Page 24 of The Beta’s Heart (Five Fangs #5)

Tyler

As the garden hose sprayed cool water over River’s fur, I watched Grace and Livvy Benson work diligently to wash away the blood, Landry standing nearby with a mix of concern and relief in his eyes. River lay still, his breaths deep and slow as he healed himself. The blood mixed with the water, forming pink rivulets that flowed away from his gray fur.

“Almost done, River,” Grace said softly, running her fingers through his fur to ensure the water reached every bloodied spot. Her voice was gentle, soothing, but my fear-fed anger was a living thing, clawing at my insides, and I let out a strangled growl.

“Beta Ty, he’s calmed down, but he’s still hurt,” Livvy muttered. “Don’t be harsh with him.”

But I couldn’t hold back anymore and, to my shame, I poured out all of my pent-up emotions on the one least deserving of it.

What were you thinking, River?! I snapped, my voice harsh and unforgiving. Thoreau almost died!

He flinched at my words, his eyes widening in confusion and hurt. He whimpered softly, his ears flattening against his head.

“He didn’t—”

No! I cut Landry off, my anger boiling over. He needs to understand how serious this is!

River’s eyes filled with tears, and he buried his head in his paws, quivering as he cried.

Me sorry, Ty-Ty, he choked out, his voice small and broken. Me no mean to make Ty-Ty mad.

Saying sorry isn’t enough this time! I yelled, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. You were a bad boy! Reau almost died!

River’s sobs grew louder and his body shook harder, but I chose to harden my heart instead of admit that I was making a mistake.

“Beta, he’s trying his best.” Livvy shot me a look that was a mix of disappointment and frustration.

Trying isn’t enough, either! He needs to do better! He needs to be better!

“Are you talking about him or yourself?” Livvy, never one to pull her punches, ripped back.

“Please, don’t, Livvy,” Grace’s soft voice cut through the tension. “Beta Ty, he’s hurting inside and out, and you’re too angry. This isn’t a good time for either of you to do this.”

Reau. Almost. Died! I shouted.

“That wasn’t Riv’s fault or yours,” Landry chimed in. “Those Russian triplets started it, and Reau shouldn’t have gotten involved.”

Before I could turn my anger on my best friend and make the situation even worse, Luna Posy arrived, bringing an air of calm and authority that we all needed right then.

“Please go for a break,” she nodded at Livvy, Grace, and Landry, her voice gentle yet firm, “and Tyler, take some deep, slow breaths while I talk to River.”

I did as she ordered, trying to rein in my emotions. River’s sobs had quieted somewhat, but now he looked utterly defeated, his eyes filled with a deep, heart-wrenching sorrow that hurt my heart, but I was tired.

So. Damned. Tired!

And afraid.

If Reau had been killed, I wouldn’t have been able to live with the guilt.

“Shhh, River.” Luna knelt beside my wolf, laying her hand on his wet ruff. “You’re okay. Everything’s okay now.”

Me sorry, luna, he said, his voice a broken whisper. Me sorry.

“I know,” she sang like a song, her voice a soothing melody. “I know. It’s all right now.”

I watched them, my heart heavy with regret and frustration. I wanted to make things right with River, but I also knew that I needed time to get over myself, so I let luna handle it. I’d messed up enough with him today, and she’d help him where I had failed.

“You did a good thing protecting Reau,” she murmured to him. “You were very brave.”

Why Ty-Ty so mad? he whispered. Me not hurt Toro. Me keep pup safe. Me always ’tect pups.

“I know, Riv. You have a good heart, and you care deeply about those you love. Ty’s the same way. He loves you and only wants what’s best for you.”

No! Ty-Ty bad boy, not me! Ty-Ty yell and say mean tings, luna!

“Shh, River. You’re a very good boy. Tyler just got scared. Sometimes when people are scared, they get angry, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or want to protect you.”

Bad betas say mean tings ’bout luna! Bad tings ’bout mate! Bad betas need punish! Me punish! Why Ty-Ty so mad?

“Yes, sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves and for others.” Her expression softened as she leaned closer, her voice low and earnest. “You were right to protect me and your mate, but you have to listen to Ty, too.”

Me try. Me always try listen, but dah mad… River’s gaze dropped as he struggled to find the words. Dah mad louder den what Ty-Ty say.

“I understand. I know you try to listen, and that’s the most important thing you can do, sweetie. Just keep trying.”

