Page 42 of The Duke of Fire (The Dukes of Desire #1)

“ T here is no time like the present to cheat on your husband, Your Grace,” Jane cooed rather sadistically, her pretty smile as sly as a fox’s as she peered over the rim of her teacup at her hostess.

Alexandra Carson, Duchess of Kensington, felt her normally peach-hued cheeks turn crimson as her friend Jane Jameson, Viscountess of Knox, made her rather bold suggestion. Her pale blue eyes widened as she momentarily pictured kissing another man, and she shook her head vehemently.

Whether there was love in her marriage or not, Alexandra had taken a vow when she was eighteen, and even if she had not seen her husband since their wedding day, she would not let another man occupy the bed they were supposed to share.

“You and your outrageous suggestions!” Alexandra sighed dramatically, hoping her tone would hide her shock at her friend’s bold words.

From across the table, Jane narrowed her exotically dark brown eyes, and her red lips tugged further into a wicked grin.

“Oh, you want it,” Jane purred, her sleek, brown brow perking up in challenge as if daring Alexandra to say otherwise. “Do not deny it, Alexandra. It is poor for your constitution.”

“I will deny it because it is not true,” Alexandra laughed, sitting her teacup down with a clink. “If I want anything, it is for my husband to acknowledge this marriage and perhaps return to London. I am sick of everyone’s gossip.”

Jane’s wicked smirk dropped as she rolled her eyes and leaned back into her chair.

At thirty and married to a husband who paid no mind to her–sadly, much like Alexandra herself, Jane had chosen to take a less conventional path toward happiness.

She was drawn to the hedonist lifestyle; the unseemly and socially unaccepted.

Her philosophy in life was to experience and discover, no matter what the rules dictated.

“Perhaps there is a chance that she is right, Ally,” Lady Gemma–Alexandra’s sister-in-law, stated matter-of-factly by Jane’s side, busying herself with stirring her tea.

Alexandra’s soft pink lips dropped into an O as she heard her response, and when Gemma finally did look up to her, she simply shrugged.

“What?” Gemma asked, setting her spoon down with an annoyed flare. “You have waited for my brother five years– five years, Alexandra, and you have done everything properly.”

Gemma’s honey-brown eyes, so much like Dominic’s, darkened as she leaned over the table and took Alexandra’s hand.

“I love my brother, Ally. You know I do. But he has been an absolute arse from the moment you married. Perhaps it is time for you to move on.”

“You have been spending far too much time with Jane,” Alexandra quipped immediately, knowing all too well where Gemma picked up such foul language.

“You and I both have, and you know why? Because Dominic is not here,” Gemma replied matter-of-factly. “He is supposed to be! But the fact of the matter is he is not, and therefore, a replacement of him might be required.”

“In more ways than one…” Jane scoffed, smiling slyly.

“ You are a bad influence,” Alexandra accused, pushing playfully at Jane’s arm, “And you, Gemma, are you not supposed to be helping me find understanding and compassion regarding my husband’s absence?”

“It is hard to be compassionate with that stubborn bull of a man when he treats you so poorly,” Gemma retorted, her pretty face scrunching into a frown. “If I ever see him again, I swear, I will–”

“He has not treated me poorly,” Alexandra said softly.

“Worse,” Gemma quipped, “He has not treated you at all. With kindness or harm. He has abandoned you. Perhaps it is time that you abandon him as well.”

“Gemma is right! You truly think he has remained faithful to you?” Jane asked bluntly. “After five years? Come, you will not be doing anything he has not already accomplished. He is no doubt finding his pleasure in the arms of a mistress. It is time you do the same.”

Anger, as fresh as it was the night of her wedding, burned through Alexandra as she heard Jane’s honest, if not slightly cruel, words.

Rejection was something Alexandra had thought she would only face as an unmarried woman, but it had not been so.

Dominic had accepted their marriage, yes, but even before their wedding night, he had been gone, not even staying long enough to consummate their union.

They had not known each other when they had been married, but still, Alexandra had been drawn to the duke’s handsome features and quiet but strong disposition.

Even in the beginning, when she had first met him at his best, she had sensed a longing in him.

One that matched her own. She had thought, with time, they would talk, befriend one another, and discuss what one another longed for. But that never happened.

The first year he had been gone, Alexandra had chosen to believe that her husband was simply busy but otherwise still faithful to her in the ways of marriage.

By the second year of his absence, that faith had waned by half as she started to grow lonely in her new London home.

By the third year, she had begun surrounding herself with friends constantly, not just to abate the loneliness but to drive out the nagging thoughts of what her husband was doing away from her– who he was doing things with away from her.

I should not care what he does. Or with whom!

Alexandra pressed her lips together as she looked up at the five faces staring back at her.

Aside from Gemma, who had renounced the idea of marriage, the other four were married, and as she took in their self-righteous expressions, she realized something–they had all taken Jane’s advice.

Either from her persuasion or for reasons of their own–they had taken that bold step to take lovers.

“I hold no judgment,” Alexandra stated calmly, choosing her words carefully, “For anyone. I am upset by Dominic’s absence. And I am lonely. But I–I cannot simply replace him with another. I cannot go back on my vows like that. Or, at least, I want to try to be with him before I... move on.”

An uncomfortable silence settled around the table as Alexandra’s words hung thick in the air. They had all wanted to try, had all at one point attempted to keep their husband’s interest... but had all failed. The other women looked at her with pity–as if her attempt was simply futile and childish.

