Page 16 of The Duke’s Stubborn Wallflower (The Matchmaker’s Scheme #2)

A Challenge and a Defeat

Nigel stared at Alexander as the words hung between them. As soon as they had been discovered, he had expected to feel despair and terror. Instead, he had been filled with shame. How could I have done this to her?

“Brother, please, do not do this.” Olivia’s voice was full of anger and sadness.

“This is a matter that must be settled by gentleman though I hesitate to use the word to describe him.” Alexander shot Nigel a look of pure loathing.

It felt like a knife in his chest, only adding to his shame. I should not have followed Olivia. I should not have come here. Curse me a thousand times for a fool. “I have no wish to duel you, old friend.”

“Do not call me a friend, not when you have spoiled my own flesh and blood with your wanton disregard,” Alexander spat.

“I have no excuse for what I did. I should not have allowed myself to get so caught up.” Nigel shook his head. Why did I have to go and kiss her? God damn it, what a wretchedly selfish creature am I.

“I was also caught up, Sir. We share the blame.” Olivia glanced at him, and Nigel could see the confusion and hurt in her eyes.

There was something else there too, something he could not quite place, but before he could work it out, she had turned from him to stare at her brother.

“Brother, surely there must be another way to settle this?” Olivia asked.

Nigel looked at the fury in his friend’s face. They both understood the stakes. And Nigel would pay the price for his foolishness. Perhaps this is the curse, finally come to claim me.

“The only other way to settle this would be if Maxton agreed to marry you.” Alexander met Nigel’s eyes, and he could see the hope and anger warring in them. “Honour must be restored, one way or another.”

There was a beat of silence. Some selfish part of him desperately wanted to say yes, but then he saw his mother’s grieving face beside the body of his father. The pain that had wracked her for months, years even. I cannot do that to Olivia.

“I cannot. I will not do that to her. I will not let my affection for your sister force her into a life of disappointment.” Nigel shook his head. “It would not be right. It would not be fair.” I do not want to hurt her.

“I though I knew who you were, Maxton. That I had the measure of you.” Alexander shook his head, and for the first time, Nigel could see the pain beneath his friend’s anger. “You claim to not want to force her into a life of disappointment, yet I do not understand why you think a life with you will only end in disappointment.”

Nigel swallowed. How do I tell him the truth? Would he even believe me? His chest squeezed, and he settled for a half truth. “I could never be worthy of your sister. Could never hope to be even half the man she deserves.”

“And you are determined to die rather than try and be that man?” There was an odd note in Alexander’s voice.

“Perhaps death is all I deserve.” Nigel felt the weight of the curse settle over him.

“And I thought women were supposed to be the dramatic, hysterical sex.” Olivia sounded annoyed and hurt. “How can you both say such utterly foolish things?”

Nigel caught a glimpse of embarrassment in Alexander’s cheeks and felt his own cheeks redden. She does not know the truth. I should tell her, but what good would it do?

If he told Olivia about the curse, it would change nothing. The curse would still take him from her, would leave her to live out the rest of her days alone. She deserves a long and happy life.

“I do not know why you are so determined to believe you are not worthy of me, but your mind seems made up.” Olivia shook her head and turned from Nigel to face Alexander, hiding the expression on her face from him. “Brother, this has gone too far. No one knows what has happened; can we not simply forget this and go about our business?”.”

Alexander met Nigel’s gaze; the steel in his eyes faded to something else. In that moment, Nigel saw the boy he had first met, all those years ago at Eton. He could see the lanky teenage form of his friend. The boy who had not yet grown into his limbs.

He remembered how Alexander had defended him from the bullies who had teased him for not having a father. He remembered defending Alexander when those same vile creatures had accused Alexander of murdering his own father.

In his memory, he saw his boyhood friend hold a hand out to him. “It will always be us against the world, won’t it Maxton?”

“Always.” That had been Nigel’s youthful reply.

“I ask you one more time, will you marry my sister?” Alexander’s voice brought Nigel back to the present.

He saw the unspoken plea etched on his friend’s face. Do not rob me of a brother for the honour of a sister. Do not rob me of my friend. Some part of Nigel ached to agree. He opened his mouth, the words half formed, and then he saw Olivia.

In the moonlight, she looked even younger. Her face wholly innocent and pure. He remembered how his father’s death had robbed his mother of her own youth. Of decades of happiness. Something slid into place in his heart, even as he felt it shatter into pieces.

“I cannot,” he spoke the words as though they were a death sentence. Alexander’s face was a mask of pain for a moment before a cold emptiness slid across it. “Then we shall see this put right. You will meet me at dawn. Are you willing to forego a second?”

