Page 22 of The Accidental Nanny (All Of You #1)

CHAPTER TWENTY

Gemma

W inter has settled in. While the children are at their grandparents, I’m getting some last minute Christmas shopping done. I buy Eden the doll she asked me for and Ace a box of magic tricks for him to learn.

Alex, though, proves to be difficult. I want to show him how much I love him, but I don't want to overspend, because I know, for him, the value of the present doesn't matter. I peruse the shops, but I’m surprised when I bump into Brody, who has several bags of shopping.

"How am I not shocked you're at the shops instead of working?" he says with a sneer.

I frown. "It’s my day off. The children are with their grandparents, who wanted to spend some time with them. Not that it's any of your business."

"Are you buying something for your boss or your boyfriend? Oh, wait, those two aren't mutually exclusive. Talk about sleeping your way to the top, Gemma." My brother snorts .

I glare at him. "Everything always comes so easy for you. You wouldn't know what hard work is," I retort.

"And you do?" he questions, his eyes wide.

"I've learned." I’m pleased with how far I have come since Easter.

Brody seems to study me for a moment before he says, "Aftershave."

"Aftershave?" I question him.

“That’s what I would buy. If I was you.”

Is he trying to help me? This is Brody, though. Of course, he isn’t trying to be nice. He has to have an ulterior motive.

“What do you want?”

He rolls his eyes. “Fine, Mum and Dad miss you. I don’t know why. I know you have a new life, just don’t forget your old one. Maybe pop over and see them. It has been weeks,” he reminds me.

I had been caught up with Alex and the children; it was my job, after all. I nod. “I’ll be over soon, I promise.” Brody goes to leave. “Is there anything you want for Christmas?” I ask just before he leaves.

“Just be nice to see your ugly face.” He walks off before I can return the insult. He misses me.

Heading to buy Alex some new aftershave, I sample various types until I find the one I recognise. I purchase it and have it gift-wrapped before I leave.

Maybe I can squeeze in a load of laundry before I have to fetch the kids. I haven't shrunk anything in a week, so I'm definitely getting better at it.

When I get home. I decide to decorate the house as a surprise for Alex, given he’s not got around to it yet. I'm grateful that Jill and Charlie are willing to come and help because I haven’t got a clue where he keeps everything. I want our home to be perfect for our first Christmas together.

As soon as I put on some Christmas music in the background, the children are filled with excitement. Jill takes Eden to the kitchen, where they start working on some Christmas sugar cookies. Meanwhile, Charlie gets down the decorations and the tree, so Ace and I can help him put them up.

“Where does this go?” I ask, picking up a snow globe.

It's pretty, with a green bottom that's supposed to be covered with snow, and it depicts a wintery scene. It’s a family of four building snowmen in front of a house. Charlie takes it from me.

“Alex got that for Julia when she was pregnant with Eden. She cried and threw it at him, smashing it. The next day, she bought another one, but they never put it out. He was heartbroken over it.”

As I go to put it back, Charlie takes it from me. He walks away, and I hear him scratching around in the drawers in the kitchen. When he comes back, the whole thing is lit up, and he places it on the mantel.

"It just needed some batteries. I think it's safe to bring it out again, given how happy everything is."

The kids sing along to the Christmas song playing on the radio, then Eden comes hurrying out of the kitchen to help decorate the tree. The cookies look delicious and are the final touch when Jill places them on the table in the living room.

We finish the tree, and Charlie holds Eden up to top the tree off with the star. Charlie pretends that he is dropping her, and she squeals in delight as he catches her at the last minute. My heart skips a beat. No one can deny that I love these kids with my whole heart.

Back in the kitchen, I help Jill make dinner. By help, I mean I sit on the unit and pass her utensils. Alex texts that he's going to be late, so I feed the children first and get them ready for bed. Jill and Charlie make an exit when the kids are asleep.

Eden has been sleeping in Alex's bed less since I moved in there, thank goodness. I giggle to myself as I walk downstairs, only to find Alex walking in .

