Page 19 of The Courtesan’s Protector (About An Earl #4)

CHAPTER 18

J ane and Ripley had been driving at a fast clip in his phaeton for hours, heading ever closer to the estate where she prayed she’d find her sister. But as much as she thought of Nora as they made their way, she also couldn’t help but watch Ripley. He was so quiet, so withdrawn, that it had begun to frighten her.

His encounter with his father had been devastating. She’d heard that in every small waver of his voice, felt it in the shifts of him, seen it in the flickers of heartbreak in his eyes. She’d been powerless to do anything about it.

“He…he said he loved my mother,” Ripley said, out of nowhere. “Pottinger.”

She blinked and turned toward him, resting a hand on his thigh. The thick muscle there was tense. “He did.”

“I know you read people, just as I do. It’s in the nature of those in our position in life. But I can’t see right now. I’m blinded by…by…”

“By what you went through,” she supplied gently. “You can’t look at this situation with detachment. No one would expect you could.”

He swallowed and glanced at her briefly before returning his attention to the road. She recognized that not having to show all his vulnerability was likely the easier way for him to have this painful conversation. Even with her.

“Do you think that it’s true? Did he love her?”

There was the tremble in his voice again, the edge of pain that broke her heart, made her picture this strong, powerful man as a small, helpless boy who wanted a father. Who wanted someone to come and save him and his beloved mother.

Jane considered the question, both through the lens of her own past and from what she’d observed. She thought of the way Pottinger had watched Ripley, how anxious he had been to connect with him, even if he’d done so entirely poorly. She thought of how the earl’s voice had trembled when he said he loved Regina Ripley. How his eyes had changed.

“I think he did,” she said at last. “Does it help to know it?”

Ripley sighed. “I don’t know anymore. I want it to help. I want it to take some of the sting away. But is it better that he loved her and left? That he threw her away, threw us away, without a care even if she held his heart? Or is it better if he never loved her, if he used her up and discarded her like so many others did both before and after him? Those are my only two options and I’m not sure which is better and which is worse.”

They were quiet a little longer. She stared off into the distance, toward the sun beginning to dip below the horizon. Ripley had called his father a coward, Pottinger had admitted that was true. And now Jane had to admit the same about herself. Ripley had offered her the exceptional gift of his heart. She was too afraid to take it, more willing to hurt them both by walking away than by staying and fighting at his side for whatever future they could build together.

If that wasn’t a coward, she didn’t know what was.

“Here is the estate,” Ripley said.

She blinked and looked off into the distance. They’d just crested a hill and now there was an estate manor just coming into view, no more than a quarter mile away. It was a stone house with gabled windows and a porticoed entryway. Beautiful vines twisted up the stone and bright flowers bloomed along the green.

“If that is run down…” Ripley said with a low whistle.

She almost laughed, but before she could she realized three people were standing out on the circular drive, pointing up at the house as they spoke. Two were men she didn’t recognize, but the third was a woman. Was it Nora? She hated that she didn’t know because she hadn’t seen her for so long.

But then the three turned as Ripley’s phaeton reached them and Jane could see it was her sister. She recognized the dark blonde hair, the way she shifted her weight was just the same as she’d done when she was a little girl and nervous about something. And the fact that the young woman’s hand slapped up to cover her mouth as if she were shocked when she saw them was reason enough.

Ripley had hardly stopped the high vehicle when Jane threw herself down, staggering a little as she rushed toward her sister. “Nora!” she called out. “Oh, Nora!”

She threw her arms around the young woman, unable to stop her tears as she held her, smoothed her hands across her shoulders, prove to herself that Nora was whole and unharmed. Nora patted her gently, but then withdrew, stepping back and out of her embrace.

Ripley had gotten down from the phaeton by then and came around. She felt him watching, felt him judging the situation and then his arm came around her to…to comfort her. She stared at Nora then, truly saw her, and realized her sister didn’t look pleased to see her. She looked…irritated. Angry, even.

