Page 24 of The Dark Mirror (The Bone Season #5)

24

MARTLET

ORVIETO

14 October 2060

When I told Arcturus I was coming with him to Orvieto, he answered with the smallest nod, but his eyes glowed. I hadn’t seen them dance like that since our last morning in Paris.

Ducos picked us up from Rome the next day. Her rib was definitely broken, but she had received treatment in Venice to manage the pain. I supposed there was no one else Pivot trusted to drive us.

After the raid on the Palazzo del Domino, Pivot had contacted the head of Tinman, seeking an explanation for their meddling in European operations. A complex negotiation was underway. Sala had also been in touch with the Italian doublet, asking to re-establish contact with Domino.

‘You did exceptionally well to find her in four days, when all previous attempts had failed,’ Ducos said. ‘I am starting to trust in your methods, chaotic as they first appear. Expect a bonus in your account.’

‘Thanks, but I didn’t do much. Warden was the one who pointed me to the Forum.’

‘That’s another interesting development. Let us hope that Sala will find her courage.’

‘What if Fitzours comes back unexpectedly?’

‘A Finnish politician was arrested for conspiracy to murder yesterday, so Fitzours is likely distracted by the thrills of a new playground for now. We have time to prepare Italy for his return.’ She glanced at me. ‘Are you absolutely sure you can kill him?’

‘I’m sure,’ I said.

She nodded.

‘Until you hear from me, rest and prepare,’ she said. ‘You’ll be safe in Orvieto.’

I glanced at Arcturus, who hadn’t spoken. His eyes were now so dark, they almost looked human.

Orvieto soon appeared. The city stood on a steep hill, surrounded by the plains and vineyards of Umbria. This hill was abounding in caves and quarries, which led out to the countryside, allowing everyone to escape in the event of a siege. It had been an ideal place for Domino to establish a refuge in case Rome should ever fall to the anchor.

Ducos drove as far in as she could before leading us on foot to the sanctuary, past buildings made from golden brick. The city didn’t just sit over a honeycomb of caves; it almost looked as if it was made of honeycomb, too.

Casa della Fermata had its own tunnel into the caves, which Ducos had forbidden us from using. I couldn’t blame her for not trusting me around fragile structures. She unlocked a door and handed me the key.

‘Make sure you keep your phone on at all times. You’re on standby,’ she said. ‘Orvieto is a jewel of this region. Once again, please try not to damage any buildings while you are here.’

‘Of course,’ I said.

‘Good.’ She dug into her coat again. ‘We searched Cordier, once we got her back to Venice. I thought I remembered you wearing this in Paris.’

She held up a familiar pendant. The one that deflected poltergeists.

‘Thank you.’ I took it, relieved. ‘I wasn’t sure I’d see this again.’

‘All right. Leave Operation Ventriloquist to us for now,’ she said, ‘but be ready, Flora.’

She gave Arcturus a nod before leaving.

In the house, I put my bag down and shed my jacket. Even if I had to keep my phone on for the next few days, I would still use this opportunity to gather my strength before Cade arrived. Arcturus shut the door behind us.

‘The pendant,’ I said. ‘Do you want it back?’

‘No. It is yours, Paige.’

I fastened it at my nape without protest. It was a Mothallath heirloom, but the Ranthen had approved of me carrying it, and I felt braver when I did.

‘We should probably sleep off the alysoplasm,’ I said. ‘Do you want to pick a room?’

‘The choice is yours,’ Arcturus said.

‘If you’re sure.’

The walls of the house were pale stone. On the upper floor, the main bedroom had a fireplace and a balcony. I left that for Arcturus. I would have liked a balcony after my imprisonment.

The other room was snug, with shutters on the windows and beams on the ceiling. As I started to unlace my boots, my phone chimed. Ver?a had sent a message.

Widow explained the situation. We can hold the fort.

Call if anything changes , I replied. I can get back quickly if needed .

I’ll tell the others. Just at the station waiting for them . She kept writing. Orvieto is one of my favourite places. If you have time to look around, you should visit the Pozzo di San Patrizio, a medieval well named after the patron saint of Ireland. It’s a very impressive feat of engineering.

Thanks. I’ll try to see it.

I had missed another message. Maria had sent a picture of herself on the train with Nick.

The Mime Order is on its way !

