Page 18

Waking up that morning seemed harder than usual, to my surprise.

Even after working all week, I tended to still be an early riser. Normally, I’d get up with no problem and start my Saturday off on a good note, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t bring myself to move all that quickly.

Instead, I pulled myself out of bed, made myself some breakfast, and tried to keep myself relatively alert.

But while I stood over the stove while a few eggs fried in the pan, I felt like I could hardly keep my eyes open—even after drinking a coffee.

Those few minutes started to feel like a lifetime as I watched the eggs gradually become more opaque, sending out their usual fragrance that would normally make me hungrier.

But at that moment, my stomach lurched as my nose turned up at the scent, and it took everything in me to keep what remained in my stomach down.

Unable to handle it after a moment, I turned the burner off and removed the pan from the heat before deciding I just couldn’t do it.

The eggs were suddenly so unappealing that I lost my appetite altogether, and I dropped the idea of eating for the time being.

Instead, I pulled myself into the bathroom and turned the shower on, hoping a rinse would help me wake up and feel more like myself. Stripping down, I stepped beneath the spray of water and let that warmth surround me.

All the while I cleaned myself, eyes closed while I savored that comfort, my mind drifted to Damien and the latest advancements on that front.

Ever since the Levov/Novikov event when he expressed his intense interest in me, I saw and heard very little of him. It was almost odd to not see him lingering and trying to insert himself wherever possible. Instead, the office had been very quiet in regards to him, and I didn’t know what to think about it.

A part of me felt guilty since I could only assume it had to do with my lack of response, and how we left everything unaddressed.

I didn’t imagine that helped his inner torment very much, but at the same time, he did unload that confession on me at an unideal time, and it was more desperate than I anticipated from him. Needless to say, it caught me by surprise, and I didn’t know how to handle it.

In all fairness, I could’ve tried harder to keep my composure, but I just hadn’t been ready. I didn’t think a man like Damien was capable of being infatuated.

I had to admit, as the days passed and that unusual radio silence came from him, I started to miss it. I missed the temptation…the feeling of being wanted and needed.

In that absence, I even found myself missing how aggravating he could be…

Reaching for the conditioner, I sighed, realizing it was empty and I forgot to throw it away.

Pulling back the curtain, I carefully stepped out of the shower, trying to avoid getting too much water all over while I opened the cupboard beneath the sink and reached for a new bottle.

Securing the bottle and pulling it out, it bumped into the box of tampons I stored down there, and after staring at them for a moment, I froze.

The shower continued to run behind me while I stood there completely naked, listening to the faint drops of water as they hit the floor. That incessant sound seemed to punctuate the otherwise quiet bathroom all the while my mind ran in circles.

Running through the mental math as quickly as I could, my heart dropped.

I hadn’t had my period. I was late by at least a week.

As that realization dawned on me, my heart nearly stopped.

It was unlike me to let something like that slip by me entirely.

But that couldn’t be right. I was on birth control. Even when me and Damien had sex, I was on the pill. It couldn’t be…

Unable to wait another moment, I snapped back into myself again and quickly turned the shower off before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around me.

With tunnel vision, I moved into my bedroom and raced over to my nightstand, pulling the foil pack out of the top drawer.

All the while, my hands shook, I looked down at the tiny pink pills and counted them, realizing immediately that something was off. The current day and the number left didn’t match up.

I missed one.

Somehow, some way, I missed one.

That dread in my stomach only lingered the longer I stood there in my towel and thought about it.

I missed a pill, and my period was late.

Feeling dizzy for a moment as it all hit me at once, I braced myself against the side of my bed and tried to get my mind to catch up. To be okay enough to think more clearly and decide on my next move.

It seemed almost impossible to achieve, but I pulled in a deep breath to steady myself.

Even if the odds seemed stacked against me, I couldn’t lose my mind yet. I didn’t have any kind of confirmation on what I assumed was going on, and I had to know for sure.

After urging myself to breathe and pull it together, I eventually managed to dry myself off and pulled some relaxed clothes on. I moved numbly all the while I grabbed my wallet and phone, put my shoes on, and eventually left my apartment.

The idea of being pregnant alone was enough to make it seem like my legs weren’t really carrying me. Instead, it felt like I was only floating, trained solely on reaching where I needed to go and getting to the bottom of what was happening to me.

My visit to the nearest pharmacy was a complete blur. I only knew there was a pregnancy test in the small bag I had been given, and I was on my way back to my place. Somehow through it all, I managed to keep myself together, even as I went to the washroom and took the test.

That is, until I returned to the test and looked down at it from where it rested on the countertop.