“Jane,” Nora said, her voice unsteady. “What are you doing here?”

One of the men who had been examining the house had stepped away, but the other now joined Nora. Put his arm around her just as Ripley was doing with Jane. She realized this had to be Hugo. Of course it was. Just as Pottinger had, this young man had pieces that reminded her of Ripley. The hair, the way he held himself, his broad shoulders. A younger, easier version, like she could see what Ripley might have been if he hadn’t been battered by a difficult life.

She preferred her version, even if she still wished she could take his pain away.

“Jane?” Hugo repeated, surprise in his tone. “Your sister?”

“Yes,” Nora said.

He glanced at her and then over to Ripley. He caught his breath. “And you’re…you’re…”

“It seems none of us need introduction and yet that’s exactly what we’re going to do,” Ripley said firmly. “I’m Campbell Ripley, this is Jane Kendall. And you are Nora Winchester—I see your sister in you.”

“And I’m…” Hugo stepped forward, his gaze still locked on Ripley. “I’m Eldon Granger, but I go by Hugo. Your father…my father…your father…”

Jane gasped. “Then you know?” she asked. “You know Ripley is your brother?”

He nodded and then reached back for Nora. Their hands entangled. “Why don’t you two come inside? We obviously have a great deal to discuss.”

Nora looked at him, Jane noted the way he squeezed her hand. Offered support. And she knew. She knew that they were truly in love. That offered her solace, even if her sister’s cold demeanor toward her didn’t.

“Yes,” Nora said softly. “Come inside.”

They followed them in and were directed to a parlor just off the foyer. Hugo excused himself and Nora, apparently to arrange for refreshments, though Jane realized it was probably more to have a moment to digest this surprise arrival. Perhaps even formulate a plan of attack.

She used the time given for the same. She crossed to Ripley and he opened his arms, gathering her into his chest and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“Now we know she’s unharmed,” he said. “Breathe, Jane.”

“Yes. And if that’s all I can have, I’ll take it. But I still want to understand what the situation here is. And…and she hates me, Cam.”

She lifted her face to look at him. His expression was so gentle and understanding. His touch as he stroked her cheek with a fingertip was soothing. “She’s distant, yes. But I don’t think she hates you, Jane. We’ll work this out. I promise.”

She smiled at him, even if she knew he couldn’t truly promise that. But that he wanted to fix it for her meant the world to her.

The others returned to the room and Ripley released her. She stepped from his arms, her cheeks heating as she noted Nora’s brief expression of disgust. Tea was brought in and Nora slipped away to prepare it. When she turned back, a cup in hand, she said, “I must correct something that was said earlier. You called me Nora Winchester, Mr. Ripley. I did go by that before, but now I’m…I’m Nora Granger. Hugo and I were married several weeks ago.”

Jane had known it was likely true the moment she’d seen them pair off as a unit. She’s seen the connection between them, felt it in a different way than one normally felt with a protector and a courtesan. Or even a man and his lover. Whatever there was there went deeper. But Jane still shut her eyes and let out her breath shakily at the news.

“You married,” she whispered. “You ran away from school to marry.”

Nora gripped the cup she still held a little tighter before she set it down with a clatter. “Do you mean that I escaped the prison you put me in? Yes.”

Jane bent her head. She felt Ripley stir beside her, knew he wanted to say something to defend her, but she touched his hand and shook her head. “I-I think Nora and I might need a moment alone.”

Nora folded her arms. “I don’t want a moment alone.”

“Please.” Jane stood.

To her surprise, Hugo got to his feet, as well. He crossed to Nora and leaned in, whispering to her. It seemed he’d taken Jane’s side in the argument, for at last Nora looked at Jane and then sighed. “Fine. A moment.”

Jane glanced at Ripley, who had also risen. She shook her head. Now she was going to leave him with a half-brother he hadn’t ever wanted to meet. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and murmured, “The young man knows who I am to him. He and I probably need a talk as well. I’ll feel him out for you, Janie.”

