Page 17 of The Duke of Swords (The Highwaymen #4)

“We can pay off servants,” said Patience.

“Oh, all right,” said Rae.

“Do you wish to marry?” said Hyacinth.

“I…” Rae wasn’t sure how to answer this question. “Every woman must wish that.”

“Not necessarily,” said Patience. “Perhaps you’d like to be a young and wealthy widow. It would not preclude your getting married sometime in the future, of course, but it would mean that you would not have to rush such things if you were not ready for the attentions of a man.”

“Yes, and if you were never ready, that would be understandable,” said Hyacinth. “Is he as brutal in bed as he is in other things, Rutchester? Did he hurt you?”

“Oh, um…” Rae looked down at her lap. Her voice changed. “No, he was never hurtful.”

Then, suddenly, it was quiet.

Rae looked up to see that both of the other women were studying her with worried expressions on their faces.

“You know, Seraphine would say that there’s something about the first man one beds that makes a woman go wrongheaded for him,” said Hyacinth quietly.

“Well, that’s not true,” said Patience. “I certainly was never wrongheaded for Balley.”

Hyacinth nodded at her thoughtfully. “Quite. It’s not about the first man, is it?”

“No, it’s about something else,” said Patience.

“I’m not in love with the Duke of Rutchester!” exclaimed Rae.

“Yes, you’re quite adamant about that denial,” said Patience in a low voice.

Patience and Hyacinth turned to look at each other and then began to converse as if Rae were not even there. It was a bit maddening.

“He is enamored of her in some way,” said Hyacinth. “He seems to be regretful, but I don’t know if that means anything at all.”

“I don’t either,” said Patience. “I have seen him apologize in the wake of his destructions, but it does not mean whatever he has just knocked over is any less broken. He may feel badly once he has done bad things to a woman, but we couldn’t, in good conscience, turn a woman over to him.”

“No, we could not,” said Hyacinth.

Both women turned back to Rae.

“I don’t think you can marry him,” said Patience.

Rae sputtered. “I never said I wished to. Besides, he couldn’t marry me. I was already ruined when he got his hands on me and I’m only the daughter of a knight. I’m not the sort of woman a duke marries.”

“That doesn’t matter,” said Hyacinth. “Neither am I, if it comes to that. Neither is Marjorie. Patience is, though.”

“Yes, when I was a penniless widow with nothing to offer, I was quite the catch for Nothshire,” said Patience, rolling her eyes.

“It’s not out of the realm of possibility, of course,” said Hyacinth. “You’re the daughter of a gentleman, and he ruined you—”

“Fateux did,” said Rae.

“Well, anyway, what I am saying is that if a man takes an unmarried woman into his bed, it’s not outlandish to suggest he make an honest woman of her!” said Hyacinth.

“Yes,” said Patience. “And if it were anyone except Rutchester—”

“And if he hadn’t ravished you,” said Hyacinth.

“Then, it would be different. But we’re not in the habit of giving women life sentences with their abusers.”

Rae grimaced. “It’s not quite like that.”

“No?” said Hyacinth.

“No?” said Patience. “Because if you do wish to marry him, and you’re willing to undertake the risk—”

“No,” interrupted Hyacinth, quite firm.

“I am only saying, that if she wishes—”

“ No ,” insisted Hyacinth. “I don’t think so. We’re not giving her over to that man. It’s like giving a lamb to a wolf to shelter.”

Patience sighed.

Hyacinth folded her arms over her chest.

Rae felt, again, as if they were talking over her, as if she were not even quite present in the room.

After some time, however, she decided to speak.

“I don’t wish to marry him.” She rubbed her forehead.

“That is, I don’t think I do.” She thought of gripping the railing at Andiley, looking out over the curving staircases, being the mistress of that place.

Something made her heart skip a beat. But it was foolish, wasn’t it?

“Well, there you are,” said Hyacinth.

“Yes, but you see, she isn’t certain,” said Patience. “Why aren’t you certain, Miss Smith?”

“I’m not frightened of Rutchester,” said Rae, “not the way I was frightened of Fateux. And I think he would stop if I asked him to. Of course, I can’t see any reason why I wouldn’t have asked him to stop, hitherto. Why haven’t I even tried to stop him?”

“No, none of that,” said Patience. “You mustn’t blame yourself.”

Rae wasn’t blaming herself. She was trying very hard to understand the difference, because there was a difference. “It’s only… with Fateux, whenever he did whatever he did, it either hurt or it felt like nothing, and when Rutchester… it’s quite pleasant.”

Both of the women’s eyebrows shot up.

“Is it?” said Patience. “Really?”

“I wouldn’t have expected that,” said Hyacinth. “Because he was a virgin, so how does he even know what he is doing?”

“Perhaps he’s intelligent enough to get her help,” said Patience.

“Oh, perhaps,” said Hyacinth, nodding.

Rae was now blushing.

Patience cleared her throat. “It occurs to me that this is a complicated situation, and that—in the end—the only person who can determine how exactly and to what extent you have been harmed is you, Rae. Now, you may not be able to admit it to yourself yet, and you may be confused about Rutchester, but that should fade with time, and clarity should come.”

“Right,” said Hyacinth, nodding. “You need time.”

“With time, you will sort through it all and then you will know how you feel,” said Patience.

“That is what he keeps saying,” said Rae. “He says I need time away from him. And I suppose it might be nice, really, to have that. If you really do wish to help me, to make me into a wealthy widow as you say, to simply give me the means to support myself?”

“Absolutely,” said Patience. “It is what we do.”

“I would be a fool to turn that down,” said Rae. “I am not a fool.”

“Of course you are not,” said Hyacinth. “Very well, then, we shall make you a wealthy widow. We shall get right down to that!”

“We have to come up with a reason why no one ever saw you before, though,” said Patience.

“Yes, we must think on that,” said Hyacinth.