Page 14 of The Brave (Black Arrowhead #6)

W aking up in a strange home wasn’t half as disorienting as being enfolded in a large pregnancy pillow. I hadn’t slept that well in ages.

Now that I’d had a moment to luxuriate in my surroundings, I recognized how much effort Atticus had put into my accommodations. Only Superman could have done it any faster. There was even a full wardrobe in the closet! Not only were all the clothes my style, but they were maternity wear.

Maybe they belonged to all his victims.

Stop thinking such things. Tak would never send me anywhere dangerous.

I slipped into a pair of white pants and admired the fit. The elastic waistband was perfect, and I adored the wide legs. Since we shared laundry duty at the house, I always had to be careful not to buy maternity clothes, so everything I bought was two sizes too big and baggy.

Unlike these clothes.

The beige blouse fit loose across the shoulders but otherwise showed off my figure. It was liberating to no longer hide my pregnancy.

While padding barefoot down the curved staircase, I overheard voices in a distant room.

“You ordered all this by yourself?” I heard Milly say. She had a distinct voice due to her age and the sharp delivery of her words. “I’ve seen some crazy things in my day. Crazy things.”

“It would be impractical to transport your personal equipment,” Atticus replied.

“Huh.”

I rounded a corner and entered the dimly lit room. The brown leather couches were shoved out of the way, and I blinked in surprise at the exam table and medical equipment.

Milly put her hands on her hips, her complexion paler than usual. “So you’re what all the fuss is over.”

Atticus flicked his gaze down to my feet. “Where are your slippers?”

“I’m not cold.”

Milly shook her head and switched on the machine, which was plugged into the wall through extension cords. “Leave us alone, Vampire.”

“This is my home.”

“And this is my patient. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll move your ass. My stomach still isn’t right from the trip.”

He inclined his head. “Apologies. It was the only way to get you here quickly and safely.”

“Well, your pilot has a mess to clean up.” She reached for a plastic bottle and unscrewed the cap. “You can’t blindfold a person after they ate lunch and expect them to fly across the state. Now scoot. And turn your Mute button on. Client privacy isn’t for your entertainment.”

Atticus nodded in acquiescence. Before rounding the corner, he gave me a backward glance. “If you need me, call.”

“Did I say you could eavesdrop?” Milly retorted.

After he left, I removed my blouse and climbed onto the table. “This really isn’t necessary. You already checked me out.”

She squeezed gel onto my belly. “For what that Vampire is paying me, I’d stay the full day. But I have an important appointment with a client in one hour, so now I’ve got to get back on that death contraption of his.” After a breath, she moved the wand around. “How have you been feeling? Get any rest?”

“I slept so late this morning that I’m not even certain what day it is.”

“Good. Your body knows what it needs.” She moved the wand and took her time reviewing the imaging display. “Everything looks fine. No change.”

Meaning… the wolf inside me hadn’t shifted back to human form.

“Do you plan on staying here for a while?” she asked.

“Yes.”

Milly put up the equipment. “I think that’s for the best. Hell’s breaking loose in Storybook. Nothing you need to be around in your condition. I think after a little rest and decent food, things will change back in no time. Does that Vampire know how to cook? It’s a long way for pizza delivery unless he plans on helicoptering it to the roof.”

“He says he cooks. Milly?”

She found a towel and used it to wipe the gel off my belly. “What is it?”

“Do you think it’ll stay like this the whole time?”

She wrapped the blood pressure cuff around my arm. “A predator’s animal comes out to protect. In this case, it’s happening in utero. Your baby must have a strong animal if it’s trying to protect it so early. The best thing for you to do is avoid all stress and worry. The baby is the most important thing to focus on.”

“What if it doesn’t shift back? I can’t give birth to a wolf.”

“When your energy changes, the baby will shift. It’s very important that it happens before delivery, so listen closely: Whatever stresses you out—avoid it. Be it watching the news or even talking to your packmates. Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Relic’s orders.” She removed the blood pressure cuff. “It’s higher than your previous checkups but still within normal range.”

I sat up and slipped my blouse back on. “Bear was giving me special juice drinks in the morning. I’m not sure what to take now.”

Milly threaded a strand of hair away from her thin lips. “If your Vampire friend could get all this equipment out here, I’m sure he’ll have no problem with a prescription. I know a Relic in the area who sells Shifter prenatal vitamins. I’ll give Mr. Rain the information.” She placed a cold stethoscope to my chest and listened. Then she asked me to take two deep breaths.