She smiled up at him, this man she loved so deeply. Felt his love in return. Felt all he was willing to do and sacrifice just to keep her heart safe. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Ripley strode toward his half-brother. “All right, Granger, tell me you have some stuffy billiard room and something strong to drink. I think we’re going to need it.”

Hugo was laughing, a little nervously, perhaps, as the men left the room and closed the door behind themselves. Which left Jane with Nora.

Her sister’s arms were still folded and she remained across the room from her. “I almost wouldn’t have recognized you,” Jane said softly. “You’ve grown up to be so beautiful. So tall.”

“You would have recognized me if you ever saw me over the years,” Nora said, her tone clipped and cool. Then she sighed. “Honestly, Jane, why are you here? You made it clear you didn’t give a damn about me when you sent me off to that school and abandoned me.”

“I-I wrote to you.” She swallowed. “Through others at first, but more after I learned to read and write.”

“Oh yes. The letters. That will keep a girl warm during all those holidays alone,” Nora said, and rolled her eyes.

Jane stared. Nora had done that as a little girl, too. She hated hearing how her actions had hurt her sister. But unlike their mother, who couldn’t ever take responsibility for anything she’d done, Jane knew that she’d been wrong.

Even if she’d been trying to be right.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and took a step toward her sister. Nora stiffened but didn’t move away. That was enough for now. “I hate that you felt abandoned.” She shook her head. “No. That’s not right. I hate that I abandoned you. That I hurt you. It makes no difference, but I was trying to protect you and I had no understanding of how to do that properly.”

“Protect me from the fact that you and our mother made money on your backs?” Nora asked. Jane flinched but didn’t interrupt. “Do you know how I found out?”

“No.” Her voice barely carried.

“When Hugo asked his father for permission to court me, the earl told him. My now-husband assumed I knew the truth from the start. He came to me to try to figure out together how to get around it. He told me. And it broke my heart.”

Her sister’s voice cracked and tears flooded her eyes. It all felt like a stab to Jane’s heart. “I bungled this entirely. May I…may I try to explain now?”

“Do as you like, Jane. You have all this time.” Nora turned her face, but Jane could see her watching from the corner of her eye. She was playing at being hard, but there was part of her sister that was curious. So Jane would give her the knowledge she desired and deserved.

“Yes, our mother is a lightskirt,” she said.

“Still?” Nora burst out, her voice shaking.

Jane thought of their mother, worn and bitter in her depressing house. She had no doubts what she did to maintain the miserable life she was living. “Again. She married your father and was out of the trade for a while until…well, you know what happened. How he died. But she went back in after, I suppose because there’s little choice for women like us.” She thought of her shop. “Maybe at some point we just don’t know anything else.”

“And what about you?”

“I was a product of that world. A child from some unknown man. Not wanted, not planned.”

Nora flinched. “Oh.”

“Those eight years before you were born, she was…she’s horrible, Nora. She dragged me through her life, never protected me from it. She would get drunk and blame me, even…even hurt me.” Jane squeezed her eyes shut. “I hate telling you this. I wanted to protect you from this.”

“But the secrets didn’t protect me. Please have enough respect for now to tell me,” Nora said softly. “I need to know.”

Jane struggled for the words, which somehow felt so much more painful to say to her sister. But at last she found them.

“I thought it was over when she met your father. Winchester wasn’t kind, but he steadied her. She focused on him, she was easier for those seven years. But when he died and she went back in, it all became so awful again. I felt like I didn’t have any choice but to follow her. I had no other skills. I had to make money to try to help so she wouldn’t…wouldn’t…be worse.”

“Oh, Jane,” Nora’s voice had softened even if she didn’t move toward her. “But you were only fifteen.”

