This time I didn’t cut out the painful parts. When she had first asked back at the cabin I’d glossed over the stuff that hurt me the most and focused in on what led to all my current problems—Danny and Naomi.
But when Whitney stormed off I realized that she wasn’t asking me to rehash what she already knew. Because she was already aware that I hated Naomi and what she had done to Danny, and how that had been the catalyst for the poisoning.
What Whitney wanted from me was to know what had formed me into the man that I am, and if there was any room for understanding between us.
I told her about my parents and their abandonment of me as a child, but also told her how I had met Peter, and how he and Danny had become my new family.
It was easier to talk to her this time, and while she still seemed skeptical about everything I was saying, she listened to me without any interruptions, letting me tell my story.
She was still naked, and I tried hard not to let myself get distracted by her body, but it was difficult. Her pale skin was glistening from the water, and her nipples were hard from the cool air. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and hold her close, but I knew she wouldn’t welcome it.
“So your parents are still in jail?”
“Yeah.” It was a source of embarrassment for me, and I hated talking about it, but if it was going to make her understand me better, then I would endure it. “They’re up for parole in a couple of years, but they’ll never be able to get out. Some of the drugs that were caught with had killed someone and there was a lot of evidence, so there’s no chance of them ever walking free again.”
“Do you still go visit them?”
“I did at first,” I admitted. “But then I realized that they only wanted me to come because they needed me to help them get out. They weren’t really interested in being parents.”
“Huh. Well, I guess that explains why you’re so attached to Danny. He really was like your brother. But that also makes what you did to his mate that much worse, you know?”
“I’m all too aware of that,” I sighed. “But again, I never met to cause her permanent harm. I just wanted Danny to see that she was a weak point in the pack. The two wolves I sent to do the job fucked it all up.”
“But if it had gone as planned, would you regret it now?”
I shook my head. “No. Danny and I might be at each other’s throats, but I still care about my old pack.”
Whitney swims in a lazy circle, her moonlight hair dragging behind her in the water. “If you cared that much you wouldn’t have left.”
It was a fight to push my anger down, but I managed. I wanted to prove to her that I could have these hard conversations. “What Danny has turned the Red Canines into is a mockery of what we once were. All of my money, my old apartment, and all of the respect I ever earned was through our old ways. Crime and even violence came naturally to me. What place would I have in a pack that disregarded all of that work I did?” I scoffed, working my jaw to get rid of some of the tension inside of me. "Every good thing I've ever had in my life I earned through the pack the way it used to be."
My mate paused, looking at me with those huge, icy blue eyes. “Do you consider me a good thing?”
I blinked at her, surprised at the question. “Yes, absolutely.”
She swam closer to me, coming to stand just a foot away from me, and I could see the sadness in her eyes. “Well, I didn’t come from all that crime and violence, did I? So there’s one good thing that didn’t come from you being a criminal.”
I stared down at her, trying to think of the right words. She was so close to me, naked and wet and smelling like heaven. My wolf was howling for me to pull her into my arms, but I knew that wasn’t going to work. I had to use my words.
“Whitney, I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t worth the bad shit in my life,” I said, reaching out to touch her cheek. She didn’t move away, her eyes on mine. “I’m just saying that it was easier when everything was black and white. Before, I always knew what I wanted out of life, but now everything is complicated. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
She tilted her head, finally pushing herself backward in the water so my fingers fell away from her skin. “I can tell you this—you had to be a strong wolf to catch me, Julian, but you’ll have to be a good man to have any chance of keeping me.”
“And if I’m not a good man?”
Her expression softened and she looked at me, her eyes searching mine. “Kidnapping Laura certainly didn’t earn you any points with me in that regard. But—" she held up a hand when I opened my mouth to speak, stopping me. “I’m all too familiar with male werewolf mate nonsense. Danny kidnapped Naomi, I should have been more on guard that you’d do something similar. I don’t approve, and I’ll rip your throat out if you touch her again, but I also know we aren’t human. We’re wolves.”
I leaned forward, watching her closely. “You’re being awfully forgiving for someone who just tried to kill me. What’s changed?”
Whitney gave a little shrug, looking down at the water as she swam another circle around me. “You explained yourself.”
“What about the fact that I kidnapped Laura?”
She smiled and I could see her sharp teeth flashing in the moonlight. “I have a feeling she’ll make you pay for that all on her own.”
I let out a huff of a laugh. “No doubt.”
Whitney swallowed, trailing her fingers through the water. “It doesn’t have to be this way for you and your pack, you know. The best Alphas are good men, Julian. If you want this pack to thrive you’ve got to change.”
“I don’t know how to be anyone else besides who I am. A low life. A criminal.”
“Danny changed, and took a much larger pack than yours with him, changing all of them for the better.” We were silent for a moment, and then she turned to look at me again. “Did you mean what you said back at the cabin? About wanting this mating to be real?”
I nodded slowly, holding her gaze. “Yes. I’ve wanted you since I saw you.”
“Even when you thought I was going to kill you?”
I chuckled softly. “Even then. You’re a force of nature, Whitney. How could I not want you?”
Her cheeks pinkened and she looked away, and I felt a surge of pride at having made her blush. It was a good look on her. “I—okay. Thanks, I think.” It took her a few minutes to regain her composure, but when she did, she met my eyes once more. “I’m heading back to the cabin to sleep. You can walk with me if you’d like, but I think I’ve had enough serious talk for the night.”
“I’ll walk you,” I said, standing up and stretching. The moonlight hit her body as she stepped out of the water, water sluicing off of her as she shook herself slightly, and I couldn’t help but admire her. She was gorgeous, and I was lucky that she was my mate.
“Don’t get any ideas,” she said over her shoulder, and I grinned.
“I can’t help it. You’re beautiful.”
She rolled her eyes at me, but I could see her lips twitching into a smile. “Come on, let’s get back to the cabin. I need some sleep.”
We walked in silence back to the cabin, and I opened the door for her, letting her walk inside first.
“Thank you,” she murmured, brushing past me to head into the bedroom. I followed her, wanting to be close to her. I didn’t like being away from her. That ended when she slammed the bathroom door in my face and came out a handful of minutes later smelling like my soap and wrapped in a towel.
Without a word I gave her some clothes to sleep in, my wolf finding contentment in seeing her wearing my things and smelling like me. She climbed into bed, pulled the covers up over herself, and closed her eyes.
I stood there for a moment, waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t. Her breathing slowed and evened out, and I knew she was asleep.
It had been a long day and I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep just yet. I was too keyed up after everything that had happened, and my wolf was anxious and restless. I needed to shift and run.
I padded silently through the living room and kitchen to the front door, glancing at the bedroom where my mate slept peacefully. My mate. I didn’t want to leave her, but I also knew she needed some space. And so did I.
I slipped outside and let myself change, enjoying the way my muscles stretched and bones popped as I shifted. It was a relief to be in my wolf form, and I felt more at peace. It would help calm my mind and give me a chance to think without the added emotions of the bond muddying things up.
I took off at a lope, enjoying the cool night air on my face and the way the forest smelled of pine and earth. The moon was bright overhead, lighting my way as I ran, and it made me feel free.
When I finally climbed into the bed beside her hours later, showered and on the verge of falling asleep on my feet, Whitney didn’t even stir. Her words came back to me as I drifted off, and even though it went against everything I had founded the Reckless Stalkers for, I couldn’t help but wonder…what if she was right?
What if I really was destined for more than being a criminal? What if there was a way to find respect among my fellow wolves once more?