Atticus appeared at the edge of the room. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s just fine,” Milly said.

“Should I be aware of any special dietary needs for my guest?”

After putting her stethoscope in a black bag, Milly lifted my pant leg and looked at my feet and ankles. “Cut down a little on the salt. Exercise as much as you’re comfortable with, and I don’t mean jumping jacks,” she said with a cackle. “But a nice long walk will do you good. I bet you’ll get your workout just trying to find the bathroom.”

I chuckled softly.

“And what of the fetus?” Atticus pressed. “We both know this isn’t a normal pregnancy.”

She gave him a curt look. “What did I tell you about eavesdropping?”

“It’s okay,” I told her, realizing there was no way that I could hide anything from Atticus in his own home.

Atticus drew closer to Milly. “And?”

Milly scoffed and collected her bag. “Have you tried asking the patient? When a woman wants you to know something about her body, she’ll tell you herself.” Milly steered her eyes back to mine. “Everything looks fine. Eat healthy, cut back on sodium, and relax. It’s very important you find your inner peace. Stress creates a chemical reaction in the body, and your unborn baby knows exactly when you’re happy and when you’re scared. You can’t fool them. Any new symptoms?”

I shook my head. “Do you have something for heartburn?”

“I’ll add it to the prescription. Don’t take that over-the-counter human garbage in the stores. That’ll make it worse. I’ve got just the thing for Shifters. Be sure to take it before each meal.”

“Any side effects?” Atticus asked.

“Side effects include an unpleasant aftertaste and a nosy Vampire asking how you feel.”

I flashed a smile at Atticus. “Truly, I’m fine. Thank you for coming, Milly. I’m sorry about the trip and hope you feel better on the way back.”

She snorted. “Maybe I need some of those pills myself. If you plan to stay out here, you might want to switch Relics.”

I didn’t like that idea. I’d grown fond of Milly and trusted her implicitly.

Milly adjusted her glasses. “Well then, if you need me again, I can make an exception. But is the blindfold necessary?” She gave Atticus a thorny look.

He shrugged. “My location is secret. The other option was to scrub your memory, and I didn’t wish to do that.”

“Damn good thing you didn’t. Don’t tinker around in a Relic’s head. I’m perfectly okay with land transportation, just so you know. I could have squeezed in a nap in the back of a car.”

“Why didn’t you nap in the helicopter?”

She cackled. “In that death machine?” Milly approached him with her bag. “If you’re this loaded, invest in a private jet. They’re fast, less dangerous, and have a bathroom. You certainly have enough land out here for a hangar.” Before they reached the entryway, Milly looked over her shoulder at me. “Remember what I said about stress. Think of this as a getaway vacation. And smile! Did you know smiling releases chemicals in the brain?”

After they left, I ventured into the kitchen and peeled an orange.

Atticus entered from the back door, his hair windblown. “I called the Relic with your prescription. It’ll be ready later this evening.”

He looked nice in brown trousers and a three-quarter-sleeve white shirt that showed off his forearms. It seemed strange for a man who was so put together to not own any mirrors. How did he know how his outfits looked on him?

He stared at me for a length of time. “You have my word that everything I overheard about the baby will remain private.”

I chewed on the tasty orange. “Why doesn’t your house have any mirrors?”

“I dislike them.”

“Are you worried guests will notice you don’t cast a reflection?” I quipped.

He gave me a puzzled look. “Your bathroom has a mirror, does it not?”

“Of course. But most homes have mirrors placed in hallways or smaller areas. I haven’t seen one.”

He stood opposite me and flattened his hands on the granite countertop. “Surely you know we cast a reflection.”

“Of course I do. But some of those stories are silly, don’t you think?”

He reached for a garlic bulb and rolled it between his fingers. “Many cultures hold misguided beliefs about Vampires. Some are misunderstandings, like thinking stakes can kill us. We look very dead when paralyzed, but even if you plunged it through our heart, we wouldn’t die.”

“What about garlic?”

“Garlic breath is revolting, but that’s it.”

“Yet you buy it.”

“For you. I don’t know what you like to eat, and garlic is a common seasoning. The myth about silver crosses was to throw off the Church, but many myths we fabricated ourselves. You Shifters can easily hide what you are from humans, but we have physical differences that make people uneasy. The human subconscious lingers on details that the conscious mind chooses to ignore.”

“Forgive my ignorance, but how do you heal superficial wounds by licking them? What I mean is… when you drink from someone’s neck, why doesn’t their wound seal up instantly?”