As River relaxed more and more under her soothing words and gentle touches, luna turned her attention to me. Her eyes held a mixture of compassion and concern and—unexpected but definitely warranted—a spark of anger.

I understand why you were upset, she linked only me. Seeing someone you care about in danger is frightening, and it’s natural to react strongly, but you have to remember that River looks to you for guidance. He needs your patience and understanding, especially when things get difficult.

I know, I linked back, my voice heavy with regret. I just… Sometimes, I run out of patience and understanding. If Reau had died…

My voice dried up as I once more pictured the boy clinging to River’s belly with blood flowing down his arm.

It’s mentally exhausting, isn’t it? Always needing to be careful with him. Unable to stop him from exploding. Being left with a mess to clean up. Trying to re-regulate yourself afterwards only to realize this isn’t normal, even if it is your normal.

She sighed as she pulled more of River onto her lap, and I wondered if she was talking about her life with Alpha Kendall Briggs. Before I could ask, though, she posed a question I didn’t want to answer.

Why were you so mad, Ty? The real reason. I know it scared you because of Reau, but the anger’s a different story. Are you embarrassed because he gave them the reaction they wanted when he snapped? I opened my mouth to reply when she caught me by surprise and hit the nail on the head. Or is it because of how you feel when his rage takes over?

And I let out a sigh from the bottom of my soul.

How?

How did she always know?

Maybe some of the boys were right and our luna had a touch of telepathy, although I’d call it telekardia—reading someone’s heart—if there was such a thing. Either way, she seemed to have a sixth sense for what someone was feeling and thinking.

I feel like I fail him every time I can’t stop him from exploding, I admitted quietly, but I don’t care that he got into a fight, and I wouldn’t have cared if he killed them. Being unable to stop him, though? That’s terrifying, luna, especially because he’s so powerful. He’s a hurricane, and there’s nothing I can do to control or stop him. Like what just happened. There was nothing I could do to save Reau! If Quartz hadn’t intervened, I would have had to watch that pup die because of us!

She didn’t respond right away, just sat stroking River’s damp fur as her eyes went far away. After a long moment, she nodded, her eyes dropping to the blood-stained grass and little pools of pink water.

Being helpless is probably the worst feeling in the world, she whispered, and those who have never experienced it cannot possibly imagine how soul-crushing it is.

We sat with that for a bit, each of us lost in our own thoughts until River’s breathing evened out, a soft snore escaping him as he finally drifted into a healing sleep. My heart clenched at the sight; he looked so vulnerable, so innocent, and I dreaded the question I needed to ask her.

Luna, my voice was barely a whisper, what if he goes on a rampage someday, and I can’t stop him, and someone innocent dies because of it? What if that someone is you? Or Peri? Or our pups?

He would never hurt me or his mates or his pups.

No one knows what he’s capable of in a rage, I argued. Not even me.

Yes, you do! she shot back . We all do now! We just saw it happen!

Luna—

On my way over here, she continued with determination flashing in her dark blue eyes, I saw that fight from at least four different points of view, including Angelo’s and Quartz’s, and you know what I saw? How River immediately switched from toying with those stupid brown wolves to protecting Reau, even though he had to know he was giving up his advantage. That wasn’t the act of a violent, mindless beast who needs to be put down. That was a protector following his instincts, and his instincts are solid.

But his anger is so unpredictable, and it’s all the time! I half-sobbed. It’s not just every now and then, luna! It’s. Every. Single. Fucking. Day!

You’re exhausted, Tyler. At your next appointment with Dr. York, talk to him about finding ways to get some relief.

What, like respite care from my own wolf? I snorted sarcastically.

Yes. If nothing else, shift and let River have full control in a safe place with someone who can handle him. Then you can take a nap or link Peri or one of your friends or just … I don’t know, take a mental vacation. Even if it’s only for a few hours, I think it would help a lot.

Who can handle him besides me? Who can understand him like I can? I shook my head fiercely. Nobody, luna.

Not true. I can do both. Ash and Sid, too, and Peri and Dove. Ash and I could take him to the lake or something, and I could watch over him and Sid as they swam and played. I know they run around together at night after one of your nightmares or mine, but this would be a deliberate time for you to take a break when you aren’t traumatized after a bad dream.

It’s a good idea, and River sure does love his Siddy. Then, desperate for reassurance, I asked, Am I even helping him?

Yes, and I can prove it. Think back to the first time River threw a tantrum.

