Page 15 of The Ex Next Door (Charming, Texas #8)

“S top it. You’re being ridiculous.” Amy wiped the last tear away as she took the turn into Charming. “Okay, big-girl panties. I can do this.”

She’d been weeping since driving away from her babies and the apartment they’d be staying in with Rob for the next week.

At least the drive to Houston after baseball practice had been wonderful, with David talking about how much fun he’d had.

Being knocked to the ground and getting up again, he’d said, meant he had what it took to play baseball.

“That’s what Declan said.”

He later recounted the story in great detail to Rob and Naomi, beaming the whole time.

Then came the time when she had to leave Rob’s bachelor pad and make the drive back home to Charming. Alone.

“Bye, Mommy! See you soon. Don’t worry about us,” Naomi said. “I’ll take care of Daddy.”

On the one hand, her chest ballooned with pride. On the other, she wanted to tell Naomi it wasn’t her job to take care of her man-child father.

“See ya next week, Ames!” Rob waved. “I’ll have them call you every night .”

The shake of his head and scolding tone in his voice said, “I know how you are.”

But it would be the first time she’d been separated from her children for so long and this didn’t feel like a small thing.

Intellectually she understood they’d be okay even if Rob didn’t exactly inspire confidence.

She didn’t doubt that he loved his children.

Maybe he’d learn the rest of raising them and the place that guidance and example meant in parenting.

Either way, they all deserved a relationship with each other.

In the beginning, Amy thought just handling the children on his own might be enough to bring Rob crawling back.

But they were good kids, and so he didn’t.

He truly didn’t love her anymore. Didn’t even need her.

This was for the best, much as it hurt like an ice pick stabbing her eye. She didn’t want a man to stay with her simply for the sake of the kids. She wanted a man to love her through the laundry and the dirty dishes and the clogged sinks. Through the peaks and the valleys of a long-term marriage.

Amy pulled into her driveway just as Samantha was leaving Declan’s next door.

More like storming out, actually.

When Samantha reached her sedan, she turned and, red-faced, shouted and pointed to Declan loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear:

“You don’t deserve me!”

Wow. You go, girl. How wonderful to have the fortitude to claim those words so loudly. As soon as Amy got a chance to scream where no one would hear her, she’d do the same. For now, Amy found her red-rimmed eyes in the rearview mirror.

“You don’t deserve me, Rob!”

She didn’t know whether Samantha meant it or was simply once again having a jealous meltdown.

But for the first time since her divorce became official, Amy meant those words.

Rob did not deserve her or the love she’d showered on him over the years.

Whether or not she’d still been in love with him, which could be argued, she was devoted to him and no one could disagree with that fact.

She’d built her life around Rob. Maybe it hadn’t been smart, or modern, but they had children and she’d assumed she and Rob would grow old together.

So much for assumptions.

Amy waited a moment to get out of her car, for Samantha to drive off and the drama she’d witnessed to subside. Checking her mascara in the mirror, Amy wiped away the last dark smear and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

Declan stood on the lawn watching Samantha drive away, hands in his pockets, head lowered.

When he caught Amy’s glance, he smirked and lifted a shoulder. “My batting average just took another hit. Pretty soon I’m going to stop swinging.”

“Are you okay?”

He crossed their shared lawn. “I should be asking you that question.”

His head tipped to the side, and it seemed as if the sun itself shone a bright light into her eyes. Leave it to Declan. He’d noticed.

“I feel seen and I thought I was hiding it.”

“What is it? Did Rob say or do something to upset you?”

“No. I’m just going to miss my kids.”

“It’s only a week. Right?”

“Feels like a month.”

She pulled down on the skirt of her silly short pink dress. Rob hadn’t noticed. She’d even lost a little weight on the “Divorce Diet,” which was a real thing, and he’d shown zero interest.

Amy’s gaze followed the taillights of Samantha’s car, turn ing at the end of the street. “Did you and Samantha have another fight?”

Declan crossed his arms. “You could say that.”

“I’ll talk to her for you if she’s still jealous.”

“Don’t bother. We broke up. It’s my fault, of course, as usual.”

“Oh no, Declan. I doubt it’s all your fault, but I’m sorry. If it helps, she sounded unreasonably jealous.”

