Page 20 of The Allure of Ruins

“Should I do that again?” I asked, holding my breath.

“Do you want to do it again?”

“Yeah,” I responded, my breath on his skin, my fingers threading through his hair, the temptation far too great.

He started to tremble, and his breath caught. “I want you to do it again.”

My hand slipped from his hair, slid down, around his throat, and then tipped his head back, holding him against me as I stroked his skin. “Is this all right?”

“Yeah, it’s—fuck,” he rasped as my hand slid over his shoulder and down his chest. “Jesus, Pax, I haven’t been this excited since—oh.”

“I thought about lying on top of you,” I admitted. “I’m a bit addicted to your body.”

“That’s good, that’s so…so good,” he whispered haltingly, pressing back against me as I slid my hand over his gorgeous abs, savoring the warm, sleek skin and the definition, before reaching between his legs for his already rock-hard cock.

“Is this okay?”

“Don’t ask me anymore,” he told me as he began to push in and out of my grip. “I want you all over me.”

“That makes me crazy happy,” I said, stroking harder.

“I think about you all the time,” he confessed.

I kissed the side of his neck and then his shoulder, the urge to bite, to put a mark on him, very strong. I had always been possessive of him, but now, with this added intimacy, I felt old urges roaring through my veins. It was miraculous, and my eyes filled fast.

“Are you all right?” he choked out as I brushed away my tears.

“Yes,” I assured him, feeling my cock thickening the more I touched him. “You’re brilliant. This is perfect.” It was a revelation was what it was.

I might not have been ready to be touched, but I wanted to touch him more than anything. And now I wanted quite a bit more.

“Roll over and face me.”

He started to move.

“Wait. First, turn on the light.”

There was no hesitancy. He stretched for the lamp, flicked it on, then rolled over, his eyes locked with mine.

“There you are,” I said, smiling at him as I threw back the covers before I took him in hand and stroked him from balls to head.

His moan was long and filthy, and his eyes closed as he arched against me, entirely focused on what his body wanted and needed.

The surge of arousal was so welcome, nearly overwhelming, and I was glad he couldn’t see as more tears rolled down my cheeks.

Everything worked. Everything was aligned.

The relief was like a weight lifting off my chest. But really, it all made sense.

This was Colton. This was the man who had been my mentor, best friend, champion, my singular source of comfort, kindness, sounding board, and the one who could hear the smallest nuance in my voice, see a flicker of dread or happiness, and always, always follow where I was going.

He could tell when I was hungry or sad, and be perceptive enough to change what was expected of him to give me what I needed. He was extraordinary.

“Hey, can you open your eyes and look at me?”

It was the best thing ever. His eyes were deep, dark burnished gold, his pupils huge. “Can I kiss you? Will you let me kiss your lips?”

“Yes,” came the hoarse whisper. “Please.”

“Will you let me put your dick in my mouth?”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes.”

The cry that came out of his chest was both heartbreaking and hot.

Surging forward, I took his mouth in a mauling kiss, grinding my lips down over his, tasting and licking, biting gently, before rolling him to his back.

My tongue rubbed over his, tangled, coaxed, finally sucking until I got the whimper I was after.

His hands on the sides of my neck held me still as I devoured him. Clearly, he didn’t want to be parted.

When I broke the kiss, there was a litany of pleading, the word no repeated over and over.

“Kiss me some more,” he said, panting.

I moved then, kissing my way down his chest, licking and nibbling each nipple, taking my time, loving the twinges of pleasure I was causing, and then moving lower, over those glorious abs, my hands mapping skin I never thought I would be allowed to touch.

When I took the thickened length in my hand, my name came out garbled and low.

He wanted me so badly, and I reveled in that feeling.

Colton Gates, the best man I knew, wanted me. How amazing was that?

I had no idea what he thought it would be, but me, running my tongue from balls to head once, then again, before taking him down the back of my throat in one long, seamless glide was probably not what he had imagined.

“Holy fuck, Pax!”