He canted his head, clearly amused by my interest. “It works the same way it does with Chitahs—by willing it. I’m ignorant myself to the science behind it, but I presume a chemical is released or altered in our saliva. Much the same way Milly said that smiling releases chemicals in your brain. If it were there all the time, we would have a difficult time drinking from our victims.”

I thought about how old he was. “How did you conceal your eyes in the early days?”

“Vampires rarely came out in the daytime for a reason. Not just because the light hurts our eyes, but the sun highlights our differences.”

“So you spent your life living in the woods?”

Atticus gave a warm laugh that didn’t linger. “Some did, but not me. There were the occasional Breed communities, but not many. Most of them didn’t like outsiders; others were all the same Breed. We mostly traveled and lived among humans.”

I ate another juicy orange slice. “My family lived in a human community, but it was easier for us to blend in. How did you manage to avoid their scrutiny?”

“Most villages and farmworkers retired early, but larger towns and villages were a different story. In flickering candlelight, people rarely gaze into a stranger’s eyes, especially one seated with his back to the fire. Black irises can be overlooked in the shadows. It’s only an issue when they catch a glimpse in the light. As you can tell, the shade is one of the deepest blacks in existence.” He tossed the garlic bulb back in the basket. “In some countries, we made the locals believe we had tails or could only be female. It took the focus off us and made it easy to dispel any suspicion. But not for long.” Atticus folded his arms on the counter and leaned against it. “One can never be too comfortable, so I was always on the move.”

“I traveled too, but for a different reason.” I finished the last slice of my orange.

“And what would that be?”

“I was chasing a dream that wasn’t meant to last.” After I scooped up my orange peels, I glanced around. “Where’s the trash?”

He pulled out a long drawer from the cabinet. I walked around, but before I could drop them in, Atticus collected the scraps from my hand and did it for me. “You missed breakfast and lunch. What can I make you?”

I backed up against the counter, wondering if he knew how to cook or if I’d be better off making something myself. In my old life, I would’ve made a cheese sandwich and called it a day, but with the baby, I needed a nutritious meal. “The pack says I need more meat in my diet.”

Atticus lifted a pan from a hanging display and set it on the gas burner. “I have steak and pork chops in the refrigerator. You’ll need to make me a list of your favorite foods.”

“Do you know how to cook a steak?”

“As it so happens, my steaks are legendary.” He offered a charming smile. “I’ve cooked many meals in my lifetime, my lady. I once allied with a Mage who hated cooking but had a voracious appetite.”

“Since I only lived in hotels, I would either eat out or have something delivered.” I tapped my fingernails against the lower cabinet. “Don’t Vampires hate eating?”

“I don’t hate eating—I just never get hungry, so it’s not something I do regularly. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the art of cooking.”

“Can I watch?”

Atticus stepped closer, and a marvelous fragrance of sandalwood and spices wafted off him. He gently put his hands beneath my arms. “May I?”

When I didn’t object, he lifted me onto the counter as if I were weightless.

“I like this style on you,” I remarked. “You’re always wearing that black coat.”

“It helps to have an identifying look in my business so people can easily recognize me even if they haven’t met me.”

I found myself lost in his eyes. The irises were unnaturally black, and there was a quality to them that drew me in. I’d never spent much time thinking how handsome Atticus was, mostly because I could never get around his being a Vampire. His eyebrows were a medium shade of brown that didn’t match his pale hair, and he had the most sensual lips. When he stood very still, he almost didn’t look real. Strangely, he seemed to enjoy my looking at him and made no attempt to move.

“You should fear Vampires,” he began, as if reading my mind. “But you have no reason to fear me.”

I wanted to trace my finger over his Adam’s apple and down to his collarbones.

Atticus stood intimately close, and unbidden desire pulsed between my legs. Lately I’d been struggling with these amorous feelings, which could only be attributed to fluctuating hormones.

I averted my eyes, embarrassed that he might have picked up on it.

Atticus retreated and pulled out the ingredients for my lunch. After washing his hands, he cubed the potatoes into small pieces, drizzled olive oil on them, and shoved them into the hot oven.

He was mesmerizing to watch—like a chef on television. Atticus retrieved one item at a time, then washed the vegetables thoroughly before chopping them. He didn’t have the chopping technique that Bear possessed, but I could tell he wanted to make an impression. Atticus assembled a salad made with corn, black beans, peppers, scallions, cilantro, olive oil, tomatoes, lime juice, and cracked pepper.

