Page 25 of The Dark Mirror (The Bone Season #5)

25

DUET

In Ireland, there is a story of the féar gortach, the hungry grass. It grows in all manner of places, sown by the wandering souls of the starved. If you step on that cursed ground, you will never be sated. No matter how much you eat, you will feel empty for the rest of your days.

I had wished that eternal pain on the soldiers. And yet I carried it myself, in so many ways, deep in my bones. A hunger for justice. A need to be seen. Most of all, a yearning for home.

But I was still far away from that land, and martlets could have no home but each other.

Arcturus had lit a fire in his room. In Paris, we had been in the dark, with only the waning moon to reveal us. This time, I wanted to see all of him.

I had rarely been able to dwell on his body. His face, yes – I must have spent hours trying to read it – but most of the time, he covered the rest of him, leaving me to imagine. Now I watched as he undressed.

The glow of the fire limned his powerful frame. By the time he stood naked before me, my skin was so hot, I thought I would burst into flame when he touched me. I drank in his defined muscles and the pure artistry of his chest and shoulders, too aware of my own shape, trying my utmost to keep my eyes above his waist. I wondered if all Rephs emerged with that much strength, or if he worked for it.

Arcturus sat on the end of the bed. I went to stand in front of him, meeting his fiery gaze.

‘The night we met, I saw your face and knew that you could be the end of me. This night, I fear the same,’ he said. ‘Have mercy, Underqueen.’

His voice was dark and soft, sending a shiver over my skin. I answered by slipping off my underwear, leaving me in nothing but the singlet.

‘You’ll have to earn it,’ I said, brushing strands of brown hair off his forehead.

‘As you decree.’ When he offered me a hand, I accepted. By unspoken agreement, he lay with his back against the pillows, and I knelt across his waist, my calves lying on either side of his thighs.

‘I thought I would never see you again,’ I murmured. ‘I still can’t believe you’re here.’

‘So we both are, against the odds.’ He kept hold of my hand. ‘I know you are not inclined towards flattery, but I confess to being wonderstruck, to have you in my bed again.’

‘Don’t be too surprised. You seem to be the only person with a liking for chaotic Irish dreamwalkers.’ I kissed the mount at the base of his thumb. ‘But even if you weren’t, I’m all yours.’

‘Such is my honour.’

A hush fell as we both looked at our intertwined fingers. This would have been nerve-racking even at the start of our relationship, when both of us had been less scarred, inside and out.

‘I know you might need to take it slow,’ I said. ‘Tell me if you need to stop.’

‘If you will do the same.’

I nodded. When our lips met, I melted into his embrace, trying not to grip him too hard.

We took our time, even though I was burning for him. Two hundred and thirty-eight days was a long time to go without holding each other. He still touched me as if I really was a martlet, delicate from years of flight, but I had never felt stronger. When he edged my singlet up to my ribs, I stripped it off and threw it aside.

‘Patience never was your virtue, Paige.’

‘Don’t even start with me.’ I steered his willing hands to my waist. ‘You’ve given me enough simmering looks, you infuriating tower of muscle.’

He countered me with the softest kiss, lingering on the bow of my lips. I knew when he was teasing me, but I had told him he could be slow, and he would surely hold me to it.

By now I was nearly as hot as the fire. He mapped the bruising on my shoulder, checking where to be gentlest, then skirted the underside of my breast. I clasped his whole hand to it. His self-control was exhilarating, but I wanted him to indulge himself. As the callused warmth of his palm enfolded me, I parted his lips, winning a resolute kiss that left my legs weak and my heart pounding. A thousand small chills blossomed where our bodies pressed together.

The cord guided me across his sarx. Now I knew he wanted my touch, I couldn’t get enough of him under my hands. I ran them over his broad shoulders and chest, across his upper arms. I wanted to surround him with warmth, crushing all his memories of Carcassonne.

He couldn’t forget, like I might, in the end. The years would not dull the teeth of his torture. But I could give him fresh memories, better ones.

