Page 18 of The Clash of the Damned (The Titan Syndicate Saga #2)

Jude

B linding light explodes across my closed eyes.

Groaning, I turn and attempt to go back to sleep, except, the area below me is a lot harder than my bed, and my movement awakens the worst headache of my life.

It feels like someone has taken a jackhammer to my temples.

With my eyes still closed, I feel around with my hand, trying to get a sense of my surroundings.

I crack one eye open, but that’s a mistake as pain shoots through my head.

Shutting my eyes quickly, I wait for a few moments before I repeat the process a few times, until I’m able to withstand the pain.

When I finally am able to keep my eyes open for longer than a few seconds, I see Sebastian sitting close to me, staring off into the distance.

“Where are we?” I manage to push myself into a sitting position. My fingers flex in the cool grass beneath me as I figure out where we are.

“You’re awake!” Sebastian exhales in relief.

He runs his fingers through his hair. “We’re outside the city.

Logan found this place for me when I needed to get away from all the death.

It’s the one place that helps me fight off the darkness.

I brought you here because I thought it could help you fight off some of your darkness too. ”

Logan is the one part of Sebastian’s life we rarely discuss, like he can protect her from everyone that way. Even though I know I’m supposed to be angry at him, I remember that much, and I can’t help softening my face at his admission. “I take it you and Logan are closer than we all realize?”

“I don’t know if I would have made it this far without her.” Sebastian’s eyebrows crease. “Why didn’t you tell me about your memory issue? I would have helped you. I always will, no matter what.”

This is the first time he and I have been alone since the sitdown.

No empire’s, no heirs, no one watching us.

It’s like we can leave all the bullshit behind us, and just be us here.

It doesn’t stop the sigh of frustration that escapes me.

This is the last thing I want to deal with when it feels like I have a hangover from death.

“It sends mixed messages to the Druids. I can’t keep running back to you when things get difficult.

If I need help with something, I have to turn to Jayden now.

” Sebastian’s jaw flexes, the only sign at how much he hates my answer, and I try to change the subject, in an effort to keep us from resorting to our normal bickering pattern.

“What happened after Sloane ran? I’m struggling to remember. ”

“Dom had to knock you out with his magic. He theorized that Sloane’s magic was running out, and if he forced his magic in, he could push whatever remained of hers out.

We didn’t know how you would respond to the two types of magic fighting for control of you, along with your own abilities, so to be safe, we knocked you out. ”

“That’s why I feel like I have the worst hangover of my life.

” They had no way of knowing about the bracelet, and how their excessive amount of magic wasn’t needed.

Sharing that won’t change the outcome, but I can’t help being impressed they were able to come up with that while under attack.

It’s exactly the kind of thing leaders of an empire should be capable of.

Everything starts coming back to me with how I’ve been under Sloane’s control for weeks.

The only reason last night wasn’t the same, was because the bracelet got torn off.

That was what held her spell in place. But more importantly, I finally heard the words I have wanted to hear from Sebastian.

He loved me then, and he still loves me now.

There were times I was desperate to hear the words, and now that I know the truth, it’s enough to break me.

Focusing on the beautiful blanket of pink and white flowers in the meadow in front of me, I search for a change of subject.

“Are our friends even alive? Or did you kill them too, like you did to my parents?”

That’s a cheap shot, considering what we’ve just survived, but the words slip out before I can stop, and I can’t take them back.

He nods. “Once Dom was able to disintegrate all the totems, the humans that were still alive became themselves again. They had no idea how they got there, but we were able to convince them to go home through compulsion from Dom. He convinced them they went on a bender. Nothing to be done about the dead humans though, so Clark came in to help cover that up.”

He completely ignores my comment about the parents, and at first, I don’t know if I’m relieved to be given another chance, or annoyed that he isn’t answering me. I deserve answers after everything we’ve been through.

“Why didn’t you fight? How could you give up so easily?” I demand as I slam my hands against his chest and back down when I see him flinch. The tear marks in his shirt and blood stains on his chest are a reminder of how close I came to losing him for good.

“Sorry, I’m not fully healed yet. Your claws were close to my heart. The more severe the injury, the longer the healing time.” He pauses. “You really want to do this now?”

“You’re damn fucking right we’re doing it now. How can you give up after everything you’ve put us through?” I plead with him. I need to understand. “You broke us, Sebastian! Lie after lie comes out of your mouth.” I choke back a sob, refusing to let him take another one of my tears.

“Jude, I–”

“No! I need to get this out before I lose my nerve.” Swallowing my pain and shoving it down like I’ve learned to do when it comes to him, I push forward.

