Page 15 of The False Start (Off the Bench)

Chapter Ten

LILA

I watch the Uber drive away Sunday afternoon with palpable relief, the words he’d yelled in my face still ringing through my mind.

This trip was a mistake on so many levels, only serving to confirm both my worst fears and insecurities.

I need the definition more than ever now.

Something I’m able to manage and control while the rest of the world spins away from my tight grasp.

My phone buzzes, pulling me from my melancholy, and I check my Teams app.

Colton

Flights are booked for Wednesday

I sigh, turning back into my building, ready to purge the weekend from my apartment.

I put on Sadie’s new music and turn the volume all the way up as I deep clean the bedroom, going so far as to rearrange the furniture to better increase the feng shui—or at least that’s what the minimalist podcast said.

Katie would probably disagree since she designed the room to begin with.

Once I’m sweaty from pushing furniture around and covered in dust that shouldn’t even exist with Dennis’s cleaning service, I collapse and let myself cry for the first time this weekend.

The sobs wrack through me as my chest shudders.

It’s a good cry though. Therapeutic in a way.

All my frustration and resentment and fear and pain exiting through my tear ducts.

I’ve nearly soaked my shirt sleeve through when I finally come to a stop, my breathing leveling out.

My room is a disaster, everything from my dresser piled together on the floor, but that’s easily remedied.

My relationship with Dennis, my friendship with Cal, my own self-worth? Not so much.

I can’t do this anymore.I’d told Dennis as much, and he’d laughed in my face, telling me to call him when I was done throwing a tantrum.

I don’t even think I have the energy to scream at him if I wanted to, though.

I’m being held together with what feels like chewing gum and paperclips, slowly falling apart at the seams as each new weight tests the strength.

I need to find my sparkle again. It’s been dull for so long, constantly muffled by the everyday stress of life and everyone’s expectations.

That night dancing with Cal was the first time in a long time it came back—until the weight of what that meant crashed down on me, that is.

Now it’s just another reason I feel like I’m drowning.

On Wednesday morning, my carry-on suitcase is packed, and my entire apartment is spotless thanks to the deep clean I gave it over the last couple days.

I eye my phone, silent on my kitchen island.

It’s been that way since I put it on Do Not Disturb immediately after emerging from my crying coma.

I sigh and shove it in my bag, letting it fall all the way to the bottom.

I double check the lock and head downstairs to the waiting car.

“Took you long enough,” Colton says as I slide in beside him in the back seat. His hair is gelled to perfection, which only stands to annoy me further. “We’ve been here for ten minutes.”

“It’s just eight now,” I point out.

“I texted you we were on our way twenty minutes ago when we left my place.” He raises one eyebrow at me.

“Oops, sorry about that.” I glance at my phone sheepishly. At his questioning look I sigh. “I have my texts muted. Well, my whole phone really.”

He snorts. “God, why?”

I shrug. “Needed a break, I guess.”

“Well break’s over princess,” he mocks. “This meeting needs to go well.”

“I know.” I bristle.

“Hey,” he holds both hands up in surrender, “I normally wouldn’t say anything.” I glare at him, “Okay, fine, maybe I would, but you just said you’re having a rough time, and we really need you’re A-game here, Summers. If anyone can close this deal, it’s you.”

“That’s not exactly what I said,” I point out. He just stares at me, and I sigh, deflating a bit. “I know. I’ve got it, I promise.” Wait, I think there might have been a compliment somewhere in there.

“Alright, well I sent you an email a few minutes ago with the docs to review.”

“I’ll download them in the airport and look them over on the way.”

He nods and we fall into a relatively companionable silence as we ride to the terminal.

I’ve barely finished reading the information Colton’s compiled when we land in Houston hours later, home of Dover Industries. If all goes well, we’ll be here for two days and then head up to Austin with their legal team to finalize the deal with C with ease and quick wit she puts her brother in his place, and Shahir, his caramel brown eyes a shade slightly warmer than his twin’s, has a quiet intelligence that permeates the space around him as he and Colton banter about one of the recent lobbying bills.

We’re enjoying our second bottle of wine, and the dinner plates have been cleared away when the talk turns to business. Colton straightens in his seat next to me, turning slightly as if to give me the floor.

“We’re just not really sure a gaming company is right for us. Oil is a finite resource, and everyone needs it,” Shahir says, swirling his glass and glancing to his sister.