As he devoted his attention to my breasts, I turned mine to the scars on his back. When I felt one I didn’t remember, I slowed. It wasn’t as cold as the others, but it stood out from the rest of his sarx. I followed its course, only to find more. There were scores of them, lying close to each other, layered over the older scars from the poltergeist.

‘An opaline blade.’ His voice was low. ‘Do not be troubled. These ones will not always pain me.’

I tried not to imagine the blade carving his sarx. Before I could draw enough breath to answer, he tilted my chin up again and kissed the hollow of my throat.

‘Show me,’ he said. ‘Write me the notes.’

Well, if he wanted a distraction, I would give him one. I moved his hand between my legs.

Arcturus leaned in close, eyes on fire. He propped his chin on my shoulder, and I placed a light kiss on his temple, my breath already coming short. The most sensitive part of me, unbearably soft against his fingertips. I felt utterly defenceless and fragile, like there was nothing left but him between me and the world.

My own fingertips pressed into his shoulders as he began to explore me. Now he was exactly where I wanted him, the empty ache only grew, becoming so vast and all-consuming that it erased my thoughts of anything but him.

Arcturus circled just inside. He skimmed a little higher, nudging that pinpoint of nerve endings, each touch a revelation. Not since Paris had I been so aware of one small part of my body, which now shaped every feeling as my senses centred on it.

He glided along the edges of me. I breathed his name like an invocation. The cord was taut between us, threatening to snap, but it held strong, like his restraint. He was as much a Reph as ever, only his eyes betraying his desire – but if I had wanted human, I wouldn’t be here with him.

Out of nowhere, I remembered Suhail. Arcturus felt me tense and stopped.

‘I’m all right.’ I traced his jaw. ‘Just keep me here.’

He obliged. As I tamped the memory down, he changed our positions, so my back was against his chest, before he quested past my ribs and stomach.

Once, he had always worn gloves around me. Now he was at my entrance, finding the evidence of my human arousal, and he wasn’t turning away. He idled there until I coaxed him farther, into the warmth of me, and I could feel the scars he wore like rings around his fingers, the proof of his devotion to Terebell. I pictured him at the organ again, that masterful finesse that made the night resound with music.

It felt sacred, to be touched on the inside, like knowledge stolen from the branch of a tree. He never took his eyes off my face. I suddenly couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t wanted to burn in those eyes.

My release came on as a feathering, wings unfurling to the tips before they swept all the way through me. Even after Paris, I still wasn’t prepared for that loss of control, even as I recognised the first soft flutter of it. Arcturus pressed me close as I tightened around him.

‘I have you.’

His voice in my ear sent me over the edge. A drumbeat overtook my body. Even as it arched my back and sang along my limbs, he spun out the cascade of sensation, as patient as he was resolved, until I was heavy and soft in his arms. When I sank against his chest, he withdrew in a slow glide that almost undid me all over again.

‘What was that,’ I said faintly, ‘about mercy?’

‘I trust that I granted it.’ He caressed my collarbone. ‘Are you satisfied, Underqueen?’

‘Not even close.’

His eyes smouldered. In reverent silence, he eased my hips to the edge of the mattress and knelt in front of me. I watched in a haze, glazed with sweat, as he stroked the backs of my calves. A sudden flicker of nerves pressed my knees together, but one scorching look from him, and I let them fall apart again. I already knew he liked doing this.

Arcturus kissed my breastbone, hands encircling my hips. As I gripped the sheets in anticipation, he lifted my thighs on to his shoulders, laying me bare to his mouth. He followed the notes I had written in Paris, but he knew how to play by ear, and he improvised.

‘Is ceol m’anama tú.’ I trailed my fingers through his thick hair. ‘Fan liom, a rúnseirce.’

I wasn’t sure why it came out in Irish, but it emboldened me, knowing he had no idea what I was saying. When he glanced up at me, the light in his eyes dappled my lower stomach.

‘Are you asking me for something, Paige?’

