Page 14 of The Beginning (Covert Moon, #1)

For the first time since becoming a member of the King's Guard, I felt as though I did not belong.

This must be what being in disgrace feels like.

The isolation was immediate and complete, as if an invisible barrier had sprung up between me and everything I had worked for.

What had happened? How had I lost control so badly?

The questions circled in my mind like vultures, offering no answers, only more pain.

"I was distracted, sir, by the screams of a serving girl off in a side hallway." The words came out in a rush, and I immediately wished I could take them back. They sounded so inadequate, so trivial when weighed against the magnitude of what had followed.

The only reaction Devlyn gave was raising an eyebrow. Even that small movement seemed loaded with judgment. "The screams of a serving girl?" he asked quietly. The way he repeated my words made them sound even more foolish.

I nodded, feeling heat rise in my cheeks. "Yes, sir. A woman’s screams. I left Gavin to guard Lady Annaliese while I investigated.” The memory of that sound played in my mind again, as sharp and urgent as it had been in the moment.

"Who was the girl?" The question was direct, practical—exactly what I should have found out at the time.

"I don't know, sir. I didn't get her name." Another failure, another oversight that now seemed glaringly obvious.

"What happened next?" Devlyn's tone was becoming more clipped, more businesslike. He was gathering facts now, building a picture of the disaster that had unfolded under my watch.

"I went to investigate, and found that she was…

" I hesitated, trying to get the words right.

The details of what I had witnessed seemed both important and trivial now, overshadowed by what had followed.

"She was fighting off a courtier who attempted to coerce her into something she was not interested in.

" I struggled not to call the man a would-be rutting bastard.

The description would have been accurate, but I was in enough trouble as it was.

I didn't need to go around insulting members of the court, no matter how deserved.

"He was attempting to get under her skirts?" Devlyn's bluntness was typical—he had no patience for euphemism when facts were needed. "You stopped it, and then what? Where was Lady Annaliese during this? Where was Gavin?"

The rapid-fire questions made me realize just how many decisions I had made in those crucial moments, and how many of them had been wrong.

"As I went down the hallway to investigate, sir, I called over my shoulder for Gavin to continue to the carriage yard with Lady Annaliese.

I didn't want to delay anything, but sir.

" I stopped, the weight of what I was about to say pressing down on me.

"I couldn't leave that girl to what I thought might be her fate.

" It was the truth, and it was a truth I still believed in, but it was also the decision that had led to everything that followed.

Devlyn nodded. "Nor should you have." The words brought a moment of relief—at least he didn't fault me for that choice.

"While we're the King's Guard, we protect any fae in need.

" He crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling, and I could see him thinking, processing the information I had given him.

"When you finished helping the servant girl, did you see Lady Annaliese or Gavin? "

I shook my head, feeling sweat settle in the small of my back.

The moisture seemed to pool there, a physical manifestation of my growing dread.

This was not going well. Every word I spoke seemed to dig my grave a little deeper.

My worst fears were coming to pass. My heart continued to pound like a drum, a drum that I couldn't calm, its rhythm erratic and desperate.

"They were no longer in the hallway, sir. They had continued as I commanded, and so I followed to the carriage yard, where we were told to take her." At the time, it had seemed reasonable, logical even. Now it sounded like the height of foolishness.

“Who was the courtier?” Devlyn asked.

“I do not know. He left without giving me any name. He was young, though. Not a senior courtier. As I said, I didn’t get the serving girl’s name. I didn’t insist on them telling me either as I was in a hurry to get back to my charge.”

"Did the Lady Annaliese arrive at her carriage?" Devlyn asked, his words soft and deliberate. I got the feeling that he was holding in his temper, nearly clenching his teeth as he asked the question. The careful control in his voice was more frightening than if he had simply shouted.

I took a deep breath and hoped like mad that I hadn't sent myself to the scaffold.

"As I reached the bottom of the staircase that led out to the carriage yard, I saw one of the palace guards finishing loading trunks up onto the carriage.

As I watched, another guard closed the carriage door and signaled the coachman to leave. "

The commander heaved a visible sigh of relief. For a moment, his shoulders relaxed, and I saw a glimmer of the man I knew—the one who cared about the success of his missions and the safety of those under his protection. "Then she's on her way?"

"Yes, but…" The word hung in the air between us like a blade waiting to fall.

The commander had started to return to his seat, probably thinking that this conversation was nearly over, that whatever had gone wrong was minor and manageable.

But when I spoke, he stopped, hand on the desk.

He turned and looked at me over one shoulder, and I struggled to get the words out, to say what I'd seen next.

The single word "but" had changed everything, had transformed his relief back into suspicion.

The problem for me was that speaking the words aloud would mean they could not be forgotten once spoken.

That it would then be real. Up until this moment, there was still some small part of me that hoped this was all a misunderstanding, that there was some explanation that would make everything right again.

I would no longer be able to foresee a happy outcome once the words were out there, floating in the air between us like an accusation.

"Yes?" The commander's words added to the deepening pit in my stomach.

Oh, gods. The nausea was building, threatening to overwhelm what little composure I had left.

"Gavin was in the carriage with her," I said quickly, hoping to get the news out fast and minimize the results.

The strategy was useless, of course—there was no way to soften such a blow.

"According to the palace guard who helped them in.

He said he was told that Gavin was to accompany her.

I also saw the pair of them inside the carriage as it left the yard. "

The commander stopped, his hand still on the desk.

The silence stretched between us, heavy and oppressive.

He leaned forward, and I could hear the audible inhalation of breath.

The sound was sharp, controlled, but I could sense the fury building beneath it.

As I watched him, I saw his nostrils flare, and I could feel the energy in the room shift once more.

The change was palpable, electric, as if lightning were about to strike.

My body felt as if I had plunged into ice. There was no doubt; I had made a mistake. Not just any mistake, but the kind of error that ended careers, that destroyed lives, that echoed through the halls of power for years to come.