Page 31

Thoughts of his daughter brought yet another swift kick to his gut.

Mia adored Ella and Benny. How was she supposed to cope with them gone from their lives?

His head went to the recent struggle he’d had when Mia had kept refusing to allow him to put on her outside boots, insisting on the fairy slippers Ella had bought her.

Hell, she wasn’t even one! The kid couldn’t even differentiate between the right and wrong shoes, how was she supposed to cope with the emotional loss of Ella and Benny not being there every day with her?

Because that’s where this was heading, to Ella and Benny leaving.

He’d been patient; he’d tried to understand—rationalized her fear of revealing Benny’s status; her fear of losing him. Tried to understand her decision not to share her own station in life.

But where did he draw the line?

When was enough, enough?

What else had she lied about?

He swiped a hand over his face, felt the moisture and glanced up.

Snow. It had been clear for days, and it wouldn’t be much, but it was enough to make him turn back.

Funnily enough he hadn’t for one moment expected that Ella would be gone when he returned, and he didn’t want to examine that too closely because it almost smacked of trust. But the truth was, he knew in his gut that even if she’d decided to leave without his input, she wouldn’t go without saying good-bye.

And that in itself didn’t gel with what he’d learned about Ella.

From the beginning he’d known she was strong, not in a pushy or manipulative way…

So, in what way? Morally? He’d have definitely said that before today, but now he didn’t know what to think.

She certainly wasn’t a woman to be pushed around and maybe that’s why he knew she’d be there when he returned.

He’d taken his time in the post-ride care of Boomer, timing his arrival back at the house for the exact time Mia was scheduled to arrive, irritated to stride into the kitchen to find her already happily perched on Ella’s hip as the woman prepared their meal; Benny playing at her feet with a toy horse they’d bought him in town a few days back.

A few days back when the woman before him was just Ella, his trusted friend and nanny to his daughter, mother to the little dude who was rarely too far away from her—and the first woman ever to make him feel more deeply than he’d ever thought he could. The memory stung, but he leaned into it.

Reaching out, he went to take Mia. “I’ll take care her.”

Mia, however, had other ideas. Pulling away from her father to snuggle deeper into Ella. “Mama!”

Shaking, her eyes full of horror, Ella tried to disengage Mia, trying to force her into Leo’s arms. But she was having none of it, wrapping her legs around Ella and clinging to the soft pink, fuzzy wool sweater she wore. Mia’s little face turned red as she cried and called for her mama .

In the end it was easier to leave her with Ella, and while he knew none of this was Ella’s fault, it hurt, and he couldn’t help blaming her.

It might be plain petty, but Mia was his child!

Since he’d taken her into his care, he’d been her main person.

And now she preferred someone else? Someone who was about to walk away from her?

“She’s just picking up the tension, Leo. It’s not that she prefers me. She’s been away from both of us all day and now she’s come back to… to this.”

“I thought you’d nipped that Mama stuff in the bud.” Yes, his voice and tone were cold. Accusatory. And yes, he knew it was a stupid, unfair remark.

“She’s a baby, and as I’ve said, she’s simply following Benny’s lead. Would you like me to stop him calling me Mama as well?”

She blanched, realizing what she’d said as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

He could tell by her expectant expression she was waiting for him to ride right in with a scathing response.

How could she not? She’d inadvertently brought up the very thing that had driven the wedge between them, and invited him right in.

But he couldn’t.

Instead, he turned away, but not before he saw the relief on her face, in her eyes and he knew that nothing he could say would hurt her more than what she’d told herself to expect.

And that took some of the wind out of his sails.

He was gutted, mad, and rightfully so in his opinion—but he wasn’t a monster. “I’m going for a shower. You seem to have this under control—as usual.”

*

Dinner and bath time for the children was quiet, even the little ones were wary, and her heart broke when Leo carried Benny upstairs and his little face, confused, searching for his friend in the face of the silent man who would normally be ticking his tummy or carrying him high on his shoulders.