‘I think I might be … praying.’ My legs were trembling. ‘Jaxon does … think you’re gods.’

‘Perhaps to some. But here, I am the supplicant.’

My head fell back as he tasted me, accepting my libation even as he knelt in worship. This time, he prolonged his mercy, keeping me on the cusp of release, caught in the crescendo.

And I began to understand what it was to be a Reph. It could have been moments or hours that were slipping away, and I would have been none the wiser. In this room, I was immortal.

After that short eternity, he lifted me to his chest again, so we faced each other. My breaths came quick and fast. I hadn’t known that there were sweet and painless kinds of torture.

Arcturus stilled then, a question burning in his eyes. Without the dam on the golden cord, I knew what he was asking. I knew that he expected nothing, and that everything we had shared was enough. In answer, I slid a hand down his front, savouring the silken finish of his sarx, until I reached a part of him that I had never touched. This was where things had gone wrong with the amaurotic, but I felt safe with Arcturus. He had composed a hymn to my body; now I wanted us to be one instrument.

He kissed along my jaw, letting me get used to him. Though I was no expert in this department, nothing came as a particular surprise. He was big, but that was hardly the shock of the century, given his general proportions.

As goosebumps spread across my skin, the unrelenting ache grew stronger. I drew Arcturus close. With the lightest touch under my chin, he stopped me.

‘I do not believe we have any need of it,’ he said, ‘but I can use protection, if you wish.’

‘You’re grand,’ I said. ‘Like you say, I don’t … see the point, in our case.’ My face warmed a little, but I returned his gaze, and it steadied me. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’

‘Quite sure. Are you?’

‘Yes.’ I kissed him. ‘I’m very sure.’

Arcturus held me to his sarx. We had defied the doctrine of distance so many times. I refused to be afraid.

As I guided him, I felt my body starting to resist, like my gift so often did. A tight pressure mounted between my legs.

‘Paige.’

‘I’m all right.’ I grasped his nape, trying to slow my breathing. ‘Just stay there.’

‘Be assured,’ he said, ‘that I am not going anywhere.’

‘No, I imagine you’re not.’

Over the course of a year, I had endured more than I would have once thought it possible for one person to survive. The needles, the aster, the knife, the betrayals – all those memories had sunk roots in every sinew, as well as in my dreamscape. Now my body was braced for another incursion. It was locking the doors, reminding me to defend the fort.

I willed it to accept that Arcturus posed me no threat. His touch was gentle on my face, brushing my curls back, gracing my lips and cheeks. I closed my eyes as he kissed me again, soft and tender.

And then I let my sixth sense overpower the others. I pressed our foreheads back together, so our spirits were as close as I could bring them without dreamwalking. I tuned into the tiny vibrations of the golden cord, reminding myself that this feeling was mutual.

‘I have you,’ Arcturus said quietly.

And finally, my guard dropped.

That first moment of his entry was like nothing I had ever felt, lacing my skin with chills and goosebumps. He searched my face every time he moved deeper, only continuing when I nodded, once my body had accepted his presence. I hardly breathed as he settled, eyes flaming.

We stayed like that for some time. I came to the distant realisation that I was shaking.

‘Well,’ I said, ‘the world still hasn’t ended.’

‘Let it.’ He cupped my cheek. ‘Are you comfortable?’

‘Yes.’ He waited for me to adjust to the feeling. His solid heat was more than physical, like I was holding a numen inside me. My dreamscape was ablaze, the cord pulling tight. Gathering my courage, I followed my instincts and made the first small move. I could only assume I had done something right, since my name escaped his throat.

‘Paige.’

Hearing that loss of restraint bolstered my confidence. I rocked against him, finding a cadence I liked.

‘I’m here.’ I kissed him. ‘I’ve got you.’

In answer, he cradled my hips, holding me like I was his deliverance.

We both tried to be slow at first. Arcturus was as attentive as ever, careful with my human frame, rising to meet the pace I set so we could move as one. The firelight played across our bodies. Every moment, I expected the pain that had struck me before, with the amaurotic, but it never came.

