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D aisy’s trip back to Dusbury was a muddled, miserable haze. With a horribly slow cart, bumping and creaking through an endless tedious tunnel, and what felt like dozens of eyes watching her, expecting some kind of miracle.
“You really think you can sway Lew Wallace ?” Jule had demanded, once Daisy had somehow found her and Rosa again, in yet another meeting-room. “ You can just convince him to stop implementing a powerful lord’s elaborate and costly attack against us? Why ? How ? What will you do?”
But Daisy hadn’t been able to answer it, wringing her hands together, shaking her head. She couldn’t explain it, she couldn’t just conjure up a neatly organized list, like Rosa might have done. It was all still swirling, slowly becoming clearer and clearer, and she needed time to think, to see…
But then Rosa had rushed over to stand beside Daisy , gripping her arm with decisive purpose. “ Daisy knows Lew Wallace better than any of us,” she’d said firmly, “and probably better than anyone else in the realm, too. If she’s really willing to try this for us, after everything else” — she’d shot Daisy a wavering little smile — “then of course we’ll support it, won’t we?”
It had still led to an argument, to Jule demanding how they would ever prevent Lew from just capturing Daisy , and sending her north to Lord Nash for questioning and imprisonment. But Rosa had fiercely counter-argued, and at some point John - Ka had appeared, and begun casting Jule disdainful glances, and finally coldly announced that henceforth, the Ka -esh would address this as an internal clan matter. And then he’d marched Rosa and Daisy off, and made various arrangements, and fetched what seemed like a dozen other Ka -esh to help.
And now — this. Daisy with her fur cloak wrapped tightly around her, and trapped in this horrible slow cart full of orcs. All while steadily sinking into the creeping miserable fear, and the harrowing aching visions of Filak alone at the mountain, weeping in that room in the dark.
“Are you all right, sister?” Rosa’s tentative voice asked, from where she was seated beside Daisy in the cart. “ How about a new pencil?”
She offered Daisy what seemed to be an entire handful of freshly sharpened pencils, along with a hopeful little smile. The sight of it hitching in Daisy’s chest, and she made herself take a pencil, even though she couldn’t begin to attempt a smile in return.
“Thank you,” she said dully, and she again glanced around them, at the tunnel’s endless droning stone walls. “ Are we almost there? Why are we moving so slowly?”
Rosa blinked at her, and then looked up toward the front of the cart, where a vaguely familiar orc — Soren — was steering them around a corner. “ I don’t think it’s possible to go any faster,” she said uncertainly. “ John - Ka says the cart is already at risk of tipping, even at this speed.”
Daisy bit back her sigh, as her thoughts swarmed with the visions of Filak at the front of the cart, grinning toward her as he careened them around corners, the wind whipping in their faces…
“Maybe you could draw something while we wait?” Rosa asked, tentative again. “ I could turn up the lamp.”
Daisy glanced down at the already-bright lamp sitting beside Rosa’s feet in the cart, and then shook her head, even as she blinked down at her sketchbook. She hadn’t even remembered bringing the sketchbook, or the satchel she’d carried it here in, but it was a distant whispering comfort, a twinge of clarity in the muddle. And instead of drawing — she couldn’t draw, not now — she slowly opened the sketchbook, and flipped through the pages. Seeing all her art of the mountain, all those people, and — Filak .
And maybe this was what she’d needed to see, amidst all this mess. Filak lying naked on their bed, watching her with warm, insolent eyes. Filak’s long clawed fingers, breaking a rock apart. Filak kneeling between her thighs, feasting between her legs. Filak grinning at her over his shoulder in the Skyli , his eyes bright with teasing, glittering affection.
Daisy couldn’t hide the helpless little sniff from her nose, and beside her, Rosa gave a reassuring squeeze to her arm. “ Just think,” she said bracingly, “how many punishments you’ll get for this afterwards. I hope you’re ready to beg, sister.”
It was enough to snap Daisy’s wet eyes up, catching on Rosa’s rueful, impish smile. “ I mean, you can’t think he’s going to just forget all this, can you?” Rosa added, her voice light. “ You went and mated a Ka -esh, sister. They never forget.”
They never forget . Daisy swallowed, and her hand reflexively slipped up, rubbed against her throat. Where without the familiar encircling weight of the kraga , it felt so bare, so empty and untouched and almost — unprotected, somehow. Dangerous . What if Lew tried to choke her? What if he swung a knife at her neck?
