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Chapter Thirty Two

B y the time the afternoon sun rose high in the sky, the manor had long since gone quiet.

Camilla dozed on the couch, her body still demanding rest as it healed.

Clay and Elaina had yet to return, leaving the house heavy with an uneasy stillness.

I lingered for as long as I could before I couldn’t bear to sit still any longer.

Wrapping a heavy cloak tightly around my shoulders, I wandered outside, the crisp winter air biting against my skin.

The gardens at the castle had once been my sanctuary, one of the few places I’d been able to find peace.

My gardens here at Hyrax Manor hardly compared.

The cold had stripped the crops and flowers of their vibrancy, leaving them withered and fragile.

Even in the height of spring, though, the gardens had never possessed the same luster as the palace’s carefully tended pathways.

Maybe when all this was over, I’d find time to come out here myself and spend my days ensuring that the garden got the love it deserved.

A sudden gust of wind whipped through the trees, rattling their bare branches.

It sliced across my cheeks like tiny blades, but even that couldn’t compare to the icy hollowness in my chest. How was it possible to feel so much in so little time?

In a matter of days, I’d gone from the most exquisite of heavens to the darkest depths of loneliness.

Perhaps this was my curse .

I was a lone Goddess walking among Mortals.

There would never be anyone in this realm who could stand beside me as an equal. No one who could truly understand what it felt like to carry this weight, this power. No one would ever feel the same responsibility or utter isolation.

My knees sank into the cold, brittle grass as I lowered myself to the ground. I ran the dry blades between my fingers, letting their rough edges ground me as the steady wave of the ocean roared in the distance.

Chewing my lip, I tried to clear my thoughts, to push all my fears and doubts and desperation down. There would be time to deal with it all. Right now, there was work to be done. If I couldn’t focus, people I loved would die.

A terrifying truth, dark and inevitable, crept into my thoughts.

“I’m going to watch them die either way,” I whispered to myself, the overwhelming truth finally escaping.

I could endure with being the only one of my kind. Being a Goddess wasn’t just about power or isolation - it was about time and the endless expanse of it that stretched before me.

I would have an impossibly long lifespan.

While my friends aged, matured and moved through the finite chapters of their lives, I would remain the same. Eventually, I would watch them all die.

One day I would watch him die.

And I would have to keep living without them.

A tremor shook my hands as I dug them into the frozen earth, the storm inside me far worse than the snow that was beginning to fall.

Iris was right.

There were fates worse than death.

W hen I returned to the manor, I found Clay in the kitchen, his hands busy preparing a meal.

I hesitated in the doorway, unsure whether I should speak.

He looked calm, his movements precise as he chopped herbs, but there was an undercurrent of tension in the set of his shoulders.

I watched silently until his eyes flicked up, surprise briefly softening his features, when he noticed me.

“How long have you been there?” he asked, his voice steady but distant—the kind of calm that came before a storm.

“Not long,” I lied. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“You assume just because I was raised as royalty, I didn’t learn any other important skills?” He gave me a wry grin, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes, before dusting his hands off and passing me a biscuit. “Try it.”

I took the offering and bit into it, unable to stop the soft moan that escaped as the warm, buttery flavor melted on my tongue. “Gods, that’s incredible.”

His lips quirked slightly, but he returned to chopping. “Sit,” he commanded, his tone leaving no room for argument. He gestured toward a stool at the counter. “You haven’t eaten all day.”

I frowned, thinking back. Had it really been that long? My stomach growled loudly in answer, and I clenched a hand against my middle in embarrassment. I didn’t know what was more surprising—that I’d simply forgotten to feed myself or that Clay had noticed.

Or that he still cared enough to cook for me.

He passed me a bowl of soup and another biscuit, which I took gratefully, savoring the first sweet taste. It was loaded with spices, savory at first, then settling into something unbelievably comforting .

“Thank you,” I mumbled. “You didn’t have to do this.”

He shrugged, still avoiding my gaze. “You’ve been sitting out there for hours in the cold. I don’t want you getting sick.”

The bitter words escaped before I could stop them. “Can I even get sick?”