I smiled and put my phone on charge.

It reassured me that Nick had almost reached Rome. He stood the best chance of controlling Jaxon, and I had enough on my plate without having to worry about what sort of tricks my old boss had up his sleeve. He might be acting prim and proper in front of Carter, but I knew Jaxon. There was only so long his ambition could be contained.

I really didn’t know why he was on the Council of Kassandra. Whatever shite he spouted about wanting voyants to have a better standing in the world, he must be gaining something personally. I didn’t trust his intentions, but I did trust Nick to defang him for a while.

Arcturus looked into the room. ‘Do you prefer this one?’

‘It’s grand,’ I said. ‘You’ll have more space in the other bed.’

He nodded. As he left, I thought of the nights I had slept beside him in Paris. How safe I had felt.

Even now, he was withholding his emotions, keeping a tight grip on the cord. I had no right to his feelings – neither of us had consented to this connection, and we still had no idea of its purpose – but it unbalanced me to have no idea if he could read mine. I certainly wasn’t trying to stop him.

It was his choice. I would accept it. I put my washbag in the bathroom and faced the mirror, grimacing. My last dose of alysoplasm was still working its way through me, worsening my dark circles. It was time for a break. I closed the shutters and crawled into bed.

I slept for a day and most of the night. When I woke, it was two in the morning, and I had a crushing headache. I could also feel the ?ther. My body welcomed the return of my sixth sense, but my dreamscape was rebuking me for suppressing it for so long in the first place. I felt my way back to the parlour and took a box of painkillers from my holdall.

Arcturus was asleep. After days of absence, I could sense his dreamscape. I washed down the pills before I burrowed into bed again.

The next time my eyes opened, it was Saturday afternoon. Just over a month since I had woken in Wroc?aw.

Sometimes I wished my life would slow down.

At once, I rushed to the bathroom and purged the last of the alysoplasm. I had drunk too much in too little time. When it was all out, I slumped against the bath, drenched in sweat.

Arcturus had been right to tell me to come here. I needed to get this poison out of me. I felt like death warmed over, but I was hungry enough that I wasn’t likely to get back to sleep.

Orvieto was colder than Rome. I bundled up in my fleece-lined jacket before I left the house. A thick mist had gathered in the valley below, but the city rose above it, alone in the sky. I wandered along its sun-drenched streets and lanes, stopping at shops to buy fresh bread and cheese and fruit. Lastly, I picked out a bottle of red wine. There were no tourists but me, and time moved like the first trickle of a spring.

Perhaps I could have woken up and lived every day as gently as this, if I had made different choices in life. I was under no illusion that it would last. Orvieto was a dream. A last intake of easy breath before I faced the Devil.

It had occurred to me that I might not survive the encounter with Cade. For all I knew, Orvieto could be the last time I ever knew peace.

When I got back to the house, I chopped the food and arranged it all on a wooden board. I sliced a pomegranate last.

Arcturus was still in his room, probably sleeping off his own overdose of alysoplasm. He must have gone out to feed at some point. I ate in the parlour, trying to get used to the feeling of not having to do anything in particular. It reminded me of our early days in Paris.

A stubborn little voice told me I should be using this respite to train. In my head, I went over the arsenal of techniques I had learned.

I didn’t know exactly what I could do against Cade. I wasn’t an unreadable, so my dreamscape could be breached. All I could do was try to drive his spirit out before he did the same to me.

Arcturus had been able to help me; now I had to step up to the plate and help myself. Except I didn’t quite know how. If I was practising with a gun, I could use a dummy or a bullseye. For dreamwalking, I needed a living target. I couldn’t subject Arcturus to it. After what Cade had done to him, I doubted he would ever want me in his mind again.

In that moment, something drew my attention to the ?ther. His dreamscape felt heavy – wrong, somehow. It took no time to realise it reminded me of Capri.

Not a minute later, I was in his room. The shutters were closed against the sun, but I could see him in the stripes of daylight, lying in the gloom.

‘Arcturus,’ I said. ‘Have you still not fed?’

‘Orvieto is too small for discretion.’

‘Oh, catch yourself on. You’ve always managed.’ I went to him. ‘Enough with the excuses. Why are you doing this?’

‘I am not swift enough any longer. I would be noticed.’

