Page 24 of The Duke and the Hellion Bride (Duchesses of Convenience #7)

Chapter Twenty-Four

T he sun was setting behind Magnus as he pulled his horse up by the entrance to the manor, bleeding the sky red and pink, which he took as a good sign, for it matched the color of his beating heart and the blood which pumped through his veins. It gave him life, and this life gave him meaning, and this meaning was the love he now knew that he felt for his wife.

As Magnus climbed from the horse and strode up the steps to his home, he put aside the worry that had threatened to unseat him for much of the ride back from his grandmother’s home. The fear that his actions last night and this morning might have ruined everything.

It was but a misstep only. And once I explain myself to Diana, opening my heart to her for perhaps the first real time, I know that she will understand. She loves me, I am sure of it. And I love her.

So it was that he threw open the doors with a sense of purpose, striding into the foyer with intent, his aim to search high and low for his wife until he found her, forcing her then to listen to him, no matter her mood. As things turned out, he didn’t have to look far.

She was standing in wait for him in the foyer’s center. No smile on her face to see him coming. No scowl either, which might have been a relief was it not for the red stain in her eyes. There was pain in those eyes, a sense of misery that had Magnus slowing, the enthusiasm he felt sucked from him in an instant because something was clearly wrong.

“Diana...” He came to a stop a few feet from her; it was as if an invisible barrier had been erected between them. “What is --”

“Please,” she said, her chin wobbling but her voice firm. “Do not speak. Just listen.” She fixed her eyes on him, a warning to heed her words.

Magnus’ brow creased with worry. The way her chin wobbled... how swollen her cheeks were... that she stood with her hands clutched to her chest as if holding her heart together... what on earth have I walked in to ?

“Wh -- what happened between us last night, what you did...” She took a deep breath to calm herself and keep steady. “I have been thinking of it all day and I --”

“Diana, before you say anything else, you must know --”

“Please!” she exclaimed. “Do not --” She shut her eyes and took another breath. “Do not say anything, Magnus. Please, I must say this.” Again, she looked at him in warning.

Magnus could sense it coming. That feeling deep inside of him, abject pain and misery and helplessness. The look in her eyes told him as much, but he heeded her words and nodded once.

“I have had all day to think about it and I have decided that... that...” Her chin was wobbling furiously so that she could barely talk. “That it was for the best.”

Magnus leaned back as if struck. “Wh... what? How can you --”

“It hurt, what you did,” she continued, speaking over him. The way she spoke, it was as if he was not there; looking past him, saying words she needed to say, regardless of his reaction. “It hurt in ways that I didn’t think were possible, only now I realize them to be inevitable. I thought you had changed. I thought...” She faulted, taking another breath. “I thought that you could change. I know now that I was expecting too much – that I was asking too much of you.”

“No, Diana, you were not.” He took a step toward her, and she took a quick one back. “I have changed. What happened last night... it was a mistake. I know it now. I know I did the wrong thing, but it was only because I was scared.”

“And what of next time?” she shot back. Not angry. Resigned, was how Magnus read it. As if she had expected the answer. “And the time after that? It is an easy thing to admit fault after the fact, to promise change. But for some, change is not possible.”

“It is.” He took another step toward her, and she took the same back, determined to keep the distance between them. “I can change. I have changed. Surely, you can see that?”

She shook her head. “You say the correct words, but your actions speak over them. Last night --”

“Was a mistake.”

“The first of what will be many,” she insisted. Her chin began to wobble again, tears now streaming down her cheeks. “How often can we have this same conversation? And how many times must I be fooled before I realize the truth?”

“The... the truth?”

“That you... that us...” She was breaking slowly before his eyes and all Magnus wanted to do was hold her, to keep her in a single piece. His arms around her, to his chest, whispering into her ear that he was there for her. But he knew that would not work, that she was resigned to these words she seemed determined to speak. “That we cannot work.”

“No...”

