Page 124 of The Book of Blood and Roses

I don’t know who this new version of myself will be yet. But I do know that I can’t return to my old life. I glance down at my hands. I’m no longer just a weapon. There’s more to me than my blood.

The wooden door to the roof creaks open, and I glance back from the railing. Every muscle in my body freezes when I see her standing there.

Aliz, who I haven’t seen in three weeks, now stares back at me with wide eyes. The wind blows her white hair, and I wait for her to vanish, to reveal she’s just a mirage. But she’s real.

“So, this is where you’ve been hiding,” she says, the wind muffling her words.

“Hiding?” is all I manage to say.

“You weren’t in our room,” she says. She takes a tentative step towards me. Then another. “I tried texting you back, but I couldn’t find the words. When I got to our room, you were gone.”

My eyes burn, and all I manage is to nod. She’s here.

“I just got back an hour ago,” she adds.

“Back?”

“From Hungary,” she says. “Did Faust not tell you where I’d gone?” She pauses, and I see her cheeks redden. “You didn’t notice I’d left?”

“I thought you didn’t want to see me,” I say. “You didn’t reply to any of my texts.”

“I just got my phone back today,” she says.She’s here.

“Right,” I whisper. “How did the Council hearing go?” I ask. I need her to come closer.

“Better than I thought it would.” She remains by the door, and I can’t help but think she’s just come here to say goodbye. She doesn’t even owe me that much. She couldn’t have possibly forgiven me yet.

“Did you see your parents?”

“Only my father’s Familiar,” she says. “Father was too busy, and my mother was indisposed.”

Aliz finally walks across the roof and rests her hands on the railing, our arms almost touching. “I’m sorry,” I say carefully. Her handstighten on the rusting metal. “I wanted to tell you the truth. But I was a coward.”

Aliz doesn’t reply. Maybe she isn’t ready for my apologies yet. But if she’s only here to say goodbye, I must tell her. I think of what she asked me to say the last time we were up here, before our first kiss.

“I don’t love you,” I whisper.

It’s the most honest lie I’ve ever told.

She doesn’t say anything. The wind blows my hood down, red hair whipping my face.

“I know you said it was just the mark,” I start, taking a careful breath. I have to say as much as I can before my mind gets in the way. “Okay, I’m sure the mark helped. And I know you don’t feel the same. I’m not expecting you to forgive me, but you told me that the wind would carry away all the things we’re not supposed to say.” I bite my lip, digging my nails into my palms to keep my hands from shaking.

I feel her hand on my shoulder, gentle, and wait for her to say that it’s too late. That the effects of the mark have worn off, and my lies washed away whatever feelings remained. Instead, her other hand nudges my chin up, her dark eyes glistening before she presses her lips to mine. “I don’t love you, either,” she whispers, between one kiss and the next. I don’t move at first, unsure of what she’s doing, of what’s happening, before the kiss deepens.

“I can’t tell if you’re lying or not,” I murmur, and she smiles against me, lips moving to my cheek.

“These three weeks have been hell. I didn’t know I was capable of missing someone this much,” she says, running her fingers through my hair. “Of loving someone this much. And it’s so much clearer now, Rebecca.”

I gasp at the sound of my own name. She pulls me into an embrace just as I feel my eyes burning, taking in her words. Her arms wrap around my back, and I squeeze her tight. Maybe it’s a dream. Maybe I’ll wake in the morning and it’ll be over. But right now, it’s real. She loves me—without a blood contract altering her thoughts.

“But I lied to you,” I say, my voice small.

“I know,” she whispers. “But Elia told me that you also saved her from a hunter. She told me everything. And I don’t know what I would have done in your shoes.” I wait for her to change her mind. My throat burns, and I tighten my grip on her.

We stay in this quiet embrace for minutes, not even a light drizzle pulling us apart. I sigh and look up at her. “Now what?” I ask.

“Do you want to be with me?”

I hesitate, just to tease her. “I guess I can put up with you a little while longer,” I whisper as the wind blows, rustling her moonlit hair. I draw her closer, holding her tight.

I’ll protect her.

I’ll keep her safe. Safe from Callisto, safe from Penny, safe from the Vassals.

“That’s very kind of you,” she says, before our lips meet in another kiss, a kiss that cares not for the danger and consequences of what we’re doing. A real kiss, an honest one, which promises many more to come.