At least he had finally admitted it. When he turned away, I sat on the bed at his side.

‘Then you have to use mine,’ I said firmly. ‘You have no choice now.’

‘I am weary, Paige.’ His voice was hardly there. ‘I am weary of existing at others’ expense.’

My stomach tightened.

‘Don’t talk like that,’ I said. ‘Arcturus, look at me.’

He didn’t. At last, I threw caution to the wind and touched him for the first time since Capri.

For days, I had tried not to do this, even as my instincts told me to draw him close. Now I gripped his chin, forcing him to look at me. Only a hairline of light encircled his pupils.

‘You said you were always at my command,’ I said. ‘I’m ordering you, as Underqueen.’

Terebell would never have let him sink this low. She had only left him with me for a few days, and I was on the brink of losing him a second time.

‘Please,’ I said, softer. ‘I can feel you freezing. Don’t make me see you like that again.’

Arcturus returned my gaze.

At any other time, I would have braced for the familiar discomfort of a Reph using me to bridge. Instead, I willed him to keep going. I willed it with everything I had. I had invited him to share my connection to the ?ther, and I wanted him to accept. Our auras were fusing.

His eyes blew into open flames. I almost tensed as I remembered the torture chamber, but I knew he would stop if I did, and I needed him to save himself. So I held on to him.

My skin prickled. An unexpected sense of calm descended on me. I felt drowsy, and my brow fell against his. His upper arm, which had been painfully tight, now slackened. I felt the warmth of his sarx through his sleeve. When I looked up, his eyes were bright red.

Our auras separated. The trance broke, and I let go of him, covered with goosebumps.

‘You are a damned fool,’ I said, ‘for not doing that before we got to Rome. I was there. I offered.’

‘Paige.’

‘No, you listen to me, Arcturus Mesarthim. I risked this entire country to get you off Capri. The least you can do is keep fighting for your own life.’ I turned away from him. ‘I’m going for a walk.’

He made no attempt to stop me leaving. I was halfway down the street before I realised.

My eyes weren’t bleeding.

And it hadn’t hurt.

The Pozzo di San Patrizio was right on the other side of Orvieto. I strode through the cobbled and darkening streets, the yellow streetlights coming on around me as the sun went down.

Orvieto had spectacular outlooks. I stopped more than once, captivated by the sights of the valley. By the time I reached the right place, it was almost nightfall. The ticket office was closed, but I had never let a little thing like that stop me from going where I pleased.

The Pozzo di San Patrizio was near the edge of a cliff, covered by a brick entrance. I walked past it and rested my arms on the old city wall for a while.

Arcturus was putting up so many walls that he might as well be in that coffin again, and I still wasn’t strong enough to break him free. I had been a fool to ever think I could help him recover.

Taking a deep breath, I sleeved my cheeks dry. Every other time a Reph had fed on me, I had felt dizzy and bled from the eyes, but these were ordinary tears, shed in frustration. He had known for days that he was too slow to feed, but had kept refusing to use my aura.

The door to the well had been locked for the night. I took out my new picks and made short work of it.

Inside, a set of steps wound into absolute darkness. I snapped my windproof lighter open, casting a soft glow. An arched opening appeared to my right, carved into the rock. I leaned through it and looked down, seeing a pool of glassy water far below, like a dark mirror.

As I descended, I came across more internal windows, each with a candleholder set into it. I lit the candles as I went, but my breath came short. This was already reminding me of the Archon.

Yet something told me to keep going.

I wished I could remember whether my family had ever discussed Saint Patrick. It had been too long since I left. All I had now were faint impressions, and even those were starting to blend together. Time was eroding my childhood memories of Ireland, as it eroded all things but Rephs. Arcturus would be able to resurrect those memories, but without him, they were lost to me. Another few years, and they might be gone for good.

There were more than two hundred steps. By the time I reached the bottom of the well, I had broken into a sweat. Now I was almost level with the water, which had a small bridge across it. The sight of it woke memories I tried and failed to force back into my dreamscape.

Still, I stepped on to the bridge, since I had come this far. I grasped the railing and stood there for a long time, gazing up the shaft. It had to be over a hundred feet deep. A clear dome covered it, letting the last faint glow of dusk spill down, along with the candlelight I had left in my wake. Tufts of greenery bloomed from the fine cracks on the walls.