All the while, I watched for any sign of discomfort. I found only clear-eyed resolve. One of his hands was between my thighs, while the other returned to my cheek.

More than once, his body did stiffen. I framed his face when it happened, letting him know he could take his time. After a while, the tension eased under my touch.

At some point, I lost all sense of anything outside us. We had wanted each other for a long time, and my body was demanding as much of him as he would give. Soon our duet was a rhapsody, and both of us were on that cusp, barely holding on. Arcturus kept his brow on mine, his sarx as hot as my damp skin.

‘Paige,’ he said, soft as a prayer.

My spirit dislocated. I dug my fingers into his upper arms to ground myself, forcing it back into place with all my strength. He dabbed the blood from my nose.

‘You can dreamwalk,’ he said against my ear. I shivered. ‘Move in me, as I move in you.’

I was tempted, when he put it like that. My spirit was reaching for him, wanting him the way my body did, but he couldn’t want me in his dreamscape.

‘Not yet. I want—’ My head fell against his shoulder. ‘I just want this. This is enough.’

With each surge of his body in mine, sweetness blossomed inside me, calming the headache. It faded as we reached the brink. He clasped my fingers to his chest, so I could feel his heart as well. I was soaring too close to the sun, but I trusted him to catch me as I fell.

In the end, we fell together.

I slept for a while, wrapped in his arms. When I opened my eyes, the fire had died out, but the shutters were open, letting in the lamplight from outside.

Arcturus lay beside me, stroking my dishevelled hair. I hadn’t expected him to be awake. I nestled against his chest, so the heat of his sarx ran all the way along my skin.

He looked into my eyes. I lifted my hand, brushing his cheek with the backs of my fingers.

His palm grazed along my lower ribs. I already wanted him again. When I showed him as much, he tilted me towards him. My breath shallowed as our bodies locked together.

‘You spoke to me in Irish.’ His voice was a dark thrum in his throat. ‘What did you say?’

It took me a moment to remember what he meant.

‘Sounds like you need some more lessons,’ I said, and kissed him again before he could ask.

I was so lost in us that I forgot a fundamental truth.

The world did not take kindly to mortals who thought themselves worthy of gods.

When I woke a second time, it was still dark, and Arcturus was gone. I sat up a little. Once I had sensed him nearby, I rested for a while longer.

In the bathroom, I attempted to tidy my hair. Knowing a lost cause when I saw one, I brushed my teeth and showered, finding I had more courage than usual. Once I was out, I drew on his discarded shirt, then caught my own gaze in the mirror and smiled. When I reached for the golden cord, all I sensed was serenity. The same feeling that had warmed me all night, given and returned in kind.

I let myself accept it, as I never had before. At last, I released the weight of disquiet. I trusted that, in defiance of everything, Arcturus Mesarthim was in love with me.

And for once, I really did feel like the luckiest woman alive. I found him on the balcony. When I stepped out to join him, he took me in, the sunrise forgotten.

‘Thought you’d done a runner,’ I said lightly.

‘Forgive me. I was loath to wake you.’

‘I’m teasing. You’d better get used to that.’ I sat with him, circling my arms around his neck, and he ran both hands from my hips to my waist. ‘You look deep in thought. No regrets?’

‘Never. I was only reflecting.’

‘On last night?’

‘On every night since I first saw you.’ He rested his forehead on mine. ‘Would you care for some coffee?’

I kissed him. ‘You always know what to say.’

He made the coffee on the stove downstairs, the way I had taught him in Paris. I accepted the mug and sat across his lap on the couch, my back against the armrest, my legs draped over his thighs.

‘So,’ I said, ‘I think we’ve established that we play an outstanding duet.’

I kept my tone casual, but Arcturus took my hand, his gaze intent. His eyes were back to gold.

‘In Paris,’ he said, ‘you asked if I knew what I wanted from this. I told you that I only knew I wanted you with me.’

‘Yes.’ I watched him. ‘I thought we agreed to play it by ear.’