“We tried, Magnus,” she continued, forcing herself to stand up and look at him. Blood-stained eyes bore through his soul and Mangus could feel it piercing his heart. “We tried and we failed. There is no shame in that.”

He shook his head. “I do not accept that. Today, I was speaking to my grandmother and --”

“And she told you what you needed to hear, no doubt. But the next time? And the time after that?”

“There won’t be a next time!”

“There will be.” She sighed and looked away. The tears fell down her cheeks. “Unless I do the only thing that I can so as to ensure otherwise.”

Magnus was stunned. One hand reached out, the distance between them only a few feet but it felt like an ocean’s worth of space. Where was this coming from? How had it happened so quickly? Although, as he thought about it, was it really that surprising?

Since the moment that they married, Magnus had been closed off to Diana. She had tried to bring him in, to force him to be real with her, and he had denied her at every turn. One step forward, two back it had felt like. And the first-time that he had finally been real with her, that he had accepted his feelings, he had turned and ran.

Last night wasn’t an outlier. It was the expected result. One which Magnus now knew to be behind him, while also knowing that nothing he could say would convince Diana of this.

He had done this to himself.

“What... what do you mean to do?” he asked her, his chin now wobbling. “Know that I will do anything that I must – whatever you ask of me. Please, Diana. Give me a second chance.”

“Not a second chance,” she said. “A hundredth, it feels like. And for that reason, I ask the only thing that I can – what I must. And not just for me, but the two of us.”

He did not speak. Brow furrowed. Face tight. Chin wobbling as the tears threatened to pour. He needed her to see how much this hurt, how wronged he felt. He needed her to understand that he had changed.

And maybe she did? Alas, she was through taking risks with him. She was through putting herself in harm’s way.

“I wish for an annulment.”

“No....” He took a step back as if she had stabbed him through the heart.

“The details of which will be organized by me. All you need do is sign the papers when they come.”

“Diana...” He tried to meet her eyes, but she refused to give them. He sensed that deep down she was hurting as much as he was. And that only made it all the worse.

“As for tonight, I shall be retiring to my mother’s home. I shall organize tomorrow for my things to be collected.”

“Please...” He forced himself to go to her, pushing through the invisible barrier until he was right before her. “Don’t do this. There is no need – I have changed. I... I... I love --”

“Do this for me, please,” she said. “Do not fight it.”

“Is this really what you want?” Magnus reached for her hand and took it. He held it to his chest. His body shook, as did Diana’s. But he met her eyes so she could see the pain; a pain that was matched in her eyes also. “Tell me this is what you want. Look at me and say it.”

“I want this,” she spoke through the tears. “And nothing you can say will change my mind.” She pulled her hand free and took a step back. And then another.

“Diana, wait...”

“No, Magnus. I am through waiting.” She put her head down and strode toward the door. He spun about to watch her go, knowing he should go after her, unable to move his feet because his body refused to listen. “And Magnus...” She reached the doorway and turned back.

“Yes?” He perked up, as if she might suddenly change her mind.

“The girls, give them my love. And please, please ...” She sniffed and wiped her nose. “Look after them, for me. They need your love, all of it. Do not deny them.” A final look of sadness and Diana bowed her head and walked through the door and out of Magnus’ life.

As for Magnus? It might have been nice to say that he chased after her. That he grabbed a hold of her shoulders, looked into her eyes, and confessed finally that he loved her. That he fought for her! That he refused to take no for an answer. Alas, that simply wasn’t the case.

Feelings of helplessness that Magnus knew well descended over him. Feelings of powerlessness, hopelessness, having zero agency was the stuff of nightmares, now turned to reality. He fell to his knees, the pain in his chest exploding out of his mouth like a torrent.

For the first time in his life, Magnus had let his guard down and found it in himself to love another. And for the first time in his life, he was experiencing the pain that so often came with that. Heartbreak. Heartbreak so wretched that from it, Magnus knew he would never be the same again.