At seeing those two pink lines, my heart nearly stopped.

It was positive…and according to the test, I was indeed pregnant.

I had no way to rationalize that reality or even begin to understand what that meant outside of being completely terrified.

There was no way. No way that after carefully curating every step in my life and being as careful as possible, something so massive and impactful could hit me just like that.

I was pregnant with Damien’s baby, and I didn’t have anyone there to keep me level. To support and comfort me.

My heart raced as I stared at the test, feeling as those shaky breaths left me.

Even if nobody was there, I knew I couldn’t shoulder it alone.

I was far too rattled and terrified to call Damien, but I managed to grab my phone and dial Gemma’s number.

After the second ring, I heard her voice, and it was the slightest balm to my panic. “Hello?”

Letting go of another shaky breath, I leaned against the counter and tried to keep myself together a bit longer. “Gemma, hi…I…”

A moment of silence lingered between us after I trailed off before her voice returned sounding a lot less cheerful and more worried. “Sky? Is everything alright?”

It was scary enough to know that I was pregnant, but upon having to say it out loud, making it feel even more real, I couldn’t help the shake in my voice. “I don’t mean to worry you, but I just…I realized I was late so I took a test, and it's saying I’m pregnant…”

She was silent again, likely from the shock of it, and then her words reached me more quietly, aware of how big the situation was. “Oh my god, Sky…”

“I just had to call you and hear your voice…I don’t think I can handle this alone right now.”

Without hesitation, she said back, “I’ll be right over, okay? Just sit tight.”

Sniffling, grateful for the offer, I nodded to myself. “O-okay, I will…thank you.”

“Of course. Just try to stay calm. I’ll be there soon.”

My arm shook as I held the phone to my ear and eventually said goodbye to Gemma before the call was disconnected, and I slowly made my way to the couch.

I was feeling so many things at once, but the fear was the most overwhelming of all. The fear of knowing I was carrying Damien’s baby despite the uncertain state we were in, and that I’d have to say something eventually.

Shaken up and terrified of everything ahead of me, I could only sit on the couch and wait for Gemma all the while my eyes welled with tears.

***

“And…you’re sure it’s his?”

Sniffling as my sinuses ached, I nodded and wiped my tired eyes from my place on the couch across from Gemma. “He’s the only one I’ve slept with recently.”

Despite it coming as another shock to her, she nodded her understanding. “I see…I’ll be honest, I’m a bit surprised to hear it, but I guess it makes sense. I thought I caught him looking at you differently than most others.”

I told her all about me and Damien, from him watching me to us having sex—leaving out the part of it happening in the office—and him confessing to me. It all seemed to be a whirlwind of information for her to take in at once, but still, Gemma kept herself together and became the support I needed without question. I didn’t know what I’d do without her.

“I know this all seems so scary and sudden, but I promise you’ll make it out of this in one piece. I’ll be here every step of the way,” Gemma reassured me, putting a gentle hand on my forearm. “I’m sure you already know this, but you’ll have to tell Damien sooner rather than later.”

Hearing it again, aware that she was right, I felt another wave of dread.

There was something so terrifying about telling him. Almost like it made the whole thing feel more real and unavoidable. The moment I told him, it would stop being something between just me and Gemma…it would be an admittance of what we did and the reality of that consequence coming to life.

It wasn’t supposed to happen, given how I was on the pill, but it was an accident. And as much as I wanted to wish the accident away, I knew it wasn’t that simple.

I had to face it, regardless of how terrifying it seemed. And with that, I’d have to decide what to do.

At my inability to answer while I averted my gaze and dealt with the ache it brought my stomach, Gemma let go of a gentle breath.

“It’s scary…I know. But Damien will be upset if you try to hide it. He might seem all tough on the outside, but I know he wouldn’t want you to try and handle this on your own.”

She was right again, as much as I didn’t want to admit it.

A part of me was recoiling—pulling back from the pressure and anxiety it gave me. But I also knew I couldn’t let it win out.

I couldn’t deny that she was completely correct even if I felt so conflicted about it all. Between what I wanted with Damien, what I was going to do about my new predicament, and how I would possibly keep my head on straight through it all.

“I know…” I admitted quietly, letting go of a shaken breath all the while Gemma gently stroked my arm to show her support.

While thinking about giving it a shot with Damien and trying to see where we might end up didn’t seem like the worst idea in the world, I didn’t know if the two of us would make it as parents…let alone parents together.

It was completely uncharted territory, and that unknown scared me. Everything about the situation scared me, even if I was trying to keep a brave face.

Still, I couldn’t keep it a secret forever. Eventually, I’d have to tell him.