Page 6 of The Enduring Universe (The Rages Trilogy #3)

AHILYA

Behind the darkness of closed eyes, the Etherium overtook every other sensation.

A circular chamber full of mirrors appeared.

Ahilya tried to anchor herself, but smoke coalesced, took form, and she was surrounded by a hundred Ahilyas.

The Virohi were dressed exactly like her, in loose kurta and trousers, with expeditionary equipment strapped around them and a satchel to match.

But they were not-her too, their expressions varying from sorrow to watchfulness to hunger, always the hunger.

The not-Ahilyas moved sinuously, and approached closer in the mirror.

They tossed their hair behind a shoulder.

It unnerved her how human they were now.

If she shared this with any of the councilors, they would take it as a sure sign of her madness.

Yet she had seen the Virohi evolve before her eyes.

This was a way for the cosmic creatures to communicate.

From buildings, and streams, and pathways and walls, to smoke-like entities with tentacles and vines, now the Virohi reflected her own image, the one thing they knew to be closest to the form they desired.

Iravan’s warning reverberated in her head, They have already corrupted you.

, the Virohi said.

I never wished to escape you, she replied. I know it is impossible.

The Virohi threw their heads back and laughed, because there was truth in her statement, but fear too. The joy and freedom of seeing herself in these infinite forms, of being allowed to…

She had always sought this, though she had not known it.

After all, hadn’t that been the reason she had compared herself to architects once? Why she had sought the same equity? It had all been in the pursuit of freedom—not merely a political one, but the freedom to be.

The Virohi were showing her all the possibilities of everything available to her, beyond the limited measures of architects.

The thought was so twisted, her journey to this so convoluted, that her body shook.

She forced her mind back to the task.

She could not allow the Virohi to take control of her so stealthily.

I have given you everything of me, she thought to them.

Is it not enough?

The Virohi smiled at her.

Irshar is made of pure possibility, Ahilya thought back to them. Remember how it was created. Remember what you needed.

On the mirrors, she began to project a vision of a civilization, but the not-Ahilyas paced back and forth, dispelling it before it could form.

Nothing is more eternal than the ashram, Ahilya continued, a familiar litany.

It has lasted thousands of years.

It is the most abiding form there is. Even now, when we are in the jungle, an ashram survives. Our world has endured.

, the creatures said,

And the mirrors changed.

The Virohi-Ahilyas sparkled, some with stars, some full of rocks, others with turbulent oceans. A memory came to Ahilya of what Iravan had said, that her planet was only one of the many the Virohi had infiltrated in their fear from erasure.

A wistful sigh.

You have that here, Ahilya argued. She enforced her will, and the mirrors changed into scenes from Irshar: Airav and Rajiv tending to a meal; Tariya laughing as Arth pulled her hair;

Chaiyya nestling with her wife, Lavanya. There was life in Irshar, the sweetness and pain of the citizens, their conflicts, their love, their joys and sorrows, a richness.

, the Virohi chafed.

To be immortal, Ahilya countered.

That is your greatest desire, is it not? To live forever? Is that not why you seek form in us, carried by our endless cycle of birth and rebirth?

A considering weight grew between her brows.

In the jungle, she was aware of the delicate trajection the architects were doing, but her focus remained in the Etherium, as the Virohi paced back and forth.

Remember what you were escaping, Ahilya said.

The mirrors reflected her memory of the first time she and Iravan had learned of the destruction of the Virohi’s planet.

Terror had rippled through the minds of the cosmic creatures at their erasure.

You have already won, she went on.

Being Irshar is eternity.

It is immortality.

This ashram is the sum total of every experience of every human being. We are the last of humanity, and we are yours to see, to learn from, to watch.

the Ahilya-shaped creatures in the mirror shrieked.

She had no more warning.

* * *

Sudden emptiness. Splitting apart like fragments. Creation at the moment of birth, and blue-green tattoos that decohered… and she—they felt the pure rush of relief.

Ahilya was dimly aware that she was within the jungle, that the architects were building their structures, that Chaiyya and the nurses were monitoring her.

Chaiyya was holding her hand, and Ahilya noticed that the healers’ equipment was beeping alarmingly, and the Senior Architect looked stricken.

But that awareness was a faint thing, like the hazy reality of a dream.

She could taste the circular room like a bitter tang.

Smoke filled her nose, but it was not the clean scent of scorching wood.

This was a decay of sorrowful partings.

This was the burning of betrayed friendships, of thwarted expectations. It was not an alien scent, but her own familiar one. Why did she feel such fear and aversion? This was a confrontation with herself.

Complete, Ahilya thought frantically, fighting this realization. I am a complete being.

She began to make a keening sound.

She was flying.

She was falling.

She was failing.

Was she a complete being? What was happening to her?

She needed a tether. She needed a strong memory, but the strongest ones were filled with pain. Oam dying, flung away from her. Bharavi strangled with the spiralweed. Iravan walking away, abandoning her for seven months.