‘Did you come to make a wish?’

I looked down. Arcturus had appeared on the other side of the bridge.

‘There was a spring near our farm. You’d dip a rag or ribbon in the water and tie it around the branch of a tree.’ I reached into my pocket. ‘I don’t have a ribbon, so this will have to do.’

I dropped a coin into the water, right through my reflection.

I wish he would see himself as I see him.

‘I have always found such traditions intriguing,’ Arcturus said. ‘Whether voyant or amaurotic, humans have long sought intervention from unseen forces. You make offerings. You pray. You call out to the other side, even if it does not answer. Scion has done away with such rituals, but they flourish beyond the empire. Even within, the old faiths endured in secret for a century.’

‘Nashira wants you to be the only gods.’

‘I believe that is her eventual intention. For all your stories to be sublimated into us.’

The coin glinted in the dim light of the candles.

‘Jaxon thinks some of them were inspired by you in the first place,’ I said. ‘We’d be coming full circle.’ I shot him a curious look. ‘How did you get to that side of the bridge?’

‘There are two intertwining staircases, with different entrances. It seems this bridge is the only place where they connect.’ Pause. ‘Do you wish to be alone?’

‘Not especially.’

Arcturus came to stand beside me in the middle of the bridge. He looked up the candlelit shaft.

‘Saint Patrick was said to know the way to purgatory. The liminal state between life and a final death,’ he said. ‘I see you have undertaken your own katabasis.’ I raised an eyebrow. ‘A descent into the underworld.’

‘Ver?a told me about this place. I’m not sure why I came,’ I said. ‘Maybe to feel a bit closer to Ireland.’ I clasped my hands. ‘Do you feel any closer to the Netherworld down here?’

‘The Netherworld lies beyond the veil. If you dug to the very core of this world, you would not find it there,’ Arcturus said. ‘Yet I do feel a sense of peace in the depths, just as I always have in darkness. Perhaps the concept of purgatory was inspired by the Netherworld.’

‘Don’t say that. I hate it when Jaxon is right.’

His gloves were on. I looked away.

‘Nashira named all your cities after underworlds. She sees the connection,’ I said. ‘Do you think humans of the past could have learned about the Netherworld from the Mothallath?’

‘Perhaps. We know little of what they did on Earth.’

‘One of the sacred mysteries, is it?’ When he looked at me, I said, ‘Lesath mentioned them.’

‘Hm.’

A deep silence descended on the well. I could talk to Arcturus for hours, but I had always treasured our silences, when the world seemed to grow still, and I could pretend that time had stopped moving; that it could hold me without leaving a trace, the way it did to him.

‘There is a mythical bird called a martlet,’ he said. ‘It has no feet, and never lands. From the moment it comes into existence, it is always on the wing, even when it sleeps. A bird without a roost, only resting when it falls in death. I thought of that bird as I lay in Carcassonne. It reminded me of what you said in Paris – that if I made you my home, I would be destined to wander for ever. It seems we are both martlets, Paige.’

‘Except you’ll never fall.’

‘I have come very close.’

Arcturus reached into his coat. He offered a coin of his own to the pool, shattering the faint vision of us.

His eyes should have terrified me in the dark. They should have reminded me of Suhail, who had fed whenever he pleased as he tortured me, leaving him with a red gaze. But seeing my aura burning in the eyes of Arcturus Mesarthim, I felt something quite different.

He caught me looking.

‘Forgive me,’ he said. ‘I never wanted to feed on you.’

‘That’s not why I’m upset. How are you six foot nine and the point is still going over your head?’

Arcturus watched me, waiting.

‘It didn’t hurt,’ I said. ‘I didn’t bleed. I don’t … understand why.’

‘If a voyant is willing, there is no blood or pain.’

‘Why did you never tell me that?’

‘I did not want you to feel obliged.’

‘It would have been safer for both of us. In Paris, you kept having to go out to feed. If you’d just taken mine—’ I released my breath. ‘Look, I know it must be awful to have to use our auras to survive, but you’ve done it for two centuries. Why punish yourself now?’

He tightened his grip on the railing.

‘Suhail made me hate my own nature. I was afraid to tell you what happened in the Archon, but you refused to let me live with any shame,’ I said. ‘You told me that a secret held within can be a poison. If you want to talk, I’m listening.’

