Page 34 of The Bell’s Toll (Wanderlust Emporium Presents, Season One)

chapter Twenty-three

Nasiah

S tanding outside my childhood home sends a wave of sadness through me. Reminders of my lonely life behind this door slam into me.

This morning, Tanisha called to tell me that my mother isn’t doing well. Apparently, Aunt Karema—Tanisha’s mother and Mommy’s sister—came by to see her and said Angie hasn’t left her bed. She isn’t eating or sleeping. It’s time I relieved some of her stress and had this talk with her.

I love my mother, despite her issues. I honestly didn’t think my being gone would affect her as much as it has. It helps me to understand that all the times I questioned whether she and Daddy really cared about me, they actually did.

“You still want to go in?” Erazel asks behind me.

Even though I needed to check on my mother, I wasn’t crazy enough to come without a guard. My last experience with the incubus scared the shit out of me. Even Razzy knows where I am in case something happens.

“Yeah, I’m going in,” I say without turning to face him. Using the spare key under the rug, I let myself in.

The house is dark, not a light on, even though it’s the evening. The sun hasn’t gone all the way down yet, but there’s not enough sunlight coming through the closed curtains to have the lights off. I also notice the house smells stale and sour, like there is food left out somewhere.

Switching on the living room light, I can tell that she hasn’t cleaned in a while. The pillows from the couch are on the floor. There are blankets scattered about along with plates and cups. This place looks nothing like the sterile and clean childhood home I grew up in.

Erazel steps up beside me. “Smells like depression, bitterness and anger in here.”

I turn to look at him. Raziel explained how demons can feed off human emotions. A noise from down the hall grabs my attention.

“Romeo, baby, is that you?” my mother’s voice calls out.

The moment she comes up the hall and spots me, she halts her steps.

Her hair is all over her head. It clearly hasn’t seen a comb or a brush in days.

The heavy dark circles under her eyes make her look as if she hasn’t slept in months.

The robe she’s wearing looks like she grabbed it out of the dirty clothes pile.

“Nasiah?” She says my name as if she’s seeing a ghost.

“Hey, Mama.”

She looks me over before her gaze flashes to Erazel behind me.

“It’s okay. He’s here with me.”

She looks back at me, but she doesn’t seem happy.

“What are you doing here?” She tugs her robe closed.

Her question takes me aback. I narrow my gaze at her.

“We need to talk.” I walk over to the couch and take a seat, waiting for her to join me.

She takes a step back. “Let me go to the room and grab my shoes.”

Before she could turn around, I stopped her.

“You don’t need shoes. Come sit.”

She stands in her spot for a moment as if she’s truly contemplating whether she should sit. Finally, she moves over to the recliner and takes a seat.

The room is silent. Erazel remains by the door, his back pressed against the wall. Mother stares at me. I thought that she would have something to say since she was the one suffering, but I guess I need to start this conversation.

I clear my throat and run my hand down my pants. “You know, when this all first went down, I was angry and I blamed you for all this.”

Her brow pinches, but she doesn’t speak.

I press forward. “I mean, how could you risk your child’s life just to keep a man?”

In reality, my mother didn’t know what Raziel wanted when she initially made the deal, but a sane person would’ve asked. I’m grateful she saved my life, but she didn’t do it because she cared about her dying baby. She did it because she didn’t want to lose my father.

I continue to put it all out there. “However, now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’ve come to accept it and forgive you.

In the end, it all worked out. Raziel is.

” I stop and smile as I think about the man I’ve grown to love.

“He is everything I needed. I love him, and he loves me. We’re happy together, Mama. ”

Silence.

When I came over here, I thought I’d get some feedback from her.

I knew it might be a little too much to ask that she’d wrap me in her arms, beg for my forgiveness, and tell me how much she has always loved me.

But I thought I would get at least some reaction out of her.

However, the way she is just staring at me gives me nothing.

“Did you hear me? I said I forgive you.”

She leans forward in her seat, reaching a hand out to touch mine. “Will you call and tell your father? Tell him it would make you happy if he came back home to me. He’s not taking my calls. But if you call him…”

“Hold up.” I remove my hand from hers and lean back in my seat, shaking my head. I take in everything she said.

Tanisha told me that Vanessa was serious about leaving Daddy and had even got a lawyer to start the divorce process. It finally dawns on me.

