Page 16 of The Duke of Swords (The Highwaymen #4)
“No, true,” he said, nodding at the duchess.
“Quite true. And anyway, he didn’t really force me.
It was… in the end, I wanted it. I wanted her.
I never wanted a woman before, not like this, not in the way where I couldn’t stop myself, and he took advantage of that.
He had some idea that I should stop trying to control myself so intensely, that it was foolish that I was celibate and that I must somehow let go a bit—”
“That’s probably true,” said Dunrose. “I always thought you were celibate because you didn’t like the idea of it. I thought it made you think of… well, anyway, never mind that. What do you mean, you never wanted a woman before?”
Rutchester rubbed his forehead. “All right, this is why I can’t stay here, and I need to go to Nothshire. I can’t be under the same roof as her. Last night, she came to me, and I should have sent her away, but I…”
“Wait, she came to you? ” said Dunrose. He turned to his wife, raising his eyebrows.
“That doesn’t mean anything,” said the duchess.
“It doesn’t,” said Rutchester. “She’s quite confused. She keeps begging me to be my mistress, but she—”
“But you want her,” said Dunrose. “You just got done saying that. And she comes to your bed at night and also asks to be your mistress? What is the problem here? You have a mistress. Go, take your mistress and have a nice time with her.”
Rutchester shook his head. “No, she doesn’t know what she wants. I did…” He cleared his throat. “I did rape her.”
“Well, but did you?” said Dunrose. “I mean, does she think you did?”
“Yes,” said the duchess. “She said that he did.”
“Oh,” said Dunrose, making a face.
“I just never would have imagined it from you, Rutchester,” said the duchess, looking him over. “I know you’re sort of rougher than the others, but—”
“Stop,” said Dunrose to his wife, shaking his head. “He’s right. He and I, we have a bond. And I’ve done awful things, and he’s done awful things, and there will be none of that from you. There’s nothing this man could do that would make me abandon him.”
“No one is saying anything about abandoning anyone!” said the duchess.
She gave Rutchester a small smile. “I do remember that you came to me when the others wouldn’t, and if it hadn’t been for you, when Dunrose was in that coma, I might not have even known.
I don’t have much of a relationship with the other dukes, but you and I, well, we are friends. ”
Rutchester felt ashamed of himself.
“It’s only…” She sighed. “Why?”
“Why what?” said Dunrose.
“Why would he do that to poor Miss Smith?” said the duchess.
“Oh, that’s a foolish question,” said Dunrose. “Any man would do it if he thought he could get by with it.”
“ You wouldn’t,” said the duchess.
“I don’t need to do it,” said Dunrose. “If a woman says no, I simply find another woman. I mean, not anymore, because there is only you now, of course, but—”
“That’s not true,” said the duchess. “Any man would not do it.”
“Well, I used to think I wouldn’t,” said Rutchester. “And apparently, all it takes is the right situation, the right woman, and there it is. I think it may be as Champeraigne said, that we are all animals and that animals have hungers and—”
“No,” said the duchess.
“At any rate, I need to leave,” said Rutchester. “I shall not spend another night under the same roof as this woman. I have done enough damage to her.”
The duchess spread her hands. “This is what I’m saying. If you care this much, why not simply stop yourself from causing the damage in the first place?”
“I can’t,” said Rutchester, glaring at her. “I’ve never been able to stop myself.”
RAE FELT OUT of place in the grand sitting room the next day. It was only morning, too early for callers, but the Duchess of Nothshire had come to visit, and the Duchess of Dunrose had said that they must both meet her downstairs in the sitting room.
The Duchess of Nothshire was pretty and just barely showing the fact that she was with child. One could only see the vague roundness of her belly when her dress pulled in certain ways.
When Rae and the Duchess of Dunrose entered the room, the Duchess of Nothshire got to her feet and the Duchess of Dunrose went right to her, and the women embraced, which was quite forward and quite familiar and made Rae feel even more out of place.
“Oh, Patience, did you talk to him?” said the Duchess of Dunrose.
“Not truly,” said the Duchess of Nothshire. “He was out of sorts and said he just wished to go to bed. Benedict talked to him, so I only got it secondhand. Anyway, I am ever so tired all the time now that I am increasing.”
“Oh, yes, of course you are,” said the Duchess of Dunrose. “You must get all of the sleep that you can.”
“Yes, but I worry, because now you are trying to navigate all of this all alone—”
“No, I have Daniel, of course,” said the Duchess of Dunrose.
“Yes, but men…” The Duchess of Nothshire rolled her eyes.
