Page 33

Reaper

C harlotte’s screams bounce off the factory walls as the men break her bones. I’m back in that damn factory watching someone I love be broken. This can’t be happening. How did we get here?

I’m trying so hard to get to her, but I can’t. It’s like I’m stuck in quicksand. The harder I fight, the further I sink.

“Charlotte!” I shout. She can’t hear me. She searches the room for me, but she can’t see me either. It’s like I’m not even really there. I fight harder to move, to get to her. To let her know I’m there. I’m coming. But soon, the quicksand consumes me completely. The last thing I see are Charlotte’s sad blue eyes as her neck is snapped.

I failed again.

I jerk up in bed in a coughing fit, sweating and trembling. I look to my right where Charlotte sleeps, alive. She stirs from my coughing but stays asleep. I trail a finger down her cheek, and then bury my face in her hair, inhaling her scent.

She’s real and she’s okay.

I leave the room and make my way to the kitchen for some water.

What the fuck was that.

It’s like the nightmares I used to have after Cece’s death. I brush a hand over my face, taking deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. This feeling, I can’t take it. I feel so out of control. I felt the same when I found out she was no longer at the bar and at a hotel with Jacob instead.

It was just a nightmare.

Charlotte is safe.

At least for now. Fuck.

I can't lose her like that. I can’t have her taken from me like Cece was.

I head to my gym to rid myself of my spiraling thoughts.

I’ve been gone most of the day purposely avoiding Charlotte, but as I walk into the kitchen, I find her at the counter on her phone.

“Hey. You left so early today.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” I say flatly.

“And you haven't responded to any of my texts.”

“Sorry, was busy with work stuff.”

She eyes me suspiciously, a thick tension already filling the room.

“What’s going on? Why do I feel like you're being weird? You're being weird, right? I’m not imagining it? ”

“We need to talk, Charlotte.”

“The words every girl loves to hear. Great. What’s wrong, Logan?”

Besides her moaning it several times, last night, it’s still so foreign hearing my name from her lips. I like it, but I can’t.

I can’t do this.

“Charlotte, I think we need to stop.”

“Stop what? You gotta be a little more specific here.”

She’s not gonna make this easy for me.

“Us. This.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t.”

“Is this because of last night? Because I scared you when I left with Jacob? I said I am sorry. It won't happen again.”

“It’s partly because of that. It scared the fuck out of me. I haven't experienced that kind of fear in a very long time. It made me realize how easily I could lose you.”

She looks angry now.

“So you tell me you’re in love with me, fuck me, and tell me your real name, just to break up with me the next day?”

“I thought I could move past it. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Logan, you can't be serious. Is it also because I didn't tell you I’m in love with you too? Because I am. If it helps to hear it now, I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. We can work through this. It’s okay to feel a little scared. Remember, you cannot control fear but you can choose to not allow it to control you . Sound familiar?” She uses my own words I once said to her against me as she moves toward me, reaching out to grab my hands, but I step back.

Fucking hell, she is making this so hard.

Her eyes soften, but they quickly turn heated.

“You're so fearless when it comes to everything else but when—”

“You. Exactly. You scare me. You're the only thing I fear. I fear the feelings I have for you and I fear having you ripped away from me.”

“That doesn't make sense to me! If you push me away, you lose me too.”

“It's easier that way. Willingly letting you go, I can cope with that. But having you and then something happening to you, someone taking you from me. That I can't do. I won't. What I feel for you is torture. Pure agony because I know I cannot have you. As much as I want to, I cannot keep you, Charlotte. I’m sorry.”

“That’s what love is! It's risking your own destruction for a chance at true happiness. Nothing worth having would be so easily lost. You’re a fucking coward!”

“Maybe I am.” I can't bear to see the way she’s staring at me right now with such disappointment and heartbreak.

“Fuck you, Reaper. Fuck you!”

She storms out of the house and the door slams behind her. I swear it feels like my heart was in the door jam. Smashed and shattered, left in pieces on the floor.

The garage door opens as she leaves and I hang my head, pulling at my hair. What the fuck did I just do? It’s like she took the damn oxygen along with her.

I clutch my chest.

Why the fuck does this hurt so bad?

Attempting to distract myself, I check emails and do some investigating. When that fails, I try working out with blaring music, but thoughts of her persist. They are relentless.

I walk the whole house. I’m not even sure what I’m doing. I feel anxiety like I’ve never felt before. This is wrong. Everything feels so damn wrong and it’s only been two hours. Two hours of her being gone and I’m fucking unraveling. I didn't think it would be easy, but this, this is fucking brutal. It has me feeling nauseous.

Sitting on the couch, my eyes land on her favorite red scrunchie on the coffee table. I grab it and bring it to my nose. Her scent of honey and mangoes fill me and my head spins even more. I ball the scrunchie in my fist, squeezing hard as I struggle with my thoughts and emotions.

I fucked up.

This is what I get for being impulsive and letting fear control me. This is exactly why I don't do impulsive things. It leads to mistakes.

I pushed away the most amazing woman I've ever met. Fuck. She’s right, this is what love is. Risking my destruction for a chance at true happiness.

She’s worth it.

Fuck, she’s so worth it.

I want to feel her cold feet searching for mine under the covers. I want to have pillow fights with her and drink chocolate milk at midnight together. I want to hear her laugh and see her smile daily. I want her scent filling up every room, driving me wild. I want to feel her body writhing beneath me in pleasure. Hell, I even want to see her damn hair clogging up the shower drain.

I just want her .

Whatever it takes.

I grab my keys and head to the only place I know she’d go.