“I can’t add salt,” he said while stirring the mixture. “We have to keep your blood pressure down.” Then he wiped clean his cutting boards and discarded the leftover waste.

“Do you ever cook for yourself?” I crossed my ankles.

He turned on the faucet and washed his hands. “Occasionally. The joy of eating is diminished when you don’t experience hunger. But I like cooking for others.”

Enough time had elapsed that I could smell the potatoes were almost done.

When my butt started hurting, I scooted to the edge of the counter to get down.

Atticus dropped his spoon and swooped in, wrapping his arms around me. Our bodies rubbed together sensually before my feet touched the ground. Atticus was surprisingly warm, his muscles taut.

“You should be careful,” he said softly against my ear.

Though my feet were on the ground, I remained in his embrace. Holding him was astonishingly comforting, as if we had known each other for a lifetime.

“I never thought a Vampire could make me feel safe.”

Atticus tenderly stroked my hair. “You said you would call me by my first name when you trusted me.”

“And I meant it, Atticus.”

He blushed. I thought he might kiss me, but instead, Atticus pivoted back to the stove, and after a few clicks, the gas burner lit up. He drizzled oil into a pan, and when the oil was hot enough, he added the steak. The sizzling sound made my mouth water.

“How do you like it?” he asked.

“Medium rare.”

“Very well.”

“You never answered my question. Is there a reason you don’t have any mirrors in your house, or are they all in your bedroom?”

“Do you think me vain enough to need them?”

I strolled to the outside of the counter and sat on one of the upholstered chairs so I could watch him. “It’s peculiar, that’s all. Especially in a house this large with so much wall space to fill.”

Atticus pulled a plate out. “Mirrors remind me of who I am—of what I am.” He added butter to the pan. “I like feeling ordinary. I’ve lived a privileged life but also a brutal one. If you want to know the truth, I’ve grown bored. Humans are no longer a constant threat, the Breeds are no longer at war, and life has become a series of mundane tasks.”

“Maybe living alone has something to do with it. Why did you move to the country? The city is far more interesting.”

He set the bowl of bean salad in front of me and a glass of milk. “No matter how much time goes by, humans are interesting to watch and interact with. When I worked in a bakery for a short while, I coveted that feeling of being ordinary. But city noise is too much. This suits me better.”

“So you bought a club?” I smiled at the contradiction.

“Fair point.” Atticus presented a beautifully plated meal of steak and potatoes. I greedily dug in while he cleaned up.

“Humans were torch-wielding fanatics,” he continued. “Well, some still are, but to a lesser degree. Being around them reminded me of how different I was. They’re innocent, curious, and emotional. Those differences made me feel more and more like a monster. The appeal of country life grew on me, but I needed a lucrative business to fill my account. I also wanted to live in a Breed community. Investments are important, as you know. That’s why I own this property.”

The delicious meal kept me quiet as I devoured it. Even the salad, which I had been skeptical about, was scrumptious.

Atticus wiped down the counter. “Country air is cleaner, and when I grow tired of the noise at the club, I can separate myself from it. You can’t do that in the city. Noise pollution surrounds you. When I bought this land, I made sure to pick a location that wasn’t along a major flight path.” After washing his hands, he sat in the chair beside me. “How is everything? To your satisfaction?”

“And beyond. I didn’t realize how famished I was until I started eating. Everyone’s right about protein. I crave meat more now than I did in the beginning of the pregnancy.” I dabbed my mouth with the napkin. “Must be a wolf thing.”

“You’re a proper lady,” he remarked.

“What makes you say that?” I set my napkin down.

“Because I know a lady when I see one.”

“You might not say that if you knew everything about my past.”

“Who you once were doesn’t matter to me.”

“That’s what you say.”

“That’s what I know.” He tossed the rag into the sink. “If you define yourself by your past, how can you ever change? We all have different versions of ourselves.”

I resumed eating my potatoes and mulled over his remark. Joining my pack had given me a second chance, and I liked that Atticus didn’t ask me to elaborate about my past. He’d worded that in a way that made sense, because I wasn’t that person anymore.

Then again, he knew nothing about me.

Atticus stood across from me. “Salem didn’t choose you as his mate, but you still defend him. I never liked how aloof he was with you. Even if you were only pretending, he wasn’t attentive to your needs. That’s inexcusable, especially in your condition.”

