Some vampires want to drain your blood. This one wants to drain your property values.

Meet Ronald Bitterhump: spray tanned vampire, failed resort developer, and owner of the worlds most tragic comb-over. His dream? Transform sleepy Cauldron Falls into Fangtasia Falls—a luxury vampire spa where the undead can get facials and work on their tans. (Yes, really.)

His secret weapon? Tandy Keyes, a magically-challenged realtor who couldnt light a candle with a flamethrower but can spot a commission opportunity from three counties away. Armed with business cards reading Vampire Real Estate Queen and a vision board covered in glitter, Tandys ready to...

Some vampires want to drain your blood. This one wants to drain your property values.

Meet Ronald Bitterhump: spray tanned vampire, failed resort developer, and owner of the worlds most tragic comb-over. His dream? Transform sleepy Cauldron Falls into Fangtasia Falls—a luxury vampire spa where the undead can get facials and work on their tans. (Yes, really.)

His secret weapon? Tandy Keyes, a magically-challenged realtor who couldnt light a candle with a flamethrower but can spot a commission opportunity from three counties away. Armed with business cards reading Vampire Real Estate Queen and a vision board covered in glitter, Tandys ready to sell out her entire town for a corner office and eternal commission rights.

Standing in their way: Honey Hadwin and her long-lost sister Maisie (plus Bartie, a sarcastic British bat with strong opinions about Ronalds fashion choices), one very competent detective, and Vlad Marcum—a vampire hunter who talks like a theme park pirate and carries enough stakes to build a fence.

When the blood moon rises and Ronald arrives with his coven of discount vampires, hes about to discover that magical water doesnt appreciate being turned into a spa treatment—and that nothing ruins an evil scheme quite like a really, really bad hair day.

Featuring: vampire spray tan disasters, weaponized real estate enthusiasm, and the most embarrassing supernatural invasion in magical history.