Nigel felt the unspoken barb in Alexander’s words. You would have been my second, and I yours. It will always be us against the world. “Yes.”

“Good.” Alexander straightened his coat. “Where shall we meet?”

“It is your challenge. You set the terms.” Nigel shrugged, feeling as though his body were wholly unconnected from his soul.

“There is a forest an hour or so’s ride from here. That should be most suitable,” Alexander noted. “We shall meet there and settle this once and for all.”

Nigel could see the pain in his friend’s eyes as he said it. His heart twisted. He had ruined so much in such a short time. His eyes found Olivia’s, and he saw her shake her head. He knew she was willing him to refuse. I cannot. Alexander is right. Honour must be restored.

Perhaps my death will set her free, he consoled himself with this thought, glad that Olivia might still have a chance at happiness. I wonder if my death might earn Alexander’s forgiveness?

“I shall meet you at dawn tomorrow at the boundary of the forest.” Nigel held out his hand to Alexander, ignoring Olivia’s look of despair. Better this pain is ended now.

Olivia jumped between them, glaring at both men. “Absolutely not. I will not stand for such selfish idiocy.”

Nigel opened his mouth to speak, but Olivia’s look stole the words from him. He had thought he had seen her angry before, but he realised that scorn was nothing in comparison to this.

“Olivia, this does not concern you —” Alexander began but Olivia cut him off.

“Given that you are proposing to ruin not just your own life but the life of everyone else around you over my apparent honour, I would say that this very much does concern me.” Olivia’s voice shook with rage.

“This must be settled, one way or another.” Alexander glowered. “Olive, we do not live in the kind of world you imagine.”

“I am far too aware of the kind of world we live in, brother-mine,” Olivia continued as though Nigel had not even spoken, biting out each word as though it were poison upon her tongue. “I know the kind of scandal this could bring upon me if anyone found out.

“But I am not planning on sharing this with anyone. And I doubt the Duke is.” Olivia met her brother’s angry gaze. “And I would assume that you are not planning on sharing what you have seen either.”

Alexander spluttered, his face colouring in embarrassment. “Hardly.”

“Good.” Olivia briefly glanced at Nigel before continuing, “Your friend has already said he cannot marry me, and we must accept that. I have my own feelings on the matter.

“I understand that you want to ‘defend’ my honour. Truly, Brother, I do. But a duel will ruin everything. It will ruin my life, ruin yours, and the rest of our families.” Olivia put her hands on her hips, and Nigel marvelled at her bravery.

She truly is far more than I could ever deserve. Her brother met her defiant gaze with his own fury. Nigel had seen plenty of men turn tail and flee from that gaze, like dogs with their tails between their legs, yet Olivia held her ground.

I cannot let her fight this battle for me. “Good lady, your brother has issued the challenge, and honour demands that I meet it. I am no coward.”

Alexander opened his mouth, and Nigel could almost see the scornful retort forming. Before either man could say anything, Olivia spoke once more.

“You could die!” Olivia’s genuine fear and despair seeping into her voice. “You would leave Rose a widow. You would leave Arthur without a father. And Rose to birth her next child alone and raise them without ever knowing the love of their father.

“You know what the pain of that is. Think of our siblings, think of our own pain when father was killed. You spent years unable to forgive yourself. How do you think I would feel if you were to die because of me?” Olivia held her brother’s arm.

Though her words were not aimed at him, they stole into Nigel’s heart. How could I have been so selfish? If Alexander insisted on a duel, Nigel would allow him to win. He would not deny Rose or his godson a parent. Not when he was a doomed man anyway.

The silence stretched between them, Nigel watching as unspoken words passed between Olivia and Alexander. He felt the silence thicken, becoming steadily more oppressive.

Finally, Alexander said, “My little sister speaks sense. Be thankful you have her on your side though you little deserve it.”

Nigel opened his mouth to say something, but before he could Alexander continued, “I shall do as she asks. We shall not settle this with a duel.”

“Thank you —” Olivia’s voice was full of relief, but Alexander stayed her next words as he held up a hand for silence.

Alexander held Nigel in his gaze, and he felt the full extent of the other man’s disgust and disappointment. Yet beneath the disgust, Nigel could see the heart break and knew this fuelled everything.

“I will not duel you. But nor can I find it in my heart to forgive you.” Alexander’s words were like iron, unyielding and full of determination. “You have dishonoured me, dishonoured my family, and broken my trust.”

Nigel felt his heart twist at the pain in his friend’s voice. Once more, shame filled him, but he could not break free of Alexander’s gaze.

“Get out of my house.” Alexander gestured to the door. “Leave, and do not ever return.”