"What's so funny?" he asks with a slight frown.

"You are," I say with a grin, going over to kiss him.

"Why am I funny?" he asks, confused. "Is it because I'm late?” He notices the decorations. “You did all this? You’ve done well.”

“With some help.” I smile and warm up our food. "Eat, then we can relax in front of the fireplace."

I know what I plan to do tonight. I’m going to make my feelings clear to Alex. I want us to put a label on what we are. It's almost Christmas, and I want to spend it together as an official family. I don't want Alex to keep telling Ace and Eden that we'll discuss our relationship status later.

Alex eats, telling me about how excited he is for the launch party coming up.

I pour some wine and get comfy as I watch Alex light a fire and then he sits back down beside me. I slide my legs over his, and he rests his hand on my thigh.

He sighs. "This is nice."

"It is." I hum a little to the soft Christmas music still playing in the background. "Alex?"

"Hmmm?" He looks at me.

Taking a deep breath, I start to speak. "I have to tell you something important. Something that I mean with my whole heart. Alex, I've fallen in love with you.”

Of all the reactions I was expecting, I didn't expect his body to stiffen. I look at him, searching his face and growing a little worried. "Alex?"

He takes a large gulp of wine. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

“I see us together, married. We have a baby and we're one big happy family. I love you, and I'm not like Julia. I want a child with you. Aside from Eden and Ace, of course. I never thought I did. But now I know I do.”

“I thought so. I’m sorry.” He removes my legs off his lap and turns to face me. He looks so heavy, as though he's burdened with something terrible.

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” I ask.

I'm so confused. His words make my heart ache as I try to understand. I know he loves me, I can feel it in the way we connect, and not just when we make love. It’s clear in the little things as well.

A glance, a stolen kiss, a hand in the small of my back as he guides me forward. Always protecting the children and me.

He sighs. “I don't know how else to say this other than to say I think we should call it a day. I don't think we're going to work out.”

My heart stutters. “Why? Because I said I love you?” Is he being serious right now? Is this some sort of stupid joke he thinks is funny?

“I’m not the right person for you,” he says. He shifts up the sofa slightly, putting distance between us.

I can't believe what I’m hearing. His words are ripping my heart out of my chest. “Bullshit, don’t lie to me. I know you, Alex,” I snap. "We have our fights, but you love me, too."

“You don’t know me, though, that’s the point. Not properly,” he insists. His eyes go cold.

What the hell is going on? I stare at him. “I live with you.”

“I’ll pay you for the next two months,” he says.

He can't be serious, can he? I wait for him to tell me this is one big joke and he loves me too, but it doesn’t come.

“I think it’s best you go back to your parents.” He walks out of the room.

“Fuck you, Alex,” I shout at him. “Don't you dare lie to Ace and Eden. Make sure they know I wasn’t the one who wanted to go. This was all your idea.”

He nods and looks away, closing the door behind him. I wipe the tears from my eyes.

I am Gemma Winters. I’m someone who is meant to be a heartbreaker, but I’ve let Alex Whitlock break my heart .

I take just what I need, but I make sure to grab a photo of the four of us together.

I don't pack everything. My things don't seem important anymore.

I haven't even been on social media for months; being part of this family has changed me.

The small bag I packed sits on the passenger side of my Lamborghini as I drive home, crying the whole way.

I open the door to my parents’ house, my eyes red and stinging.

“Gemma?” Brody pokes his head out from the kitchen with a beer in his hand. “Why are you here? What's wrong?” He looks at my bag.

“He ended it,” I sob. "Alex dumped me."

Brody puts his arm around me. I hug my brother, the tears don’t stop falling as I stay in his arms.

“He doesn’t deserve you.” Brody kisses my head.

"I don't want to be alone," I try and speak through the sobbing.

"I'll stay with you until you go to sleep," my brother says, he’s been more kind to me than he’s ever been before.

I follow him to my old bedroom. He stays with me until I can cry no more and the tiredness takes over. It’s the first time we’ve done anything like this since we were children, and I am so grateful to have him there.

