Page 1 of The Allure of Ruins

“Paxton Walsh, that is a big deal!” she insisted, her voice rising.

“Right now, we have an opening that would be perfect for you, Pax.”

“I’m simply wondering why, again, for the fifth time in—what is it?” she asked me.

“Three months,” I muttered, not daring to look at Libby.

“Three months,” she continued cheerfully, “there’s another opening for an assistant in Brize’s department.” She tapped her cheek like she was thinking.

“He expects a lot of his support staff,” Libby replied irritably.

“Is that what you’re calling it?”

Libby growled, which was fun because seeing her—the fifty-two-year-old mother of three and one of the most stylish dressers in our office—get ruffled was ridiculous.

I had no idea why she let others get under her skin.

But I did appreciate her loyalty to Mr. Redmond, even though, by all accounts, the man could sometimes be an ass.

But that could be said of everyone, really.

And Mr. Redmond was a senior partner, the head of family law, and the biggest moneymaker for the firm.

High- profile divorces, prenups, and estate planning brought in the most revenue.

Even litigation wasn’t as large a cash cow, coming in second.

That division was headed by Pilar Mata, who had also sent her assistant, Ruby Hernandez, to feel me out on the subject of moving.

Apparently, I was a better assistant than my boss gave me credit for, which really, was not a surprise.

Getting any kind of compliment out of the man was like pulling blood from a stone.

But in the five years I’d been his assistant—three at the ASA office and two at Mayhew, Burgess, and Somerset—I learned to basically read the man’s mind, so changing, learning someone else, was out of the question.

Plus, there was his great heart to consider.

There was no better man, period. I was where I was supposed to be.

I had never had the sense of peace I did now, and that was worth more than anything.

This all went back to being bounced from place to place as a foster child, being resented and beaten up in every home I’d been placed in. Once I was older, I’d gone from the frying pan into the fire…so now safety was not something I took for granted.

At twenty-eight, my life finally made sense, and most importantly, I was safe.

I was safe at work, safe at home, and safe with my friends.

I couldn’t ask for anything better. Never again would I have to choose between keeping the electricity on or eating.

No part of me would ever be for sale again, not my time, my smile, or my body.

Now there was a safety net between me and the grasp of strangers, and especially…

people who professed their love. Because yes, friends were good, but it would be a cold day in hell before I was stupid enough to love again.

But that wasn’t quite right. Because the truth was, I loved Colton Gates.

So I could, in fact, give my heart to another.

It would be impossible not to love him when I knew precisely who he was.

The man had no secrets from me. What I could not do was trust anyone, ever, with my body.

I would be celibate until I died. It was good to have things straight in my head.

Lying to myself was not something I engaged in.

“Most people can’t keep up with the pace in our department,” Libby said snidely to Natalie, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“I heard they’re moving Taylor Kwan to litigation,” I said to offer something to the conversation. When I talked to Taylor yesterday, helping her move desks, carrying a box for her, she told me how happy she was to get away from Mr. Redmond to work for Ms. Mata.

“Well, I hope she likes the pace better there, as she couldn’t handle how fast we move in family law,” Libby snapped, sounding snotty.

I squinted at Libby, because really, her statement made no sense. Yes, family law made more coin, but litigation was much faster and far more furious.

“I think she could have handled it easily,” Natalie defended her friend. “But Brize expects too much, and he has the communication skills of a mime in a body cast.”

Libby and I stared at her.

“What?” she asked me.

“What does that even mean?” Libby was as confused as I was.

“You know, like, a mime doesn’t speak, and if they can’t act shit out, what are they good for?”

I shook my head at her. “That’s a particularly terrible metaphor.”

She rolled her eyes and turned to Libby.

“Whatever. Your boss has insane expectations, which is why he can’t keep associates or support staff.

You’re the only one he likes. I mean, seriously, Libby, all his paralegals hate him.

I know this because they tell me all the time.

The other assistants hate him too, as well as the investigators. ”

Libby scoffed. “They just want to be coddled.”

“It goes without saying that the associates, myself included, hate him, and that’s why we all would rather work in the pit of pro bono rather than family law.”

“Hey,” I said defensively.

