Page 47 of The Blairville Legacies

How had it come to this, that I was afraid of myself?

My head tried to suppress it, but deep inside, I knew that I could not escape it. It was inside me, a part of me. And it was just waiting to come out. But that would never happen again.Neveragain.

No matter what Emely or Nickolas said. I would prove them wrong. The last thing I wanted was to be like them. A unit with no free will.

I sat in my room, as I always did at this time of day, and had already been doing my favorite activity for five hours. At the piano, I simply felt better, and all the stress that threatened to crush me more and more every day disappeared almost completely. Here I could be more or less myself and also had my peace from my father.

“Julian...we need to talk.”

Speaking of the devil...

I looked up and interrupted the piano play. Only now did I realize that my fingers hurt. They were no longer bloodied, but you could see the many small cuts from the shards.

I sighed in annoyance.

After my outburst, Mia had disappeared to the Campbells, leaving me alone with my thoughts. She always claimed that everything was okay and that I wouldn’t scare her, but I knew for a fact that she was lying to me. I desperately needed to talk to her before I scared her off completely.

“This can’t go on.”

Dad snapped me out of my thoughts. One look at his face told me he had been crying.

Our grandmother had died recently, and he was still grieving. Every day, he would come home and try not to reach for the bottle. It was a hard struggle. You could see it in his face. But we all had to fight our battles somewhere. Some more, some less. I had to be a complete battleground.

“I understand that you had to go through a lot, but we all had to. Mia misses her too, and you can’t imagine how much I wish she were still with us.”

He contorted his face in pain. I knew for a fact that it wasn’t about Grandma.

My heart contracted painfully, like a sponge full of water that you squeezed until it was dry and empty.

I alone was to blame for my family’s suffering.

It was different to be responsible for your own mother’s death and live under the same roof with the people who knew the truth, but repressed it.

Dad was still looking at me, but I could no longer withstand his scrutinizing gaze. I instinctively looked out the window.

A white curtain. Nothing had changed. Bayla Adams still felt like I was watching her. Yet she had been the one secretly staringat me.Actually, the thought of that absurd encounter should have made me grin, but I could only continue to stare at the billowing curtain.

“Julian, I’m talking to you. You’ve got to change something, son. You’re just dragging yourself further and further down.”

How could he possibly think I was pulling myselfdown? I was already at the bottom, and I deserved it.

“You don’t get it, do you?” I began in irritation. I looked at him, and my eyes had to be glowing. I could feel it. I was glowing from the inside.

Added to that were the unwanted signs of transformation on my arms. The darkness inside me came out in the shallow black of my veins, a pattern that presented not only my curse but also my deepest inner self.

Immediately, I turned away from Dad.

Take it easy, Julian. You can control yourself. You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.

“Julian, it’s not your fault. You need to finally understand that, and put the past behind you. Your sister needs you now, and you’re acting like...”

“Like what? An uncontrollable monster? Maybe that’s what I am!”

The attempt to control me had failed again.

“No, son, you’re not a monster. How many times do I have to tell you that? You’re just reacting way too aggressively because you’re notturning.”

What was he trying to say? That I should break the rules? He didn’t do it either, after all.