Page 23 of The Arrangement (Executive Suite Secrets #3)

LIAM ROSE

Work was a welcome relief. It meant that I had something to focus my brain on rather than spend another day staring at the wall while reliving every second of my talk with Rome on Saturday.

Things…things felt different.

Not how I’d expected at all.

None of this was working out how I’d expected.

I’d thought I would be miserable every moment I was forced to be in Rome’s presence. It was supposed to be a living hell of hate, anger, and frustration.

Our first date had gotten off to a rough start, but everything had sort of unwound because I’d forgotten all the reasons that I was supposed to be hating him, and we’d fallen into our old routine of playing stupid games, eating junk food, and talking trash.

It was as if we’d picked up where we’d left off.

As if we’d skipped that stupid kiss entirely and continued to be friends.

Except that kiss had happened, and I still didn’t know why. I didn’t know what had happened to him after that day . Did he have trouble in school? Did his parents put him on perpetual lockdown, doubting his every word for the rest of his life?

Why?

Why had he kissed me?

And did he want to kiss me now?

Fuck . Did I want to kiss him back?

My brain immediately skittered away from that dangerous question and went to cower in the corner like the giant ’fraidy cat I was.

But I couldn’t hide. For the first time in so fucking long, it felt like I was standing on this important, life-changing precipice. Bigger than the time I’d proposed to Fiona. Bigger than deciding where to go to college and what to major in.

Right now, if I were smart, there was a chance that I could have Rome Ashbridge as my friend again. Maybe we could never return to being best friends, but we could be friends. We could hang out on weekends and crack jokes. I’d even welcome his shitty dino jokes without too much bitching.

However, to get Rome as my friend, I knew we had to talk about that day.

We’d gone on three dates and steered clear of the topic.

I could feel the invisible tension that surrounded it like an electric fence buzzing a soft warning.

If either of us got too close, we were going to have the shit shocked out of us.

It was only a matter of time. Somehow, the topic would sneak in, forcing us to talk about it. We needed to face it, preferably as calm, rational adults. Not something we were known for.

Yet, if we could do it on our terms when we were relaxed and comfortable, maybe we could talk about it without destroying the fragile bridge we’d built.

That was why work was a good thing right now.

Work would stop my brain from thinking about Rome because I needed to focus on the research paper I’d promised a peer I would review.

There was a stack of fossils that needed cleaning and freeing from rock.

Some other reports were rolling in regarding a possible dig site for next spring.

Work. Work. Work. It would save my poor brain before it was too late.

Oh, but I was so fucking wrong because I had two different distractions waiting to pounce on me as soon as I stepped into the lab.

First was Emily.

At a glance, I could see that she was already way too awake, perky, and ready to pepper me with questions.

This was my doing. I was the insane person who’d confided in her about Rome’s stupid arrangement and the so-called dates we were going on.

The woman was tracking my progress like the talented scientist she was.

In other words, she was keeping a logbook of details about where we went, what we wore, what we ate, and so much more. I was beginning to believe she was more anthropologist than paleontologist.

“Sooooooo,” she drawled out the moment the door closed behind me.

“Emily, there’s not enough coffee in the world for you wearing that smile on a Monday,” I grumbled as I dropped onto the wheelie stool behind the computer. I jiggled the mouse to wake it from its weekend sleep and typed in my password.

“Don’t be like that. You’re going on your first gay dates. That’s exciting.”

“I’m not gay, Em,” I replied in an even tone. A month ago, those words might have shaken me to my core. Now, when Emily teased, there was barely even a ripple on the pond. Was this how she wore me down?

“You’re going out on dates with a gay man.”

“He’s pansexual.”

Silence.

I could feel her judgy eyes burrowing into the back of my head.

The second I could no longer take it, a sigh slipped from my lips, and I spun to face her.

Ignoring her prodding wouldn’t work. Besides, she was not only my one friend; she was also homosexual, which gave her insight into things I was trying to understand.

