Page 34 of The Compound

I swung for a bit, not high, just enough that the tips of my feet brushed against the ground.

It was too hot to be out, but I’d grown more tolerant of the extreme temperatures.

My skin had been porcelain when I arrived, but now I had a light tan all over.

There were times when I looked in the mirror and didn’t immediately recognize myself.

My hair had grown an extraordinary amount, so that it now hung down to my waist. It was frizzy and damaged from the heat in the first couple of weeks, but after I earned products and sprays it was now luscious and full; my skin was glowing, and the teeth-whitening strips that Vanessa had left behind made my smile whiter than I had thought possible.

I now had an extensive wardrobe of clothes—things I never could have worn at home: crochet bralettes, tiny denim shorts, fabulous dresses that we wore in the evening, linen trousers, scarves that we wore as tops.

It was a pleasure to dress every day. I used Vanessa’s old wardrobe space to hold my shoes.

When I glanced over at Jacintha, I saw that she was staring at me. “What?”

“I said, where have you been?”

“Oh, just in the gym with Sam.”

“I hardly see you anymore.”

“That’s not true. We did two tasks together this morning.”

“You know that doesn’t count, right?”

“Is something the matter?”

“No. I just need someone to talk to, is all.”

I dug my feet into the ground to keep the swing still. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Carlos,” she said. “I just don’t like him like that.” Her voice cracked, and there were suddenly tears on her face. “I miss Marcus. I wish he hadn’t gone.”

I went to her and hugged her. I rubbed her back and said soothing words. When she pulled away, she wiped her face and looked at the house. “Carlos asked me last night to be his girlfriend.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I didn’t know. He was nice about it, but I can’t lead him on. I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore.”

Part of me wanted to tell her to forget about Marcus and stay with Carlos until we made it to the final five, but I wasn’t sure that I would have listened if she had told me to stay with Ryan.

I held her hand. She glanced north, to the sparse line of vegetation.

“How long do you think we’ve been here now?

I’ve lost track. I don’t know why they don’t give us a clock, or a pen and paper.

It’s cruel. Don’t you think it’s cruel?”

“We don’t need those things. Just like we don’t need phones or televisions. We’re better off without them. And besides, we have so many other nice things.”

“I don’t know if I do have nice things,” she said.

“I have things, sure. Do you know, they keep sending me wigs? Long and straight. One of them was pink.” She touched her hair, which she usually wore naturally.

“I wore a black one for a little bit. I keep dropping hints for things—abonnet, conditioner that works for my hair, darker concealer. But then I kept getting gifted these clothes—stuff I’d never wear.

When I put the stuff on, I don’t look like myself.

” She looked at me steadily. “I look like a Black version of you.”

“I’m sorry, Jacintha. I’m sorry they did that.”

“There wasn’t even a Black resident here for the first three years. I don’t know how much this feels like progress.”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt a surge of guilt that I hadn’t spent more time with Jacintha recently. She was my first and truest friend there. I squeezed her hand. “You know I’d be lost without you here, right?”

“I don’t know,” she said tiredly. “I don’t know if I get the point of it anymore—to build up relationships only to see people leave, and worse, to be secretly happy when they go because it means more for yourself.”

“That’s not how I see it. I think that we learn to value each other, is all.”

She said nothing. I pointed at the flowers that were blooming a little bit away. “Look,” I said. “You did that. You and Sam. You’ve made this place so beautiful. This is our home, now.”

She looked at me for a long time, her eyes scanning my face. “This is not our home, Lily.”

—

Later, I checked my little screen.

Task: Break or destroy another resident’s Personal Reward

Reward: Dressing gown

I checked that there was no one else in the southern wing of the house, then went into the gray room.

The room was now more or less a shrine to Tom’s possessions, and I looked with interest at the things that he had earned in the last few weeks: a shaving brush, one of the old-fashioned ones that look like a makeup brush; a cleanser; sun cream; a belt; boots; cologne; a bottle of whiskey, and a leather wallet with his initials stitched along the side.

I checked the wallet. It was empty, of course.

There were also items in the room which belonged to all of us.