Arcturus was silent for some time, gazing down at our reflections in that dark mirror of water.

‘In Oxford, Nashira did not torture us for information. That pain was a punishment, not an interrogation. I can endure pain,’ he said, ‘but in Carcassonne, she wanted the Mime Order. She wanted you.’

The shaft magnified his voice, so the walls echoed it, even though he spoke as softly as he always did.

‘At first, Nashira commanded the poltergeist to excruciate me for my crimes. She knows the myth of the golden cord, and suspects that our spirits are bound, after seeing how swiftly you found me in Paris. Perhaps she thought my suffering would draw you out again,’ he said. ‘When awakening my scars failed to achieve the desired outcome, she instructed Kornephoros Sheratan to use his gift against me.’

Kornephoros, the Reph that Ménard had kept in chains in his basement. He was a kind of osteomancer, capable of causing a sickening amount of pain through his touch, even with gloves. He and Arcturus had been lovers once, which must have made the torture crueller.

‘Once it was clear that no amount of physical agony could sway me to betray my human allies,’ he said, ‘Nashira sent Fitzours to harrow my dreamscape. There was only so much he could inflict on a Rephaite, but he did what he could.’

‘Like … what?’

It took Arcturus a while to reply.

‘You of all people know the sanctity of the dreamscape. The necessity of it,’ he said. ‘It is the stronghold that shelters the spirit. Without its walls, we would be adrift in the ?ther, exposed and defenceless.’ He never stopped looking at our reflections, as though they were safer than our reality. ‘When you walk in my dreamscape, you are a welcome guest. Fitzours was an intruder. He stripped me of my shelter when I needed it the most. The longer I resisted interrogation, the more violent he became. He tore down the drapes. He attacked my spirit.’

Hearing this, I knew that I was capable of killing Cade.

When I saw him again, I was going to rip his spirit to shreds.

‘Nashira eventually came to accept that I would not give in to any pain she could inflict, whether physical or spiritual,’ Arcturus said. ‘That was when she revealed that she had Michael.’

‘What?’

Michael had been with us right from the beginning, in Magdalen. He had befriended Arcturus long before I arrived. In twenty years, I had never met anyone so gentle.

‘After Michael was detained in London, he was sent to Versailles, as we saw in the ledger. When Nashira learned he was there, she had him brought to her side to serve her,’ Arcturus said quietly. ‘And when I would not answer her questions, Kornephoros tormented him.’

I let the tears run in silence, not wanting to distract him by blotting them.

‘Situla freed Michael from his cell during the raid on Carcassonne,’ Arcturus said, ‘but he did not leave with the Ranthen. I do not know what became of him.’ He lowered his face. ‘I deserve none of your pity, Paige. I failed Michael, just as I failed Gail. Just as I failed you.’

‘How did you fail me?’

‘I was in Paris to protect you. I was unsuccessful.’

‘Stop it. None of it was your fault.’

Before I could stop myself, I had touched his wrist, right where his glove met his sleeve.

‘They want us to hate ourselves, even if we survive what they do to us,’ I said. ‘But remember what you told me in Paris. We don’t let them win.’

He looked at my hand on his arm, and then into my eyes.

‘I never thanked you for saving me,’ he said. ‘It is not the first time you have risked your life for my sake. I am grateful for this second chance, which no Rephaite has been granted before. I have been melancholy, these past few days, but I am glad to be here with you.’

‘We’ve always saved each other. I can’t keep flying without you.’

‘I believe you could. I told you. You are a force of nature, Paige Mahoney.’ He covered my hand. ‘I have rid myself of my poison. Are you ready to ascend?’

I craned my neck to look up the shaft, to the sky above.

‘That word you used. The descent into the underworld,’ I said. ‘What’s the opposite?’

‘An anabasis. The journey back to the surface, made by those who are not yet ready for death.’ He nodded to the archway. ‘You climb first, little dreamer. I will follow.’

With a nod, I went to the other steps. I walked in front of Arcturus, and trusted he was behind me, all the way.

By the time we got back, I was drained to the marrow. Now I knew what our enemies had done to him, and no amount of white aster would take his memories away. Learning that Michael was likely dead had only worsened the weight in my chest. Yet another person who I had met in Oxford, lost to the ?ther.