Both duchesses laughed knowingly. They turned to look at Rae.
“We’re being frightfully rude,” said the Duchess of Nothshire. “You must call me Patience.” She gestured to herself. “And this is Hyacinth.” She gestured to the Duchess of Dunrose. “You are Rae, that is correct?”
Rae nodded. “Yes.”
“Well, Benedict—that is, my husband, the Duke of Nothshire—says that Rutchester is always thus, and that I must not take whatever he says too seriously, because he is simply wracked with constant guilt,” said Patience. “But I have to say that I don’t think he seems that way at all.”
“Neither do I,” said Hyacinth, making a face. She turned to Rae. “What do you think?”
Rae licked her lips. “I don’t know. He claims to feel a lot of guilt. But the way he behaves…”
“Entirely,” said Hyacinth, nodding. “Yes, quite. He’s the most impulsive of the four of them. He does all the worst things. And I have heard my husband say, more than once, that he pities any woman that would fall in love with him.”
“I’ve heard that sentiment as well,” said Patience with a sigh.
They both looked at her with very sympathetic expressions on their faces.
“What?” said Rae, swallowing. “I’m not in love with him.
” She cleared her throat, sitting up straight.
“I’m not. I don’t know how I feel exactly.
He is… he has that long hair and those shoulders and he gets that expression on his face, and when he’s gazing at me, I feel as if I might be the only person in the world besides—” She shook herself.
“But, no, not in love with him. I’d be foolish to be in love with him.
He is really awful in very many ways, and he has been awful to me, and I have a certain amount of self-respect, and I suppose the only reason I have wanted to be around him was because he was marginally better than everyone else, really.
I mean, my own father is… and Fateux… what about my father? Do I have to go back to him?”
“Your father sold you to Fateux, did he not?” said Hyacinth.
“Fathers, brothers, husbands…” Patience shrugged. “The lot of them, there’s a number of men who cannot be trusted not to be blackguards. It’s not that all men are awful, truly, it’s only that there are no consequences for the ones who are, so why should they stop being awful?”
“But that’s what we try to do,” said Hyacinth. “With the help of our husbands, when necessary. We punish bad men.”
“We provide hope for women who have been hurt by these bad men,” said Patience. “And that’s you.”
Rae shook her head at them. “And you do this just out of the goodness of your hearts?”
“Well… also because we do get bored,” said Patience.
“Truly, you would not believe how frightfully dull it is being a duchess,” said Hyacinth.
“Yes, you’d think it’d be exciting,” said Patience. “But there’s literally nothing to do beyond throw dinner parties, get new dresses, go to balls, throw balls, be gotten with child, give birth. It’s dull.”
“Dull as dirt,” said Hyacinth.
It didn’t sound remotely dull to Rae, but then, both of these women had different backgrounds than her.
She knew that Patience’s father had been titled and that Hyacinth’s father had been a wealthy tradesman who had left her a fabulously large dowry.
Both women had grown up amongst riches and wealth and ease.
They probably did get easily bored with its trappings.
“And because we wish to help others,” said Hyacinth. “The truth is, there’s not enough of women helping each other out there.”
“I have a housekeeper,” said Patience, “who is truly one of my dearest friends to whom I owe quite a bit for her support and assistance.”
“Yes, but Patience, you did almost all of it on your own,” said Hyacinth.
“Oh, no, I had a great deal of help,” said Patience. “You, on the other hand, you killed Champeraigne singlehandedly—”
“Oh, Fateux did that,” said Hyacinth, “and besides, I didn’t commit to that until after I met you and Marjorie—”
“Marjorie is the Duchess of Arthford,” Patience explained helpfully. “But she hates London. She’s rarely in town. She does help when she can, however.”
“Anyway, we wish to help other women in the way we were helped,” said Hyacinth.
“We thought, what if women had a group of other women to whom they could turn? We are duchesses and we have access to wealth, we have influence, we have a number of advantages. We thought we should be putting it all to good use, to make a better world.”
“Indeed,” said Patience. “So, we are here to talk about you, I suppose, and what we should like to do.”
“But that depends on you, really,” said Hyacinth. “Do you wish to marry?”
“If so, we should look to putting together a dowry and creating a false persona,” said Patience.
“Yes, but that was what we got stuck on last night,” said Hyacinth. “Is it only Fateux and Rutchester who have been with you? No one else?”
“No one else,” said Rae.
“Well, then, if there really isn’t anyone else who would recognize you, then we have no troubles,” said Hyacinth.
“I lived with Fateux. His servants would know me,” said Rae.