“You know what I mean,” she grumbled.

Libby gave her a dismissive wave.

“We all know Gates is an asshole too,” Natalie went on, “but you don’t see people quitting left and right out of his department. That’s because Pax here is a great buffer, while you suck at it.”

Several beats went by, and I girded myself for the blast.

“I’m sorry, what did you say to me?” Libby’s tone was colder than it was outside, and it had to be below freezing at this time of night.

“Oh, come on, we both know you enjoy seeing your boss chew people up and spit them out, unlike Pax. He stands between Gates and his staff. You don’t.”

She grunted. “We all have to pay our dues.”

Which basically meant she’d been yelled at and treated like dirt and survived, so they had to suck it up as well.

“More importantly,” I soothed Libby, “you have a family to take care of. I don’t, so you can’t babysit your people. That’s not your job.”

“That’s right. That’s exactly right,” Libby granted, smiling at me and then glaring at Natalie.

“It’s all over the firm that there’s yet another associate who refuses to work with him,” Natalie remarked, her eyes flicking to me, then back to Libby. “So there’s that.”

I used to think, when I met people, that the things they worried about were small.

But the older I got, I realized it was all relative.

The things I’d concerned myself with when I was younger were life and death, but to Libby and Natalie, office politics were just as important.

To make a living, to take care of the people they cared for, they had to navigate the waters at the law firm.

I had learned not to be judgmental, even if to me, personality clashes didn’t seem so very important.

“You know,” Daisy Higgins, a third-year associate, chimed in from the other side of the appetizer table, “I think you should apply for the position in litigation too. Pilar was complaining the other day that she needs a really strong assistant. Melinda is not cutting it as Ruby’s second.”

“I thought Melinda was doing well over there.”

Daisy shook her head. “No. HR training caused her some trouble, so she has to go and do all these modules and then retake the test. If she fails a second time, she’s out.”

“What tripped her up?”

“Are we talking about Melinda?” Koji Yamada, a second year like Natalie, slipped in line in front of Libby and filled his plate with mini quiches. “And don’t look at me like that,” he warned Natalie. “This is for all of us at the pool table.”

Natalie put her hands up, wanting no beef with him.

“Daisy said Melinda flunked her HR training,” I told him. He too worked in litigation at the moment. They moved around until they became fourth years, when they picked where they wanted to be, as long as they’d put in time in pro bono. “How?” All the questions had appeared so straightforward.

“I think Melinda put way too much thought into that training. She was telling me, after she took the test, that she thought some of the examples they gave were okay.”

Daisy chuckled. “Spoiler alert: all the examples are bad.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Always err on the side of caution. Besides, most are subjective anyway. They just want to know you’re thinking about how something could look. That’s the point of all of it.”

“Yes, exactly,” Daisy agreed.

“Even more egregious than the flunking of the HR training is that Melinda screwed up Pilar’s schedule, so she missed pitching to be the new external council to handle the civil cases for Putnam Browning,” Koji explained.

“The shipping company?” I asked.

“The huge international shipping company, yeah.”

“Oh, that does not sound good.”

He shook his head. “As a result, Pilar’s looking for someone new. Even if Melinda passes the HR training, there’s no way Pilar is keeping her.”

It was interesting how all of them used the first names of the partners. Until I had permission to do so, I always used their last names. But then, the associates did move all around, whereas the assistants stuck to one attorney.

“Why doesn’t Ruby keep her schedule?” I asked, because Ruby was Ms. Mata’s first assistant.

“She does. All the second assistant has to do is put in any changes Ruby gives her and publish them to Pilar’s desktop and phone.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Koji confirmed.

“This is sounding worse and worse.”

“That’s because it is,” he affirmed. “Now listen, the person who would get along with Ruby like peas and carrots would be you, buddy.”

“I—”

“You should totally apply. You’d love working with Ruby. She’s the best.”

“She is,” Natalie seconded. “And this way, you can move up and get some of that good litigation profit flowing through your bank account.”

“This is true,” Koji replied. “You’d actually be seen up on the top floor.”

If he knew me better, he’d know I had no desire to be seen at all. Working in the dungeon was absolutely to my liking.