, the Virohi murmured.

You two deserve each other.

You’re leaving me, too.

Ahilya’s imagination betrayed her.

Nakshar, Dhruv, Iravan, and all that she had lost flashed in her mind. A vision unfolded, of things unsaid and almost dreamed, of shameful desires and unacknowledged regrets. Of what would have happened had she and Iravan never fought. How Iravan might have been had they borne a child. How her life would have been if they had never discovered the cause of earthrages, and she had simply submitted to the architects’ will like everyone had told her to while they’d all lived in the skies.

Tears ran down Ahilya’s cheeks as the visions of these half-spun fantasies bloomed.

They will corrupt you, Iravan said.

Are you sure you can trust them? Eskayra whispered.

A part of her knew that even thinking of a different life was a betrayal of everything she had achieved, and everything she had learned of her history. Her regret was a betrayal of truth.

But another part of her knew that, manipulation or not, the Virohi were right.

If she had made different choices, this would not be her life now. If she had not been this person, survival would have been different. For months now, Ahilya had fought this battle with the Virohi, their desire against hers. The others had tried to help her, but in the end this was her battle.

She was so tired now. It would be so easy, so very easy to let the cosmic creatures break from Irshar as they wanted. Would it truly be so bad? They would be free, and so would she. Each time she trapped them in Irshar, she only trapped herself. How sweet the release would taste.

The desire to end this carried her inexorably forward, and horrified, she let it, following it like a temptation. The Virohi-Ahilyas moved in the mirror, coming ever closer.

She remembered saying to Airav, How does having so much power make me different from Iravan? She remembered warning Iravan of becoming a tyrant. She had never wanted to be like that. If she allowed the Virohi out… If she did this…

She alone would no longer have the crippling absolute power she had now. She would not be so hated. She alone would not be responsible—not for Irshar, not the Virohi, not the architects and the citizens, not the rest of humanity, not anyone. Survival would become everyone’s duty. It was what the rest wanted.

The Virohi glinted, smiling.

I…

But…

And Ahilya thought, exhausted and truthful. This is what I desire too.

Glee filled the cosmic creatures.

* * *

Ahilya wrenched away from the mirrors, but the seed was planted. Relief seized her, even as horror climbed into her throat. The Etherium winked out, and she was back in the jungle. Chaiyya was holding her hand, nearly crushing it. The nurses’ devices were chiming loudly. All activity from the builders and expedition team had come to a standstill. Everyone was staring at her, and Eskayra was marching toward her with concern on her face.

Ahilya realized she was sobbing.

“What happened?”

Eskayra demanded of the others.

“Ahilya only closed her eyes a minute ago.”

A minute. She had betrayed them all—betrayed herself—in only a minute. Chaiyya was speaking, trying to ask her questions, but Ahilya’s gaze drifted to Kamala and the hologram hovering above the nurse’s wrist. It was an image of Irshar. Misty shapes emerged from the construction. Eskayra’s eyes widened. She knelt down, her face twisted in worry.

“Ahilya?”

Chaiyya whispered.

“I lost. I lost, Chaiyya. We have to…”

Citizen rings all around her began chiming. Every single person was connecting to the ashram to check on their loved ones. Holograms flickered everywhere, and the one above Chaiyya showed an image of the council chambers, Basav and Airav’s worried faces flickering. Their voices were distorted, the words unclear. Sinuous smoke entered homes. Pathways changed, as dark fog overtook the habitat. Screams echoed, and distorted views flickered. Trees lurched, swaying dangerously, and a crack echoed from the sungineering devices, a sound that must have been deafening in the ashram.

“What does this mean?”

Pari shrilled, pointing at Ahilya.

“If the Virohi are infiltrating the city, do we need to return her to the ashram? Are earthrages going to begin now again?”

“What did she do?”

Ranjeev said, panic on his face.

Leaves and branches creaked around them. The expedition closed in on Ahilya. The Virohi screamed at her, and she glimpsed Iravan between her brows, a dark shape moving above the jungle toward Irshar, war and purpose in his mind.

Chaiyya arose, stepping away from her, speaking urgently into her bead.

Eskayra lifted Ahilya’s chin up, looking at her anxiously. Of all the people here, only her focus remained on Ahilya. Only she had neither hate nor fear distorting her features. Eskayra wore calmness like acceptance, in what could be their moment of death and extinction.

“I have to go back in,”

Ahilya breathed to Eskayra, gripping her hand.

“I have to persuade the Virohi to return to the architecture. It’s the only way.”

Eskayra’s eyes grew wide.

“Is that even possible without everdust?”

“I have to try.”

Full of anguish, Ahilya stared at Eskayra.

“Esk, he knows. He’s going to attack them. If I tell them it’s for their safety, surely they will listen?”

“Wait, let me call Chaiyya. We need to talk about this for a minute.”

But Ahilya closed her eyes. Ignoring Eskayra, she plunged back into the mirrored chambers.