For her patient expression, I knew I wasn’t getting out of this, so I shared the memory with her. Twelve-year-old me had been living at the O for a few months, and River had excitedly brought home his first shiny rock after a full moon run, laying it reverently on the front porch before handing back control so I could shift and go to bed.

The next morning, the rock was gone—and River had lost his everloving mind. He’d destroyed every last plank and board of the porch and even shoved Charlie away when she tried to show him the rock in her palm, and the only reason he didn’t take down more of the house was because she’d had the good sense to contact Nathan Barlow, who had alpha-commanded him to stop through the pack link.

Poor baby. Like a toddler losing his new toy, luna said now, sounding half-serious and half-amused. Now compare that reaction to what happened today. Can you see no improvement? Is he the same River? Or has all of your hard work been for nothing?

I knew she was right. It was harder to see without taking the long view, but his progress—and my own—was clear.

And just like that, my will to fight returned, stronger than ever.

River is no threat to me, Peri, or your future pups, luna said with finality in her voice. Don’t doubt yourself again. You’re doing everything right with him. Well, except for yelling at him earlier.

Yeah, I muttered, guilt-ridden and knowing I owed my wolf a huge apology—and possibly a mountain of ice cream. I just … stumbled for a moment.

Everyone stumbles sometimes, Ty. The important thing is to get up and keep going. Even if you’re shaking or crying or screaming the whole time, you get up and you keep going.

And I will, I promised her and myself.

I’m going to hold you to that, beta.

Then Thoreau’s voice cut through our conversation, his excited tone unmistakable.

“River!” he called out, his face a picture of relief. “I’m so happy you’re okay!”

Snorting himself awake, River raised his damp head from luna’s lap, his eyes brightening as the boy knelt beside him with Spring, Archer, and Wayne standing behind him.

Toro not scared?

“Not anymore,” Reau replied, his voice full of warmth.

Not scared of me? River’s gaze fell to his paws, his voice barely a whisper.

“Why would I be? You protected me! Even though there were three bad wolves, you kept me safe!”

River continued to check in with Reau, asking about his injury, which the boy assured him Chime Karma had healed, and if he or anyone else was mad at him, and it busted my heart into a million pieces when he told Reau that I’d yelled at him and he was a bad wolf.

Before I could apologize, though, Reau was giving him a hug and telling him he was a good wolf and how much he loved him. That melted the last of River’s tension, and Reau whispered kind words to him, saying that I must have lost my temper and that he was sure I didn’t mean to hurt my wolf’s feelings.

All true, and as the boys and our wolves bantered with each other, I took a mental break to prepare myself for what I had to do.

By the time I fully tuned back into the conversation, Reau and Riv were rambling on about dummies and rain and anuses, and I started laughing at their absurdity, the sound bubbling out uncontrollably as they exchanged puzzled glances.

River, I am sorry I lost my temper and called you a bad wolf, I said once my laughter subsided. You are a very good wolf, and I love you. It’s just, I tried so hard all week not to let them get my goat. When you went off, it was like all my effort had been wasted, but I realize now that I should have focused more on protecting you from them than on out-maturing them. Can you forgive me?

Yes, Ty-Ty. Me forgives you.

River and Reau looked at each other, tilting their heads in unison.

Ty-Ty has goat? River asked just as Reau exclaimed, “You have a goat!”

What? I frowned in confusion.

“You said the bad betas were after your goat. I didn’t know you had a goat!” Reau bounced with excitement.

The conversation devolved from there into River eating the goat and Reau calling Grace an indoor anus when she came over to fetch him for a shopping trip. As River tried to explain their silliness to the others, I laughed and laughed, finally releasing the last of my fear and anger to dissipate on the hot July breeze.

Glad to see you’re back to your old self, Landry linked me from across the field.

Yeah . Sorry about that .

No need to be sorry, but I’m worried about you. His tone was as serious as the grave. The guy hollering at River isn’t the guy I know. You’re not okay, and I don’t think you’re aware that you’re not okay.

I am now. Luna made sure of it.

Good. You’re my best friend. I can’t be happy if you’re not, bro! Then an evil smirk spread across his face. I hope you’re also aware that you get to explain what happened to your mate when you get home. Fifty bucks says at least four people have already linked her every detail.

No bet. I rolled my eyes, then joked, You know, sometimes I think she loves River more than me.