We had earned a gold frame that no one presently had use for, and had put it in the shed until we earned a print to place in it.

But it was not in the shed: it was there, on Tom’s desk, still empty.

Looking around, I saw a few other things that we had earned in Communal Tasks, placed on his shelves as though they were his.

I found his collection faintly ridiculous, and yet it was the part of him that made the most sense to me. I liked having nice things, too.

On the top shelf, there was something long and white. I picked it up and dropped it immediately in revulsion. It was a bone.

“From the beast that tried to kill me,” Tom said from the doorway. I jumped, and cursed myself for reacting. “I kept it with me. It wasn’t easy to get, I can tell you that.”

“The beast? You mean the dog?”

“Not like any dog you’ve ever seen.” He stepped inside. “What do you think of my room?”

“It’s not your room. We all live here.”

“Of course, of course. You know what I mean.”

He opened a cupboard and took out a record player. It had a vinyl record on it already. He lifted the needle and set it down, carefully, reverently. Music spilled out. It was beautiful, a clashing of cymbals and a frenzied whirlwind of reeds and strings, one note rushing past another.

“Do you know classical music?” Without waiting for my answer, he said, “I’m a big fan.

It was a real treat for me when I got the record player.

I’d had the vinyl for weeks, but of course it’s no use without the player.

Some people think that classical music is soothing, but I find it incredibly exhilarating.

I like living here in the compound, but I have to say it became a lot easier when I had this record to listen to.

I had to sleep with Mia to get it. I’d like another record, though.

God knows what I’ll have to do to get another one as good as this. ” His eyes lifted to mine.

“Good evening,” the voice said. “It is forbidden to reveal Personal Task details. Punishment will be administered before the sun rises.”

I saw Tom look around him, his eyes wide, as though the punishment might come at once.

Or maybe he was looking at his possessions, to make sure that they were still safe.

He left, nearly at a run, and when I couldn’t hear his footsteps, I took the needle from the record player and lifted it, so that the music stopped.

It was deathly quiet without it. I kept pulling until the needle broke, and came off in my hand.

—

Everyone was restless, pacing in front of the big screen, as though it would give some indication as to what punishment would be inflicted on Tom. “It won’t be all of us, though, will it?” Becca asked, sitting on the couch. “It will just be Tom who’s punished?”

I wondered, not for the first time, if Becca had watched the show before. “If just one person breaks the rules, only that person is punished. If two or more people are involved in rule-breaking, every resident is affected.”

The others drifted out, and then it was just Becca and me, alone. “What will it be, I wonder,” she said, her brow furrowed in thought. She sat with her hands folded neatly in her lap, looking somehow studious, as though she was puzzling out a math question, or drafting the opening of an essay.

“Becca,” I said, interrupting her thinking. She looked at me. “Has Tom tried anything with you?”

“No,” she said. “But he let me know that if I try to betray him, I’ll regret it.”

This was the first time we’d spoken alone since Sam had switched beds to be with me.

I felt that, as the jilted one, Becca was obliged to hate me, while I was obliged to be demurely magnanimous.

“I’m sorry that I put you in that position,” I said.

She gave me a blank look, and it occurred to me that Becca disliked me long before I had taken Sam from her.

Andrew came back into the room, eyes on the screen. “You know,” he said, “I reckon that if everyone’s milling around anyway, we might as well do a Communal Task. It’s not a big one, but we can get it out of the way.” He blew the whistle, and the others trickledin.

Task: Every resident must reveal the details of their first kiss

Reward: Yogurt

“We don’t even need yogurt,” Jacintha said.

“Always better to have it than not,” Andrew said.

We almost always did a task if food was involved, as we all remembered the hungry days.

Nevertheless, no one looked enthusiastic.

Andrew glanced out the window, to where the sun hung low in the sky.

“I’ll tell you what,” Andrew said. “I reckon it’s probably closeish to five o’clock.

Why don’t we go out to the beanbags, sit in the sun, and have a beer?

And while we’re at it, I’m going to tell you about poor Kiley, the girl who was unfortunate enough to be my first kiss. ”