Page 16 of The Christmas Trap

It’s why I’m obsessed with leading the perfect life. I want to please myself by having a career that’ll make me proud. But I also want my mom to approve of the person I’m marrying. And, I’d love to give her grandchildren. Eventually. For now, I want to build a solid career.

I want to have it all. So, I've built my life around checklists and achievements.

My need to get everything right—the job, the fiancé, the perfect life—is really about proving I can have it all. The dream career. The dream marriage. And the dream family. On my terms.

I want her to see that I can follow my own path and be happy and provide a good life for my children.

On the other hand, I can’t forget how hard my parents worked to give my sister and me a comfortable life.

I don't want my mom to ever feel like I think her choices are inferior to the ones I'm making. And because I want to show my appreciation, I feel this constant need to make things easier for them now.

“I’m making a lot more. I can help you to afford a few luxuries here and there.”

"Oh, we don't need luxuries, Lark. You know that."

“Really, Mom. Let me do this.”

She purses her lips, looking uncertain.

“You know, if you agree to it, so will Dad. Then he won’t have to take on additional jobs. That’ll help with his ulcers.”

Her features soften.

“You’re a good daughter, Lark.”

Warmth squeezes my chest. I’ve spent so much of my adult life striving to gain my parents’ approval. It feels good to have my mother acknowledge as much.

“I am so proud of you. You’ve always been so ambitious, I was worried you might turn out to be one of those women who’d focus on her career to the exclusion of everything else. But thankfully, that’s not the case. I’m so looking forward to attending your wedding and meeting your fiancé. You’re going to make a beautiful bride.”

I curve my lips, unable to muster up a real smile this time. I wish she were happy for me because I met someone who I’ll be happy to spend the rest of my life with. And not because she’s relieved that I’m settling down.

I suppose…it’s, in part, her belief that a woman is incomplete unless she gets married that made me accept Keith’s proposal.

It’s also because he’s a good man.He’s boring.Safe. I mean, he’s safe. Nothing like the brooding alpha male I met this morning.Uh-oh, what if the reason I can't muster a smile is because I'm not actually excited about my upcoming nuptials?

“Lark, are you listening?”

“Yes.” I shake out of my reverie. Why are my thoughts veering to Brody? He’s my boss. I don’t know him at all. And I need to keep our relationship strictly professional, too. “I can’t wait to see you here too.”

“We booked a red-eye into Heathrow.” Her expression is giddy. “I can’t wait to finally visit you in London. I am so excited.”

I can’t help but smile at that. It’s nice to see my mom so looking forward to the trip. They work so hard, they do deserve a great holiday.

“Oh my, look at the time. I’m going to be late. See you in a few weeks, Sweetie.”

“Bye.” I hang up the call and place the phone aside, feeling deflated.

I was so excited to share my triumph with my mom. I was thrilled about landing the perfect job and embarking on the next stage of my perfect career. I wanted to share that with her but somehow, the focus shifted to my future as a wife and mother.

The conversation with my mother was another version of her ‘I'm never going to be successful until I'm married’ lecture. It’s something she and I have never seen eye to eye on.

And now, I’m even more stressed about this wedding.

My phone vibrates with an incoming call.

It’s the pub where Keith and I are having a reception after the wedding.

It had crossed my mind to have the reception somewhere a littlemore memorable. But it made more sense to save the money for buying our perfect apartment. Naturally, he agreed.