Page 40 of The Comeback Road (Leaving #2)

Lexie

The next few weeks passed in a haze. It felt as if I was living in two worlds—the present, with the twinkling lights and festive Christmas cheer surrounding me, and the haunting memories of that day and the mission that had changed everything.

I was trying to stay in the moment, and I was—physically, anyway.

But far too often, my mind drifted back to the chaos of its own accord, replaying the scene over and over again, unable to shake the weight of what I had done.

I had to fight the urge to rip down all the garlands and tinsel that seemed to hang in every nook and cranny of the house and watch it burn so something looked like how I felt inside.

Like I was standing in the rubble of something that used to be, but wasn’t anymore.

Something held together by crumbling memories and coated in ash.

I saw the way Magnolia tossed me worried glances.

The way she and Sloan hovered. At least we stopped pretending he doesn’t live here, and he officially moved in.

Magnolia was determined, come hell or high water, to make the season merry.

But it all felt so distant to me, so out of reach.

Like a song I used to know but couldn’t quite remember the words to, so I just floated along with the melody, hoping no one noticed.

That no one noticed the inky darkness and explosive corners I seemed to recess into.

Did he have a family? A daughter? Who was he? What have I done?

I watched wordlessly as Magnolia hung the ornaments on the tree.

Her energy was infectious, but it only seemed to magnify the heaviness in my chest. She kept trying to hand me ornaments and get me talking about something— anything , really, at that point—but I couldn’t pretend with her.

There was a strange barrier between us now.

Every time she laughed, I felt an uneasy pang of guilt.

I couldn’t forgive myself for pulling her into it, and I knew she was struggling with all that I had kept from her.

“Lex, you want to make gingerbread houses with Sloan and me tonight? We could invite Luke over?” I heard the hopeful lilt in her tone. She liked to bring up Luke because I found his presence comforting. He was the only one who knew what I’d had to do. What I’d done .

“No, I’m going to call it an early night.

” I shrugged her off for what felt like the hundredth time in the past few weeks, and I could feel the tension build around us.

I knew she wanted to call me out on it, but Magnolia was giving me space to work through it on my own, even if she continued to hover.

“Lex…” she started.

“No.” I grabbed my laptop and started to make my way to my room. Alone.

I just wanted to be alone.

—-??—

I could feel a presence as I lay on my bed. I tried not to huff out in annoyance that someone was going to interrupt my blissful thoughts of nothing as I stared at the ceiling and counted the cracks in the old paint job. So far, I had made it to 435.

“She called you?” Irritation that I tried to hold back seeped from my unspoken wounds.

“What would you have her do?” Luke asked, and I didn’t have to look over at him to know his lips were tilted down in a frown. He was worried. They all were. Worried.

“I’d like her to let me do this on my own,” I bit back at him. His silence prickled at me until I forced myself to look at him. Yup, frowning, but his eyes are calculating.

“Lexie, you know why I never pulled you to go in the field before?” he finally asked.

I thought about responding, but I knew he was about to tell me anyway, so what was the point in wasting the words?

“Because you’re good. Undeniably good. The kind of person who’s always going to do the right thing even if it kills them— literally .

And I knew that if something like this happened, you’d never be able to forgive yourself because you feel too much, even if you don’t want to admit it.

You carry everyone else’s feelings in your heart.

But this? This isn’t on you. We need to find a way for you to let it go. ”

“Let it go,” I repeated, no emotion. Let it go. “Let it go, when all I see is the way his bones broke when I smashed the fire hydrant down on his face. I hear those sounds replaying almost every waking moment, and you want me to let it go . Tell you what, Luke, I’ll let it go if you get out.”

“Lex…”

“Get out.” I rolled over and gave him my back. I could hear him talking, but I didn’t care.

Just get out.