Page 86 of The Delta’s Rogue (Crescent Lake #4)

Eyes blink. Jaws drop. My shoulders tremble, and my sniffling inhales are the only sound in the room as everyone processes my words of resignation.

“But, Sarina, you—”

“My decision is final,” I declare through my tears to whomever is trying to change my mind. “I can’t do what needs to be done or make the decisions that need to be made. Not right now. Not when I’m healing and my lycan is silent, and I’m not sure what’s real and what’s in my head.”

Every word is harder to say than the last. Every word is weaker than the last until my voice is nothing more than a whispered sob.

Sebastian releases my hand and curls his fingers around my hip. He places a kiss to my temple. I lean into him as he holds me, searching for the strength I know he’s sending me through the bond I can’t sense.

“I’m going to rest now,” I rasp out. “I trust everyone in this room, and I know that no matter who takes over for me, this mission will be in good hands. It will be in the best hands.”

Sebastian follows me as I leave the dining room, but when I reach the arch to the entryway, I take his hand and stop him. I need a moment alone.

“ Necesito estar sola por un momento ,” I plead. “ Por favor .”

He cups my cheek, blocking me from the rest of the room with his towering body. “?Estás segura?”

“Yes, I’m sure, mi vida. ”

He sets his jaw and nods. “ Te busco más tarde .” He lowers his lips to my forehead.

With the assurance that he’ll find me later, I bury my face in his chest. I sigh in relief that he doesn’t push me on my decision and try to force his presence on me when I need some time to myself.

“ Gracias ,” I thank him.

“ Tú sabes que yo haría lo que fuera por ti .”

I squeeze my eyes shut. I know he would do anything for me. He’s proven that time and time again. He risked everything to rescue me.

“Even let me be alone when your instincts tell you to protect me?”

“When I say anything, I mean anything, Sarina.”

He was willing to give up pack life to become a nomad with me, and he stepped up to be my king, my partner in ruling the kingdom, even though he never wanted responsibility like that.

Yet I’m hesitant, because I’m unsure if any of this is real. And if it is real, do I deserve the patience and love he gives me? Do I deserve the sacrifices he’s making to be with me?

“Go. Rest.” He holds me at arm’s length, breaking me out of my twisted thoughts. “Take as long as you need.”

I blink my eyes open as Sebastian sits on the edge of the bed, his hand combing through my slightly damp hair. My lips tip into a drowsy smile, and my eyelids flutter, the weight of sleep still heavy on all of me.

I came straight to the room after I made my announcement to the others. I showered, threw on one of Sebastian’s shirts and a pair of the new underwear he brought for me, and then crawled under the covers, all with my eyes barely opened.

Sebastian lies down next to me, and I scoot closer to him, attracted to his warmth like a heat-seeking missile .

He holds me in his arms and rubs my back, soothing me into a half-asleep state. “There’s an entire drawer of clothes for you, you know,” he teases quietly, a touch of laughter tinting his voice.

“ Lo sé ,” I confirm.

“So, why are you wearing my shirt?”

“Your shirts remind me of you.” I shrug. “I can’t smell your scent on them, but just knowing they’re yours… It helps.”

“And what is my scent?” he asks.

My eyes open and stay open this time, locked onto his. “Lemons, cedar, and mint,” I whisper.

He props himself up, angling to see me better, his brow furrowing a smidgen. “You picked my scent as your safe word?”

“ Sí .” I nod.

“ ?Por qué? ”

My palms flatten against his chest, and I stretch my body against his as I explain. “Because lemon is you, and you are safe.”

He growls and tightens his hold on me. As he does, a pulse of love reaches me through our muted bond.

“Sarina—”

I stop his words with my lips on his, and whatever he was about to say morphs into a soft groan. But our kiss is distorted by a yawn stretching across my face.

Sebastian chuckles and plops his head onto the pillows, tucking the blankets tightly around our bodies. “Go back to sleep, carino . I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He embraces me and strokes my shoulder and arm in a steady rhythm. I burrow my face into his chest. With his arms around me and my ear over his heart, I’m the safest and most comfortable I’ve been in a long time.

I drift back to sleep, albeit a much lighter sleep than before. I’m in and out of slumber. No dreams find me. Sebastian’s body, his arms around me, his heartbeat, and his breathing—that’s all there is.

Esto es lo que necesito. This is what I need. This is why he is mine. He gives me what I need when I need it. He understands when to give me space and when to hold me in his arms and hide me away from the heavy stressors of my position.