“Salem is… different. He’s a practical man, not an emotional one. But he took care of me. You’ve never seen that side of him, so you can’t judge. I talked him into a fake relationship to improve our odds of the Packmaster selecting us, but we didn’t agree to any public displays of affection. Would you have more respect if he faked the intimacy by kissing and groping me in public? Salem could’ve left me long ago, but he stuck around.”

Atticus folded his arms on the counter, his brow furrowing. “I thought him a fiend, but now it’s clear he did the honorable thing. I still can’t overlook that he was so blinded by responsibility that he never realized what he had right in front of him.”

I scoffed. “And what’s that? A pregnant woman with a shady past?”

“Finish your meal,” he said tersely.

“And if I don’t?”

“Then cease talking.” Atticus turned sharply and faced the sink. “I won’t allow anyone to besmirch your reputation. Including you,” he grumbled.

I ate another potato and decided to get the conversation back on track. “Maybe you see it as a missed opportunity, but I could never be with Salem in that way.”

He faced me again. “Ah yes. Because he was involved with the experiments. I hadn’t considered how that would affect your decision.”

“Not just that; I don’t feel anything for Salem.” I drew in two quick gasps and sneezed. When I sneezed a second time, Atticus handed me a napkin.

“I remember a time when people carried handkerchiefs,” he remarked.

“We were smart back then.” After blowing my nose, I wadded up the napkin. “I’m sorry. It’s the pepper.”

“Are you finished, or would you like another?”

“Don’t trouble yourself. I’m stuffed and couldn’t eat another bite. Thank you for this. Everything was delicious.”

“The first of many.” He collected the dishes. “While you were sleeping, I baked a chocolate raspberry cake.”

“You did not.”

“I did.”

“I shouldn’t,” I said but didn’t mean it. There was more than enough room in my belly for sweets.

“And why not? You’re entitled to pleasure.”

I swiveled in my chair. “That depends on how well you bake.”

“Oh, it does?” he boomed.

I laughed brightly, and when he carried a cake plate toward me with a fork in his other hand, I laughed even harder. “I’m not eating that! Salem told me to stay away from sweets.”

“Your Relic said nothing of sugar. Only salt. Milly isn’t one to overlook details, and she has experience with pregnancy.” Instead of cutting a slice with a knife, he used a fork and scooped up a substantial bite. “Open up.”

My lips pressed tightly as he stood before me, waving the fork in front of my mouth. But his silliness over the whole thing had me laughing again, and the next thing I knew, I was eating the most scrumptious cake.

“And?” He watched my mouth as I licked the chocolate icing from my lip.

“The raspberry filling is decadent. You could have been a baker in a past life.”

“I borrowed the recipe from an old friend.”

A sensation in my belly stole my attention, and I abruptly scooted off the stool.

I must have eaten too much.

When it happened again, I cradled my belly.

Atticus set the cake on the counter and clutched my arms. “What’s wrong?”

Is that what I think it is? No, it can’t be! I looked down at my stomach in disbelief. It’s alive. My baby is alive.

“It shifted.” Feeling the baby move inside me was more real than even seeing the wolf pup on the ultrasound. My stomach was visibly larger and felt heavier.

Just then, the baby did what felt like a somersault.

“It’s kicking!” I laughed, tears blurring my vision. “It’s the first time I’ve ever felt it move. Even when it shifted the last time, I didn’t feel it. Probably because the wolf is too small. But in all those months, I never felt the baby—not once! Milly said everything was fine, but I was so worried.”

“May I?” He moved his hand near mine and then knelt before me. His smile widened when it kicked again. “It’s the quickening.”

I traced my fingers over my rounded belly. “I’m still undecided if I’m keeping it.”

He flicked his eyes up. “Because of how it was conceived?”

I nodded.

“It must be a tough decision.” He stood up. “At least we know it likes my cake.”

I chuckled softly.

“Why did the labs choose you? Or was it a random abduction?”

“It was intentional. I was hired to do a private performance and shifted by accident. He put a collar on me, and that’s all I remember. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it since, and I’m certain that my former manager betrayed me. He was manipulative and booking me for events I didn’t agree to. When the work slowed down, I fired him and ventured out on my own. I think that spiteful little man wasn’t happy unless he made one last dollar off me. He was the only one who knew my secret.”

The lines deepened between his eyebrows. “What secret?”

I worried my lip.

Should I tell him?

“Tak and Hope know, but I haven’t told the rest of my packmates. I’ve had two wolves inside me ever since my first change. Two different spirit wolves, so it’s the three of us.”