Right now, talking to her felt slightly less painful than attempting to talk to Rome.

“We went to the symphony on Saturday. I met a bunch of his friends.”

“Were they nice to you?” Her inner Mama Bear reared its head, and a smile tugged at my heart.

“They were very nice and welcoming. I’m not sure what he told them about me, but at least they were polite and kind to my face.”

Some of the tension that had entered Emily’s body oozed out, and she returned to her previous slouch. “Good. Did you have fun?”

“Yes, it was amazing. His violinist friend is incredibly talented.”

“What about after? Did you go to dinner? Drinks? Dancing?”

I snorted. “No one will ever get me out on a dance floor.” She made a face like she intended to argue, so I pushed ahead. “We went for a short walk in the park across from Music Hall. Talked. Actually, we talked a lot. Mostly about his friends. I talked a little about college and my ex-wife.”

Emily made an encouraging noise, waiting for me to continue, but I wasn’t sure what to say. Did I admit to her I was a horrible klutz and would have fallen down the stairs of the gazebo if Rome hadn’t caught me? That news wouldn’t have surprised her.

Or should I tell her that in those seconds, when I was in Rome’s arms, the whole world had just stopped?

My heart had exploded at the feel of his strength.

I’d felt as if I were suddenly being roasted in the heat that rose from him.

Better yet, my lips had tingled as I’d gazed up to find his mouth so fucking close to mine I could feel his harsh breaths brushing across my face.

That some insane part of my brain had screamed for me to lean in and kiss him like he’d kissed me so long ago.

No.

No, I couldn’t tell her any of that because it was fucking insane .

It didn’t make any sense. I was straight. Period. End of story.

But I wasn’t a complete moron. I knew those weren’t entirely straight feelings.

Right?

Fuck.

“Anything else?” she asked.

“Nope. It turned cold during our walk, and we headed to the car. He dropped me off at home. And that was it.”

“Oh.” There was no missing her disappointment, but I couldn’t guess what she was disappointed about. “Do you have your next date lined up?”

I shook my head. “This week is Thanksgiving. He’s got plans with his friends.

I thought I’d set up a date for next week.

” An idea brightened my mood. It might kill two birds with one stone.

“Do you think he’d let me do a dinner at my place and video games night for a date? You know, sort of what we did as kids.”

Emily sat for a couple of seconds before nodding. “That could be a good idea. Make a yummy meal and video games in a comfortable, private environment would be good. It would give you a chance to talk about the past with him. Air out those old grievances so you can move on.”

And this was why Emily was such a good friend. We thought along the same lines.

As we discussed the pros and cons of my new date plan, the security lock for the door beeped, and we turned at the same time to see our boss stride into the lab wearing what looked to be another lovely Chanel suit and a determined expression.

“Liam, we have a problem.”

I swallowed hard. “Is there an issue with the new dig site we have planned for this spring?”

Linda rocked her head back and forth for a moment, as if considering it.

“Possibly, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

It has been a month since I set you on the task of getting a donation out of Rome Ashbridge’s foundation, and I have yet to see a check cross my desk.

There has been no contact from the foundation about making a donation or supporting the museum.

What is going on? I didn’t expect you to drop the ball on this so horribly. ”

Yeah, that was the other part of this fiasco I was trying not to think about. While there was a chance of Rome and me becoming friends again, there was also the looming shadow of ugly truth that I started this entire mess because I was trying to wring money out of him so I could keep my job.

“I’m sorry about my slowness. Rome has mentioned some resistance to expanding the number of organizations that he’s currently supporting.

However, I have another meeting with him after Thanksgiving.

I’ll bring up the matter and explain how important we are to the children of the area. I think I’m close to winning him over.”

Well, close in the way that I’d nearly completed my dating obligation.

Dr. Case didn’t appear pleased. “This can’t be your first time wrangling donations. I would never have expected an accomplished scientist like yourself to be so slow about this matter. Especially with your job hanging in the balance.”