‘It is the only way in war. Even with the foresight of clairvoyance, none of us can plan a future in a time like this. But as I lay in the coffin, I wished I had been more forthcoming.’

‘Good thing you can fix that now.’

‘Yes.’ He held my hand to his chest. ‘I have not had a partner since Terebell. I did not imagine taking another. But over this past year, I have wanted nothing more than to be yours. Even if our time in Paris had its trials, I was never so content as when I lived with you.’

I listened in silence. Even after last night, it was surreal to hear this sort of forthright expression from him.

‘I told you this in Paris, but it bears repeating,’ Arcturus said, keeping hold of my gaze. ‘I have little to recommend me as a partner. Still less now I cannot raise a blade in your defence.’

‘Not true.’

‘Hm. But if you are willing to commit to me – if you grant me the privilege of your trust – then in return, I offer myself as your steadfast companion, who faces all things at your side. I will honour you in body and spirit. You will be my highest calling. Neither of us has a home, but as long as you want me, I will do all I can to be your harbour.’

My throat hurt. If I didn’t get a grip, I was going to cry all over him again.

‘Sounds nice.’ I toyed with his collar. ‘Are you asking me out?’

‘That was my intention.’

‘Took you long enough.’

‘I am immortal. This has been a swift courtship, by Rephaite standards,’ Arcturus said, ‘but I would like our union to be a long one.’ He touched me under the chin. ‘If you feel the same.’

‘I do.’ I leaned into his embrace. ‘I accept your offer, if you’ll accept the same from me.’

‘I do.’

We stayed that way for a long while. All those years of wandering, and I had found my safe place here.

‘Paige,’ Arcturus said, ‘if your instinct is to dreamwalk in our bed, you should not hold back. I do not fear your gift.’

‘I’m not saying I never will. I just think we should … build up to it.’

‘Would you like to start now?’

I did happen to want him now. The cord must be giving me away.

‘Not if you’d sooner rest,’ I said, though I couldn’t help but smile again. ‘Are you not tired?’

‘No. And I would not leave you wanting.’

He knelt before me again. Moving between my thighs, he traced the swell of one breast through my shirt and lowered his head to where the collar hung open, while his other hand glided under the dark cloth to brush my ribs, covering me in goosebumps. He unfastened the shirt and slipped it off my shoulders.

‘I love it when you look at me that way,’ I told him.

‘I remind you that I can do far more than look at you.’

He folded back one of my legs, lifting my knee towards my ribs. I closed my eyes in anticipation, wondering how I was going to be around him in public, wanting him as much as I did.

Out of nowhere, I wondered how Ducos would react if she found out about this. I shook with laughter before I could stop myself. Arcturus glanced up, eyes aglow.

‘Sorry. It’s not you,’ I said. ‘I just had a ridiculous thought.’

‘I would not mind if it had been me. I have not heard you laugh in far too long.’ He raised himself up to me for a moment, so his gaze was level with mine. ‘By all means, let your thoughts drift.’

‘Stop it. This is serious.’ I smiled into his kiss. ‘We’re committing a terrible flesh-crime.’

‘Hm.’

My coffee soon went cold, but nothing else in that room did.

For a few precious days, we lived like there was no one else in the entire world. We spent most of that time in bed, but now and then, when it felt safe, we walked the streets of Orvieto. We had a sunset picnic on the city wall. We explored a small Etruscan ruin and stole into the ancient caves. I let myself forget that Cade might soon be coming.

One day, we got up at dawn and followed the trail that surrounded the city, to get him used to walking longer distances. It was slow going, but I could see him taking a real interest in his surroundings again, which reassured me. He noticed birds and plants I would have missed.

Months ago, Arcturus had warned me that this path would not be easy. That had never been more apparent. His recovery was only just beginning. I would stay the course for him, as he had done for me.

While he rested in the day, I trained as much as I could by myself, ensuring I could perform well-oiled jumps. I checked in with Nick, but there was no word from Sala.

