Page 179 of The Enforcer

“Nope.” He shook his head, seeming very lost. Then out of the blue, he blurted out, “She used to make me eat dog food.”

“What?” Brianna couldn’t hide her horror.

“Mary. When I fucked up.” He looked away from her when he said it. “That was one of the things she did. It was one of the nicer things, actually. It’s just one I can say to you. I practiced it in my mind on the way over. Saying it.”

“Well—” Brianna nodded, having no idea what the right response was for something like that. Anger surged through her, and she wanted to lash out at Mary somehow, but Mary wasn’t in this car, and Tino was, so she said, “You did it well. Saying it, I mean.” She took a deep breath to clear her head, because she understood Tino talking about this was more important than her anger that wouldn’t fix anything at this point. “That was good.”

“Yeah?” He turned back to her, looking relieved. “The first time, it was after that fight with Dominic in seventh grade. Jesus, I couldn’t look at that motherfucker for a year afterward and not taste it. They all find ways to punish that doesn’t damage anything.” He gestured to his chest. “I mean, I’m not unique. I’m not saying I had it worse than anyone else. All sponsors do fucked-up shit like that, but she wasreallygood at making her point. At fucking with my mind. She had a special gift for it. She could make me believe the bullshit. I mean, my motherwasa whore, and I don’t know why I ever tried to deny it. No one can argue that any more than they can argue that I’m one. My ma did fuck Mary’s husband. She did get knocked up twice. Why do Nova and Romeo worship her like they do? I think about dog food when I think about my ma. I think about being dirty. I hate being dirty, and Nova’s always walking in on me in the shower. I don’t like to lock the door in case there’s an emergency, but it’s the only fucking time I have to feel clean, and he just walks in and starts talking. I hate that.”

“Carina walks in on me too,” Brianna said, not surprised by Nova’s behavior. “It must be genetic.”

There were so many other things she could’ve focused on. Internally she wanted Mary to fucking die, because she hadn’t realized it’d been that awful for Tino. She didn’t think any of them had, but Brianna sensed it was important to keep things light so he could keep talking.

“She does it too?” Tino raised his eyebrows. “Just walks in and starts talking?”

“Usually walks in and starts talking while she’s peeing.” Brianna threw up her hands in defeat. “It’s a big apartment. She has her own bathroom. Why does she have to pee in mine? But what the hell can I say? She’s paying the bills.”

“She’s not paying the bills. Her nonno’s paying ’em. Tell her to stop. What if you were getting yourself off? That’s what I say to Nova. I could be legitimately jerking off. He doesn’t know I’m not.”

“I don’t get myself off in the shower.” Brianna turned to him in confusion. “A bath, maybe, but a shower. No. That sounds very uncomfortable.”

“What about the shower nozzle? You’ve got a detachable one.”

“What?”

He frowned. “You’ve never done that?”

“I’m horrified to ask,” she admitted with a wince.

“I just told you that Mary used to make me eat dog food, and you’re horrified by the shower nozzle. Unbelievable, Brianna. They’ve brainwashed you too. I hope you know that. I wanna say that to you, and I want you to hear it. They did it on purpose. They found a little girl whose parents didn’t give a shit, and they trained you to be Carina’s best friend. They fed you dog food too. It was just in a nicer package.”

“I love Carina.” Brianna said it without flinching, even if a part of her couldn’t deny what he said. “I’d eat dog food for her.”

“Youdoeat dog food for her,” Tino said bitterly. “Every day.”

“I’d do it for you too,” she promised him, meaning it.

He obviously believed her, because he said, “I know. You’re doing it right now. You should get out of this car and run away from me, Bri.”

She heard the catch in his voice, and it made a shiver of desire run down her spine. “Why?”

“’Cause I wanna show you how to get off with a shower nozzle.” Tino’s gaze ran over her hotly, stopping to rest on the V between her legs long enough that she spread her thighs on instinct and shifted in her seat. “I wanna show you how to get off with my mouth too. Madonn’, I wanna feel you come against my lips.”

She bit her lip to hide the moan. Something about the way he said it made her almost feel it, and Tino must’ve known, because he leaned into her in response.

“I wanna taste you so fucking bad. Just once, but I know I’m fucking broken. I know it rubs off. It’ll ruin you too.” His breath was warm against her neck. He licked the curve of it as he threaded his hand into her hair and tugged her head to the side. “I used to pretend it was you,” he whispered in her ear like it was another confession he practiced on the ride here. “It was something Lola and I came up with our first time so I didn’t fucking freak out in front of all those people. She’d make me talk about you to keep me focused. She taught me how to look at her like I’d fucking die to have her, and I just started using it all the time. It worked with the others too. They believed I was aching to touch them, because in my mind I was looking at you. Then one day I did it with Mary, trying to make her like me so she’d stop being so fucking mean. I touched that cunt thinking about you. I fucked her pretending it was you. You should hate me for that.”

“You’re not going to make me hate you today, Tino.” She stroked his hair, pushing it back from his forehead so that he was looking at her with dark, glassy eyes. “Whatever you did to survive, it’s okay. How can I judge you for that? How cananyonejudge you?”

“Even when she hurt me.” Tino didn’t look away from her when he said it, clearly challenging her. “Even when she humiliated me. I saw you, Bri. It was easier for me that way. It was easier if I was doing it for you. I haveactuallyeaten dog food for you.”

There was no romantic rule book for this.

It was never discussed by giggling schoolgirls in the school yard.

Brianna didn’t know if she was screwing up by letting the tears roll down her cheeks. She didn’t know if it was hurting him more or doing some sort of permanent damage by letting out a sob and promising, “It’s okay, baby.”

“I used you. I used this”—he gestured wildly between them—“for that. I took what was yours, and I gave it to her. I used it to make her happy. Do you understand how horrible that is? You should be totally sickened by that.”