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Chapter Twenty Seven

W hen Clay finally came to me, after what felt like an eternity, the sun was already beginning to set.

I'd spent most of the day attempting to read and dozing off when I couldn't bring myself to pay attention to the words on the pages in front of me.

Even after those short bursts of rest, my body still ached from how long I'd been awake worrying.

When I heard his soft knock at the open door, I turned rapidly from where I’d been brushing out my hair to meet his gaze, a rush of anxious energy flowing through me.

His grey eyes trailed over me from where he leaned heavily against my doorframe.

He’d thrown on the same clothes from earlier, though they were notably more rustled than before.

And even though he looked just as tired as I felt, with dark circles under his eyes, he was undeniably handsome, body lean but with corded muscles visible from where his arms crossed over his broad chest.

“You look more relaxed,” I said, noting the way his shoulders sat a little lower than they had earlier when he’d stormed out of the house.

He pursed his lips and nodded before pointing towards the small set of chairs before the hearth. “May I? ”

My pulse raced as I inclined my head towards them and stood to close the bedroom door as he took a seat. He didn’t look angry anymore, which was some small relief. Now he just looked tired - of the day, of the fight, of everything that still lingered between us.

“I’d offer you a drink, but I don’t actually have anything worth drinking here in the manor.”

A small breath of air escaped as he laughed through a stressed smile. “Now that might be the worst crime you’ve committed yet.”

I thought of Camilla in my living room. Then I thought of the times I’d taken lives, the day I’d gone to an illegal drug dealers party, the time I’d allowed Iris to take me to one of those sex houses. I had committed far worse crimes, and we both knew it.

Taking my time, I lowered myself slowly into the seat across from him, watching his every breath. Despite my conversation with Elaina, despite her insistence on Clay’s feelings for me, I suddenly felt… doubt.

It was an odd sensation. I’d never had to doubt the way Clay felt about me before.

From the moment I’d overheard him telling Iris that I intrigued him to the moment I’d knocked on his door the day before and asked for his help, he’d always made his intentions, impossible as they may be, abundantly clear.

I’d never had to worry that he didn’t find me beautiful or that he didn’t enjoy my company.

But that had been before I’d allowed so many secrets to linger between us, and now it seemed so clear that we weren’t standing on level ground anymore.

“What happens now?” I finally asked softly, unable to bear listening to the silence any longer.

He looked up at me from where he’d been staring at the embers in the hearth, his body here but his mind far away.

“I’ll return to the palace in the morning.

Tell Rankor and Kent to gather the men that are loyal to them.

Iris should have some members of the Order that will join us as well. Then we’ll go to my father.”

“He’s not just going to surrender his kingdom, Clay.”

He folded his hands together, leaning forward on his knees. “I know that.”

Clay had been right when he’d pointed out earlier that he wasn’t ready to make this move yet.

Gaining control of a kingdom wasn’t easy.

It was a bloody, messy, war-filled process.

Maybe if Clay had the time he needed to gather all his allies, to follow his plan the way he’d intended to, innocent lives could be spared.

And the only thing standing in his way of doing just that was… me.

“There is another option,” I whispered tentatively, my heart not wanting to give life to the plan that my mind knew was a reasonable enough course of action.

His eyes flashed to mine.

“I could go to Tenebris. Or Promissa, even. I’m the last Descendant of Hyrax, either kingdom would happily take me in and protect me and-”

“You want to leave Athenia?”

I stilled, heart falling through my stomach at the tone of his voice. We sat for a moment, simply looking at each other before I finally steadied my breathing enough to choke out, “No. I don’t.”

Athenia was my home.

He was here, of course, but Iris, Kent, and Rankor, too. They were my family and being sent away from them had been my biggest fear for so long.

I had something new to fear now, though.

Maybe my being here was causing more chaos in their lives than my presence was worth.

“You think leaving would fix this?” His voice cracked, the words landing heavier than I’d expected .

