Page 32 of The Beast’s Unwanted Duchess (Icy Dukes #1)

They fell into a silence that was pregnant with unspoken words, but neither was willing to break it.

"She deserves a better life than anything I could give her."

"You do not know that."

"I do and that’s why I stay away to protect her. I cannot divorce her so she isn’t shamed by society, but I can at least give her room to live her life free of my influence."

"You might think your actions are noble, but they achieve the opposite.

You only hurt her by your constant denial of what exists between you two," Andrew said, looking unlike the nonchalant friend he had grown up with.

"Plus, you told her you only married her to get your inheritance.

Have you asked her what she hoped to gain from this marriage apart from escaping her parents? "

He frowned, knowing he hadn’t even thought to, but buried the emotion that came with it. He had already made his bed; unfortunately, they would both have to lie in it.

"I…"

A knock on the door saved him from another round of scolding from his friend, and he was grateful for that.

"Enter."

The door opened to reveal Higgins, Andrew’s butler.

"Yes?"

"Pardon my intrusion, Your Grace, but there’s someone here to see you."

"I’m not expecting anyone," Andrew said, confused. "Who is it?"

"He says his name is Roberts, the Duke of Ravenmoor's butler."

Both their eyes went wide with surprise.

Why would Roberts have come all the way to Andrew’s estate?

"Let him in."

He shared a look with Andrew but shook his head, refusing to harbor any negative thoughts. Perhaps he had misunderstood when he had been asked to keep an eye on Alice.

"Your Graces," he greeted, bowing to them.

He looked outwardly normal, as though coming for his routine visits and not bearing bad news, so he saw no reason to panic.

"Is anything the matter?" Victor asked. "I wasn’t expecting you for weeks."

"There was an incident at the estate," Roberts stated. "Her Grace was involved."

The familiar signs of dread began working their way up his body, and for an instant, he felt akin to the little boy he had been all those years ago.

No. He told himself. It will be different this time.

"What happened?" Andrew asked because he had apparently been lost in his thoughts.

"She slipped and fell into the lake," he reported. "She sprained her ankle but otherwise she is fine. Mr. Martin attended to her."

"I told her never to go there. Why was she unattended?"

"I escorted her friends to their carriage. It was only for a brief moment."

Victor paced, feeling anger not just at the man but also at himself. If he hadn’t left her, she wouldn’t have had reason to return to the lake.

"Why are you here now? Why aren’t you with her?" he asked. "What if she needed you?"

"She is out of acute danger so I had to report to you as soon as I could."

"When?"

"Your Grace?"

"When did this incident happen?"

"Two days ago," the man answered tonelessly.

"And you didn’t think to inform me sooner?!" His voice was louder than he intended, but his frustration didn’t let him acknowledge it.

"I couldn’t leave until I was sure she was well enough to be without my assistance," Roberts answered, tone depicting his annoyance.

"That isn’t your job," he growled. "It is not your place to help my wife recover. It is mine."

"You’re not keen on fulfilling it."

He stepped back as if he had been slapped, as the truth washed over him as if he had been doused. If Roberts hadn’t been like a father to him, he was sure he would have sacked the man for the slight. At least he looked apologetic once the words were out of his mouth.

"Victor," Andrew called out, trying to hold on to him, but he could barely hear him over the roaring of blood in his ears.

"I must go to her."

"And you will, but you must calm yourself. You’re in no position to ride."

"She is injured, Andrew," he said desperately. "And I left her alone."

His friend sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"At least take the carriage. I do not want you getting hurt. Not while I can stop it."

"Too slow."

He made his way quickly to the stables before any more words could be said, saddling his horse and riding to his estate, praying all the while that there was still time to seek Alice’s forgiveness and hoping to God she hadn’t been hurt worse than Roberts had reported.

"Where is the duchess?" Victor asked the second he stepped into the castle.

"She is in her chambers, Your Grace," a footman answered.

He ignored the chill in his veins and rushed to her chambers, hoping she didn’t hate him.

He didn’t care that he was soaking wet and mud-stained for riding in the storm as he had, but he needed to see she was well.

He could care for himself after she was well and truly taken care of.

He would apologize to her and confess his feelings, and if she still wouldn’t have him, then so be it.

He knocked on her door but, hearing nothing, stepped into her chambers. Seeing her so pale and asleep brought back memories of his mother, whom he had hoped to forget.

He didn’t know when he rushed to her, grabbing her hand.

"Victor?" she asked, opening her eyes.

She thought she had been dreaming when she heard his voice, but now she was sure it was him.

Shocked, he held onto her hand and murmured, but she could not hear him.

He appeared to be lost in another time, and he was shaking.