He was loud, and I loved it. I wanted to howl with happiness because the power was mine to cause the roughened breathing, to see how hard he was holding on to the headboard, straining as I licked and laved, then sucked hard, remembering how good I was at this, how much I loved giving.

My joy had been stripped from me, but not anymore, not ever again.

This was Colton, and I wanted him desperately.

I had missed so much, made excuses for his need to constantly touch me, and for mine to do the same.

We were always together, so much more than needed, finishing sentences, asking questions with a single glance, and more than anything, our lives utterly entwined.

People saw us, remarked on the closeness, and still, we didn’t see.

But now, in bed, there was no more hiding.

I saw him plainly, and since he’d basically been walking around for the past five years, belonging to me, I would make my intentions known.

“I can’t—Pax! Honey, you have to—holy God.”

I smiled around his cock as he nearly roared the roof down, and then I concentrated on swallowing and keeping the suction fierce as he palmed the back of my head and made sure that my mouth would not be separated from his dick.

He pushed hard against the back of my throat, and my name was beautiful as it tumbled from his lips.

When he was finally replete and happy, the aftershocks rolling through him, making him twitch and tremble, he lifted his head, and still panting, met my gaze.

Suddenly he jolted so hard, his hand released me and his softening cock slipped from my mouth, a long string of saliva stretched between my bottom lip and the head.

“Ohmygod,” he rasped, “I was holding on to you and—” His eyes searched mine, wild and terrified. “Please don’t run from?—”

My grin must have short-circuited his brain. It had to have because of the look I was getting—all his emotions rolled up into one, confusion, hope, fear, remorse running across his face. He was still trying to catch his breath as well.

“Listen to me.”

“Pax, I?—”

“Are you listening?”

After a moment he answered, “Yes,” and his voice had a tremor in it.

“There was no part of that that I didn’t love.”

He was still staring at me.

“I loved you wanting me, I loved you coming apart, and I loved that you wanted my mouth on you so badly that you made sure I couldn’t fuckin’ move. That, what we did, me giving, you taking, that is what being in bed is supposed to be.”

“No.” He shook his head. “Being in bed is supposed to be equal, and you got noth?—”

“I got everything,” I said, crawling up his body, careful of the bandage covering the five stitches on his right side. “Does this hurt?” I asked, concerned. “I’m worried you might have?—”

“No,” he murmured, both hands lifting, reaching for me. “Please come here and kiss me.”

I didn’t sink over him, instead I moved to the right a bit so my weight wouldn’t put any pressure on his stitches. Then I bent and kissed him, his lips parting for my tongue that reacquainted quickly with his.

“You taste so good,” he groaned as I wrapped my hand around his slowly thickening length. “What the fuck?”

“What?” I teased him, my mouth on his throat for a moment before moving to his jaw. I had always wanted to kiss the scar there and then return to his mouth.

“I…” He gasped, taking my face in his hands. “What is this?”

“Five years of foreplay?”

His breath was warm as it ghosted over my face, and I took that moment to stroke him, watching his eyes flutter closed, hearing the low, ragged moan.

“Do you want me?” I asked softly.

It took a moment, like it was difficult, but finally, his eyes drifted open.

“I mean, before, I wanted that,” I told him, “but if you’re not ready to?—”

“Of course I’m ready to,” he growled. “Just your hands on me—I come home after being with you all day, and you’re all I can think about, and I wish I could be brave and say what I want…”

“What do you want?”

“I want not to hurt you, or scare you, or?—”

“You won’t scare me because you’re you, and you’re not going to hurt me. You’re going to have to take it easy because it’s been a while, but?—”

“We could— I mean, you could—” He took a deep breath, then exhaled. “Fuck this, I’m a lawyer. Words are kind of my thing.”

“They are, yes,” I soothed him.

“Listen, I will gladly roll over and let you have my?—”

I kissed him long and hard, and when I couldn’t breathe a moment longer, I lifted up so I could gulp a bit of air.

“I hate you.”

