Page 61 of The Chaos She Brings

So, can I keep my emotions out of it?

I already know the answer.

Trudging downstairs, after a long shower, I find Happy and Grumpy talking quietly in the living room.

“What’s happening?” I ask, my stomach knotting.

Happy gives me a tense smile. “The Russians…” he begins then cuts off as Kai enters the room.

“What about them?” I pull his attention back to me.

“They found Kai’s house…” Happy trails off once again and fear spikes in my chest. I look at Kai whose expression is unreadable, but his fists are clenched at his sides like he’s barely holding on.

“What did they do?” he hisses.

Grumpy steps in, recounting the facts as if they’re nothing. “The place is trashed. Just like Tess’s. Seems like they didn’t know that you two were gone, but they do now.”

Kai curses. His entire body turns rigid. I want to comfort him, to wrap him in my arms and tell him that it’s all going to be okay. But it’s not. I might not know Kai that well, but I do know that his home is his sanctuary. His safe place from the world. It’s why he keeps it so meticulously organised. And now it’s ruined. Because of me.

I stand helplessly as Kai storms from the room.

Kai

There’s white noise buzzing in my ears. An insistent hum telling me that I’m two seconds away from losing it.

I should have never said yes to Carina when she asked me to help out her friend.

Then I wouldn’t be here; in a state caught between wanting her and hating her. Here, when my home—my safe place—has been broken into and I can’t fix it.

I’m helpless.

I’m drowning in my own thoughts as everything unravels.

I stumble into the bedroom. I need somewhere away from everyone else. Somewhere I can fall apart.

I haven’t had a panic attack in years, but I can feel it, pushing at the dark corners of my mind as my vision begins to blur.

My legs give out and I’m sucked back into the past.

Mum’s angry again. Always angry now.

“Kai!” she screams from downstairs. “Get down here, now!” Her words slur enough to tell me she’s been drinking.

I scurry from room, taking the stairs two at a time. There’s no use hiding. She’d find me. And it would only make things worse.

My foot hits the bottom step as she steps into the hall. Her face is murderous.

“There’s a cup out on the side,” she says, her voice cold, controlled. “What have I told you about leaving a mess?”

My bottom lip wobbles. I hate how scared I am of her. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Stupid boy!”

Before I can react, her palm connects with my face. Pain explodes in my skull.

The memory slams shut just in time for another to take its place.

Mum's footsteps grow closer and my body trembles with fear.