“Happy Christmas Eve eve,” Brody says, waking me up with coffee.

“Is it?” I mumble. My throat hurts from crying all night. My head is pounding from the lack of sleep.

“Let’s get you something to eat,” he says. "Can't be upset on an empty stomach. How about we have ice cream for breakfast?"

“I can’t. It hurts too much.” I cuddle up in my bed, holding onto the pillow .

“Gemma,” Mum’s voice calls. She walks into the bedroom and takes one look at me. “Oh, darling. Brody told me. It will be okay, I promise.”

"Will it ever stop hurting so bad?" I ask.

“It will. Time is a healer,” Mum says. "Come, Brody. Let's leave Gemma for a moment while we have breakfast. You can come check on her in a little bit."

Squeezing tighter, I keep hugging my pillow as I cry. I can still smell his aftershave on me, and it unleashes a fresh wave of sobs.

Alex

“Where’s Gemma?” Eden asks as soon as she gets into bed with me.

“Hey, pumpkin. I need to talk to you and your brother about something.” I stroke her hair. "Why don't you call him for me?"

“Ace,” Eden shouts at the top of her voice.

I chuckle. "I could have done that."

"But you didn't," she states.

“Yes,” Ace says as he walks into the room.

“Come and sit. I’ve got something I have to tell you.” I wait for Ace to climb onto the bed before I look at them both with a heavy heart. “Gemma is no longer working here.”

“Why? What did I do wrong?” Eden cries, her eyes welling up. "I didn't mean to sneak that last cookie after she said no more. I'll help Grandma make more."

“No, sweetheart. You didn't do anything. Neither of you did anything. But starting today, I’ll be taking you to school each day and collecting you afterwards. Gemma said to make sure you knew it wasn’t your fault, and she loves you very much.

She still wants to see you both. But we.

.." I pause because I know I shouldn't lie. "I decided it’s for the best.”

“Why?” Ace asks, grinding his teeth as he speaks .

It’s the same reaction he had the day we found out Julia left. “I want to give her the world, guys, but I can't,” I say, reaching out to stroke Ace's head, but he jerks away from me.

“So, you sent her away?” he shouts at me. His face is red.

“Yes. She deserves everything she wants,” I say with a frown. "You're too young to understand."

“What does she want that you can’t give her?” Eden asks, tears streaming down her face.

“A family, a baby.” My voice is full of regret. “I'm sorry," I speak louder this time.

“She has us,” Eden sobs.

“That's right, and she loves you very much. The thing is, Gemma would also like her own child. It's not fair to take that away from her. She's young and deserves that chance. You'll understand when you're older and you want a baby," I explain.

“Did you ask her?” Ace is so angry with me.

I shake my head. “No, because she would choose us, and I don’t want her to. I want her to have everything she wants.”

“Ask her,” they chorus.

“No, and don’t tell her, either,” I order, sitting up in bed.

“Why can’t you have a baby?” Eden asks.

“Because Mummy didn’t want any more children, so I made sure I couldn’t make any. My seeds don’t work anymore, they’re gone.” I don't know how else to explain it.

“I want to see Gemma,” Eden says, starting to cry again.

“I’ll message her. But you can only see her on the condition you promise not to tell her what I've told you today. Do you promise?” I wait for an answer.

“Promise,” Ace says first.

“Promise,” Eden replies.

I send a text to Gemma. I feel so bad asking her to see the children right after I broke her heart. She texts back that it’s okay as long as Mum brings them and not me. She doesn't want to see me, which is understandable .

I feel my own heart break, but I'm used to it. I have to do what's right for both Gemma and the children.

Once they’ve had breakfast, which is a sombre affair, my mother fetches the children.

I’m left alone with my thoughts and feelings, surrounded by Gemma’s efforts at decorating for Christmas.

Spotting the snow globe, I go over. I’ve not seen this in years.

The happy family smiles at me, taunting me from within their snowy paradise.

I grab it, throwing it in the bin, and cursing the fact I ever replaced it.