“Brother, no —” Olivia began, but Alexander spoke over her, fury colouring each of his words.

“If I ever see you again, I will kill you. If you ever even think of setting foot upon my lands, I will set the dogs upon you.” Alexander gestured again to the door. “Get out of my sight. Get out of my house. And stay away from my family.”

Nigel looked from Olivia to Alexander. He saw her confusion and hurt. He saw Alexander’s struggle. Nigel wanted to say something, anything to make everything right once more. Yet there was nothing he could say.

That he is letting me leave — there is still some affection between us. Nigel nodded to Alexander, turned away, and left. To do anything else, he knew, would shred the last remains of their friendship, and that was one wound he could not bear.

In one moment of idiocy, he had lost one of his oldest and dearest friends. He had almost ruined Olivia’s life. Again.

He was barely aware of where he was going until he collided with something soft and warm in the garden on his way to the carriage. His head spun, and he held out a hand to the figure he had knocked to the floor.

“Watch where you’re going.” Lord Briston dusted himself off, scowling up at Nigel.

Of course. Of course, I would run into him. Nigel scowled at him but said nothing, not trusting himself to speak.

“I thought I saw you disappear after the Lady Olivia.” Lord Briston’s lips quirked up into a smirk. “It would appear not everyone is as enamoured with your charms as you think.”

Nigel opened his mouth and closed it, clenching his fists. He felt rage and despair war within him.

“Perhaps we are not as ill suited as you supposed.” Lord Briston stroked his chin thoughtfully.

“It matters little what I think. She does not want me. By all means, marry her. You will no doubt give her the life she deserves, and I wish you every happiness.” Nigel turned from his cousin, unable to bear the sight of his face a moment longer, and strode into the darkness.

He will be Duke when I am gone. And tiresome as he is, Lord Briston will be a good husband. The thought of Olivia with his cousin sent a dagger through his heart.

He waved his coachman away as he approached. “I shall walk. I have a need for the fresh air.”

“Very good, Your Grace.” The driver nodded. “Shall I return to the house?”

Nigel nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

He watched as the carriage trundled off. The night air was cool against his skin. The light of the moon shone down, illuminating his path. In another life, this would be the kind of night for romance.

A wife of convenience, how could I have been such a fool? He kicked at the ground, sending a scattering of dirt into the air. Shoving his hand into his pockets, he began the long walk home.

Olivia’s face swam into his mind. He saw the hope snuffed from her eyes as he said he could not marry her. Saw the confusion on her face. He could still smell the calming scent of lavender, could still hear the determination and power of her words.

How could I have been so selfish? He shook himself. He wandered through the night, lost in his thoughts. He replayed the evening, the casual way he had acted with something as precious as the Rokesby’s affections had been to him.

“How could I have let that happen? God, why did I follow her?” He ran a hand through his hair. “It was as if I was possessed.”

“I could have ruined her. What kind of selfish, cowardly man am I? God, even to find a wife of convenience.” He growled in disgust at himself. “I should not have dreamt of such a scheme. I should just let the estate go to my cousin. He would not behave in such a cowardly fashion.”

I doubt he would behave in any fashion of particular note. The bitter thought swam through Nigel’s mind. He imagined Olivia marrying his cousin, growing old with the man. Their children.

He felt sick. His hands began to shake, and he paused, almost falling. I will not think of this. Yet he could not stop it. Try as he might, his mind showed him all the things he could never have.

The images plagued him the entire walk home. When he finally arrived at the house, he proceeded straight to his study. I will get drunk, very drunk, and forget this cursed night ever happened.

“I do not wish to be disturbed until the morning,” Nigel called to the staff at large.

“Yes, Your Grace,” His steward answered.

Nigel walked into the study and grabbed a decanter of whiskey from the side table. He poured himself a healthy measure, downed it in one swallow and then poured another.

The warmth of the whiskey spread through him. His legs trembled, and he felt a weakness spread through him. He did not have the energy to fight it, and he let himself slump onto the floor. He glanced at his hand, expecting to see it shaking, but it was still. That is something at least.

The door creaked open, and he was about to yell at the intruder to go away when a red brindle corgi poked her head through the doorway. Dandelion wagged her tail gently and walked towards him.

“At least I have you.” Nigel smiled at the dog as she curled up beside him, resting her head in his lap. “You’re the only company I need.”

Dandelion wagged her tail in agreement, nuzzling her head against his hand and snuffling happily. Nigel leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes and letting the tiredness steal over him.

In the morning, this would seem like nothing more than a distant memory. His cousin would no doubt pursue Olivia, and she would live a life of pleasant happiness. And he would never see her again.

This is the way it has to be. And with that thought sleep claimed him.