Not what I was expecting, but I couldn’t stop smiling, as I suspected he meant the exact opposite. It seemed likely that in all the years I’d become completely and utterly attached to him, that he had been doing the same. I had missed that completely. “Why exactly do you hate me?”

“You’re just walking around our office, being able to kiss like that, and…” He gestured at me, his face flushing before he turned his head away.

“And?” I goaded him.

“You know,” he said, still not looking at me.

“Words, Counselor?”

He was scowling when he rolled his head back, meeting my gaze. “Suck cock like that!” he yelled at me. “I had no idea that—you’re, like, an artist.”

“A cock artist,” I said, smiling wide before kissing the side of his neck.

“You are, damn, and I’m so happy you feel safe with me and trust me, and I know it took all this time and work and everything else for you to be able to?—”

“You’re rambling,” I informed him. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m telling you, I want to be kissed all the time now, and I want you to suck my cock all the time, and I really want you to take me inside your body, and I will be so gentle and so careful and?—”

“But that’s not how I want it,” I told him, languorously stroking his cock.

“I want you to hold me down and have me because I love bottoming, and I know we’re gonna be amazing together, and I need to reclaim that piece I lost. I need you to let me ride you and take my pleasure from your body to let my heart and soul see I’m different now.

Not all the way healed, but you’re going to help me, aren’t you? In and out of bed?”

“Yes,” he croaked out, his eyes filling fast. “Don’t get me wrong, I want to be used in any way you want.”

I couldn’t have stifled the laughter if I tried.

“But I don’t want you to kiss anyone else, or fuck anyone else, or lie in bed with anyone else. You can’t—I mean, you can, of course you can, but I don’t want you to be with anyone but me. I want you to stay here with me, and I’ll get you a ring and a house and?—”

The trembling was expected; I was that happy.

“You must know that I… I… There’s no one else I want to be with all the time.

When you smile, I can’t help myself and I smile too, and yes, you’re the best assistant I’ve ever had, but I would be just as happy, even more so, if we did different things all day, and at night we came home to each other. ”

“Because?”

“Because I love you, idiot.”

I laughed and pressed my face down on his shoulder.

“This is when I normally want to throw a stapler at you.”

I laughed harder.

“I am dying right now.”

Lifting my head, I kissed him tenderly, then leaned back and stared into his eyes. “I love you too. You know I do. It’s all over me every single day. I can’t keep my hands off you, and now I won’t be able to keep my mouth off you either.”

The flush on his cheeks and throat told me that the idea of me all over him was something he was looking forward to.

“I will come clean with HR on Monday, because there’s no way I can work with you after this. I can’t believe you haven’t been kissing me this whole time.”

“Maybe it will be all out of your system by Monday.”

“It’s not the sex, and you know it,” he grumbled. “And though I want to know what we need so you can ride me, I think… I think we should maybe go get that now and?—”

“Ohmygod, you’re adorable.”

“Like really, let’s change and?—”

“Can you finish what you were gonna say?”

“What was I saying?”

I growled at him, and he cackled like a crazy person, before he grabbed me and wrapped me up tight in his arms.

“If all I could be was your best friend and boss for the rest of my life, I would have taken that in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t be as happy, I wouldn’t be living my best life, as they say, but I would accept what I could have over the alternative, which would be trying to piece together half a life with someone else. ”

“I love you,” I whispered fiercely, my voice going out on me.

“Yeah, well, of course you love me. Everybody loves me.”

“That’s a wild exaggeration,” I said wryly.

“But you do,” he stated, daring me to contradict him. I could hear it in his tone. “Don’t you?”

“I do, and have for so very long.”

“That’s good,” he said before he kissed me.

I could kiss him endlessly, and as each grinding, possessive, drugging kiss was returned with equal passion, all I wanted was more.

“Okay, so are you ready to go to the store?” he asked.

I had to admit that being the focus of Colton Gates’s desire did not upset me even a little. And yes, I was ready to walk for lube.