Page 63

Rurik drew Julian’s sleeping body closer into his side, and took a deep, dragging breath. Inhaling the sweet, dizzying scent of his elskan , after so, so long. A scent that spoke of peace, and comfort, and home…

And of his own great failure, also.

Rurik squeezed his eyes shut as he stroked Julian’s warm familiar back, and inhaled another long, traitorous breath. He ought not to have done this. He ought to have been stronger. He ought to have better resisted the bond, the call, the ever-present visions and memories of his lost elskan , haunting his days and his dreams.

And ach, he had resisted for so long. Long enough to learn of the strife to come. Long enough to make all his plans. Long enough to find other lovers, to learn their bodies and their secrets. Long enough, even, to hunt down the most gifted hidden healer in the realm, and to bind him close with coin and promises, and to know the depth of their rare shared skill, and the danger in the longing.

And next, Rurik knew, he would gain her . The other one he had been hunting, all this time.

He took another deep desperate breath of Julian’s hair, and again bitterly cursed himself, and his weakness. He ought never to have drawn Julian into this. He ought to have held fast, and kept his eyes on his amends, and his fate. And not on that damned devastating portrait those enraging Ka -esh had sent, showing his elskan ’s painfully familiar face, his slightly sunken cheeks, the sad smile that had not touched his hollowed eyes. All of it striking stark and vicious at Rurik’s deepest weakness, his guilt, his grief.

Ach, he had missed Julian . He had craved Julian , night after night. He had needed with all his strength to tend Julian , to heal Julian , to cover Julian with his scent, to fuck Julian full to bursting with his good Skai seed. To again make Julian his own, to build the bond so deep he could never leave his side again…

Rurik cursed under his breath this time, and shook his head. And then felt his elskan shifting beside him, his body stirring awake, and Rurik fought down the compulsive urge to wield only a touch of magic, and put him back to sleep, so he could heal…

No. He would not abuse his power over Julian in this. Never again.

“What is it, herra ?” came Julian’s soft voice, even the sound of it striking straight to Rurik’s prick, and he took another deep breath of Julian’s scent, and mayhap his courage, as he blinked downwards, and found his elskan ’s face. His perfect familiar face, even more beautiful than the portrait, but with even more signs of strain, too. Faint furrows on his brow, shadows beneath his eyes, sharpness in his bones, too close beneath his skin. Naught he should have ever needed to bear, if Rurik had been here, and now he would heal it all, and make Julian whole again. He would.

“Ach, it is naught, elskan ,” he murmured, even as his hand stroked reflexively down Julian’s lovely face, until it found that shining new kraga around his slim throat. “ I am only glad to hold you again. As if” — he swallowed — “as if all is right in the realm again, even for this one night.”

Julian’s smile was so soft and warm it ached in Rurik’s chest, and he swallowed again as Julian nodded, and leaned closer into his touch. “ It will all be right again now, herra ,” Julian said, with such impossible ease, such light, artless hope. “ Will it not?”

Ach. Rurik’s breath stilled, his fingers spasming on the strength of that kraga , for he would not harm Julian again. He would not abuse his power. He would not speak false, in order to gain Julian’s trust, to keep him forever by his side…

“Ach, my sweet elskan ,” he said, with yet another bitter break in his heart. “ It will.”

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