Yep, so you better get in a few prayers to the Moon Goddess, boy, because you’re fixing to meet her. Landry gave me a little salute with a fake sad face. So long, son. It’s been a pleasure knowing you.

And I couldn’t even shoot back a snappy retort because he was right.

#

Peri

I heard every detail from half a dozen people before Ty even walked through the kitchen door, his eyes shadowed with fatigue and regret, and my heart ached for him.

“Peri,” he began, his voice rough and unsteady, “before you say anything, I know I didn’t handle it right.”

“Oh, Ty.” My expression shifted from concern to a deep sadness. “You’ve had so many changes in your life recently, some good like becoming beta and your birthday and us moving in here, and some bad like having to reveal your scars and this mystery with your parents. Then these damned triplets had to show up! I am so glad Mase set their asses on that plane and got them out of here today!”

“Me, too,” he agreed with a wide-eyed nod.

“I know your stress levels have been through the roof, but, baby, taking it out on River isn’t the answer.”

Each word I spoke stung him. I could see it in the way he winced, his gaze dropping to the floor, and I was sorry for it, but I needed him to know that I was not okay with what he did.

“I know,” he murmured. “I just... I got overwhelmed. All week, I wanted to protect him from those freaking triplets, but all I did was hurt him and let him down in the end.”

“Lucky for you, River loves you.” I reached out, laid my hand on his arm, and felt the tension coiled beneath his skin. “I know he already forgave you when you apologized, but what if you did something nice to make it up to him?”

“I like that idea.” His eyes flashed up to meet mine. “Maybe you can help me think of something?”

“Of course!” A gentle smile tugged at my lips. “I’m guessing not a mountain of ice cream?”

“I thought about that actually, but maybe something more meaningful?”

“Hmm. How about we take him on a special outing? Somewhere he loves and can have fun.” I racked my brain, wondering where, and then it hit me. “Oh, I know! That spot high up in the mountains where there’s a natural overlook with an amazing view of Dark Woods! You know the one I mean? We could pack a picnic and spend the day there!”

“Were you talking to luna?” he demanded with a frown.

“No. Well, she linked me to let me know what happened, but not about hiking or anything. Why?”

“She suggested I take breaks from River once in a while. Let someone else guard him while I take a mini mental vacation.” His face finally softened, a hint of a smile even playing at the corners of his mouth. “Your idea is perfect. He loves that place, and he’ll love it even more if you shift so he can run around with Dove.”

“And there’s no trouble for him to get into up there.” I wrapped my arms around my mate’s neck, pulled him down to my level, and pecked the tip of his nose.

“Thank you, Peri. And thank you for not yelling at me, even though I know you probably wanted to.”

“Wounding someone who’s already gutted serves no purpose.” I pecked his lips this time, loving the soft warmth of his skin against mine.

“I have to admit, Sunshine, I’m… I’m scared. What if I mess up again as badly as I did today?”

“You’re eight- fucking -teen, Ty! Of course you’ll mess up again! It’s life. That’s how it works. You mess up. You learn from it. You grow and do better in the future. And it’s okay to be scared, baby. You have me and my family and your friends. We’re all here for you. You and River.”

His arms tightened around me, and for a moment, we stood there, just holding each other. I wasn’t much of a cook. In fact, Cole often said I should be banned from the kitchen all together, but spaghetti was one of those meals even I couldn’t mess up. I had a jar of sauce with a bag of frozen meatballs in one pot warming up and another pot bubbling up with the noodles, and the aroma of basil, garlic, and tomatoes was such a comforting smell that I hoped it soothed his raw edges. It sure did my frazzled nerves, anyway.

After a moment, he leaned down and rested his forehead against mine.

“I love you, Peri.”

“I love you too.” I squeezed him in my arms, feeling a deep sense of peace settle over us. “And we’ll get through this. All of it. Managing your stress, your parents, River. And you know how I know we will?”

“Because it’s the two of us fighting together,” he dutifully recited.

“Good boy.”

“Arf-arf.”

“Ooo! That’s it, Mr. James!” Leaping away from him, I grabbed the nearest weapon—the wooden spoon out of the sauce pot—and brandished it like a sword, ignoring the red dribbling off of it and splattering on the floor. “Prepare to be smited, you black-hearted blackguard!”

“How about you smite the burner instead, Lady Drips-a-Lot?” he laughed, looking over my head as angry hisses and spits filled the air. “Your spaghetti noodles are boiling over.”

“Ahhh!” I screeched and spun around to save our lunch.