“I’m sorry. When Rome and I began speaking, we weren’t on the best of terms. It has taken time to rebuild that trust and respect,” I explained.

She made a little noise of acceptance, though it was obvious from her frown that she still wasn’t happy.

“Very well. But I think it might be best if you hurry things along. Get that donation to the department prior to the Christmas holiday. I’m sure none of us wants this matter looming over us as we head into that busy season. ”

With one last tight, fake smile, Linda turned and strode out of the lab before filling us in on what the potential problem might be for our future dig. Of course, that problem could very well be a lack of funds, which I would fix by tapping Rome for a fat stack of cash.

I turned to my computer and began pulling up the work I needed to accomplish today, my back hunched and my head down.

Everything I’d done with Rome recently, the headway we’d made in becoming friends again, suddenly left a sour taste in my mouth.

Did he think I was only doing this for the money?

That I was faking all the enjoyment I’d felt?

Yes, I’d gone into this for the money, but I wouldn’t pretend to have fun or be nice to him for it.

Emily’s gentle voice suddenly invaded my thoughts. “Don’t worry about the donation. I’m sure you’ve got this.”

She was right. Rome was a nice guy. I had a feeling that if I picked up my phone right now and called him, asking that he cut a check for five million dollars to save my job, he’d do it. Without me promising to see through the last two dates.

But I didn’t want to cut corners and take advantage of his good nature. I wanted to see this through because I was banking on a substantial bonus at the end of this journey I hadn’t counted on. I was going to get my childhood friend back.

Except things were becoming more complicated than that. I was feeling things I shouldn’t.

“Em.” I paused and licked my lips. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure.”

“When…no, how did you know you were a lesbian?”

“Well, mostly, it was the way my heart raced and my body tingled each time I saw certain girls. I mean, have you ever really looked at Michelle Pfeiffer? God, that woman was so hot in the nineties. Not to mention Charlize Theron. And I’ve got such a thing for Cate Blanchett.

But I digress.” The tension attempting to strangle me eased to hear the lightness in my voice at that moment.

“At first, I claimed I was bi, but I think I clung to that because I knew my parents wouldn’t accept me being a lesbian, but it didn’t take long for me to figure out that there weren’t any guys that I was drooling over the way I was with women.

As for the timing, I think I knew as a teenager, but I didn’t embrace it until college and I was away from the watchful eye of my parents.

I could be me without horrible consequences. ”

“Are they still…terrible to you about it?”

“Eh.” I peeked past my shoulder to see her shrug.

She’d turned her back to me as she spoke, working on cleaning up a cephalopod we’d received from a local amateur fossil hunter.

“They’re better than they were. You can tell they’re not thrilled about it, but my girlfriend might have let it slip that she wants kids one day.

So, my parents are appeased so long as they end up with grandchildren.

My dad won’t admit to it, but I swear he’s started searching for worthy Chinese sperm donors. ”

I huffed a laugh. “Good luck.”

“Definitely.”

A long silence filled the room, and I tried to force my brain to focus on science things. At that moment, I would have even welcomed one of Rome’s stupid meme texts.

Emily was the first to break the silence, her sweet words squeezing my heart. “Liam, you never have to tell me anything, but I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

“Thanks, Em. I just…want to think about things.”

“Understandable. I’ll give you the best piece of advice I was told years ago.

Never let someone tell you how you feel is wrong.

There’s no should or shouldn’t. No expiration date either.

If you’re attracted to men, great. If you’re attracted to women, also great.

If you aren’t attracted to anyone, great.

If you’ve always been attracted to women and one day wake up and find yourself attracted to a man, great.

No one should have the power to tell you who you are or how you feel.

Not parents, friends, strangers, or even the fucking government.

Be you. In the end, you’ll be a hell of a lot happier than if you try to be something they want you to be. ”

I knew she was right.

But the bigger problem was finding the courage to ask those questions and dig for the answers.