“You’re talking about starting a war, Clay. People will get hurt. People we love could die. You said yourself you’re not ready to fight that war, and I don’t want to be the reason you lose your kingdom.”

My voice cracked, and he stood instantly, moving to my side before kneeling in front of me and taking my hands in his. Silently, he reached up and brushed aside the tear that rolled down my cheek before tucking my hair behind my ear and running his finger down the length of the strand.

“You are my kingdom.” His hands traveled down my forearms until they held my waist. The future King of Athenia, descended from Zion, bowed before me with an expression filled with such adoration it made me only want to cry harder.

“War will always come with casualties. I know that better than most, Thea, but everything that means anything to me is right here in this room. I would burn my own kingdom to nothing but embers if it meant I could protect you and have you with me. I’m not afraid of war. I’m afraid of losing you.”

“Our bloodlines-”

“It’s just blood , Thea. It only holds power over you if you let it.”

“I don’t know how it can’t,” I confessed. “You’d be a King from House Zion, and I…”

My voice trailed off, not willing to give sound to what we both had already realized to be the truth.

“And what if we weren’t?”

My brows pinched together in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

He looked away, battling some internal frustration. “I’m tired of always having to think like a king, especially when that means we can’t just be honest with each other about what this is between us.”

I shivered. “So, be honest with me, Clay.”

“You want honesty?” He leveled his eyes on mine. “I’m terrified I’ll never measure up to what you deserve, but I’ll never forgive myself for letting this kingdom’s expectations stop me from trying. ”

He stood and pulled me up, stepping closer as his hands brushed my hair over my shoulders and cradled my face. “Tomorrow, I will lead a rebellion that will make history, and when I have finished and I sit on the Athenian throne, I want you to be the woman sitting next to me.”

It was a pretty vision, us together, treated as equals and free to simply be with each other and live as we wanted with no ridiculous rules or arranged marriages keeping us apart.

It felt impossible, it always had.

But Clay was right.

What he was about to do could change everything that this kingdom deemed possible.

“That’s what I want,” he whispered, his fingers warm around the back of my neck. “Last year I told you that you didn’t know what you wanted, that you never had.”

I laughed through my tears, recalling the moment he’d shouted those words at me and stormed off, each syllable feeling like a stinging blow against my skin. “I recall.”

He lifted my chin, forcing me to meet the eyes that glowed golden with emotion. “So now it’s your turn to be honest. Do you know what you want now?”

Thick emotion filled every part of me, making me both hot with passion and frozen with fear all at once. It was all I could do to simply nod up at him.

“Then tell me,” he demanded, his voice dropping. “Tell me what you want.”

Words felt impossible. My throat felt too clogged with emotion for any words to pry themselves free, even if they were swimming in a frantic swarm in my head.

There were so many things to say, so many things I finally wanted to allow myself to tell him.

I wanted to admit that I’d realized something important.

The problem between us had never been that Clay wouldn’t choose me over his duty. He already had time and time again. The problem was that I had been unwilling to let go of the role that had been forced upon me, because giving it up meant I’d have to truly accept who and what I was.

With him, though, holding me like this in the privacy of my home, maybe I finally felt safe enough to accept it all.

When I met his eyes and saw him gazing down at me with such unguarded vulnerability, I wasn’t able to stop myself from simply pushing forward and pressing my lips against his, allowing my body to provide my answer.

I poured every ounce of doubt and longing into the kiss.

And for the first time all day, everything else fell away.

When I kissed him, it wasn’t just an answer - it was a choice. To trust him with all of me, even the parts I was still afraid to face.

The kiss was gentle at first, nothing more than a tentative press together before I pulled away.

“You,” I whispered. “I want you.”

My hands lingered on his waist and his remained tangled in my hair and for a moment we just stayed there in that blissful meeting until all too suddenly, the tension that had been building to this moment for so long suddenly snapped.