He didn’t appear surprised. “It’s hard to be as old as I am without having seen the impossible. Some of those anomalies in the early days are how certain Breeds evolved. What some might call a defect, others see as a desirable trait.” He held my gaze. “Two wolves with separate identities is extraordinary. The fates chose you, and because your light shines brighter, there will always be those who covet your gifts.”

“I don’t think it’s my gifts most men covet.” I strolled across the kitchen to the large glass door. “Everyone in my life has used me for one reason or another.”

He sighed. “What about your parents? One reason I admire Shifters is their bond with family.”

I gazed outside at the puffy clouds. “I had a nice childhood, but we didn’t live in a pack. Everything was fine until I went through my first change.” The thought made me sad, and I crossed my arms. “My mother treated me like a monster. She was convinced that the only way I could have two wolves was if I was originally a twin. Late one evening, I overheard them speaking privately about it. My mother called me a baby killer. She said I stole my sibling’s spirit in the womb, and that’s why they were never born.”

“That’s preposterous.”

“My parents rejected me, and I left home. The only jobs I could get were waitressing in a few Breed clubs. When Marilyn Monroe got her big break and became a sensation, people stopped me on the street all the time. No kidding. Then a performance club hired me as a novelty. They had lookalike celebrities seating people. Eventually I mustered enough courage to perform. I couldn’t sing a note, but I still remember how good it felt that first night when the audience cheered and applauded. After that, she became my idol, and I wanted to be her. Such a silly dream.”

“It’s not silly to admire someone who has more than you. She had fame, success, and opportunities.”

“Well, after she died, that’s when I really began making money. But eventually it attracted parasites. In some ways, we lived similar lives. I was lonely and didn’t trust anyone. People treated me like a dumb blonde. On the other hand, I always got the best tables and never paid for my drinks. There was so much good mixed with the bad.”

“Did you ever consider doing something else?”

“Gosh no. The money was too good. So was the lifestyle.” I turned away and padded through the house with Atticus. “I wouldn’t trade my life now for the world. My pack is wonderful, and I love them dearly. In the beginning, I chose them for protection. But now it’s hard to imagine life without them.”

“I’m certain they feel the same about you.”

“I don’t have much to offer.”

“You don’t think the goodness inside you is an admirable quality?”

“Being kind doesn’t pay the bills. You have to understand that I lost all my money. I need them more than they need me. Without a pack, I’m nothing.”

Atticus stopped me in front of a magnificent painting of war. “Money and power don’t make a person more valuable than the next. It just gives them… privileges others don’t have.”

“Like this house?”

A smile touched his lips. “Yes, like this house. If your Packmaster is doing all this to protect you, maybe you should think about why he values your life so much. You’re not seeing your worth the way others do. You can’t put a dollar amount on compassion, friendship, and love.”

Atticus was so much more than I’d given him credit for, and he was slowly changing my opinion about Vampires. Men had only wanted me for either my money or looks, and I had neither right now. I was pregnant without a dime to my name, and he was saying all the right things.

Gosh, I’ve beaten myself up for so long that I forgot what it’s like to truly be seen.

“If you don’t mind my saying, your parents were awful.”

I rested my hands on my belly. “My mother said, ‘I don’t want that monster living in my house.’ I’ve never forgotten that, and I suppose it hurts more because it wasn’t said in the heat of an argument. She meant it.” Tears stung my eyes at the bittersweet memories of my childhood. “You know what she told me?”

His eyebrows drew together.

“She wanted to have more kids so she wouldn’t go to her grave knowing that I was all they’d brought into this world. I don’t know if they succeeded, but it feels like they wanted to erase me. I was just a young girl. None of it was my fault, and my wolves weren’t any trouble.”

“So you must relate to how this baby will someday feel.”

Then it hit me how similar our situations were, only this baby would know from day one that it was different from other Shifters. It had taken me years before I figured out my defect, and the pain of rejection cut so deep that I would never fully mend.

I stared at my belly and wondered if my baby would have a normal life—if it would resent me. How could a child ever love me when I was the reason it was born different? Despite my fears, I experienced a growing connection to this unborn soul—an attachment that hadn’t existed before. Now that I’d temporarily separated from my pack, I had time to reflect.

I wanted this baby to be loved and always come first, but could I be a good mother? Would they be better off with two parents?

As my feelings were changing, so was my uncertainty. Worst of all, so were my fears. Instead of worrying what the pack might do or how I would handle adoption, I worried about the birth. I worried for the health and safety of the baby.

I worried that I might wind up loving it too much to let go.