“But I — I left him,” she whispered, down toward Filak’s warm watching eyes on the page. “ I made him break my kraga , and let me go. I — I ran .”
And gods, she might have laughed, if she hadn’t felt so broken. She’d wanted to stop running, stop escaping and forgetting, and she’d urged Filak to do the same — and now here she was, doing it all again. Running away from Filak , escaping him, while desperately hoping he wouldn’t stop her, or forget her, or decide to run away forever, too.
“I don’t think you need to worry, sister,” Rosa said, quiet but decisive. “ If you want Filak , he’ll be there. And even if you don’t still have your kraga , you still have his other gifts, don’t you?”
His other gifts. Daisy blinked, because yes, she was still wearing her familiar clothes, and the gold cuff on her arm, and that beautiful ring still on her finger. And no, Filak hadn’t taken any of it back, or broken anything else, had he? When he so easily could have, just like Lew’s ring. Just like the kraga .
“And all his marks, too,” Rosa added, with a meaningful nod toward the glimpse of Daisy’s bare midriff, just visible through her fur cloak. “ I mean, he went and wrote his matehood vows on you, right?”
Daisy let out a shaky exhale, and then slid her hand toward her belly, spreading her fingers over where she could still feel the pulsing strength of that new vow, embedded into her skin. And though he’d only carved the first line, it was still hers, still written by Filak’s own hand with such earnest, purposeful care. Sworn over the promise of their son.
“And also, even without any of that,” came Rosa’s firm voice, “just look at him, sister. He’s never looked at anyone like that, except you.”
She huffed a laugh as she waved at Filak’s smiling face still looking up from the open sketchbook, and Daisy’s eyes dropped back toward it, studying it, seeing it. That affectionate glint in his eyes. The slight flush on his sharp cheekbones. The hint of softness in his grin, of warmth and light and danger and promise.
Her mate. Her home. Hers .
Something quivered in Daisy’s throat, and she gently stroked her finger against Filak’s smiling mouth, his jaw, his tall pointed ear. Against the truth of her beautiful familiar mate, looking back at her. Knowing her. Seeing her.
I know you, Daisy , he’d told her in fierce, stubborn Aelakesh , what felt like months ago. I see you.
And maybe — a tiny ripple of hope whispered in Daisy’s chest — maybe Filak would see her in this, too. Maybe he would see that this — this was the only way she would find the light, for herself. The only way to make a safe home for their son. The only way they could truly be mates, and make a future together.
Daisy’s hand slipped back down to her waist, spreading over that vow in her skin, and she took a deep breath, let it out. If nothing else, she would try to show him. She would prove it. He would see.
She only vaguely heard one of the orcs calling something out, but Rosa straightened beside her, and gave a reassuring pat to her shoulder. “ We’re almost there,” she said. “ And like we promised, we’ll stay well out of the way, unless you signal for us. Believe it or not” — her eyes twinkled — “we’ve done this once or twice before, so you’re in good Ka -esh hands, ach?”
Daisy twitched a wan smile back, because at this point, she really had no choice but to trust them, and see. To give them a chance to prove themselves, too.
“Is there anything else?” Rosa asked now, searching Daisy’s eyes. “ Just in case?”
Just in case . In case Daisy never came back, maybe, and she blinked back down at her sketchbook, and then flipped a few pages forward. To that portrait she’d done of Julian , with his wry little smile, his sad lonely eyes.
“Yes, actually,” Daisy replied, with sudden decision, as she carefully tore out the page, and thrust it into Rosa’s hand. “ I want you to send this north to that arsehole Rurik , with your next letter. I want you to tell him to come back, and face what he’s done.”
Rosa blinked, once, but then nodded, and a slow, wicked smile curved on her mouth. “ Oh , I will, sister,” she said. “ And we’ll thoroughly enjoy seeing it, won’t we?”
We . As if Daisy would still be part of this. As if they would get through this, together. And it was enough to make her lift her chin, and wipe away the wetness from her eyes. She would see this through. She would.
“Here we are,” William’s voice called, as the cart grated to a halt. “ Dusbury ought to be just above, if we can find the —”
But Daisy had already seen it, and she stuffed her sketchbook into her satchel, and swung herself down out of the cart. Aiming straight for that typical vertical ridge in the wall, with the tunnel hidden just behind.
She would do this. She would see Lew , and save them all.
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