Was that possible? Did Gods get colds?

The knife paused mid-chop, and his hands stilled. For a moment, the only sound was the faint crackle of the hearth behind us. He straightened slowly, finally meeting my gaze, his expression unreadable.

“I don’t know, Thea,” he admitted, his voice quieter now, almost resigned. “But I’d rather not test it out.”

I focused my attention on the bowl in front of me. “Why not?”

He arched a brow at me, suddenly looking very much like the stubborn prince who used to annoy me to no end. “Excuse me?”

“Why do you care?” I said louder, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “You made it very clear that you don’t think this is working between us, Clay. You walked away from me. So, why do you care whether I’ve eaten or whether I get sick?”

“Because I love you, Thea.” He said it as if it were an obvious fact, like saying the sky was blue or water was wet.

“You love me, but you don’t trust me.”

“And you love me, but you keep secrets from me,” he shot back, stabbing the knife point-down into the cutting board.

“This is a ridiculous thing for you to be angry about! Do you need me to tell you about every single soul I’ve met in the Underworld?”

“It’s not the same, and you know it!”

The sound of a throat clearing made us both jump. We turned to see Elaina standing in the doorway, with Camilla leaning heavily on her arm. The former greeted us with a soft smile .

“Camilla’s feeling a bit better,” Elaina explained. “We thought we might try to go for a walk.”

Clay and I stood in awkward silence, watching them make their careful exit. Only after they disappeared did Clay shift his focus back to me. We both took steadying breaths, the tension in the room crackling.

“I need you to understand why I’m upset,” Clay said sharply, breaking the silence. “I’m tired of being the one you trust the least. I’m tired of watching you take risks that you don’t let me share in.”

“I made a choice to keep it all a secret,” I admitted, forcing my voice to stay even. “That might not have been the ideal decision in your eyes, but if you love me, then you have to accept that I’m not always going to make decisions you like.”

He scoffed, shaking his head with a rueful smile. “You’ve made decisions I don’t like since the day I met you, Thea. That’s hardly the issue.”

“Then what is?”

“How am I supposed to protect you if you insist on keeping me in the dark while this kind of stuff is happening?”

So that’s what this was about. Clay’s incessant need to play the white knight—the morally irrefutable prince, always ready to swoop in and save everyone, even those who didn’t want saving. He couldn’t accept that he’d finally met someone who didn’t need his protection. Someone stronger than him.

“I didn’t ask for you to protect me,” I snapped, crossing my arms. “And I don’t need your protection. I am a Goddess, remember?”

“I’m very well aware of that.”

“Do you think I wanted this? Do you think I want to constantly have to control magic that can kill as easily as lifting a finger? Do you think I want my father to be the God of Death? I hate it, Clay. ”

He rolled his eyes, leaning backwards against the kitchen counter. “No, you don’t. Since the day I met you, you’ve had no qualms reminding people you’re powerful enough to stand on your own.”

I wanted to scream, to lash out and shake him until he understood how frustrating it was to watch him pull away from me over something I had no control over.

“Why don’t you just admit it, Clay?” I challenged. “You’re not afraid of the secrets; you’re afraid of me. You’re afraid of what it means that I’m a Goddess.”

“You think I’m afraid of your power?” His voice broke, raw and unguarded.

“If anyone is afraid of the significance of your powers, it’s you.

I, on the other hand, have known you were extraordinary since the moment I met you.

I’ve never doubted your strength—not for a second.

What terrifies me, though, is that you still don’t trust me enough to let me stand beside you and because of that one day you’ll decide you don’t need me anymore and leave me behind. ”

I opened my mouth to respond, but the lump in my throat silenced me. He wasn’t wrong—not entirely. But he wasn’t entirely right, either.

I stepped towards him, not daring physical touch, but close enough for him to be able to sense my sincerity.

“I never meant to make you feel like I don’t need you,” I whispered, each word trembling with the weight of my confession.

“But it’s hard, Clay. It’s so hard to let someone into this chaos when I don’t even know where it’s going.

Death and destruction have followed me since the second I was created.

It’s not that I don’t want your protection, but maybe you need to be protected from me. ”