There was the expected fuss from Mia when they swapped children, but Ella knew it would take only minutes for the baby to be giggling again with her father. She’d endeavor to do the same with Benny.

Obviously, their ploys worked, and both children eventually settled to sleep, Ella was pleased that she was the first to make it back to the corridor where she waited for Leo.

He hadn’t wanted to hear her earlier, but even if he ignored her and strode back to his room and she had to yell her story through the heavy timber door, he’d hear it tonight.

The sight of her leaning against the wall opposite pulled him up short as he quietly closed Mia’s door. His eyes opened wide before narrowing, but to his credit he didn’t walk away.

“I owe you an explanation.”

“You think?”

“Leo, I know you’re hurt, and you can choose to believe me or not, but I was intending to tell you earlier today. Tell you everything. I tried once before as well, and yes, I could have tried harder, and yes, you’d be correct in calling me a coward.”

He was the first to pull away from their locked gaze, his eyes straying to the stairs, his voice low, eyes bleak when he turned back to her. “Well, there you go being all wrong,” he said finally, “because the last thing I’d call you is a coward.”

Despite the depth of her feelings, or maybe because of them, when she felt the sardonic smile form, she let it stand.

Love hurts. “Intimating that there are other things you’d call me?

” She drew in a long calming breath and began again.

“I’m hardly in a position to argue. Just as I am in no position to expect to continue with our current arrangement; I’m well aware it will no longer work.

” She hadn’t meant to pause there, but his eyes had flashed with something she didn’t quite understand, but enough to stall her speech and thoughts.

He thought otherwise? No, of course he didn’t.

That was just hope making a last desperate call; letting her see what she wanted rather than was what was there.

Leo said nothing, his full lovely lips were set, pursed tight, and again she had to shake herself, free herself from the silken bindings of memories of those same lips on her skin.

“But please, before I leave, I’d at least like you to hear the entire story.

Believe it or not, you know most of it but still, I’d like to put it into context. ”

Indecision or wariness? She wasn’t sure exactly, but initially it wasn’t immediate acquiescence. After a long moment, he sighed and indicated she precede him downstairs.

They didn’t bother with coffee or any other refreshment, simply chose opposing sofas, facing each other, the fire crackling at their side.

And never the twain shall meet… The quote came from nowhere and something inside her cracked.

If only this had happened when there’d been no furniture…

When they might have been forced into sharing that cozy two-seater, body to body, when she would have taken courage from his warmth, felt him against her one last time.

But there was none of that. Instead, a mere three feet that couldn’t have felt farther away if it had been miles.

“Perhaps I should start at the beginning. I—”

“They tell me that’s usually how stories begin.”

He wasn’t going to make this easy. Strangely, that didn’t daunt her as much as it strengthened her resolve. “Precisely. And do feel free to ask questions; it may make this ordeal less painful for us both.”

She noted that one eyebrow rose, acknowledging her hit, and she drew in air, settled back.

“You already know how Emile and I met, and that we were best friends. To be clear, in an answer to a question you once asked if I loved him. I did, and I still do. However, I was never in love with him nor he with me.”

“But you married him?”

“Leo, you were also prepared to make a life with Hope had she lived, and yet you have admitted you weren’t really in love with her.”

His eyes narrowed. “The circumstances were slightly different.”

“Were they? Wasn’t your own motivation made for the sake of a child? My decision was not all that different, as I hope you’ll see. Admittedly, it was slightly more bizarre. Unconventional. It was the terms of succession that drove us, Emile and me , to do what we did.”

He frowned but he was still with her, still listening.

“Often times in large wealthy families, antiquated conditions placed on inheritance issues are passed down and can’t be broken.

Without going into the legalities, if Emile had acknowledged Benny as his illegitimate son, both he and Benny would have been disinherited.

And to his credit, from the first, Emile had no intention of abandoning his child.

It’s complicated, but his grandfather’s lawyers insisted he marry immediately. ”

“Surely they meant that he was to marry the mother?”