Page 27 of Tharn’s Hunt (Barbarians of the Dust #2)

NO, I WILL NOT PLANT-FACE. STOP ASKING

THARN

I am a hunter.

Pain means nothing. Pain is merely a warning to the body. Avoid that which hurts. Step away from danger. Withdraw from the sharpness of a spear, the heat of flame.

But what do you do when the pain comes from within? When every beat of your dra-kir feels like a blade twisting beneath your ribs? When the agony has no source to escape, no threat to avoid?

What do you do when staying near what hurts is the only way to survive?

I press my hand against my chest, claws flexing involuntarily as another wave washes through me. The glow pulses beneath my palm. Once, I found the light beautiful. Now it mocks me with its intensity, a visible reminder of what binds me to Jah-kee.

Of what tears me apart when she withdraws.

" Brother ." Rok's mental voice slides into the mindspace, his concern poorly masked. " The pain… I sense it is increasing ."

I drop my claw from my chest immediately, squaring my shoulders against the cave wall where I've been standing guard while Jah-kee rests. " I am fine ."

Rok's topaz eyes narrow, his head tilting in that way that means he sees more than I wish him to. " You are not fine ," he projects, keeping his thoughts private between us. " The pain grows worse. I see it in the way you move, in how you wince when you think no one watches ."

I bare my teeth in warning. " It is nothing ."

" It is not nothing ," Rok insists, his mental voice sharpening. " It is the bond. Unresolved, incomplete ."

I turn away, unable to face the knowing in his gaze. Of course, he understands. He felt this too, once. Before Jus-teen accepted him. Before they sealed their bond.

My eyes find Jah-kee where she rests across the cave, her small form curled into itself. She looks peaceful now, the fever gone from her cheeks. Her breathing comes easy and deep. She will recover fully.

And then what?

" She avoids my gaze now ," I project, the admission torn from me against my will. " Since the dark when she woke from her dream ."

Rok steps closer, his presence steady beside me. " She is confused. Afraid. The bond is new to her, as it was to Jus-teen ."

I remember all too clearly the way Jah-kee had gasped awake, her skin flushed, her scent heavy with something that made my dra-kir pound painfully. She'd looked at me with wide, startled water eyes, as if she'd seen me for the first time.

Then she had turned away, and has not looked at me directly since.

" I do not wish to frighten her further ," I project, my claws clenching into fists at my sides. " She has suffered enough ."

" And so you suffer instead ," Rok observes, his mental tone softening. " As I did ."

I say nothing. What is there to say? I am caught in a trap of my own making. The closer I stay to Jah-kee, the more her presence soothes the ache in my chest, yet the space between us still tears at me. But to move away, to widen that space...

I tried that once, when I stepped outside the cave to check for threats.

Three steps beyond the entrance, and the pain dropped me to my knees, stealing the breath from my lungs and the strength from my limbs.

Only crawling back to where I could see her sleeping form had eased the agony enough for me to function.

" She will come to you ," Rok projects with quiet certainty. " When she is ready ."

" And if she is never ready ?" The question escapes before I can stop it. So raw and desperate. Not like me at all. " If she chooses to return to her world? If she rejects the bond? "

Rok is silent for a long moment, his gaze turning to where Jus-teen rests beside Jah-kee. The softness in his eyes when he looks at her makes my chest ache with a different kind of pain.

" Then you will have a choice to make, brother ," he finally projects. " As I did ."

I do not ask what choice he means. I am not sure I want to know.

Instead, I return my attention to Jah-kee, watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest, listening to the soft sounds of her breathing. For now, she is safe. She is healing. It is enough.

It has to be.

Three sols pass in the cave, each more agonizing than the last.

Jah-kee grows stronger, eating the meat Rok and Jus-teen bring back from their hunts, walking short distances without assistance. Her water eyes are clear now, her movements more certain. Soon, she will be well enough to travel to the clan caves.

And I will still be trapped in this pain that never ends.

The bond has changed. It no longer eases when I am near her.

Now the pain is constant, gnawing at me from within, whether I stand at her side or across the cave.

It lessens slightly when our eyes meet. Those rare, fleeting moments when she forgets to look away.

But even that small relief is temporary.

My body is breaking apart, yet I cannot let her see.

I am a hunter. I am strong. I will endure.

"We should leave tomorrow," Jus-teen vocalizes as we gather around the small fire for the evening meal. " The others will be worried about us ." She releases a breath from the center of her chest. “ And I have a lot of explaining to do .”

Rok rumbles in agreement, his hand resting lightly on Jus-teen's smaller one. " Yes. We must reach the clan caves soon ."

Jah-kee shifts slightly, her gaze lowered to the food in her hands. "How far is it?"

Jus-teen glances at Rok for confirmation before vocalizing. "Four or so days' journey," she answers. "If we move quickly."

"And the others?" Jah-kee asks, her voice stronger now than it was three sols ago. "You say they’re with more of Tharn’s people?" Her gaze shifts to me just briefly.

Jus-teen does the chin jerk movement. “They are safe.”

I watch the tension ease from Jah-kee's shoulders, relief washing over her features. She cares deeply for her kind, worries for their safety. It is an admirable trait, one that stirs something warm in my chest despite the constant pain.

" Are you ready for such a journey, Jah-kee ?" I project without thinking.

Jus-teen glances at me, then turns to her sister. "Tharn wants to know if you're ready to travel that far."

Jah-kee's gaze flicks to me before skittering away again. "I'll be fine," she says, her voice firm despite the flush that creeps up her neck. "I'm stronger now."