“Love is not enough. Trust and respect have to be there too. I may not love Jayden, but he’s emotionally mature enough to tell me what he needs from our partnership. ”

Sebastian’s jaw clenches in frustration as he offers, “Oh yes, wonderful Jayden, perfect Jayden, can’t do a thing wrong Jayden. Let me try to live up to his perfection.”

“No, you don’t get to do that Sebastian.

If you’re emotionally mature enough to run an empire and plot a take down, you’re able to communicate what you need in a relationship.

Jayden respects me. You’ve never once given me the courtesy.

Learning to love him is a small price to pay for those things in return.

” I can see Sebastian visibly working to reign his temper in as he cracks his knuckles, and the veins in his forearms flex, the only signs of his tension.

It seems like my words have gone over his head, and I’m talking to myself, typical.

“Just take me home. Or, I’ll shift and run home if you can point me in the right direction. ”

“Can you just give me a moment? I don’t process things as fast as you.” I’m stunned speechless by his admission.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Please don’t shut me out, Jude,” he begs.

I look away, but he grabs my jaw, forcing me to look at him.

“Sometimes, I hate that we were born into this life, forced to make choices that a normal human would never have to make. Saige, Kyla, Amelia, you. I don’t regret what I had to do, I just hate that I hurt you along the way.

I keep trying to be the man you deserve, yet I keep fucking up along the way, and those mistakes have cost me you.

” We both breathe heavily, the force of our emotions threatening to break through this dam holding it back.

I don’t want him to see me fall apart. I refuse to let him have that power over me ever again.

“We underestimate our ability to make a choice. It’s more powerful than you realize.

I never asked you to be perfect. I only asked you to respect me as your equal.

Yet somehow, along the way, you thought you knew what I wanted more than I did,” I tell him.

It’s the first honest conversation we’ve had in I don’t know how long, possibly since we’ve known each other.

It’s like a glimpse of a future I always wanted with him, but it can never happen.

“I didn’t want to be like my father,” Sebastian admits.

“He was always so fucking selfish, and I wanted to be a better man for you.” He leans his forehead against mine as he adds, “I get it now. In trying to get away from his legacy, it’s exactly what I became.

While I don’t regret getting rid of my parents, I regret that I had to lose you along the way.

I’m so sorry, Jude. I keep fucking up with you when all I wanted was to love you and create a life with you. A better one that we both deserve.”

He’s never apologized to me, and it makes me hesitate.

We’ve always ignored the issues because we never had time to do anything else.

His words ignite something inside of me, or maybe it’s desperation that I may never get to kiss him again after I got so close to losing him that does it.

My mouth crashes into his, and I climb onto his lap.

I need to be close to him. He threads his hands through my hair as I pepper his neck, scratchy cheek, any inch of skin I can find with kisses.

Like I’m trying to memorize his body through the act, which will replace the memory of my claws trying to rip his heart out.

My tears begin to fall, something he doesn’t miss as he grabs my head. “Are you okay?”

“I thought I lost you, and that’s only hitting me now.”

Wiping my tears, he looks sad as he says, “There will never be an instance where I won’t love you, Jude.

I will love you forever, even after we die and Supernaturals go wherever they end up.

” His admission spurns a fire in me as we pick up our kissing.

I can’t get close enough to him. He understands and holds me tighter, to the point of pain, but I don’t complain.

Pain means we’re alive, and we can still feel.

While I should be cold in the early morning chill, it doesn’t matter against the heat of Sebastian’s body.

Suddenly, the grass becomes the softest bed for us.

It doesn’t matter where we are, as long as I’m with him.

Opening what remains of his shirt, I run my hands over his tattoo’s, the heat of his breath misting across my skin.

I fumble with his belt, and he pauses. “Are you sure?”

Kissing him deeply, I respond against his lips, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. We may have our empires to go back to, but we can claim this moment as ours.”

“The next time we do this, I want to have time with you, where no one can disturb us and be able to devour you the way you deserve.” My muscles tense at his admission, and I can’t wait anymore.

“Let me help you with that.” Sebastian rips my pesky jumpsuit open as I try to figure out how to get it off quickly.

Grinning, I’m relieved to find him hard and ready for me as I bring him out from his pants.

I lift my hips to line myself up with him.

Slowly, I lower myself onto him as he enters me deliciously slow, and I close my eyes in ecstasy. It feels like I’m coming home.

“Don’t close your eyes. I want to see you come undone,” he instructs.

Abandoning all thoughts outside of him, I move my hips slowly, wanting to draw out this moment.

Pressing my chest to his, my nails find his back, and I run my hands down him, leaving my mark as he moans.

He hisses as he grabs my butt. Picking up the pace, I bounce on him as our breaths become heavier.

“Slow down,” he manages to get out. “I want this to last.” Following his instructions, I lean my arms back, resting against his thighs as I ride him, the sight of him chasing his orgasm, enough to make me find mine.