I secured the door behind us. Arcturus went to the table, where I had left the red wine and a glass.

‘Thank you for this,’ he said to me. ‘Your acts of kindness have not gone unnoticed.’

‘It’s fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’

‘Paige.’

I stopped.

‘You are strong, even if Fitzours is well-trained,’ Arcturus said, ‘but I understand that it may be difficult for you to kill him. To our knowledge, he is the only person who shares your gift; the only person who might understand the burden you have always carried. Should you decide to stay your hand, as you did with Jaxon, I will not hold it against you.’

‘I can’t. He’s twisted our gift into something terrible.’

‘No.’

He joined me at the bottom of the stairs. With care, he brushed a trailing curl from my brow and tucked it behind my ear, lingering on the shell. His gaze darted over my face.

‘Nothing in you is terrible,’ he said. ‘Goodnight, Paige.’

And then he left, and I was alone.

The warmth of his touch should have faded in moments. Instead, it fanned across my skin, kindling the flames of memory. To distract myself, I soaked in a hot bath, then took my time drying and scrunching my hair. I changed into a singlet and pulled it down over my hips, intending to forget about that fleeting touch and sleep. Instead, I lay awake, restless.

Arcturus had trusted me with the truth. He had taken my hand, told me that he was glad to be with me. For once, I had done something right.

But he was still blocking the cord.

Before I could stop myself, I got up and went back downstairs. I couldn’t stand this any longer.

I found Arcturus sitting in the parlour with his wine. His eyes were already returning to gold, but they held on to some of my red, like embers.

‘Paige?’

I stayed at the bottom of the stairs, wrestling with myself.

‘I have tried not to ask you this,’ I said. ‘My feelings aren’t your responsibility, and yours aren’t mine to know. I have no claim on them. But for over a year, our spirits have been joined. And now there’s … nothing. You’re not there. I feel like half of me is numb.’

Arcturus broke my gaze.

‘I respect your decision. Whatever it is, I won’t blame you for it,’ I said. ‘I only want to understand why.’

‘There are always reasons. I ask that you trust me in this, little dreamer.’

‘But I didn’t trust you. Not enough.’ I took a step back. ‘You do blame me.’

‘For what?’

‘All of it. I knew, but—’

‘Paige, wait.’ Arcturus stood. ‘Do you believe I hold you responsible for my imprisonment?’

‘You should. I left you,’ I forced out. ‘I left you with Nashira.’ His eyes gave a flicker. I couldn’t always interpret their movements, but I saw the moment of realisation. Now I knew for certain. In denying me his emotions, he had also shut out mine.‘I solved your puzzle, even if I was too late,’ I said. ‘The proof of your allegiance, which only I could see. The red drapes in your dreamscape, from the Guildhall. The place you first held me is where you feel safe.’‘Yes.’ His confirmation was as soft as it was shattering.‘It was the same night Oxford fell. That could have been the reason why,’ I whispered. ‘I wouldn’t have assumed it was—’ I shook my head. ‘But I should have seen it sooner. I should never have believed that you would turn your back on me.’‘You tried all you could with the knowledge you had. What more could you have done, if you had seen?’ Arcturus said. ‘I would not have gone with you.’

‘Then I should have stayed with you, so you didn’t have to face it alone.’

‘No. I wanted you to leave, so you would be safe. I wanted you to stay away, so she would never find you,’ he said. ‘If you seek absolution, I grant it, but you have not wronged me.’

My throat hurt.

‘You’re doing it again. Showing me who you are,’ I said. ‘You did that in Paris, and in London. You danced with me just to hear me laugh. You were so kind and sweet and respectful, every single day. And one pathetic charade was all it took to break my faith in you.’

‘Because people have used you, Paige. I have used you.’

‘I forgave you for Oxford. Even if I couldn’t have stopped you being tortured, I betrayed our friendship.’ My voice cracked. ‘I don’t deserve you, Arcturus. I could have come after you again. I could have kept trying, like Terebell did. I had the golden cord – I could have found you – but I thought you were gone, so I chose the white aster. I condemned us both.’