I get the hazy image of her vibrant and strong. Of her facing the dust and travelling far.

She is stronger, yes. But is she strong enough? The dust shows no mercy to the weak, and four sols' journey is no small challenge even for one in perfect health.

Yet I say nothing. It is not my place to question her assessment of her strength. And perhaps... perhaps the sooner we reach the clan caves, the sooner this pain will end. One way or another.

" Then we leave at dawn ," Rok declares, rising to his feet. " We should rest while we can ."

As the others prepare for sleep, I take my customary position near the cave entrance, standing guard. It is easier this way. Easier to maintain the distance Jah-kee seems to prefer. Easier to hide the tremors that occasionally shake my frame as the pain crescendos.

I do not expect sleep to find me. It rarely does anymore. But as the others' breathing deepens and the fire burns low, my exhaustion finally overtakes me, dragging me into fitful dreams laced with golden light and Jah-kee's voice calling my name.

The journey begins at dawn, just as Rok decreed.

We move in formation across the dust—Rok leading, Jus-teen and Jah-kee in the middle, and me taking up the rear.

This positioning is strategic, Rok explained in the mindspace before we left.

It allows me to watch for threats from behind while keeping Jah-kee in my sight at all times, minimizing the pain of separation.

It was a thoughtful arrangement. But it does nothing to ease the agony that has become my constant companion.

Each step feels like walking on shattered stone, pain shooting up from my feet through my entire body.

My chest burns as if a firebloom has taken root between my ribs, blooming with each breath I take.

The glow beneath my skin pulses erratically, sometimes flaring so bright I fear it outshines Ain’s light.

Still, I walk. I keep pace. I show nothing.

I am a hunter. I endure.

The females walk ahead of me, their heads bent close in conversation.

The edge of Jah-kee’s sleeve is frayed, a single thread dangling as she gestures while she speaks.

It is such a small thing, but I cannot stop watching it, wondering if the hide will unravel further.

I do not know why I notice these details about her, only that I do.

The thought comes unbidden, as it often does when I look at her. And with it comes a flicker of something else—a faint echo in the mindspace, not my thought but hers.

It happens more frequently now. These ghostly impressions of Jah-kee's mind touching mine. Never words, exactly. More like... feelings. Images. A hazy glimpse into her thoughts that vanishes as quickly as it appears.

This time, the flash is of me. Golden skin in the dark. My eyes watching her. And the feeling that comes with it… it is not fear. It is a warmth. A quickening. Like the air before a storm.

The glimpse fades as quickly as it came, leaving me wondering if I imagined it. But the flutter in my dra-kir tells me I did not.

She thinks of me.

" Brother ." Rok's mental voice cuts through my distraction. " The path narrows ahead. We must cross single file ."

I shake myself back to alertness, scanning the terrain. Rok is right. The smooth dust gives way to rougher ground, a rocky pass that will funnel us between two tall stone formations. A dangerous place. Perfect for an ambush.

" I will go first ," Rok projects, already moving toward the passage. " Then the females. You follow and watch our backs ."

I tilt my head in affirmation, dropping to a crouch to examine the dust for signs of recent passage. Nothing. No tracks, no disturbance in the fine particles that would indicate others have been here recently. Still, my instincts prickle with unease.

Rok leads the way through the narrow path, Jus-teen following close behind. Jah-kee hesitates at the entrance, her eyes scanning the high stone walls with obvious apprehension.

" It is safe ," I project automatically, forgetting again that she cannot hear me. The pain flares sharper in my chest, a reminder of the disconnect between us.

She glances back at me, as if she felt something, her brow furrowing slightly. For a heartbeat, our eyes meet, and the pain in my chest eases just a fraction.

Then she turns away, squaring her shoulders and following Jus-teen into the passage.

The moment she disappears from view, the pain explodes through me with such force that I nearly double over. My vision blurs, darkening at the edges, and my legs tremble beneath me. I catch myself against the stone wall, claws scraping against rough rock as I fight to remain upright.

I cannot fall. Cannot show weakness. Cannot let her see.

Gritting my teeth, I force myself to straighten, to place one foot in front of the other, to follow where Jah-kee has gone. Each step is agony, but I keep moving. I must keep moving.

By the time I emerge from the other side of the passage, my breathing comes in short, my chest expanding and contracting uselessly. Rok's gaze fixes on me immediately, his expression tightening as he takes in my condition.

" Brother —" he begins, his projection laced with concern.

" I am fine .”

Rok's jaw clenches, but he says nothing more. Instead, he turns to the females, who have paused to drink from the waterskin. " We continue ," he announces. " There is shelter ahead where we can rest during the hottest part of the sol ."

I am relieved at the prospect of rest, though I know it will bring little relief from the pain that consumes me. Still, for Jah-kee's sake, we must stop.

As we resume our journey, I catch Jah-kee watching me from the corner of her eye. There is something in her gaze. A question, perhaps? Or concern. I perk up, squaring my shoulders and puffing out my chest, but she looks away quickly when she realizes I've noticed her attention.

She knows. She senses something is wrong, though she cannot know what. My female is no fool.

My female . The phrase echoes in my mind, both right and wrong at once. She is mine in the way of the dust. But she has not chosen me. Has not accepted what grows between us.

May never accept it.

The thought brings a fresh wave of pain, this one having nothing to do with the law of the dust and everything to do with the tightness in my chest when I think of her leaving.

I push the thought away, focusing instead on placing one foot in front of the other. On scanning the horizon for threats. On being the hunter I was born to be.

I am a hunter. I endure.

Even as I break apart.