“Some girls start even younger.” Jane shrugged to dismiss it, even if she couldn’t do that in her heart. Even if it was a wound that never fully healed. “I saw her starting to turn on you the way she turned on me. I was afraid she would hurt you, I was afraid she’d push you into the same life the two of us were leading. So I took you away and I put you in the school and I tried to keep you away from her. And from me. We would hurt you. I would hurt you. And I wanted you to have a chance at something better.”

Now it was her voice that broke and she shook her head. Nora stepped toward her, holding out a handkerchief. “Here.”

“No. I’m not going to cry. I don’t want to manipulate you they way she always tried to manipulate me.” Jane fisted her hands at her sides and forced her breath to calm and her tears to recede. “I didn’t want you to go back to our mother’s home during breaks and holidays. I certainly had nowhere to put you in London where what I was wouldn’t be clear. Where my life wouldn’t be an influence on you. And so I suppose I did abandon you. I thought that writing letters and sending gifts when I could would be enough. That you might not want more.”

“But I did,” Nora said. Her eyes welled with tears to match Jane’s. “Sometimes a friend would bring me along on breaks, but mostly I sat in those empty rooms when everyone else was gone and told myself how you couldn’t love me at all.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jane said. “It’s not enough, not nearly enough, but it’s true. I never wanted to hurt you, and I hate that I did.”

Nora took a few breaths and she looked at Jane. Really looked at her, as she’d been avoiding doing since the arrival. She shook her head. “What you went through, it sounds terrible. And I…I do know how our mother can be. I started writing to her after I broke off contact with you. I found the address in some files.”

“How did you do that?”

Nora shrugged. “Broke into the headmistress’s study.”

Jane closed her eyes, but she laughed a little as she shook her head. “I’m impressed and horrified in equal measure. Miss Knightly is terrifying—you were very brave.”

“Thank you,” her sister said with a little smile. “I wrote to Mother and she…she was dreadful.”

“Yes, Miss Knightly gave me some of the things you left behind at the school. I saw Mama’s letter telling you to land your Hugo so that you might have access to his wealth.” She shook her head with renewed disgust at that. “Christ, at least she’s predictable.”

“That was the last straw,” Nora said with a long sigh. “I’d hoped to find a connection, but it was obvious that wasn’t going to happen. When she acted like I’d marry him to use him, I knew I had to protect him from her.”

Jane smiled at the fierce way her sister lifted her chin. “You love him.”

Now the pain fled Nora’s face and she nodded swiftly. “Oh, how I love him, Jane. With all my heart. The idea that I’d ever take advantage of him was horrifying. I vowed never to speak to her again.”

Relief filled Jane at that statement. “Good. I can handle her. Ripley is being kind enough to help me. Let me do that and protect you in some real way. A better way than I did before.”

Nora looked her up and down. “It seems like Mr. Ripley protects you.”

“Yes.” Jane bent her head. “He does.”

“Is that his formal title?”

Jane lifted her gaze. “Protector?” Nora nodded. “No. I left the trade a few months ago, thanks to the generosity of a friend who I helped through her own dramas. And Ripley is…Ripley is something else.”

“You love him.” Nora said. Not asked. Stated.

Jane ignored it. “What about this Hugo fellow? Your husband. Is he good to you?”

“Oh yes,” Nora said with a wide smile that lit her up like a dozen candles. “He is wonderful, Jane. So wonderful.”

“Good. You deserve wonderful.” Jane sighed. “I won’t ask for forgiveness for those years you were alone. But know that I do love you with all my heart. And all I want is for you to be happy.”

Nora nodded. “Thank you.”

Jane realized that was the best she would likely get for now. “Why don’t we make sure the gentlemen aren’t…having difficulty?”

“Yes.”

They looked at each other for an awkward moment and then Nora motioned toward the door. “I’ll lead the way.”

Jane followed her, realizing with a start that her baby sister was now lady of this house. Married to the Honorable Eldon Granger, linked to an important family. She was out of Jane’s sphere for good now.

And though she had hopes that it would lead to her happiness, there was still a sting of yet another person lost to her. Both because of what she’d done, and because of who she was.