“I don’t know, maybe she was right all along. I think she saw something even before I did.”

“What’s that?”

“I wasn’t all in.”

She sensed something untenable in that moment, a tiny prickle of awareness.

A feeling so long forgotten that she’d almost failed to recognize it.

Excitement? Anticipation? None of that made any sense, not with Declan, not here and now, and yet her body wasn’t listening.

And in the next moment, she didn’t think she imagined the lowering of Declan’s head and his eyes ever so briefly scanning her bare legs.

The tiny prickle grew to a significant tingle that spread down the back of her thighs.

“Sometimes I think I’m looking for the feeling of that first time again. The first time I fell in love, the first time someone else mattered more than anyone else,” he said. “I miss that.”

So do I.

“Yeah,” Amy said, her body buzzing. She couldn’t look at him. “I know what you mean.”

“Maybe everyone’s like that, right?”

“Yeah. I bet.”

The moment shifted to being more of a casual one, two friends discussing the challenge of relationships in the age of apps.

Not two former lovers remembering they were each other’s first. It was easy, of course, to romanticize now.

Life was simpler due to being young with few responsibilities.

Part of the nostalgia was for their youth.

She shook off that sense of intimacy with him she’d felt only moments ago.

Her imagination, working overtime. The loneliness didn’t help. Before, she’d always had her children.

“I think I’m trying too hard to find someone special,” Declan said. “I’m going to stop for a while, and just focus on my personal goals.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” She moved toward her front door, where in the kitchen freezer a fresh pint of Chunky Monkey awaited her.

“What about you?”

“Me?”

“Are you still going to sign up for those dating app sites?”

She wished she hadn’t mentioned that. “I don’t know yet.”

“You saw how well mine worked out. I don’t recommend it.” He moved toward his door.

“Declan?” She hesitated, hand on the doorknob, but she had to do this.

He needed the pick-me-up and she could use a little unloading right now. A little honesty and barebones vulnerability when it was her choice.

“Yeah?”

“I never had a chance to tell you this, but you were the best first boyfriend I could have ever had. You made me feel safe, always, and I never doubted that you loved me. Never.”

He smiled like the thought cheered him, then nodded. “Thanks for that. Good night. See you tomorrow.”

Amy shut the front door and leaned her back against it.

She pictured Declan moments ago, standing between a shaft of moonlight and streetlight, illuminating him.

Still so attractive to her, with an almost magnetic pull.

She’d almost had an out-of-body experience listening to him talk about the first time he’d ever been in love.

He was talking about her, she was certain.

If it were her saying the same words, she’d mean him.

She covered her face with her hands. No, no. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, fall for her first love all over again.

Because that would be stupid.

* * *

The next day, Amy’s and Declan’s shifts at the Salty Dog overlapped.

Even though they lived next door to each other, they still hadn’t carpooled to work.

Declan rolled in about four hours into her shift, twirling his apron between two fingers.

He relieved Max Del Toro, one of the owners who occasionally pulled a shift bartending.

Amy had already met him and his wife, Ava.

A surly and big man, Max was the type to break up bar fights before they even started.

People were generally fearful of the former navy SEAL.

Amy learned from Debbie that while bar fights were not the norm, they almost always occurred on a Saturday night during the full moon.

And about 98 percent of the time they were disagreements about sport teams. People in Charming took their baseball seriously.

Fortunately, the playoffs weren’t going to be an issue for another few months so they were in the “safety zone.”

“Hey, Declan!” Amy came up to the bar and placed her orders. “Feeling any better today?”

He flipped a glass and caught it in the air with a smile. “Best night of sleep in a while. I did the right thing. No regrets.”

Good to know because Amy had seen Samantha in here earlier with another guy.

She worked fast. Though she gave Amy a dirty look she didn’t deserve, at least her date didn’t skimp on her tip.

She was beginning to think maybe she’d still work here summers, once she got a job during the year as a teacher.

The people were nice, especially the owners.

Valerie Kinsella had been David and Naomi’s schoolteacher in third grade, and she’d already said she’d refer Amy once she had her credentials.

She was working on her first teaching program online in her spare time and had the test scheduled for next month.