‘You needed to forget, to survive. If you had come for me, Nashira would have killed you,’ he said. ‘You needed to forget. But I needed to remember. As I was tortured, it was your voice that kept me sane. Your face that filled my days and nights. I was in a dark room – but I had another, in my memories. The dark room that we shared in Paris. I could go there whenever I wanted. My torturers did what they pleased with my body, but I paid them no heed, with my gift to console me. In my dreams, I was still in your arms.’

I had given up on trying to stop the waterworks. My hair was clinging to my cheeks.

‘But you don’t want me any more,’ I said.

‘I have never stopped wanting you, Paige Mahoney.’

And just like that, he released the cord.

Before, there had been a tourniquet on it. Now his emotions came pouring out of him. The rush of them hit me like a weight, driving the breath from my chest.

He wanted me so much it was excruciating. I could feel his ache to hold me right the way through my body, as strong as my ache to be held. I didn’t understand how he was standing there like a statue, keeping that much passion out of sight.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I had to be certain you wanted my touch,’ Arcturus said quietly. ‘Before I let you understand how much I wanted yours.’

‘You would have known that if you’d let the cord breathe.’ I stared at him. ‘You pushed me away in Venice. I thought you didn’t want to be touched – that or you were angry with me.’

‘Never.’

‘Then why?’

‘Fitzours took your form in my dreamscape,’ he said. I flinched. ‘The first time, I believed he was you, in my exhaustion. I warned you to stay away, betraying the depth of my care for you. He tried to extract information, and when that failed, he preyed on the vulnerability I had revealed. It was a crueller torment than anything else that Nashira could inflict – to hear you taunting me, telling me that you despised me. He tortured me that way until the end, when I was sealed into the coffin.’

Cade had lived alongside me before. He must have observed me with care, allowing him to mimic me.

‘When I saw your face again,’ Arcturus said, ‘I believed that you were Fitzours, returning to goad me. And then Nick was there, and I realised it truly was you I was holding, as if on a waterboard.’‘You didn’t know.’‘I still hurt you. I sensed your fear of me for the first time since Oxford,’ he said. ‘I shielded you from my emotions at the cost of knowing yours. All I could do was interpret your actions. I saw you trying to ease my burden, but every time I came too close to you, you moved away. I had … thought that you no longer wished for the intimacy we shared in Paris.’‘I was trying to give you space. You didn’t explain what you needed, so I had to guess. What was I supposed to think after you cut me off ?’‘You have your own dark room to bear. How could I bring you into mine?’ he said. ‘How could I touch you again, knowing my touch had caused you pain?’

‘A chroí,’ I said, ‘I’m not afraid of you.’

I took him by the hand and pressed it to my heart. As he looked at his own scarred fingers on my skin, I let him sit with my nearness, my pulse rising.

‘It’s easier to live with a dark room if you have company. You taught me that in Paris,’ I said. ‘And I’ve never stopped wanting you, either.’ For a long time, Arcturus just stood there, looking down at me. His other hand came to my waist, and at last, I let myself embrace him.

‘We’re both such fools,’ I said thickly. ‘Maybe we deserve each other.’ I pressed my forehead to his chest. ‘Your dreamscape. The red drapes. How could you have ever felt that safe with me in Oxford?’

Arcturus tipped up my chin, just as another tear seeped down my cheek.

‘For two centuries, my existence was stagnant. I was a shade in Magdalen, following the same paths each night.’ He brushed the tear away. ‘And then you came, angel of vengeance.’

I clung to his shirt. He lifted me on to the counter, and I draped my arms around his neck.

‘The night you left Oxford, I watched my prison burn,’ he said softly, eyes locked on mine. ‘You were in that fire – your wrath, your strength, your refusal to be tamed. And when it finally went out, the world lay absolutely still, just as it did before you came. For some, there is safety in stillness, in certainty. But you have ruined me for stillness, Paige Mahoney.’

An urgent chill was spreading in me, sharpening my senses. Our gazes held for a long moment, and then, all at once, our lips came together.

It was fragile at first, searching and cautious, even as my bolder instincts told me to drag him right on to the counter with me. My entire body revelled in his touch; it reverberated through every inch of my skin, and every part of me remembered. As the kiss deepened, his warm hands went under my singlet, baring the burning skin of my thighs.

‘I want you.’ I breathed the words against his mouth. ‘I want all of you.’

‘Good.’ He looked me in the eyes. ‘I owe you a duet.’