Over the years, she had tried to lure her husband back to London with rumors of illness and financial frivolity, but no matter what she did, Dominic never came back, not even in anger. He was simply... indifferent.

“Ladies,” Jane announced, breaking the silence with a sharp inhale. “I believe our hostess has grown weary. Perhaps we should retire for the afternoon?”

“Of course,” Lady Lillian Reese stated and was the first to rise from her chair.

“Perhaps it is best we all take a rest. We have a night of fun ahead of us, and it would not do good to meet at Theresa Lonnigan’s soiree tired and out-of-sorts. You will all be there, yes?”

Alexandra opened her mouth to announce that she was thinking of simply going to bed, but Jane quickly replied, “Of course we will. We would not miss it, would we, ladies?”

Alexandra forced a small smile and a nod as she rose to bid her friends adieu. No, she would not be going, but they could find that out later.

A half-hour later, just as she had stripped off her gown and gotten between her covers, Alexandra heard a soft knocking at her door, and as she raised her head from her pillows, Jane and Gemma walked in with sheepish smiles.

“What are you two up to?” She laughed softly, trying to use the sound to cover up her sniffling. “I thought you had left.”

“Oh, darling, we are sorry,” Gemma sighed, rushing to Alexandra’s bed.

“We did not mean to distress you,” Jane added, following Gemma. “It is just awful to see you this upset time after time.”

“My brother is a dolt,” Gemma piped up, “I hate that he has done this to you!”

“I know an affair seems frightening right now,” Jane said calmly, “But you have no idea how much a tryst can lift one’s spirits. It is not the same as being with your husband, I know, but oftentimes, it is even better after you get the gist of the agreement.”

“How would I even know? I have never been with a man. Not even my husband.” Jane pulled out her kerchief from her sleeve, and Alexandra took it to blow her nose and dry her eyes.

Again. She was crying. Again. It had been happening a lot lately.

Too much, according to her friends, hence the push to take a paramour.

“Look, I know you mean well, Jane, but I cannot,” Alexandra answered emphatically, doing her best to keep up with her falling tears. “Even if he has already done the same, I cannot. Please, I hold no judgment; I swear, I–”

“Oh, darling, calm yourself,” Jane sighed, resting her hand over Alexandra’s.

“You are the most kind-hearted, understanding person I have ever met. I have no fear of your judgment. And, believe it or not, I understand. It is not an affair I particularly want for you but the chance to see you happy again.”

She paused, her brows furrowing as a worried look took over her face.

“You need to find yourself again, Alexandra,” Gemma said softly. “Day by day, a little of you goes away, and in its place wells tears and sorrow. It is eating you from the inside, and we cannot bear it.”

Although she had been trying to stop her tears only a moment before, Alexandra suddenly let out a heart-wrenching sob and bowed her head as fresh tears flooded her cheeks.

She had been feeling worse than ever this past year, and she had thought she had been hiding it well.

She should have known better than to try and hide from her friends, though. They noticed everything.

“I just did not think that this would be my life,” she sobbed openly, letting herself crumble into the arms of her friends.

“After my parents died, I was passed around from relative to relative. When the duke married me, I finally thought I would have a family. I wanted love. I wanted a husband. I wanted children!”

“Children?” Jane sneered, but with a glare from Gemma, she said no more.

“Yes, children,” Alexandra hiccupped, wiping the tears from her face, “I have always wanted a big family. Perhaps if Dominic had at least done me the service of giving me one or two, I would not feel so... so empty!”

“There is an idea!” Jane said suddenly, giving Alexandra’s shoulders a tight squeeze. “If you want a child, Alexandra, why not just go ahead and have one?”

Alexandra pulled out of her friend’s embrace, shock riddling her delicate features as she stared at Jane as if she had lost her mind.

“Have you lost your mind, Jane? I just said that I do not wish to take a paramour,” she said with agitation.

But Jane only laughed, further driving Alexandra’s frustration and confusion.

“No, silly, I do not mean actually have one,” her friend laughed. “I mean, let others think you had one!”

“Why on earth would she do that?” Gemma hissed, pulling Alexandra to her side protectively. “A child out of wedlock is worse than an affair in the eyes of the ton by far. Even just a rumor of such a thing could ruin her.”

“Or it could be the driving force the duke needs to come back to London and confront her,” Jane argued, then looked down at Alexandra’s shocked face.

“You do not want a paramour? That is fine, I understand that, but you cannot simply stay in this house–this tomb you are creating and sink further into your misery. A rumor like that would come with repercussions. Yes. But what if it is what brings the duke back to you?”

“Even if such a tale would bring him back, it would only forcefully bring him back in anger,” Alexandra countered. “No, I am done waiting for him to acknowledge my existence or doing anything to get his attention. I can find ways to occupy my time; I do not need him.”

Jane opened her mouth as if she were about to argue Alexandra’s point, but her words never formed, and she pressed her lips into a frown as Alexandra’s fight left her.

There were no words or suggestions that would cure her loneliness or longing for a husband who loved her.

So, giving up on words, Jane and Gemma both curled up next to Alexandra and held her silently as she sighed.

She curled into their embrace, thankful for the comfort of their closeness.

“Thank heavens for you two.” Alexandra’s voice was weak when she spoke again several moments later. “Who needs men when I have such loyal friends? If not for you, I do not… I do not know what I would have done without you.”

“Alexandra…” Gemma breathed, almost moved to tears. But she said nothing more.

“We will be here for you,” Jane whispered, rubbing a gentle hand down Alexandra’s back. “Always.”