significantly more than I did five years ago. The hits hurt more, the recovery takes longer. I might be stronger, even faster, but I’m still older. There’s a reason the average retirement age is twenty-eight, and I blew by that pretty fast.”

“Bone-in ribeye for you, sir,” Ricky interrupts as he sets down my plate in front of me before handing Lila hers. “And a Delmonico for the lady. Anything else I can get you?”

“I think we’re okay.” Lila smiles at him.

He leaves, taking some of the heaviness of the prior conversation with him. The steaks are delicious, and we pass the rest of the meal in lighter, companionable conversation.

I unlock my apartment door, holding it open for Lila.

“Hey, thanks.”

“For what? You took me out.”

“No one’s really ever asked how I feel about everything. Or asked about my family at all. Even my friends from boarding school, their families are all just as messed up. It kinda makes it all feel normal.”

She laces our fingers together. “Of course. I want to be a safe place for you to land when you need to. We can take care of each other, Cal. It doesn’t all have to just be you.”

I tug her into my chest and thread my free hand into her hair as my sinuses burn.

We stand in silence for what could be hours, Lila just letting me hold her as long as I need to.

Eventually, I loosen my grip, and she raises her eyes to meet mine before rising onto her toes to press a chaste kiss to my mouth.

I meet her with fervor, surging forward to deepen the kiss, even as I walk her backwards toward my bedroom, intending to see what I chose black for earlier this afternoon.