Page 16 of The Dating Prohibition

“It is if it doesn’t work out.” Exasperation permeated his tone, his eyes pleading with her to understand. “If it doesn’t

work out, and things get weird between us, you’re family. What am I supposed to do in that situation?”

“Logan would never turn his back on you. You two are practically inseparable,” she protested.

“But we wouldn’t be if I hurt his little sister.”

“Ben...”

“Kendra. I’m serious. I can’t lose all of you. It’s too much of a risk. Remember when I was dating Amber and everything went

down?”

Amber was BJ’s first love. He never talks about her.

Kendra’s mouth dropped open. “Okay, listen. I empathize because I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you to lose her.

I could see what she meant to you––we all could.

But when it comes to the Porters, none of us is going anywhere, Ben.

” She reached her hand out to squeeze his shoulder.

“We’re not gonna leave you. I’d make sure nothing like that happened. ”

It was a rare thing to see behind the shield of brawn that he carried with him, and she wondered whether Logan was aware of

his best friend’s abandonment issues. While a breakup was certainly possible, surely there was enough love between them that

things wouldn’t turn catastrophic. She didn’t want to lose him in her life either, but she couldn’t deny how she felt, and

she’d never shied away from her feelings.

“But I’m sayin’, if we were to break up and things go left, you’re family, so I’d be the one getting kicked out of the group.”

She shook her head. “We are grown people. We can conduct ourselves accordingly. No one is getting kicked out of the group,

Ben. Neither of us has ever been dramatic enough for that to be a possible outcome and you know it.”

“Even still...” He ran a hand over his hair, unconvinced. His impenetrable shield was back up as he stared out the front

window.

Kendra’s shoulders dropped, sensing finality in his tone. Then give me closure. “Listen—” her eyes pleaded with him “—it will make it a lot easier on me if you would just tell me you’re not interested. You don’t want to try? Tell me you’re not feelin’ me and I’ll leave it alone.”

“But that’s not true,” he soothed. He captured her in his gaze, and she believed him, which only frustrated her more. “I just

don’t think it could work out.”

Her mind was racing, and she just needed a way to close the door completely if that was what he wanted.

Once she pictured the two of them together, it just made sense––it seemed crazy not to try if he was feeling what she’d been feeling that night.

But to draw this boundary, he had removed any chance for them to experience what could be.

Why won’t he just tell me what I need to hear?

She looked down at her hands for a long moment, chewing on her lip and shaking her head with frustration. Lifting her head,

she stared into his brown eyes, wanting to close the distance between them, wanting to do the thing that he’d refused her

in the first place, wanting to experience his lips against hers. She pulled a lock of hair behind her ear as her voice broke.

“But what if it could work? Surely you’re not denying that it’s possible.” Am I not worth the risk?

BJ took a deep breath. “It could, Kenny,” he admitted. “I don’t doubt that for a second. I’m just not willing to wager what

we have for what could be.”

And there it was. Kendra nodded, blinking back the moisture building in her eyes as she turned away from him and her shoulders

sank. “Okay.” She sat back in her seat, reaching for her seat belt as she cleared her throat. Don’t you dare cry in front of this man, Kendra. “We should get back so you can watch that game.”

She stared straight ahead, her eyes not really focusing on anything in front of them. He huffed a breath and started the car.

As he drove, Kendra rolled down the window, resting her arm on the base of the window frame. She leaned her head into her

hand, running her fingers through her hair, which she did anytime she was agitated. Ben had revealed this to her during a

game of poker—apparently, she had tells. She hated that she was showing so much when he showed so little—her heart was on

her sleeve, in her fingertips, and all over her face.

“Kenny, are you okay?” he asked. They’d stopped at a light.

His voice felt distant, but she was creating that space between them.

One thing about a Capricorn: we will compartmentalize the shit out of our feelings so that we can press on.

The proximity sucked the air out of the truck, and she would suffocate if she didn’t make space. Detaching wasn’t something

she wanted to do, but if he wasn’t even open to the possibility of trying, she didn’t have much choice. She looked up at the

sky, watching fluffy clouds drift across a palette of pale blue. She couldn’t look at him. He’d see her feelings all over

her face. “I’m good. It’s all good. Thank you for being honest.”

Kendra knew her tone was dull and probably not at all convincing. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn’t trust her

face not to express the disappointment that crushed her insides. She took a shallow breath, pushing all of her emotions to

the back of her mind. We’re fine. Nothing happened. There’s no reason to be upset. We gon’ let go and let God.

Kendra rolled up her window as they pulled up in front of Logan’s house. She turned slightly and looked at the car stereo.

“Thanks for the invite. This was really helpful.” She held up the dossier. “Lots of things to consider.”

“Kenny.”

She couldn’t look at him, but she forced a smile. “No worries, B. I’ll see you later.” She exited the car and walked toward

the door leading to the basement, her eyes trained on the doorknob. She moved quicker when she heard BJ exit the car and follow

her toward the house.

Logan stepped onto the front porch before she made it all the way to her separate entrance. “What did you think of the place?”

“It was nice, but it’s already got multiple bids, and I’m not ready. And that one was out of my price range.” She stepped toward the door, looking everywhere but into her brother’s eyes.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah, just tired. I’m gonna take a nap and then work some more on my proposal.” She entered the code to unlock her door as

BJ stepped onto the porch with Logan. She waved before opening the door. “Enjoy the game!” Once inside, she closed the door,

leaning her back against it. She shut her eyes for a long moment before she rolled her shoulders back, kicked off her shoes,

and headed toward the bedroom. The moment her head hit the pillow, tears began to fall. She curled onto her side and fell

asleep.