You were overdue a rest, he said. Take it while you have the chance.

Arcturus slept for most of the next afternoon. I drowsed in bed with him, listening to the patter of rain on the roof.

Every so often, he stirred, though he remained lethargic. I remembered him being a deep sleeper, but now the smallest sounds or movements might disturb him. When he was in that halfway state, he murmured Gloss against my skin, leaving delicate chills in his wake.

My spirit understood him, even if the language eluded me. I hoped he felt the same way when I took refuge in Irish. I wanted him to learn – I knew he would – but I would still cherish this window of time, when I could bare my soul to him without a second thought.

The rain kept pouring. I laid my head on his middle and started to drift back to sleep.

And then Ver?a sent a message, rousing me.

The Prime Minister just made a public announcement, saying that the danger has passed, and the residents of Capri and Ischia can return to their homes. I assume President Sala has made her decision.

She sent a link to a video-sharing platform called Podium. The address was in Italian, so all I could do was study Lorenzo Rinaldi, a short and wiry man with a receding hairline. From the shadows under his eyes and the beads of sweat on his brow, his courage was barely afloat. President Sala must be keeping out of the way, not betraying her location. I could only assume Capri was safe, now there was no latent Reph drawing the Buzzers there.

I checked for any missed calls from Ducos. Finding none, I turned over and embraced Arcturus, my trepidation growing for the first time in days. His arm came around me, and I was soon asleep.

That evening found us on the balcony. Arcturus was reading the book I had bought him in Venice, his eyes casting a yellow glow on the pages, while I rested against his chest, gazing at the sky. After everything we had endured, the ?ther had reserved a pocket of time for us, but it could only ever be a short reprieve. I would savour it while it lasted.

President Sala had made her decision. She trusted me to protect her. To safeguard an entire country.

Now all I had to do was prove myself worthy of that trust.

A ribbon of pale light appeared between the stars. At first, I thought it was a cloud, and then I was sure I was hallucinating, but it soon brightened to the point that I sat up to look.

‘Is that an aurora?’

Arcturus followed my line of sight.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘They appeared when we first came to Earth.’ I sat up, entranced by the spectacle. ‘We used to see them in the Netherworld, too. Your scientists believe they are caused by the winds of the sun, but the Rephaite belief is that they stem from the last light.’

‘Nick said he used to chase them in Sweden. I didn’t think they came this far—’

My phone vibrated.

We looked at each other. After the fourth ring, I answered it, my body turning cold by increments.

‘Widow?’

‘President Sala will address the Council of Kassandra at the Forum tomorrow night. Your presence is required,’ Ducos said. ‘Be ready to leave at any time.’

The line went dead.

‘Sala wants me back tomorrow.’ I lowered the phone. ‘I might actually have got through to her.’

‘I will accompany you,’ Arcturus said. ‘Terebell is on her way. She wishes to meet us in Rome.’

‘When did you hear from her?’

‘This afternoon, while you were sleeping.’

‘You won’t be able to use my aura. Terebell will have to help you go looking for voyants.’ I took hold of his chin. ‘Promise me you won’t starve yourself ever again. Swear it on the ?ther.’

‘On my oath.’

He never broke an oath by choice. I sank back into his embrace, watching the lights fade above us.

He joined me in the shower that night, so I could feel the water without fear, calmed by his presence. After, we curled up in bed, facing each other, and for once, he fell asleep before I did.

If Orvieto had taught me one thing, it was that I had to be more careful with my fragile life. I wanted to be able to share it with him after Scion. I wanted us both to see more of the world.

Sooner or later, something would have brought us crashing back to reality. Terebell was still going to take him back to Scion as soon as I got rid of Cade, while I had to stay out here in the free world. I would have to accept the separation, as I accepted many small hurts.

‘Is tusa mo bhaile, mo dhídean.’ My voice was almost too soft to hear, but Arcturus opened his eyes a little. I pressed myself against his chest and listened to his steady heart. If I had this, I might yet lose everything. If I had this, I thought I could survive.