He looked rough, as though he had ridden hard through the storm that was still raging outside, and she worried what memories he could possibly be reliving.

"Victor, talk to me. I’m right here," she cried, hugging him fiercely.

He was soaked to the bone, and she knew he could catch his death, but she couldn’t let go of him. He held tightly to her, and she knew whatever trauma held him was stronger than she knew, so she held him even tighter, whispering into his ear.

"I am here. I am not going anywhere. I promise you."

She wasn’t going to leave him. Not after she had seen him like this. He appeared to be holding onto so much pain she worried for him.

"I am sorry I wasn’t here," he apologized. "I should never have left. You were right I was a coward. I am sorry. I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t leave."

"I am not going anywhere," she reassured him, whispering into his hair. "I promise. Talk to me, Victor. I can only understand you when you do."

"I have such a dark past, Alice," he murmured against her. "It is an old wound I would rather leave covered."

"If it doesn’t come to the light then it will never heal," she told him, pulling away to look in his eye. "Let me help you."

He looked so broken she ached inside her heart for him. There was so much pain in his eyes and the way he held his body that she knew whatever he was about to tell her was him trusting her with his entire world.

"My mother… I found my mother dead in the lake when I was ten," he said suddenly.

Her gasp rent the air, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to hide her shock.

"What… what happened?"

"She had been given over in marriage to my father after he had forced her parents’ hands, and he had found quickly she didn’t take kindly to people threatening her family.

" He laughed humorlessly as he squeezed her hand for support.

"She hated my father for forcing her into the match to him and had plans to run away, which she put aside when she discovered she was pregnant with me. "

She nodded and tried not to ask any questions that could push him back behind the walls, which he appeared to have completely torn down.

"He knew she loved me and used me to punish her for her hatred of him but she tried. When I got older, I started to look more like him, and it made her start to resent me. She tried to help me so many times but ended up getting hurt herself so she chose to shield herself by acting like I did not exist so he couldn’t use me to punish her.

" He laughed darkly. "It was her own way of protecting me and it worked for a time, but she ended up throwing herself in the lake to escape the pain she tried so hard to bury.

That was why I hated seeing you at the lake. "

"I am so sorry, Victor," she told him, squeezing his hand.

"I hated him so much from that night," he said with so much venom in his voice. "And I swore that I would kill him. It was a shame he died before I was strong enough to do so."

"You wouldn’t have been able to live with that on your conscience."

"He knew that and he knew very well that I would never want to marry and bring a child into this family so he put the clause that I would never get full access to all of the estates unless I did," he told her, nuzzling her hair. "That is why I had to marry. I couldn’t let the farmers suffer."

She realized that her husband loved physical touch. His hands had roamed over her face, her hair, and her hands, and it excited her how comfortable he had become with her.

"I promise you, Victor," Alice said, holding his face in hers.

"You are nothing like your father. I do not stay with you just because we are married. I have come to love you. The beautiful, scarred, and broken man you are. You are perfect, and I wish you hadn’t gone through all you did, but I am selfishly glad because it brought us together. I… I love you, Victor. All of you."

"You cannot mean that," he said, trying to move away from her.

"Oh but I do." She smiled, taking the initiative and kissing him to silence him when he looked like he wanted to interrupt. "There is no other man I would want to spend the rest of my life with."

When her confession was made, she took her hands off his face and was all at once uncomfortable as she awaited his reaction. She was prepared for him to perhaps confess his feelings also, but not for him to claim her lips in a slow, deep, passionate kiss that stole the very air in her lungs.

When he finally pulled away from her, it took her a while to regain her ability to breathe at a sedate pace, but even then, the bright smile on his face stunned her.

"What is it?" she asked, almost uncomfortable.

"I just never realized how much I loved you before now," he said, almost amused.

"Was everything you said to me a lie then?" she asked, faking a pout.

"Of course not." He looked so appalled she couldn’t help but laugh. "I just realized that I fall deeper in love with you with every part of you I come to know."

She gasped at the beautiful words, placing a hand on her chest.

"Do not say such things if you do not mean them," she warned him.

"Have you ever known me to jest?" he asked with a smile. "I love you, Alice."

"And I, you," she replied.

They kissed again this time, and there was no rush to their pace. It reminded her of the blueberry pies she loved when the fruits were in season—sweet and tart, and she couldn’t stop at one slice.

When they pulled away for air this time, he pulled her to lay across his chest.

"Does this mean when I wake up in the morning, you wouldn’t push me away? You won’t hold back with me anymore?"

His answer involved him rolling atop her, nuzzling her cheek with his nose.

"I don’t intend to hold back with you ever again."

And hold back, he didn’t, for as the night neared its end, she knew then what it meant to be the wife of a powerful man.