All this time Tanisha and Aunt Kareema thought she was depressed because of me, when in reality she was hurting because Daddy finally left her ass.

I toss my head back and laugh. Nothing is funny, but this shit has me rolling.

This woman, who brought me into this world, is sitting across from me looking like a fucking crack fiend and starving herself, not because she sold her only daughter to what she thought was a demon, but because her married baby daddy left her.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Mother’s eyes widen. I shoot to my feet.

“So, all this time, you didn’t give a shit about what was happening to me. You were worried about Daddy?”

Her brow scrunches. “You’re safe. And you fell in love with that thing. There was nothing to worry about.”

“You didn’t know that,” I shout. “For as much as you knew, he could have been beating my ass and raping me every day.”

She waves me off. “But he wasn’t.”

Staring at the emotionless expression on her face tells me everything I need to know. This woman doesn’t give a shit about me. She never has.

Nodding my head, I look away from her as tears form in my eyes. “Did you even want kids?”

She scoffs. “No.”

Another piece of my heart breaks away. I shouldn’t be shocked because she has proven this multiple times over the years.

“Then why?” I ask, tossing my hands out to my sides before dropping them back down.

She shrugs. “Because Vanessa didn’t have any.”

Damn. That’s all I was to her. A way to level the playing field with his wife.

She chuckles and places her hands down in her lap. “You weren’t my first. I had multiple miscarriages before you. And every time I got pregnant, he doted on me.” She’s not looking at me as she speaks.

“He was so loving and barely went home to her when I was pregnant. I knew that if I gave him a child before her, he would finally leave Vanessa and be with me. And then you were born.” She frowns at this part of the story.

“You couldn’t even come on your due date. You had one fucking job. Still, I thought it would be fine. I’d had his first child.

“Then the doctors started talking about surgeries and heart problems and worst-case scenarios. I saw the look in his eyes that day. You were too much of a burden for him. He didn’t want a sick child who could barely stay alive. He wanted a normal one.

“Then, that bitch finally got pregnant. No miscarriages, just a normal pregnancy. I knew that the same way he loved on me when I was pregnant, he would do the same for her. I couldn’t let her have my man.”

I shake my head, staring at my mother with fresh eyes. “That’s the thing, Angelica; he was never your man.”

Her gaze snaps to me, and if her eyes were a weapon, I’d be dead. I was done with my mother. I needed nothing else from her. No, I would not call my dad and plead for him to come back to her. I was finally going to break this bullshit cycle.

I hope Vanessa does divorce him and finds her own happiness with someone else. And I hoped my father would never get over her leaving, and he would never come back to my mother. I turn to head toward the door.

“Wait,” Mother says, jumping to her feet. “I…uh… need to get you something.”

“I want nothing you have.”

“No,” she pleads. “Just wait here. I’ll bring it to you.”

She hurries down the hallway to her bedroom. Erazel pushes away from the door and walks over to me.

“Are you alright, Ms. Boss Lady?”

I shake my head. “Part of me already knew this truth, but it still hurts to hear it.”

He nods. “Well, in demon culture, if a parent doesn’t want their offspring, they’d usually sell it to another demon, place it in a workhouse, or eat it. So, at least you didn’t have to worry about that.”

I snort at his attempt to make me laugh. At least, I hope it was just a joke.

“Is that you as a baby?” Era asks as he moves over to the pictures on the mantle.

“Yes, that was the day they brought me home from the hospital.” He picks up the picture off the mantle and admires it before placing it down and picking up another one.

A cold chill blows over my skin. The type of chill I get whenever I travel through the void with Raziel.

“Do you feel that?” I turn to ask Erazel. He’s silently holding a black candle that looks melted down. His dark blue eyes look from the candle up to me, and immediately I know something is wrong.

“We have to go. Now.”

Before he can make it to me, a man steps from the hallway. My mother is right behind him.

“Well, you made this too easy,” the man sneers.

The next few things happen too quickly to react. A weapon appears out of the blue. It’s shaped like a cross, but each end has a sharp blade on it.

Erazel shouts for me to get down as the new guy tosses the weird blade at me. My instincts aren’t nearly that fast. I shut my eyes and think of Raziel.

I wait for the pain, but strong arms wrap around me. When I open my eyes, Erazel is standing in front of me. His brow is pinched as if he’s in pain, and his mouth is open on a silent yell.