He’s more perfect as a mate than I ever imagined he’d be.

Just as I’m on the verge of slipping into a deeper sleep, Sebastian rolls away from me.

I grab his hand as he stands, finding it easily even with my eyes closed. “Don’t go.”

“I need to shower,” he says. “I won’t be long.”

“Promise?”

He kisses my knuckles. “ Te lo prometo .”

I draw my hand back into the safety of my nest of blankets as his footsteps carry him towards the bathroom.

The water turns on, and the scent of soap wafts towards me, carried by the dense steam flowing out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

The clean scent mixes with the barest hint of Sebastian’s natural scent.

I find I can no longer sleep or rest. I need to be with him. I’m compelled to be with him. We are magnets that shouldn’t be apart.

I scoot to the edge of the bed and climb from beneath the heavy, warm blankets, making my way to the bathroom. The door is partially open, and I hesitate, hand hovering right in front of it.

He didn’t invite me in with him. If I join him without his permission, he may view it as disobedience. él podría castigarme . He might punish me.

There’s another side to my hesitation too. A shyness I’ve never experienced fills me to the tips of my fingers and toes.

There’s no reason to be shy. I’ve been naked with him before.

But all those other times were different.

Before, when he didn’t remember who I was, estaba desesperada .

Desperate for any attention from him, desperate to fulfill the blazing need within me, desperate to get as much as I could while I could.

When he rescued me, when he bathed me after my breakdown…

Well, those moments hardly count. I wasn’t myself—not that I’m truly myself now either—and circumstances were beyond our control.

My hand trembles in midair, and I bite my lip, eyes squeezing shut as the battle wages within my mind.

No. He’s my mate, and as mates, we are equals. I have every right to be with him and assert my need for him.

I drop my hand to the hem of my shirt and lift it.

Before I can remove it, the door opens. I freeze with the shirt halfway up my torso .

Sebastian stands framed in the doorway. Droplets of water cling to his skin, and a towel sits low on his hips, leaving every inch of his muscular abs and chest visible for me to marvel at. The steamy air dances across the exposed lower curves of my breasts, and I inhale in surprise.

“Hi,” I chirp, my body stuck in the awkward process of removing my shirt.

He must have turned off the water while I was giving myself a pep talk.

“What are you doing?” He angles his head in amusement, eyes flicking down to my ribs and then back to my face.

“I was going to join you.”

“You already showered.”

“I wasn’t planning on showering with you.”

“Then what were you planning on doing with me?”

My cheeks heat, and I dip my chin. I release my shirt and spin away from him, heading back to the bed.

Sebastian darts in front of me, blocking my path with his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t be embarrassed. Whatever you need, I will give you. I am yours as much as you are mine.”

My expression softens, and I rise onto my tiptoes to kiss him, my curled fingers barely resting on his abs.

He brings me in closer, caressing my body with a gentle touch. “May I see your tattoos?” One hand slips beneath my shirt and wraps around my ribcage, landing on the exact spot he glanced at only moments ago. “I didn’t get a good look at them the other day.”

“Yes, of course.”

He drops to his knees before I even finish granting him permission. He lifts my shirt so it’s high enough to see the lines bearing his promises to me, and his fingers trace over every word as he reads them out loud. “ Nosotros somos las estrellas. Prometo que te encontraré. Te amo. ”

We are the stars. I promise I will find you. I love you.

He kisses each line, and I shiver with delight, withholding a soft moan behind clenched teeth .

“Do you want more?” Sebastian glances at me from his knees, his hands framing my ribs.

“ ?Más besos? ” I ask.

“Not just kisses. More anything.”

I swallow. “I-I don’t—”

“It’s fine if you don’t.”

“No. I do . I want you. Te necesito . I need you. I just— I don’t know—”

“I don’t want to rush you into anything before you’re ready for it.”

“Is that why you stopped me in the forest?”

“Partially.” He swallows and kisses my tattoos again. “I don’t want your moments with me to remind you of what happened when you were with them.”

I shake my head vehemently. “When I’m with you like this, all I think about is you . Your touch keeps the memories away. It reminds me of what intimacy is supposed to be. It reminds me that I’m safe and all of this is what’s real.”

He stands up and sits on the edge of the bed. “Show me,” he says. “Show me what you want from me.”

He doesn’t pat his legs or summon me to him. He waits patiently for me to make the first move. Sebastian gives me all the control, all the power, even though he’s ordering me to show him what I want.

I walk forward with slow steps, holding eye contact with him. His hands rest on his thighs, and he watches me intently.