Page 20 of The Duke’s Stubborn Wallflower (The Matchmaker’s Scheme #2)
Revelations
Nigel whistled to himself happily as he wandered through the halls of the manor and made his way to his study. Guilt gnawed at him, and he knew that he needed to tell Olivia. She should know the truth.
He glanced at Dandelion, who was happily padding by his side, wagging her tail at him. “If only my life were as easy as yours.”
Dandelion snuffled in answer and let her tongue loll out.
Nigel reached down and stroked her affectionately, earning a tail wag from her. “I know. You’re right. There’s only room for one princess in this house, and I promise that won’t change, even when I’m married.”
Dandelion licked him and scampered away as a bell signalled her to dinner. Nigel laughed and entered his study. To his surprise, there was a fire lit and a figure sat at his desk, clearly waiting for him.
He gasped. He had not expected to find his mother, the Dowager Duchess Glassley here. She glanced over her shoulder and stood as soon as she saw him.
Nigel had inherited her sandy brown hair, her green eyes, and her kind smile. His mother was not a very old woman, but grief had aged her beyond her years. Yet to Nigel, she was one of the kindest and wisest women to have ever lived.
“Mother, it is so wonderful to see you!” Nigel embraced her warmly. “What on Earth are you doing here?”
“Are you not getting married in a few days? Did you really expect me not to come for such a special occasion?” Duchess Glassley shook her head at him, smiling kindly.
“Of course not, I just… well, I suppose I had not expected to see you this evening. I thought perhaps tomorrow at the earliest.” Nigel returned her smile sheepishly. “It really is so good to see you.”
“And you, my darling boy.” His mother looked at him appraisingly. “You look tired; are you not sleeping well?”
“It is nothing. You need not be concerned.” Nigel tried to sound nonchalant.
The Dowager Duchess gave Nigel a frank look. “It has started then.”
Nigel nodded. “At first it was only the sleepwalking. But now…”
Nigel looked at his hand, half expecting to see it shaking, but it was perfectly still. His mother was watching him, searching his body for other telltale signs.
“The palsy and the cramps. They are not constant, but… they have been happening with greater frequency.” Nigel tried to keep the fear from his voice, but it shook as he said the words. “I… I am scared.”
The Dowager Duchess took Nigel’s hands in hers and squeezed them gently. Then she brushed a lock of hair from his face, and he felt her looking for other signs of the curse.
“I… I had so hoped that you would be spared.” Her voice was full of anguish, and it broke Nigel’s heart. “Perhaps there is still time. You have been researching curses since you were barely more than a boy.”
“I do not think it is within my power to break this thing. I had… Well, it does not matter.” Nigel almost told his mother about his cousin’s promise to help him but remembered what Lord Briston had said about not wanting to raise people’s hopes. It is kinder this way — after all, I have heard nothing from him on the subject.
In truth, Nigel had not spoken to his cousin since his engagement had been announced. He had feared that it would be awkward and unkind to see his cousin when he had won the girl. I should try and make things right between us. It seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do.
He broke out of his mother’s grip and moved away, wiping a tear from his face. “Sometimes I worry I am being terribly selfish marrying Olivia.”
“You must care for her a great deal.” The Dowager Duchess voice was soft, a curious mix of what sounded like happiness and sadness.
“I love her. With everything that I am and ever will be, not that that is very much.” Nigel could not keep the bitterness from his voice. God, I would give her the world if I could. I would fight the devil himself if I thought it might spare her the pain she will have to endure.
“Do not say that.” Nigel’s mother moved towards him, her voice full of a familiar motherly sternness. “You are a most wonderful man. Kind, honourable. To be loved with such conviction, that is truly a gift.”
“But what does it matter how much I love her? It does not change anything.” Nigel ran a frustrated hand through his hair, the pain and guilt almost overcoming him. “I tried to stop this. To give her the future she deserves. She should not be bound to my fate. Forced to be with a dying man.”
“I have met Lady Olivia often at Glassley, and while I do not know her well, from what little I do know, I doubt that she would have agreed to marry you unless she also wanted this.” The Dowager Duchess smiled. “And she is a Rokesby, and I am quite sure they are the most headstrong family in the ton.”
Nigel laughed, but his joy was short-lived. He swallowed and could not quite meet his mother’s eyes as he said, “She doesn’t know the truth.”
There was a moment’s pause, and then the Dowager Duchess said, “Then you must tell her.”
“I know. I know this in my heart, and yet each time I try, my courage falters.” Nigel’s voice broke as he began to shake violently. Now she will see the son for the coward he is. “I cannot bear the thought of being parted from her.”
“And you assume that telling her this secret would part her from you? Do you really think so little of her?” His mother frowned at him, her arms folded across her chest.
“What woman would want to marry a dying man?” Nigel slumped against the wall.
“I did.” The Dowager Duchess’s voice was so soft for a moment, Nigel was not sure she had spoken. “I chose to marry a dying man.”
Nigel looked at his mother, his eyes wide. He only just stopped from gaping openly at this revelation. “You knew? You knew that father was cursed?”
His mother nodded.
“And you still married him? But… but why did you never tell me?” He tried to keep the hurt and confusion from his voice. She knew. She knew father was cursed.
“I am not sure. It never seemed like the right moment. And I did not see what use it would be to you.” The Dowager Duchess smiled sadly.
Nigel felt as though the floor had fallen away and was grateful for the steadiness of the wall against his back. “You knew? But… you were so devastated when he died.”
“Of course, I was, dear boy. He was the love of my life.” The Dowager Duchess gave Nigel a look that suggested he had said one of the stupidest things she had ever heard.
He felt colour rise in his cheeks, but before he could say anything, his mother continued, “… and though I knew of the curse, we both hoped, well, we prayed for a miracle. And when he died, a little part of me did, too.”
“Then I should not marry Olivia,” Nigel said feeling as though his heart fall from his chest entirely. I should not do this.
“That is not what I said. I do not, for one moment, regret marrying your father. I would not trade the precious time we had together for the world. For though it was short, it was the happiest of my life.” The Dowager Duchess took Nigel’s face in her hands once more, tears in her eyes as she said, “And our union brought me you, my darling boy.”
Nigel shook his head, moving away from his mother. “I do not know what to do. I do not know how to be as brave as he was.”
“You already are. You must tell her. The longer you wait, the more it will hurt when you do.” The Dowager Duchess gestured around the room. “You must be fair to her. The decision to marry you, that is hers to make, but she must know the truth.”
“I know. I know this, and yet… every time I try to find the words, an image of her face, wracked with pain forms in my mind, and I… I just can’t.” Nigel thumped his hand against the wall, instantly regretting it as pain laced up his arm. “God, curse me for a fool, but I cannot bear her to be in any pain, much less pain that I have caused.”
“Secrets very rarely remain that way. This knowledge should come from you, lest she feel betrayed completely.” His mother’s voice was firm, the kind of voice one used when trying to get someone else to see reason.
“You are right. But… how do you tell someone that you are cursed? That your whole family is cursed? That any children we have…. God, that they may also share my fate.” Nigel buried his face in his hands. How could I have been so selfish?
“We do not know that it would affect every child you had. We do not know the extent of the curse as we have not had more than one child in a few generations.” His mother bit her lip. “We just… we do not know.”
“What if I am not strong enough mother? What if…” Nigel took a steadying breath as he said, “What if I cannot tell her that I am a dying man?”
Before he could say anything else, and before his mother could reply, the door to his study flew open. It slammed against the wall as he whirled around.
Standing in the doorway, eyes red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears, was Olivia.